Healing After A Breakup: Coping Strategies For Reclaiming Your Life
Breakups can be challenging, and it's normal to feel a range of emotions in the aftermath, such as sadness, anger, and grief. Finding the best way to get over someone and knowing how to heal can be hard, especially if you are overwhelmed by your emotions, or if your situation involves getting over a person you never formally dated, which can seem more complicated. However, healing is possible, and there are coping strategies you can learn to reclaim your life and move forward.
How to heal after a breakup
Whether you're just beginning the healing process or have been working through a breakup for some time, certain strategies can help you navigate the ups and downs and find a sense of hope and resilience, even when dealing with the "what ifs" and wondering about the future. Below are some of the most common strategies to try.
Seek support
Below are some ways to reach out for support after a breakup:
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member: Choose someone you are comfortable talking to, who you know can listen without judging you. Spending time with a confidant may be therapeutic, helping you process emotions.
- Join a support group: Numerous online support groups are available for individuals navigating the aftermath of breakups. These groups may provide a sense of community and a safe space to discuss your feelings and experiences with others who are facing similar challenges.
- Seek professional help: If you're struggling to cope with your emotions or feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to seek professional help and expert advice. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings and might help you develop coping strategies.
Seeking support is not a sign of weakness. It takes courage to reach out and ask for help, and it's a healthy way to move forward in the healing process.
Practice self-care
Practicing self-care can be part of the healing process after a breakup. Taking care of yourself physically and emotionally can help you cope with challenges and maintain a balanced mental well-being.
Below are practical ways to practice self-care after a breakup.
- Exercise: Engaging in regular exercise may help reduce stress, boost mood, and improve physical and mental health. Whether you prefer going for a run, taking a yoga class, or hitting the gym, find an activity that you enjoy and that tends to help you feel good about yourself.
- Get enough sleep: Sleep is ideal for your physical and emotional well-being. Ensure you get enough sleep by setting a regular bedtime, establishing a relaxing bedtime routine, and avoiding screens before bed.
- Eat well: Taking care of your body also means paying attention to what you eat. Eating a healthy diet may help improve your mood, boost energy, and support overall physical health.
- Take breaks: While staying busy can be beneficial, make sure to give yourself time to rest and recharge. Try taking breaks from work and other responsibilities to partake in relaxing and enjoyable activities.
- Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness allows you to focus on the present moment. It may help you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions and might improve your overall well-being. There are various ways to practice mindfulness, including meditation, yoga, and journaling.
Self-care is not selfish. It's ideal for taking care of yourself so that you can be there for others and able to cope with the challenges of daily life. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you struggle to practice self-care independently.
Journal to express your emotions
Expressing your emotions after a breakup is a normal and healthy part of the healing process. Finding ways to express your emotions constructively might be helpful. Take time to reflect on your feelings, and don't feel guilty if you experience sadness.
Journaling can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions and reflect on your experiences. It may be helpful to spend time writing about your feelings and be honest and authentic with yourself when expressing your thoughts. As you work through your emotions, you may notice improvements in your self-esteem and gain valuable insights that can shape your future relationships.
Find a creative outlet
Creativity can be a powerful outlet for emotions. Whether you enjoy painting, drawing, writing, or singing, find an activity that brings you joy and allows for creative expression. Engaging in these activities may also foster positivity and help you move past your former relationship, potentially leading to new connections or interests as you start dating again in the future. The feelings you may have are normal emotions after a breakup, and it's okay to express them. Finding healthy ways to express your emotions may help you feel more balanced and better able to cope with your challenges.
Give yourself time and space to heal
Allowing yourself time and space to heal is often part of the process after a breakup. Healing may take a longer amount of time than you expect, so be patient with yourself as you work through your emotions and adjust to your new reality. You don’t need to throw yourself back into the dating pool immediately. Some people take years before they are ready to put themselves out there and take a risk on someone new, and that’s okay.
You may also consider the following tips:
- Take a break from social media: Social media may be a source of stress and comparison, especially after a breakup. Consider taking a break from social media or limiting your use to give yourself time to heal and stop communicating with your former partner or love interest.
- Take time for yourself: Make time for yourself and find relaxing or enjoyable activities. These activities could include anything from walking in nature to watching a movie or reading a book.
- Seek professional help: If you're having difficulty coping with your emotions or feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor may provide a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings and help you develop coping strategies.
Coping with a breakup in a safe and supportive environment with online therapy
Breaking up is never easy, and the sorrow and pain associated with a breakup may be emotionally shattering. Finding professional support might be the answer when coping with a breakup. Online therapy platforms, such as BetterHelp, offer a diverse range of therapy modalities, including cognitive-behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, and psychodynamic therapy. Using these approaches, therapists may help you process your emotions in an empathic and supportive environment.
Effectiveness of online therapy
Breakups can be difficult, but you can utilize a variety of effective coping strategies to regain emotional balance and reclaim your life. For example, research conducted by the International College of Psychology (ICP) has demonstrated that online therapy may benefit individuals seeking healing after a breakup, utilizing techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy. This type of therapy focuses on reframing patterns, developing problem-solving strategies, and building self-awareness to foster both emotional and psychological healing. For this reason, reaching out for expert professional help can be a positive step toward acknowledging that healing is possible after a breakup.
Takeaway
Why is it so hard to get over a guy I never dated?
For many people, getting over a guy they never had a relationship with is difficult because they're mourning the loss of a potential future with someone special. Depending on your level of attachment, grieving the fantasy of that person can be as difficult as grieving a full-fledged relationship.
How do you stop obsessing over a guy you never dated?
While you may not have as much control as you'd like initially, it is possible to tame the obsessing mind and move on from your feelings. Below are a few ways to start:
Accept the reality and embrace your feelings
Acceptance can be difficult, but acknowledging on a deeper level that the relationship never happened and the "what-ifs" aren't possible may be the first step toward moving on. As you ponder this truth, allow yourself to feel the emotions that arise without judgment. Get to know them by writing them down in a journal or a letter to the person that you'll never send. Accept the relationship didn't (and won't) happen and label the feelings you're having.
Limit exposure and set boundaries
Avoid contact with the person if necessary, and consider unfollowing or unfriending them on social media. If you're worried about how they'll react, you can hide their posts and others in which they're included. Delete texts and pictures, get rid of mementos, or put them somewhere you won't see them. Avoid places where you're likely to run into them. If no one else knows how you feel, and you'd like to keep it that way, prepare for potential conversations or unexpected social gatherings where he shows up. Have an exit plan or a coping strategy ready. If applicable, establish boundaries with the person to prevent further emotional attachment or involvement. This process might involve expressing your feelings, but it may also be necessary to stop obsessing and move forward.
Focus on yourself
A self-care routine that includes regular exercise, nutritious eating, and good sleep hygiene can help you stay physically and mentally healthy during this challenging time. Engage in activities that nourish and bring you joy, such as spending time in nature, practicing meditation, or being in the company of people you enjoy. More minor activities, such as cleaning your living space while listening to your favorite music or lighting a scented candle during a warm bath, can go a long way towards self-soothing.
Engage in activities that promote self-growth
Consider learning a language or an instrument. Try that new sport you've always wanted to try or take on a challenging project at work. Pursuing a promotion or interviewing for your dream job may draw your focus away from fantasies of someone else and toward the possibilities of a more successful you. Self-growth may also involve nurturing your humanitarian side by volunteering for an organization you care about or lending a helping hand to a friend in need.
Seek support and meet new people
Share your feelings with trusted friends and loved ones who can offer support and a different perspective. They can encourage you to move forward and find dating prospects (if you're ready). If you'd like to meet new people but don't know where to start, consider participating in group activities in your area, taking a class, or making an effort to socialize more with friends and family. If your emotions are too overwhelming to cope with on your own or with support from loved ones, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist who can assist you during this difficult time.
Focus on the present
Shift your focus to the present moment and what could bring you happiness and fulfillment in your life right now. When you’re obsessing over someone you’ve developed strong feelings for, it can be easy to slip back into fantasies over what might have been. Staying grounded in the present can help you break the habit.
How do you end things with a guy you're not dating?
Ending a connection with someone can be different if you’ve never technically dated them or aren’t in a committed relationship. However, addressing the issue as soon as possible may be imperative. If you're not interested in continuing, letting them know right away can free you both to move forward and find partners who are a better fit. Below are tips for navigating this potentially tricky conversation with as few hard feelings as possible:
- Have the conversation in person at a neutral location, such as a coffee shop or a casual spot for drinks. Avoid going out for a full-fledged meal, and refrain from having it at your house (or theirs).
- Tell them honestly but gently how you feel using "I" statements like "I feel like it's unfair to you if we don't have this conversation" or "I'm so overwhelmed with work and family, and I'm just not interested in a relationship."
- If they have input or questions, listen attentively and respond thoughtfully. They might take it personally, and intense emotions may emerge. In this case, provide as much reassurance as possible without being disingenuous. Stand by your perspective and stay firm.
- It may seem like the right thing to do, but refrain from offering to stay friends. A friendship may be more complicated for both of you. If they express interest or insist on staying friends, you might offer to rekindle a friendship sometime in the future, but for now, give each other space.
- Don't linger after the fact. Lingering may be awkward for both of you, and you might be tempted to give in if they try to change your mind. If you think this will be tricky, make plans that you'll be held accountable for, such as dinner with your family or a friend.
- For their mental health and yours, don't call, text, or comment on or "like" their social media posts. Avoid places and social situations where you might run into them, at least for a while, until you're confident it won't hurt their feelings. Try not to ask friends, colleagues, or others about the individual unless you're confident that your interest in their life won't get back to them.
Is it normal to be heartbroken over someone you never dated?
It is normal to be heartbroken over someone you never dated. Just because you never developed a relationship doesn't mean that your feelings about them are any less valid. Be kind and compassionate to yourself and allow yourself to feel those emotions fully and without judgment.
Why do I miss him so much when we never dated?
There are many reasons why you might miss your love interest intensely, even though you never dated. You might miss their presence in your life and how they made you feel, but you may also feel regret if you never actually expressed your feelings to them. Living with the questions and fantasies of what might have been can be extremely painful, especially if you don't have any way to gain closure and know for a fact how they felt about you. You might worry that the person will forget about you or leave you behind, but depending on the situation, it may be awkward or inappropriate to reach out to them and stay in their orbit.
How do you forget a guy you never dated?
Forgetting about a guy you never dated might take time and effort. Try to come to terms with your feelings about him, the reality of the nature of your relationship, and choose to move on in a compassionate and nonjudgmental way. Distance yourself from him and resist the urge to text or monitor his social media activity. Avoid going to places where you know he'll be and discussing him with mutual friends or colleagues.
Take care of your body by exercising regularly, eating nutritious meals, and getting enough sleep. Take care of your mind by partaking in the activities that bring you joy, reaching out to loved ones for support, and practicing generosity and gratitude in your daily life. Be sure to keep busy with activities that promote self-development and make space for someone new if you're ready to move on.
Why am I obsessing over a guy so much?
There are many potential reasons you might be obsessing over a guy. On the surface, it could be because you're lonely and are enjoying the fantasy of what could be. You may be afraid and are more comfortable obsessing over someone than actually engaging with them.
However, there are deeper reasons as well. For example, it could be because of how you identify with what you see on the outside. You might admire him or be envious of his qualities. You might want to be with him as a sort of personal validation. If he's the type of guy who could have anyone he wanted, and he chose you, you might experience a boost to your self-esteem. You might also be obsessing over him because you're using him as an escape from reality or are avoiding facing qualities of yourself that you might benefit from addressing.
Regardless, obsession over another person is often rooted in self-esteem issues. If obsessing over him negatively impacts other areas of your life like work, school, socializing, or family relationships, reach out to a counselor or therapist for help. A mental health professional can guide you and provide tools to help you stop obsessing and move on healthily.
How do you stop thinking about someone you're not dating?
If you're trying to stop thinking about someone you're not dating, try to identify and avoid any situations that prompt you to think about them in the first place. Pay close attention to your thoughts associated with that person and challenge whether they are true or based on unfounded or irrational beliefs. You might see more clearly how your thoughts negatively impact your mental well-being, making it easier to let them go. In the meantime, focus on self-care and personal improvement. Enjoy time with your friends and loved ones, stay busy, and practice mindfulness to keep your thoughts in the present moment, rather than obsessing over the past or fantasizing about what could be in the future.
How do you let go of a guy completely?
To let go of someone in your life, accept that making a change to move on to happier times in the future may be necessary. This process can be painful, but give yourself nonjudgmental permission to experience those feelings deeply and label them for what they are. When you let go of someone, complicated feelings often accompany the release. Understanding them can make it easier to cope and move forward. Practice self-kindness and compassion during this time, and prioritize your own needs. If you’re letting go of someone who doesn't want to end the partnership, you might struggle with this task, but your mental health may benefit from it.
Stay busy with activities that nourish and bring you joy. Take time to exercise, eat nutritious meals, and get enough sleep. Spend plenty of time with people who support you, including a mental health professional. A therapist or counselor can help you navigate intense anger, sadness, disappointment, and other emotions associated with letting go and prepare you to move on confidently.
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