Five Satisfying Ways To Get Revenge On Your Ex (In A Healthy Way)

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA
Updated April 30, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

A breakup can give you an opportunity to reflect on where you are, think about what was missing in the relationship, and craft a vision for how you want your life to look going forward. Getting revenge may sound harmful or immature, but there can be ways to use it as an opportunity for personal growth that goes beyond malicious acts of retribution. For example, you might focus on your career, take a break from social media, try a new hobby, volunteer for a cause you care about, or spend quality time with friends and family. Becoming the best version of yourself is frequently the best form of revenge. For additional help in growing after a breakup, online therapy can give you the opportunity to work with a licensed therapist who can guide you.

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Take a break from social media

When going through a breakup, it can be common to feel a whirlwind of conflicting feelings. Seeing your ex’s updates and photos on social media can be a trigger, potentially making it more difficult to put your own recovery and progress as your top priorities. It can be helpful to disconnect from social media for a while, allowing you time and space to process your feelings without constant reminders of your ex and what they may be doing now.

It may feel difficult to disconnect from social media, especially if using it has become a regular part of your life. If you are having trouble striking a balance between being connected and giving yourself room to heal and move forward, setting boundaries on how often you check each platform can help. In addition, you can remove these apps from your phone so that you won't be tempted to check them. You can always re-download them later when you’re in a better place mentally.

With the time you are not spending on social media, you may have the opportunity to spend more time engaging in activities that bring joy into your life, such as reading books, playing sports, or spending quality time with friends. This can take your mind off the breakup while also allowing you to participate in activities that bring you joy or satisfaction. Often, one of the best forms of revenge can be letting go of the need to keep up with what your ex is doing and instead simply enjoying your own life.

Find a new hobby

Discovering a new interest can give you a positive distraction while simultaneously bolstering your sense of identity and ability to try new things. This method of getting revenge can be effective because it can show both yourself and your ex that you are growing as a person, even after going through a breakup.

Having confidence in yourself can be beneficial in times of difficulty, such as when coping with the end of a relationship. Taking up a new interest can provide a welcome distraction and the self-confidence boost that often comes with mastering a new skill.  Having a hobby or discipline at which you excel may be a great source of self-assurance while going through a tough period, as well.

Recent studies show that purposeful actions, such as starting a new hobby, can give you something to look forward to daily—adding structure and potentially making it easier to navigate the emotions of a breakup.

Spend time with loved ones

Spending time with loved ones can be instrumental in helping you get back on track after a bad breakup. In many cases, these individuals provide comfort, understanding, and positive reinforcement so that you can move forward with strength.

Friends and family can be great sources of positive reinforcement to boost self-confidence due to an ended relationship. Speaking to friends and family may also help you regain a sense of strength and safety. By taking the time to talk through your feelings, you may be able to focus on yourself more and appreciate the impact others have had on your life. 

Feeling supported by those closest to us often allows us to feel safer in ourselves again after going through something difficult, allowing us to reclaim our sense of self-worth once more. Knowing your worth and standing strong can be a healthy form of revenge.

Focus on your career

Setting and working toward goals that are important to you can allow you to focus your time, energy, and attention on something that can bring you satisfaction. Dedicating part of your time to professional development and achieving a goal you've set for yourself can be incredibly rewarding. 

Investing your time and effort into advancing your career can not only provide you with a sense of purpose and inspiration, but it also has the potential to provide a distraction from the breakup and an opportunity to connect with others. Achieving objectives you’ve set for yourself, as in the case of professional growth, can be a mature way to get revenge after a breakup.

Volunteer for a cause that’s important to you

Becoming a volunteer can be a wonderful way to meet new people and strengthen existing relationships. There can be many opportunities to give back to the community and advance causes you care about, from volunteering at a local animal shelter, helping with green projects to planning and hosting community events. Volunteering might help you feel less stressed and give you a sense of purpose if you're having a hard time recovering after the breakup of a significant relationship. 

Community involvement can provide the opportunity to take your mind off your relationship for a short time while helping others. Even a few hours a week spent volunteering could lead to a marked improvement in your life outlook and satisfaction. Letting go of thoughts of your ex, even if only for a few hours while volunteering, can be a form of revenge as it can show you that your ex does not have to constantly be on your mind or affect your mood.

Volunteering can also give you a chance to bond with others who have similar interests and values, which can be especially helpful after experiencing hurt. Both platonic and romantic bonds can help people navigate difficult times by providing them with company, understanding, and affirmation.

Online therapy to improve mental health after a breakup

Taking the time to process your emotions can help you heal and move forward after a breakup, but sometimes, it may be difficult to reach out for help during this vulnerable time. That’s one of the reasons why online therapy exists: to provide an accessible way for people to get the support they need. You may find it hard to get out of bed after a breakup, but it can be possible to attend therapy sessions from home through an online therapy platform. In addition, online therapy can make it easy to switch therapists as needed until you find someone you feel truly comfortable with.

As this study explains, online therapy can be effective in alleviating the grief you may feel after a breakup. Other research discusses the efficacy of online therapy for a wide variety of mental health challenges, such as depression and loneliness. If you believe you’d benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional, please don’t hesitate to reach out for the help you deserve.


After a breakup, the best form of revenge can be putting your energy into creating the life you want to live. You might do this by taking a break from social media, finding a new hobby, spending time with loved ones, focusing on your career, and volunteering. If you’re finding it challenging to move on from a breakup, online therapy can be an excellent way to learn helpful coping skills and get guidance from a licensed mental health professional.
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