The Healthy Way to Get Revenge on Your Ex

Updated January 13, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

A breakup doesn't have to be the end of your story. In fact, an ended relationship can be a catalyst for changes that may improve your life for the better. A breakup can give you an opportunity to reflect on where you are, think about what was missing in the relationship, and craft a vision for how you want your life to look going forward.

Getting revenge may sound harmful or immature, but there are ways to use it as an opportunity for personal growth that go beyond malicious acts of retribution. 

Though it may be difficult, letting go of what happened in your past relationship is essential for moving on and embracing a new future. Instead of feeling powerless, realize that no one else can control you; only you have the power to govern yourself. It can be helpful to take charge and decide how you want to feel, and then move on—with gracefulness and consideration for yourself.

If you want to know how to get revenge on your ex in a healthy way, you may keep the following factors in mind:

Need Help Finding Yourself After a Breakup?

Take A Break From Social Media

When going through a breakup, it may be common to feel a whirlwind of conflicting feelings. Seeing your ex’s updates and photos can be a trigger, making it more difficult to put your own recovery and progress as top priority. It can be helpful to disconnect from social media for a while; allowing you time and space to process your feelings without seeing photos or videos of your ex. 

It may feel difficult to disconnect from social media, especially if using it has become a regular part of your life. If you are having trouble striking a balance between being connected and giving yourself room to heal and move forward, setting boundaries on how often you check each platform (such as no more than once per day) can help. In addition, you can remove these apps from your phone so that you won't be tempted to check them (you can always re-download them later). 

With the time you are not spending on social media, you may have the opportunity to spend more time engaging in activities that bring joy into your life, such as reading books, playing sports, or quality time with friends. This can help take your mind off the breakup while also allowing you to participate in activities that bring you joy or satisfaction.

Find A New Hobby

Discovering a new interest can give you a positive distraction while simultaneously bolstering your sense of identity and ability to try new things. 

Having confidence in yourself can be beneficial in times of difficulty, such as when dealing with a breakup. Taking up a new interest can provide welcome distraction and the self-confidence boost that comes with mastering a new skill.  Having a hobby or discipline at which you excel may be a great source of self-assurance while going through a tough period, as well.

Recent studies show that purposeful actions, such as starting a new hobby, give you something to look forward to daily—adding structure and often making it easier to navigate the emotions of a breakup.

Spend Time With Loved Ones

Spending time with loved ones can be instrumental in helping you get back on track after a bad breakup. In most cases, these individuals may provide comfort, understanding, and positive reinforcement so that you can move forward with strength.

Friends and family can be great sources of positive reinforcement to boost self-confidence due to an ended relationship. Speaking to friends and family may also help you regain a sense of strength and safety. By taking the time to talk through your feelings, you may be able to focus on yourself more and appreciate the impact others have had on your life. 

Feeling supported by those closest to us often allows us to feel more safe in ourselves again after going through something difficult; allowing us to reclaim our sense of self-worth once more. 

Focus On Your Career

Setting and working toward objectives can allow you to focus your time, energy, and attention on something that might bring you satisfaction. Dedicating part of your time to professional development and achieving a goal you've set for yourself can be incredibly rewarding. 

Investing your time and effort into advancing your career can not only provide you with a sense of purpose and inspiration, but it also has the potential to provide a distraction from the breakup and an opportunity to connect with others.

Volunteer For A Cause That’s Important To You

Becoming a volunteer can be a wonderful way to meet new people and strengthen existing relationships. There are many opportunities to give back to the community and advance causes you care about, from volunteering at a local animal shelter, or helping with green projects, to planning and hosting community events. Volunteering might help you feel less stress and give you a sense of purpose if you're having a hard time recovering after the breakup of a significant relationship. 

Community involvement provides the opportunity to take your mind off of your relationships for a short time while helping others. Even a few hours a week spent volunteering could lead to a marked improvement in your life outlook and satisfaction. 

Finally, volunteering gives us the chance to bond with others who have our interests and values, which can be especially helpful after experiencing hurt. Both platonic and romantic bonds can help people navigate difficult times by providing them with company, understanding, and affirmation.

Online Therapy to Improve Mental Health After A Breakup

Taking the time to process your emotions can help you heal and move forward after a breakup, but sometimes it may be difficult to reach out for help during this vulnerable time. That’s why online therapy exists—to provide an accessible way for people to get the support they need. Studies show that “psychological health has been strongly tied to social relationships”, further strengthening the need for accessible online therapy.

A Safe Space To Talk About Your Feelings 

Online therapy provides an avenue for individuals dealing with heartache to talk about their feelings with an unbiased party. Online counseling can remove the stigma of talking to a stranger; you can speak freely about your experiences without fear of judgment or criticism. 

Convenience And Flexibility 

Scheduling time for traditional therapy usually means finding a time that both you and your therapist are available in-person, which may require sacrificing other commitments like work or school responsibilities. With online therapy, however, all you need is a phone or computer with internet—you don’t even need to leave the comfort of your own home.

Online therapy can make therapy much easier and more convenient for individuals who are already feeling overwhelmed by life events such as breakups. Additionally, many providers offer asynchronous services such as in app messaging so that sessions can be conducted at any time that works best for the user's schedule. 

Counselor Reviews

"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding, and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgment. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding have been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."

"Shawna is an insightful and caring counselor, an attentive listener with a focus on practical strategies and techniques. In just a few sessions, I feel confident I have the toolkit to manage stress and the negative thoughts that took up so much of my day before. Wish I'd done this sooner!"

Need Help Finding Yourself After a Breakup?


After a breakup, you can put your energy into creating the life you want to live. It's possible that you'll gain a deeper understanding of your ideal self and the principles by which you'd like to guide your life. We can grow as individuals, refine our perspectives on love and relationships, and better envision our future. Ultimately, it can encourage growth and positivity in your life.

Moving on after a breakup can be tricky, but there are many things you can do that may help the process. Reaching out to friends and family and creating meaningful connections can be an incredibly nourishing way of finding yourself. Similarly, volunteering for a cause that is close to your heart is great: not only will you be making an impact in the world, but it also provides a sense of purpose and relevance. 

Lastly, don't forget about resources like online therapy; speaking with a professional therapist can provide immense insight and help shift perspectives. Taking these steps towards recovery from a breakup can be key to getting back into life with clarity, strength, and resilience.

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