How To Tell if You Like Someone: The Most Telling Signs Of Attraction

While it may seem strange to imagine having a romantic interest in someone without recognizing it at first, it isn’t uncommon—particularly in a time when online dating is the most common way people connect romantically. Romantic feelings can be complicated, and don’t always follow a script like a TV show. If you think you might have romantic feelings for someone, but you aren’t quite sure if it’s real love, read on. This article discusses how to determine whether you genuinely like someone, why our feelings may not always be straightforward, and how to cultivate self-awareness to recognize them. 

Signs you have romantic feelings for someone

Emotional and mental signs

• You think about them nearly constantly, including late at night, early in the morning, and when you're trying to focus on something else. 
• You remember small, sometimes mundane details about their experiences and preferences.
• You replay your interactions over and over in your head.
• You want to do little things for them.
• The mere idea of them makes you smile and feel happy. 
• You miss them when you’re apart and want to spend every moment together, even with no words spoken. 
• You care about their approval and what they think of you.
• You really appreciate their good qualities and are genuinely curious about their life. 

Physical and behavioral signs behind romantic feelings

• You make a concerted effort to see them or rearrange your schedule for them.
• You might feel butterflies, get flustered, or have a faster heartbeat around them.
• You find yourself involuntarily smiling when you think of them.
• You laugh easily at their jokes.
• You want to tell them about your day and hear about theirs.
• You feel safe being yourself around them.
• You can finish their last sentence, knowing what they were going to say.

Asexuality and aromanticism 

Attraction tends to occur on a spectrum—No two relationships are alike in the intensity of romantic and sexual feelings each partner has for the other. Some people don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction to others. Others might experience one or the other, but not both. People who identify as asexual don’t typically feel sexually attracted to others, but they may become romantically attracted. Aromantic people often lack feelings of romantic attachment to others, but their relationships may still lead to sex and sexual attraction. 

Platonic love vs. romantic love 

The lines between platonic love and romantic love aren’t always straightforward. Platonic love is characterized by deep emotional intimacy and affection without sexual attraction or romantic desire. An example of platonic love might be living and sharing expenses with a best friend without being romantically involved, or a life partnership in which a couple chooses to remain platonic. Romantic love may share most, if not all, of the characteristics of platonic love, but it also encompasses romantic and sexual attractions. It’s a partnership based on shared interests, romantic attraction, shared values, commitment, and intimacy. 

How to tell the difference between romantic love vs. platonic love 

When determining whether you have romantic or platonic feelings for another person, it might help to ask yourself a few questions:

• Do you find them physically attractive?
• Do you want to be with this person exclusively in a romantic way, or are you comfortable with them seeing other people? 
• Do you feel jealous or possessive when they hang out with mutual friends without you or talk about other people they are romantically interested in?
• Do you envision building a life together with this person in the future, in which you feel ready for sexual contact? 

Romantic love vs Infatuation

Romantic love can be described as a deep, evolving bond built on acceptance, trust, and realistic understanding. At the same time, infatuation is often described as a “crush” characterized by an intense, often short-lived, idealized passion. Infatuation can feel good at first, as it’s typically fueled by excitement and chemical highs caused by hormonal responses, which center on an idealized conception of perfection rather than reality. 

When infatuation becomes a repeated, unhealthy pattern, it may be an indicator of what some psychologists call “love addiction.” In such cases, the individual may prioritize infatuation over a genuine romantic connection, not because they love the person, but because they love the process of falling in love and are afraid of what happens when it fades. Research on love addiction reveals it might be associated with an individual’s self-esteem and adult attachment patterns.

The role of infatuation in romantic relationships

Infatuation can be a starting point for love, although it isn’t necessarily a “given.” Some people experience feelings of infatuation at the beginning of a romantic relationship; others don’t. Infatuation typically fades (though it may not disappear entirely) as the relationship becomes more emotionally intimate and the once-idealized version of the partner begins to change, necessitating a shift toward a more profound connection for true love to form. 

How to tell the difference between romantic love and infatuation 

How do you know if you like someone romantically or are just infatuated? Here are a few questions to consider that may indicate red flags: 

• Are you in love with who they are, or who you think they are? 
• Do the more mundane details of their daily life matter to you, or do you only care about what happens when you’re together?
• Do you feel their personality is secondary to their physical attractiveness?
• When you’re with or thinking of them, do you feel calm and secure, or anxious and frantic? 
• Can you ignore or accept their imperfections and still be committed? 
• Are you growing as a person when you’re with them, or are you putting your personal development “on hold” to engage? 

The role of self-awareness in emotions and romantic relationships

Human emotion spans a broad spectrum beyond happiness, sadness, and fear. Self-awareness allows you to recognize, understand, and label those feelings. It is the foundation of emotional intelligence and a key factor in healthier relationships and healthier self-esteem. You can learn to identify what you’re feeling and why, allowing you to determine the nature of your attraction to someone and how to approach them.  

Tips for identifying your emotions

There are several tools you can use to become more emotionally intelligent. For example, keep a journal in which you can jot down thoughts and feelings. You may use an emotion wheel to expand your emotional vocabulary and learn to label them more accurately. For example, you might feel angry when you see your love interest talking to an ex, but if you really take the time to examine that feeling, you may realize it has more to do with jealousy.

Mindfulness is also an effective tool for identifying emotions. When feelings arise, take time to pause and notice any physical sensations in your body. Does your chest feel tight? Are your palms clammy? It might be tempting to label the sensations “bad” right away, but if you take the time to really experience them, you may notice they’ve arisen because you’re excited, not anxious. 

How a mental health professional can help 

Learning to identify your emotions may benefit you not only in romantic relationships but in many areas of daily life. Studies indicate that emotional literacy may reduce emotional intensity and improve emotion regulation. Conversely, low emotional awareness has been linked to increased risk of mental health issues. 

Therapists can help individuals develop emotional literacy by: 

• Creating a safe space for honest exploration of thoughts and feelings
• Teaching self-awareness through techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness exercises
• Providing tools for emotional regulation, such as deep breathing and journaling
• Educating clients on emotions

Benefits of online therapy 

Some people face barriers to conventional therapy that may deter them from seeking guidance, including time constraints, location, and cost. Online therapy can be an effective solution to such obstacles. For example, e-therapy platforms such as BetterHelp allow users to attend sessions at their convenience, from the comfort of home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection. Online therapy is also typically more affordable than traditional, in-person treatment without insurance coverage. 

Effectiveness of online therapy for better mental health

Numerous studies show online therapy can be highly effective, often as good as in-person sessions for common issues like self-esteem and relationship challenges, as well as mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. For example, a UK study followed 27,500 participants in an online CBT program and found similar reductions in symptoms, improved treatment adherence, and overall positive outcomes between in-person and e-therapy.