Psychology Marriage Counseling: Is It Right For My Relationship?

No intimate relationship is perfect, and many married couples experience challenges at some point. If you and your partner have concerns about your communication skills, trust, intimacy, or another aspect of your marriage, you may want to consider marriage counseling. Marriage counseling can involve various methods based on several different psychological and relationship theories. While marriage counseling cannot be guaranteed to prevent outcomes such as separation or divorce, research demonstrates that it can make a significant difference in marital satisfaction levels.

Whether you and your spouse are experiencing challenges regarding finances, life transitions, or raising children, it may be helpful to seek therapy from a licensed marriage counselor. Learning more about the different psychological theories behind marriage counseling may also be beneficial. Keep reading if you’re interested in learning how marriage counseling could be instrumental in strengthening and preserving your union. 

Methods of psychology marriage counseling

When choosing to attend marriage counseling, there are several different methods a therapist may utilize to offer support and guidance. Depending on the needs of you and your spouse, the issues you’re facing, and what your goals are, your therapist may employ one of the following techniques to help: 

The Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is one of the most popular types of relationship therapy practiced today. It was co-developed by John and Julie Gottman, a married couple themselves, and it focuses on emphasizing the positive elements of your relationship to facilitate greater bonding and relationship resilience when conflict inevitably arises.

The Gottman Method specifically focuses on cultivating and building affection, respect, and intimacy between partners, based on the philosophy that these three qualities can help to develop a relationship that can withstand conflict and stressors. In marriage counseling involving the Gottman Method, you’ll focus on how you and your partner can work together as a team to address a problem, as opposed to trying to find a solution to the conflict. 

The Gottman Method focuses on the following areas of an intimate relationship:

• Assertive communication, in which each partner learns how to identify and advocate for their own needs as well as listen to and respect their partner’s needs
• Finding ways to continually demonstrate your love and affection for your partner
• Developing trust between the two of you
• Identifying and communicating dreams, aspirations, visions, and hopes
• Honing problem-solving skills
• Finding a sense of perspective when addressing problems
• Realizing which behaviors may be detracting from relationship satisfaction
• Building a belief in commitment and trusting that while every relationship encounters road bumps, reconciliation is possible

Part of the Gottman Method also involves creating “love maps”, which are charts that you and your partner make together to reflect the history you share. In these charts, you and your spouse detail what makes you happy and what brings you stress. You also discuss any hopes or fears you may hold for your future together.

Emotionally focused therapy

Emotionally focused therapy, which differs from the similarly named emotion-focused therapy, is one of the most successful methods of couples therapy. It is based on Gestalt psychology theory and was specifically developed for use in marriage counseling by psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Susan Johnson. Though it was designed for marriage therapy, you don’t have to be married to reap the potential benefits of this method.

Emotionally focused therapy considers the emotions of each partner and how connected each person is to both their own emotions and the emotions of their partner. It highlights factors that could be contributing to each partner’s emotional expression (or lack thereof), including mental health conditions such as depression or anxiety, for instance, or childhood trauma. By working with the couple to identify, understand, and express emotions, a counselor practicing emotionally focused therapy can help a couple build healthier communication skills and improve overall relationship satisfaction.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

There are three steps to using emotionally focused therapy to address a relationship concern:

1. Stabilization: In the stabilization step, the therapist and couple work together to identify a conflict or conflict pattern in their relationship. Each partner processes and shares their emotions related to the conflict, which can help both partners start to reframe the conflict and understand how the other person experiences it.
2. Bonding: In bonding, the couple uses their enhanced understanding of the emotions behind a specific conflict to effectively express their needs and wants to their partner. By being open and vulnerable, they may find a way to address the conflict that honors the emotions behind it.
3. Consolidation: During the final stage of consolidation, the therapist teaches the couple how to take their emotional understanding of the conflict to develop a new solution to the concern. The couple also learns how to apply a similar solution to other conflicts in their relationship. 

Narrative therapy

Narrative therapy is a therapeutic technique originally developed for use in processing conflict in family therapy situations, but it has also been found to be effective in marital therapy. With narrative therapy, the therapist will ask you and your partner to choose a specific conflict you have been experiencing and then talk about that conflict in the form of storytelling. 

By separating yourselves from the conflict in this manner, you and your partner may both gain some perspective related to the conflict. You may start to see the conflict as one small story in the overarching narrative of your marriage and realize that, while it may feel overwhelming when you are experiencing it, conflict is not the crux of your marital story so far. Moreover, you may decide that it does not need to be the defining feature of the story that you two can continue to write together.

Framing your relationship as a story can help you to see your partner as a co-author with whom you are working to write the story of your lives together. It can also help you take a more neutral attitude toward conflict when it arises so that you can respond in a way that is more measured and controlled, as opposed to reactionary, which may be more damaging to the relationship.

Finding support for marital problems

Finding a time when both you and your spouse are available to attend an in-person marriage therapy appointment can be complicated, particularly if you have different work schedules or are in a long-distance relationship. Online therapy may be a helpful option in these circumstances. You can access individual therapy or couples therapy through an online platform like BetterHelp. With either of these services, you can address the issues in your relationship and work with a therapist to come up with potential solutions—all without ever needing to leave your home.

The efficacy of online couples therapy

Research demonstrates that online therapy for couples counseling can be just as effective as traditional in-person marriage therapy. One study analyzed an online couples therapy program and found that couples who completed the program were especially satisfied with its convenience and accessibility. They also believed it helped them develop a stronger connection with their therapist than in-person therapy could. A stronger therapeutic alliance can lead to more powerful outcomes for individuals and couples alike who are engaged in the therapeutic process.