Finding Yourself: How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated

By Nicola Kirkpatrick|Updated August 3, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMH

In today’s connected and internet-driven culture, getting to know others has changed. Yet, it can also be easier to connect with individuals across distance and circumstance with technology. Whether it be in the form of a casual texting relationship, a continual series of snapchat exchanges, or blurring the line between mutual friends, relationships can be formed online. Modern culture has emerged as a wild frontier for connecting with others. However, this can happen in person as well and not just online. You may get closer to one of your male friends than you wanted to and even though they do not return your feelings, you cannot get over yours.

Emotional relationships, even the most casual, can have us feeling more invested than we may have intended. Online, you may even find yourself “falling in love” with someone you have never met after talking to them online for many months. While this may seem a bit strange, it is common in today’s world where people hook up on dating websites and other online venues. However, oftentimes when you do finally meet you or the guy may realize there just is no spark or attraction there like they thought there was. Just as a relationship can start, it may end, maybe even fading away unnoticed. For others, however, we may find ourselves wondering how to get over someone you never dated.

Seeking Counsel

Sometimes, talking with friends about your relationship problems can be tricky. Oftentimes, friends can be too caught up in all the background information that they know about you, your guy, and those in your past. Your friends or family may be too close to you or the other person to be able to give you unbiased advice. In fact, most often your friends or family will just tell you what they think you want to hear so as not to hurt your feelings, whether it is true or not. For example, if you tell your friend that you are in love with this guy you are friends with, they may tell you that they think he is in love with you too just to make you feel better. This kind of advice or suggestion cannot do anything but make things worse.

It can be incredibly empowering to talk with someone that can give you unbiased insight, whether this is an acquaintance or a professional. While it is nice to be able to talk to someone close to you about your feelings, getting the wrong kind of advice is not going to help you a bit. Another benefit to the digital age is the ability to connect with medical professionals remotely, namely mental health professionals. There are many online counselors and therapists who can help you and give you unbiased advice and counsel without even having to leave your house. You really cannot beat that kind of help.

Increased Connectivity

Online interfaces have made it possible to connect with an appropriate therapist, connecting those who may not have been up to visit with a therapist face-to-face. BetterHelp is one of these services, innovatively seeking to make mental health care more accessible and affordable. Rather than taking a blind chance on a therapist in person, sites like these can help match you to someone that you will vibe with and who is sensitive and understanding of you and your lifestyle.

With BetterHelp, you have the option of texting, online chat, talking on the telephone, emailing, or even face to face teleconferencing through Skype or Facetime. You do not have to make an appointment and you can reach out whenever you need to talk no matter what day or time it is. For instance, say you are up at two in the morning because you are thinking about this guy so much that you cannot sleep.

Maybe you just need to ask some questions or let out some of those conflicted feelings that like to pop into our head in the middle of the night. With online therapy, you can send a text or email anytime you like, and your therapist or counselor will answer you as soon as they get the message. It may be right away of a few hours, but it certainly will not be several weeks or months like it would be if you have to make an appointment to see a traditional therapist.

How to Get Over Someone

These unique relationships often result in an untraditional parting of ways, with the interaction simply fading into oblivion. This can leave one or both parties questioning themselves and their actions, leaving the potential for spring offs into complicated emotional quandaries. When a relationship ends, the inevitable question of “why” ensues. Some people may blame themselves or over-analyze their characteristics to a distressing degree, racking their brains trying to figure out what it was that drove the other away.

This type of ending is typically called ‘ghosting‘ and it is very confusing and painful when it happens to you. It is like losing a loved one if you have gotten really close to this guy over a long period of time and then they just disappear. Suddenly, out of the blue, they are just gone, and you are left trying to figure out what you could have or should have done differently. Most of the time, you have no way to reach them because you do not even know where they live or work and they may not have even given you their real name. The truth is, it probably had absolutely nothing to do with anything you did.

The other person may do this kind of thing often or they may have just realized that this kind of relationship is not working for them. Maybe the guy had several online relationships going on and they make a habit of doing this sort of thing to people. Then again, the guy may even have internet or computer troubles or have gotten in an accident or something else unexpected. There is really no way to know if the guy just stops answering you. Your best bet is to just forget about them and move on. Talk to a therapist or counselor if you are having a hard time letting go and they can give you some advice that can help.

Love Is Good

Getting some space is key, working towards recognition that not all relationships work out, and their dissipation is not always in our hands or a result of who we are. We’ve all heard the generalizations about relationships and timing. Sometimes, connections and the chemistry between people is real, but circumstances get in the way. With seven billion people and counting on this Earth, connectivity and commonalities can be found with so many others.

Embracing your connections with others and enjoying the moment can help you to appreciate the true meaning of relationships. Some are fleeting, some are lasting, not one the same as another. Different people arouse different things in us. When trying to get over a guy that you never dated, remember that we are all just people trying to connect in this lonely world and that this schism is just a part of life, not a jab at you.

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