The Benefits Of Being Vulnerable: Honoring Your Feelings and Emotions

Everyone experiences emotions, whether they decide to accept them or not. While ignoring emotions can lead to physical and mental health challenges, practicing vulnerability can improve relationships, mental health, and self-acceptance. Many people find it intimidating to be vulnerable, as it requires self-awareness and a willingness to take the risk of trusting others.

Several strategies can make opening up easier, including showing compassion, embracing imperfections, practicing mindfulness, and developing healthy boundaries. If vulnerability is challenging, you may want to work with a therapist who can provide individualized guidance and support.  

What does it mean to be vulnerable? 

Vulnerability can be described as exposure to potential risk. By nature, vulnerability includes some relinquishing of control, which can trigger feelings of insecurity or instability. Emotional vulnerability involves acknowledging sometimes uncomfortable feelings, including anxiety, anger, jealousy, guilt, and loneliness. Emotionally vulnerable people accept painful emotions rather than avoid them. In consequence, these vulnerable individuals may experience higher levels of authenticity and emotional openness than those who close themselves off because they expect to be hurt.

The two-step process of vulnerability

According to the Berkeley Well-Being Institute, vulnerability consists of two steps. First, one must observe emotions without thinking about or acting on them. Next, we validate feelings by acknowledging that it’s okay to feel however we feel. Validation requires the absence of shame, judgment, or criticism. Though it can be frightening to share feelings honestly, emotional vulnerability is often considered a strength due to its ability to improve intimacy, enable honesty, and build self-love. 

Why people learn to shut down emotionally

Often, people find vulnerability difficult for these reasons:  

Conflating vulnerability with weakness

Many people fear that vulnerability will make them seem “too emotional” or “weak.” To safeguard themselves from the judgment, uncertainty, and risk that can come with vulnerability, they may attempt to suppress emotions. But people experience emotions whether they’re willing to acknowledge them or not. Embracing vulnerability can be considered a strength rather than a weakness, and may foster more authentic relationships with yourself and others.   

Worrying about the “right” feelings

For many, social and cultural expectations teach people to shut down emotionally early in life. Some want to try to shut out the pain and suffering in the world, others worry that they aren’t expressing their feelings in the “correct” way, or in a way that those around them expect. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. Attempting to adjust your true feelings to fit the mold of how you think you should feel can make you feel inauthentic or invalidated.  

Broken trust in the past

It can be challenging to embrace vulnerability if you’ve experienced relationships that did not feel safe or secure or where your emotions were not respected. However, building safe spaces for vulnerability with trusted allies, such as close friends, family members, or therapists, can help. 

Fear of abandonment or rejection 

If you worry that people you care about might leave or reject you, it can be extremely difficult to trust them or be open about your emotions. People who experience fear of abandonment may blame themselves, avoid emotional intimacy, or lack trust in their partners. In addition to working with a therapist, it can help to work towards emotional awareness and self-compassion. 

The psychological and biological impacts of vulnerability

Shutting down emotionally or being too open can have both psychological and biological impacts that may be lifelong if not addressed. For this reason, emotional expression and regulation can be important skills to learn and balance in a healthy way. 

How vulnerability affects the brain

Vulnerability can impact the brain in different ways. First, let’s explore the effects of practicing intentional emotional vulnerability. This practice can regulate the nervous system, as putting your feelings into words expands activity in the prefrontal cortex while simultaneously reducing activity in the amygdala (the fear center of the brain). Over time, the brain’s neural pathways shift as emotional expression teaches the brain that certain emotions are not dangerous, reducing the nervous system’s stress response. 

Vulnerability, harm, and emotional safety

The other side of the coin is vulnerability without control. Not practicing vulnerability, but feeling vulnerable. Early trauma or chronic stress can promote reactivity in the brain, especially the amygdala, and lead to hyper-vigilance and mental health challenges. A person may feel vulnerable due to a number of issues, including: 

• Economic instability
• Bullying
• Chronic health conditions
• Stressful life changes
• Mental, physical, or sexual abuse

The benefits of being vulnerable

Intentional practice of vulnerability in your life can lead to a range of benefits, including fostering trust and long-term connection, and foundations for more meaningful relationships.

Vulnerability with loved ones

There are many benefits to becoming more emotionally vulnerable, starting with increased emotional intimacy. According to one study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, healthy relationships require intimacy (a sense of closeness), which can be improved through vulnerable revelations and emotional support. Being vulnerable can strengthen open communication and reduce the frequency of conflict in relationships.

Being vulnerable can also build trust. When you share your vulnerabilities with someone, you’re taking a risk by revealing something that they could potentially use against you. Therefore, when someone respects your vulnerable revelations, trust will likely increase. 

When done in safe spaces, vulnerability can allow people to rely less on control and emotional isolation, which can build a stronger sense of self in both individuals and groups. Writing for the London Journal of Primary Care, Paul Thomas explains that this is why music, visual art, and story sharing in small groups can encourage vulnerability.  

Vulnerability and self-growth

Practicing vulnerability can assist in confidence building, along with strengthening emotional insight and identity development. By using vulnerability as a tool for personal development and encouraging growth through emotional honesty and reflection, you can build greater self-awareness and self-confidence over time. 

Vulnerability as a strength according to Brene Brown

Professor Brene Brown, quoted earlier in this article, is a research professor at the University of Houston who specializes in shame, courage, vulnerability, and empathy. She views vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness, requiring courage and thoughtful risk. Brene Brown conducts research and gives TED talks on choosing vulnerability over comfort. Some ways you can practice this type of vulnerability include: 

• Starting your own business
• Doing something you are afraid to do, such as speaking in front of a group
• Saying “I love you” first
• Letting go of perfectionism
• Initiating difficult discussions

Vulnerability across life stages and identities

Vulnerability can shift and change between different age groups and demographics. It can shape our identities and emotional expression. 

Vulnerability in young people

Young people can be especially vulnerable, as they are still learning how to navigate the world, and social pressure can be especially intense during this time of life. Parents may be able to support their kids by encouraging emotional expression and sharing in the household. If they feel safe during childhood, it can be easier for them to practice healthy vulnerability as an adult. 

Why men often fear vulnerability

A demographic that can be well-known for a lack of emotional vulnerability is men. In the US, especially, older generations valued males being “strong and silent”. Many fathers would expect their sons not to speak about their feelings, or even to show emotion. Societal pressure and social conditioning can lead to emotional suppression in men, which may manifest in unhealthy or toxic behaviors if not addressed. 

Tips for embracing vulnerability

There are several steps you can take to improve vulnerability in your relationship with your partner, family, friends, colleagues, and yourself: 

Show yourself compassion

Many people are self-critical and engage in negative self-talk, which can promote shame and low self-esteem. Research shows that practicing self-compassion, on the other hand, can increase vulnerability and reduce avoidant behaviors, burnout, stress, and shame. 

You can start working on self-compassion by noticing when you think negatively about yourself, reframing thoughts with gentler language, and treating yourself like a close friend.

Think of mistakes as learning opportunities

Perfectionism can drive low self-worth, high stress, reduced career growth, and symptoms of depression and anxiety. People with perfectionistic tendencies typically avoid vulnerability, which can inhibit interpersonal relationships and contribute to loneliness. 

Instead of aspiring to perfection, it can be helpful to focus on setting reasonable goals, letting go of others’ expectations, and engaging in more positive self-talk. By acknowledging that all people are flawed and complex, you may help yourself become more comfortable with imperfection.  

Develop healthy boundaries 

To safely practice emotional vulnerability, it is essential to establish boundaries. Vulnerability includes some degree of risk, and sharing everything with everyone is not always a good idea. Try starting small by sharing a bit of sensitive information with someone and gauging whether they respect your revelations and trust you enough to reciprocate. Over time, your relationship may become more trusting, and vulnerability may feel safer.  

Showing vulnerability without oversharing

Showing vulnerability to the people around you can be a healthy behavior, but setting boundaries can help you to avoid oversharing or burdening others with your feelings. In addition to practicing sharing your own feelings, it can be important to learn to listen to the other person’s story.

Practice mindfulness

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it can help to re-center yourself with mindfulness. Practice present-focused deep breathing, noticing thoughts and feelings that come up, and allowing them to pass by without judgment. Mindfulness can promote emotional acceptance and self-compassion while reducing shame. 

Vulnerability, hope, and emotional resilience

For individuals who have experienced trauma or have difficulty expressing their feelings for any reason, learning to practice vulnerability in their relationships can be a pathway to hope and healing. When you get to the point where you can share your true feelings with another person, you can build mental and emotional resilience that can have a ripple impact over different areas of your life. Potential benefits include:

• More effective conflict resolution in relationships
• Deeper connections with others
• Reduction in stress and anxiety
• Improved resilience
• More self-awareness
• Greater authenticity
• Improved health and mental health outcomes

Fostering vulnerability in therapy

People who find vulnerability challenging often experience low self-esteem and shame, which can worsen mental health. A 2017 study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can effectively improve self-esteem and mental health. 

Discuss the benefits of being vulnerable with an online therapist

For individuals who find it difficult to discuss their feelings with an in-person therapist, online therapy may be preferable. Through online therapy platforms like BetterHelp, participants can match with a therapist uniquely qualified to assist them in their specific endeavors. There’s no need to compromise on other priorities with the ability to set videoconference meetings or phone calls at times that work for your schedule. Asynchronous, in-app texting also allows you to reach out to your therapist at any time.

A 2019 study found that online therapy gives clients ‘distance’ from their therapist, which can help them feel more comfortable and in control of sessions. Additionally, a 2022 study conducted to assess the value of online cognitive behavioral therapy for adolescents found that it can effectively improve self-esteem and quality of life while reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression.