Reverse Psychology: What Is It, And Does It Work?
Reverse psychology is a common way for people to get what they want or accomplish their goals. Even if you haven’t used it before, you’ve probably seen someone else use it. It’s not always easy to recognize reverse psychology when it happens. It can, therefore, be helpful to understand exactly what it is, how it’s used, and how and why it works.
What Is Reverse Psychology?
The definition of reverse psychology may seem a bit confusing at first glance, but it makes sense when more closely examined. According to Cambridge English Dictionary, reverse psychology is, “a method of trying to make someone do what you want by asking them to do the opposite and expecting them to disagree with you.”
Reverse psychology is a strategy for getting what you want by demanding or suggesting what you don’t want. Scientists call it strategic self-anticonformity because your communicated demand goes directly against what you want.
The term also recognizes that reverse psychology is a strategy. Rather than communicating your wishes directly, you hide them and instead ask for the contrary to what you want. When you use reverse psychology, you use words that indicate what someone must do, even though you want them to do the opposite.
What Is Reactance?
Reactance is a psychological term that refers to the uncomfortable feeling you get when you feel as though your freedom is being threatened. The natural response, when experiencing reactance, is to do the opposite of what is demanded as a means of expressing your independence.
If you’ve had freedom in the past and it’s suddenly taken away, you’ll likely experience reactance. For example, if a parent tells a child that he or she is not allowed to play video games after school after the child has been doing it for a while, the child may feel intense reactance. When that happens, the child will likely try to find a way to play with them despite their parent’s request.
Reactance is at the heart of reverse psychology. The goal of the strategy is to make someone feel this sense of reactance so that they push back against your stated demands. If you’ve demanded what you don’t want, they’ll likely do what you want via reactance.
Examples Of Reverse Psychology
Nearly everyone has a story of how they’ve used reverse psychology on someone or had it used on them. They may not use the term “reverse psychology,” but the meaning is clear. Scientists have studied reverse psychology, as well, and found several ways it can be used. In sales and marketing, it’s used quite intentionally and liberally.
Reverse Psychology In Sales
Several well-known sales techniques are based on reverse psychology. One is the “door in the face” technique. This technique starts when the salesperson makes an outrageous sales pitch. At this point, the consumer may feel pressured to purchase whatever good or service is being sold. However, this is often not the sale the salesperson is intending to make. Instead, they are trying to provoke the prospective consumer to push back, to present a smaller offer, to which the consumer is likely to feel less reactance and more comfortable in taking.
For example, perhaps the salesman starts with a pitch about a top-of-the-line vacuum. They go on and on about all of its bells and whistles, but then mention that the price is several thousand dollars. When you balk at this, they offer a more modest vacuum, which now seems like a more reasonable buy to you. This cheaper vacuum is the product they were trying to sell all along.
Reverse Psychology In Marketing
Reverse psychology in marketing has been growing in popularity among high-end stores. In the book Reverse Psychology Marketing: The Death of Traditional Marketing and the Rise of the New ‘Pull’ Game, Sinha T. Foscht describes one reverse psychology example, referencing the way a Prada store in Manhattan is set up.
The store has no outdoor signage. There’s nothing that indicates that it’s even a store, let alone a prestigious Prada store. This creates the illusion that they aren’t trying to sell to just anyone who walks in off the street. You have to know it’s there, or you might miss it. This enhances its mysterious feel and sense of exclusivity. Consumers, who may feel uncomfortable with being excluded, will be more likely to visit the store and make a purchase.
Reverse Psychology In Parenting
Parenting is undoubtedly one of the most difficult tasks in life. As a parent, you need to find ways to influence your child’s behavior without stunting their ability to mature into independent adults. Often, a child’s idea of what is right may conflict with their best interests. When that happens, there may be a struggle between the parent and child.
One way some parents resolve this struggle is by using reverse psychology to prompt the child to choose what is best for them. An example of this is when a child doesn’t want to eat healthy foods. The parent could demand that they eat carrots, but the child may feel reactance at being forced to do something they don’t want to do. However, if the parent tells them the carrots in the fridge are for the parents and children can’t eat them, the child may eat them gladly, feeling no reactance whatsoever.
Reverse Psychology In Teaching
Teachers often use reverse psychology to get their students interested in difficult subjects. This can have very positive outcomes if used correctly. For example, a teacher who wants their students to read a difficult book that isn’t required reading may have better luck by hinting that the book is too difficult for their students or rated at a higher grade level. To prove their teacher wrong, the students may try to find that book and read it. Yet, if the teacher merely suggested that they should read it, few would probably do so.
Reverse Psychology In Relationships
Reverse psychology in relationships can prove to be a problem. It can come across as a manipulative way to get what you want at the expense of your partner. Here’s an example; suppose you wanted your spouse to go to the store for you. Then, instead of just asking them directly, you tell them that they probably can’t handle the traffic. If they believe you feel that way, they might do it just to prove you wrong.
There are a few problems with this scenario. First, if you use this strategy often, your partner may start losing faith in your words and become angry if they believe that you’re trying to manipulate them. Alternatively, using reverse psychology in relationships could backfire. Instead of fighting back, they may believe what you say. They may stop driving in traffic and eventually become dependent on you for all of their transportation, losing faith in their abilities after a while.
Does Reverse Psychology Work?
Reverse psychology can work. In fact, in two studies, researchers concluded that in some cases, reverse psychology can accomplish its goal. In other cases, however, reverse psychology doesn’t work. Many factors must come into play for reverse psychology to work; the target person must believe the ruse. They must believe that you want them to do something before they react by doing the opposite. They also must not realize you’re using reverse psychology. Finally, certain people are more susceptible to reverse psychology than others.
Which People “Fall For” This?
People who have a laid-back, relaxed personality are often less likely to fall for reverse psychology, simply because they’re less likely to feel reactance. So, who does feel reactance and respond by doing the opposite of what is demanded? Typically, people who are irritable, stubborn, or overly emotional are more likely to be persuaded by reverse psychology.
Furthermore, because the cognitive development of children is less advanced than adults, they may not be able to pick up on clues that someone is using reverse psychology on them. Teens may have the cognitive ability to recognize what’s going on, but because they’re so focused on asserting their independence, their reactance may be so strong that they still do the opposite of what is demanded.
What Are The Drawbacks Of Reverse Psychology?
Reverse psychology can have some nasty side effects. If you use it too often, it can lead others to distrust you. If you use it in a close relationship, you may miss the opportunity to share your life authentically. If you use it for important decisions, you may rob the other person of the chance to have a voice in something that matters to them. Additionally, if used too much, it may rob you, over time, of the ability to communicate directly and effectively as you rely more and more on evasive communication methods like reverse psychology.
Is There A Better Option?
What is reverse psychology worth to you? Is it a technique that will get you what you want, or is it a strategy that will lead you to have less-satisfying relationships? In many cases, reverse psychology can be used successfully and without harming anyone.
It’s important to recognize that reverse psychology is a strategy and is not considered authentic communication. To have a satisfying relationship, you need to share who you are and express what you need and want in more direct ways.
If you find that your relationships are entirely based on strategies like reverse psychology rather than honest communication, you may find it hard to improve those relationships. If so, a counselor can help you learn healthy communication. With therapy, you can learn to share who you are while respecting the needs, wants, and boundaries of others.
You can talk to a licensed counselor at BetterHelp.com for online therapy to discover the best ways to address your own needs directly and honestly. Through counseling, you can learn how these strategies are affecting you and those you care about. Then, you can learn how to communicate your needs and wishes without playing games or manipulating others. Only when you have these skills can you truly understand whether it’s best to use reverse psychology or just play it straight, in whatever situation you are in.
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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What Is An Example Of Reverse Psychology?
Reverse psychology is a persuasive technique that involves getting someone to engage in the desired action or response by suggesting the opposite. For example, a daughter can tell her father she doesn’t mind that he’s too busy to come to watch her play soccer, in a bid to make him attend a game. The father, perhaps feeling uncomfortable that his daughter thinks he doesn’t care enough to make time for her, decides to come to watch her play soccer. The daughter may even argue against her father’s decision to further the ruse, even though she expects him to disagree with her and insist on coming to the game. Ultimately, the daughter exploits her father’s need to prove he cares about her, but in a manner that makes him feel she wasn’t expecting him to do so.
How Do You Use Reverse Psychology?
Reverse psychology is a strategy whereby an individual asks someone to do something by suggesting a contrary form of action. Most people use reverse psychology to convince resistant people to do what they want without creating the impression that they are trying to pressure the other person into doing what they don’t want to do. However, for reverse psychology to be effective, you have to be sure it can work on the person, choose the right situation, and be willing to take action.
Consider a situation in which you want to go to a particular restaurant with your partner, but they would rather go to the cinema. You can decide to use reverse psychology on them by saying, “I heard Kelvin took Christine to the new restaurant uptown last week. She wouldn’t stop talking about how difficult it is to get a table there. Anyway, I’m sure going to a movie will be easier.”
With this statement, you have presented the option of the restaurant, and by suggesting it would be difficult to get a table at the restaurant, your partner may feel challenged because they then assume you don’t believe that they can secure a table at the restaurant. Out of curiosity or pride, your partner may ask if you would like to go to the restaurant instead.
When your partner does this, you can argue that you would rather go to the cinema because you don’t want either of you to spend too much money. Your partner may brush off your concern and insist on taking you to the restaurant because they want to treat you and prove that they care. This allows you to solidify the decision to go to the restaurant as their idea rather than your own.
Do keep in mind that reverse psychology is not necessarily a healthy form of communication or getting what you want, and could backfire. Your partner could realize that you’re trying to manipulate them, or could agree with you that it would be too difficult to get a table at that restaurant.
Why Does Reverse Psychology Work?
A lot of factors contribute to the effectiveness of reverse psychology. The three most important factors are personality, context, and intent. The personality of the other person goes a long way to determining the effectiveness of reverse psychology because more easygoing, compliant people and resistant people respond differently to being told what to do. Context relates to the nature of the situation and if it can be influenced through persuasive intervention. Intent refers to if you are using reverse psychology for selfish reasons or because it’s in the best interest of the other person. For reverse psychology to be effective, it’s important to know what the other person wants, so you can get them to do what you want in a way that makes them feel solely responsible for their decision and as though their wants are also being met.
Is Reverse Psychology Effective?
Most people find reverse psychology effective in getting others to comply with their intentions, but often this depends on how and why it is being applied. When dealing with resistant people, reverse psychology can ensure you accomplish a task or gain an advantage that the resistant person would otherwise either have objected to or made difficult to achieve. However, knowing when to use reverse psychology and who to use it on can be regarded as the most significant factor in its success. In a situation where you can openly communicate your demand and have it granted, using reverse psychology is unnecessary and should be avoided. Using reverse psychology on someone who depends on you for good advice can also result in a problematic situation in which they choose to make the wrong decision based on your opinion, instead of doing the opposite as you intended.
Who Uses Reverse Psychology?
Anyone can use reverse psychology. Parents can use reverse psychology to influence their children’s decisions, just as romantic partners can employ its use to gain certain advantages or have wants or needs met that they don’t want to or can’t communicate directly. Most people who use reverse psychology do so to achieve a goal that they may not be able to accomplish if they had used a direct approach. This may be as a result of the power dynamics that govern their relationship with the other person or to avoid ill feelings that might arise from a heated confrontation. When applying reverse psychology, people may use sarcastic words and nonverbal cues to suggest what someone should do, even though the aim is to subtly persuade the person to do the opposite.
Does Reverse Psychology Work On Everyone?
Not everyone is vulnerable to the power of reverse psychology. People who have a high need for independence tend to be more susceptible to reverse psychology. Reverse psychology works most on people who like being in control and who feel a strong need to assert their own needs, ideas, and decisions. Resistant and/or stubborn people are often on the receiving end of reverse psychology schemes because it exploits their need for independence and control by giving them a false impression that they are the ones making the decision, rather than the person using reverse psychology. On the other end of the spectrum, more laid-back or compliant people may respond best to direct requests and are typically less susceptible to reverse psychology. However, they can also be vulnerable to reverse psychology if they lack the confidence or conviction to make decisions on their own.
Does Reverse Psychology Work In Relationships?
Reverse psychology can be helpful when dealing with a narcissistic, stubborn, or inconsiderate partner. If you are dating someone who doesn’t like changing their thoughts and ideas because they resent being under the influence of others, and who believes they are always right, reverse psychology may help you convince them to consider the benefits of alternate perspectives when making a decision. However, this can be counterproductive if the person realizes that you are being dishonest, which may lead them to doubt your sincerity afterward.
Is Reverse Psychology A Form Of Manipulation?
Reverse psychology is considered a form of manipulation because it uses covert persuasion and deception to influence the decisions of other people. While in certain instances it may serve a good purpose and be done with positive intentions, especially when it helps in preventing someone from making a bad decision, it can easily become habitual, which can lead to conflict in your relationships. Someone who knows you are trying to use reverse psychology on them may intentionally choose to do what you say even though they are aware it’s not what you want them to do.
Who Invented Reverse Psychology?
Reverse psychology is often associated with the works of German scientists Theodore Adorno and Max Horkheimer. Both were critical theoreticians, and they worked together to develop a theory named Psychoanalysis in Reverse, which dealt with how people respond to the opposite of what they want to do.
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