Time To Move On: Relationship Heartbreakers & Moving Forward

Moving on can be challenging in romantic or intimate relationships, as they're often built on closeness and shared feelings over long periods. However, if you and your partner want different things that conflict with staying together, it might be time to acknowledge that moving on is the wisest course of action. How do you know it’s time to move on? It may help to consider what you want, how you'd like to approach things, and how to make any necessary changes. This guide explores the topic of moving on and touches on resources like online therapy that might help you cope with and eventually accept the situation you’re facing. 

Is it time to move on?

How to accept a relationship is over 

Many people may generally believe they know what they want, but this belief might not be so straightforward. In relationships, it can sometimes be easier to see what you don't want than to recognize what you do want. You may need to learn, grow, explore, and make mistakes at times before you know what you want. There may be nothing wrong with this; it's a natural part of being human. 

Considering what you want can help you identify if it's time to move on from your relationship or if you should try sticking it out. Knowing if you both want different things may make this transition easier. If this process is challenging, speaking with a therapist might help. 

Validate your grief and feel your emotions

Figuring out when it’s time to move on and how to accept a breakup can be two different things. They may both be difficult to cope with, but they may cause different types of pain. Allowing yourself to feel the pain you’re feeling without rushing to make yourself feel better can be beneficial in the long run. If you are still feeling pain after months or years apart, working with a therapist can help you process the loss and learn how to move on.

No matter who you are or what you may be going through, understand that there is may be a light at the end of the tunnel. If you need to move on from a relationship because you want different things or are unhappy, it doesn't necessarily mean there won't be other relationships down the road. 

You may feel sad or discouraged if it's time to move on but focusing on what you want can allow you to experience healthier, more fulfilling relationships that are conducive to your growth.

Moving on while still in the relationship

When you know in your heart that it's time to walk away, it's likely time to convey that to the other person in the relationship so they, too, can prepare to move on. Doing so can be challenging, and there may be logistical things to work out. For example, one or both of you may need time to save up money to move out of a shared space, which can make putting physical distance between you temporarily difficult.  Whether the decision is mutual or not, you may still experience some sadness or somberness. 

Often, when a person is told a relationship has run its course, they can begin to move on, especially if the parties want different things out of life. However, there are some instances where people do not take these conversations as well. They may become angry or extremely emotional. 

If you have concerns about how the other person might react when you tell them it's time for you to move on, you may want to consider communicating with them from a distance. This might mean talking on the phone, via email, or texting. 

Signs your partner has moved on

On the other hand, your partner may feel the same way as you do, or they may be the one who has realized that it’s time to walk away. Here are some signs that your partner may be ready for a new relationship:

• Lack of contact: Communication stalls or stops altogether.
• Different priorities: They’re making future plans without consulting you.
• Emotional distance: They stop opening up to you.

What to do post-breakup: Self-care and moving on

After a breakup, you might want to occupy your time as you adjust to not being with your former partner.

Practical steps for acceptance

These steps may make this time in your life easier: 

• Find a new hobby: Investing time into a hobby can help pass the time while you wait to heal and feel more peace about the situation.
• Lean on your loved ones: A solid support system might help you navigate post-breakup emotions. Don't be afraid to reach out to a loved one or visit friends and family when you need extra support.
• Write it down: Having an outlet to explore your emotions may help you decompress and heal. Try writing your feelings in a journal. 
• Visit new routines: Self-care can be beneficial for managing stress. Post-breakup can be an ideal time to finally start a new bedtime routine, exercise regimen, or meditation practice.
• Talk to a therapist: Therapy can provide an unbiased, helpful party you can talk to and turn to for support. Your therapist can help you process your emotions and heal from a breakup. With online therapy, it's often easier to find time for your sessions without interrupting your schedule.  

Rebuilding identity and relationship goals

After a relationship ends, it can be difficult to rediscover yourself and figure out what’s next. It can be helpful to remind yourself that this process can take time, particularly if you were in a relationship with the same person for years. The time after your breakup may be the first opportunity to finally visit what you really want for yourself and your relationships in the future. 

Helpful timelines and rules that can guide you

Everyone may cope with a breakup at their own pace, but seeking clarity in a timeline can help offer structure. However, it may be important to remember that these are general guidelines, not strict rules.

What the 3-3-3 rule is and how it helps after a breakup

One example of a post-breakup timeline is the 3-3-3 rule. The 3-3-3 rule is one way people describe moving on after a breakup. This rule suggests that people may experience three months of emotional shock, three months of an adjustment period, and three months of rebuilding. While this rule can help people accept that healing can take time, progress comes in waves, and not everyone will move through this timeline in the same way.

When timelines are helpful and when they are harmful

Timelines can help remind you that healing can take months or years, and help you make peace with the time it takes you to finally get there. That said, it can help to remind yourself that these are guidelines, not deadlines, and they may not determine whether you are a success or a failure.

When to try again and when to let go

In some cases, you may be dissatisfied with your relationship but unsure whether it’s time to walk away or keep trying. While no one can make this decision for you, there are some things you can look for that can indicate it’s worth trying again.

Signs it may be worth trying again

Here are some signs that you and your partner may be able to work through the challenges in your relationship:

• If you and your partner are both willing to take responsibility for your actions
• If you and your partner are both open to feedback
• If you and your partner can have respectful, productive conversations about your challenges
• If you and your partner are both willing to commit to making it work

Clear signs it’s time to leave and walk away now

On the other hand, there may also be some clear signs that it is time to walk away. If you realize that your relationship has unhelpful patterns like dishonesty or disrespect that have been causing pain over the weeks, months, or years you have been together, walking away can be the healthiest choice. If you need support while figuring out what to do, consider working with an online therapist.

Online therapy with BetterHelp

Knowing when it’s time to move on can be difficult to determine, particularly when your emotions are involved. Talking with a mental health professional through an online service like BetterHelp may give you more clarity. 

What to expect in individual and couples therapy

A therapist can take the time to hear what you’re saying, which may help you finally name, address, and begin working through your pain. In therapy, you can process your situation objectively, without judgment. At BetterHelp, you’ll be matched with a licensed therapist based on your needs and preferences. You can schedule appointments via in-app messaging, video calls, or phone calls on your time from the comfort of your home.

Online therapy can be a viable tool for managing different kinds of mental health concerns and disorders. One study found that an online-based therapeutic intervention successfully reduced participants’ symptoms of anxiety and depression. Further, researchers concluded that the online intervention was just as effective as traditional, face-to-face sessions.