Help! I Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone
By: Sarah Fader
Updated July 09, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Laura Angers
When you become "obsessed" with someone, it doesn't feel like a crush. It can be an addictive and destructive feeling that interferes with your ability to concentrate, deal with others, and go about your normal daily routine. If you're thinking, "Help, I can't stop thinking about someone!" then it may be helpful to consider the psychological aspect of what you feel inside.
Crushes are common in the teenage years, but they do frequently persist well into adulthood, especially if you're not able to talk to the person, ask them out, and start dating them. Some obstacles in your way might include an unavailable partner (married or dating someone else), a lack of confidence, or maybe a long distance between the two of you that makes conversation difficult.
Some people develop crushes on others who completely disdain them, and the lack of attraction only makes the person more obsessive. They start asking, "What can I do to impress them?" even though the answer is clearly: Nothing! We all want to feel attractive and like we're successful in all our efforts to find love, even if those efforts are misguided at times.
How to Get Rid of a Crush if You're a Teen
Dr. Carl Pickhardt, Ph.D., wrote an article in Psychology Today, stating that romantic crushes are usually based on infatuation and "idealization."
This means that if you're saying, "I can't stop thinking about someone I like!" then you might be projecting attributes onto a crush… and this person may not be anything like you imagine them to be in reality. This is one reason why therapists might advise a teenager dealing with a crush to confront their object of affection, and tell them that they "like" this person. This allows the teen to get to know the crush in a real-world setting, rather than limiting all these obsessive thoughts to his/her imagination. If there is a mutual attraction from the other person, you may be able to pursue a relationship. But even if there's not an attraction, the belief is that once you can interact with this person and see them for who they are, you may soon realize that the romanticized feelings are false. You're in love with the idea of the person, but not necessarily the reality of who they are.
I Can't Stop Thinking About Someone… and I'm an Adult!
It may be more difficult to get over a crush if you're an adult. If you find yourself obsessing over someone you know personally, then the advice above is important to pay attention to. Ask if you can get coffee together sometime. You may find that once you get to know them, it's clear that you idealized them before. This will clear your mind from obsessive thoughts.
If you can't meet the person you're thinking about, there are other things to try. Finding a distraction is important. Find a new hobby or a new interest. Take a vacation. Do something kind for the needy. Date someone else, if you think you're ready to handle getting into something new. In other words, distraction is good. Anything is better than just sitting in a room and "trying to stop thinking about a person." You ever hear that expression, "Don't think about pink elephants?" What happens when you stop trying to think about pink elephants? All you can think about are pink elephants. The same goes for trying to stop thinking about someone you're obsessed with. The more you try not to think about that person, the more you'll end up thinking about them, so turn to distraction instead. The best way to stop thinking about someone is to be active. This way you don't have as much time to obsess over them.
Below, we'll cover other things you can do to stop obsessing about someone.
1. Get in Touch with Your True Feelings
The first thing you need to do to get over a crush is to allow you to experience your feelings about your crush and yourself. We sometimes develop crushes because we think that person is better than we are. Another possibility is that you feel inadequate on your own and think the crush will complete you. Before you can move on with your life, you need to acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to experience them. Talking to a counselor gives you a chance to describe your feelings to someone who understands. After you come to terms with how you feel, you can start to use techniques your counselor teaches you to put that person behind you.
2. Avoid Your Crush on Social Media
Social media does have some redeeming values. However, if you're obsessed with someone, being able to follow their activities easily on social media can keep you stuck in romantic feelings for them. Avoid clicking on their profile to read their information or catch up on their posts. You can't get to know who they are through social media anyway, so there's no point. People post the appearance of who they want you to see. Don't cyber stalk your crush. If someone brings up the person you have a crush on, excuse yourself from the conversation, change the subject, or move on to some other topic you find enjoyable, whether online or off.
Instead of dwelling on your crush and what they're up to, interact with the people who bring positive value to your life through social media. Perhaps they share humorous videos, congratulate you when you've done well, "listen" when you're feeling blue, or just look at life with a positive and independent attitude. These are the people who can make your social media experience worthwhile.
3. Get to Know Yourself Better
Instead of obsessing over someone else who may never care about you, take some time to get to know who you are as an individual. The better you know yourself and learn to love who you are, the less you'll need someone else to validate you.
Do some journaling to explore the thoughts and feelings that make you who you are. Rather than writing about your crush, write about other people as well as ideas, facts, activities, and places that intrigue you. Write about what you want to do with the rest of your life. What do you want to do for a career? Where would you like to travel? Start doing some research before you write and explore your interests. Then, write your findings. Journaling not only works when you're young. You can find out more about yourself at any time in your life.
4. Pursue Your Interests
What would you like to do that you're not doing right now? Why have you put it off? Now is a great time to explore new interests. Choose a new activity or destination and try it out. Take a class or join a club. If you're interested in art, go to a museum you've never been to. Take up a new medium. For example, if you love to paint, mix it up! If you've worked in watercolors before, try oils or acrylics. Approach any interest in the same way: choose a facet of that interest you've never tried before and give it a try.
Talk to friends about what interests them. If you hear about something that sounds fascinating, talk to them and learn more about that interest. Perhaps they can tell you how to get started. Maybe they can inspire you and encourage you. Spending time with friends you have no romantic interest in is a wonderful way to know yourself better, too. It's also a good time to meet new people and make new friends. Don't go out looking for someone to replace your crush. Simply find people who are supportive and interested in the world.
5. Stay Focused on the Here and Now
You may find that whenever you're obsessed with your crush, you're thinking about another time and place. However, to be mentally healthy, you need to be aware and involved in right now and your current circumstances. A first step to reaching that goal is to learn how to be more mindful. If you talk with a therapist, they can teach you about mindfulness and how to practice it. After you learn how to be mindful of your present surroundings, you can experience your life more fully, as it happens, in each moment of your life.
6. Get Involved with Your Community
Your community is the larger version of your home. Being active in community events and projects can bring great value to your life. You can be a part of something larger than yourself and help accomplish things you couldn't do alone. You might get to know people you've never met before or learn a new skill. You might even get to travel to a new place where people in your community volunteer to help others. Sometimes, too, clubs and social groups go on outings to fascinating places at home or away. Along the way, you can build up a greater support system than you've had in the past.
Is It Time to Seek Therapy?
If you can't stop thinking about your crush, no matter what steps you've taken in your life, it may be time to get help from a trained counselor. They've learned how to deal with unwanted thoughts and feelings in ways you might never come up with on your own. They can support you as you explore your feelings and examine your thoughts to understand what's happening to you better and to go beyond it. If you prefer, you can have therapy in your home, or anywhere you find comfortable and convenient. All you need is a reliable Internet connection and a counselor from BetterHelp. Soon, that crush can be a thing of the past, and you can build your life in a way that honors who you are. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors.
"I was so skeptical of therapy in the beginning, but I was in a bad place and needed help, and felt I had nowhere to turn, so I took the leap. I'm so glad I did. Beth has been an absolute lifesaver. She is a great listener. She's very intuitive. She's not judgmental. She helps me work through things in a way I couldn't do on my own. She can be light-hearted and funny, or firm and honest. She's a wonderful therapist. I can't say enough how she's helped me. I'm so glad I found Beth and BetterHelp."
"I am so glad I have someone like Joyce to talk with. She's able to get to my core issues and make sense of the many things I write to her. And even though I write a lot, she responds in a timely manner. It's been so helpful to have someone so experienced to help me sort through my issues and thoughts. I was a little skeptical about online counseling via messaging, but I think it's a great way of communicating because I can take time to make sure that I am expressing myself the way I want to, whereas I might feel more rushed if I were talking face-to-face. I'm impressed that even though we've never spoken directly, Joyce still has been able to understand me and help me so much in the short time that I've worked with her."
Try the tools and tips mentioned above to stop obsessively thinking about someone, and move toward a positive life with fulfilling relationships. You can take the first step today.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What does it mean when you can't stop thinking about someone?
When you can't stop thinking about someone are they thinking about you?
There is a level of truth to this principle. Please note that this doesn’t necessarily mean you are obsessed about the person. Moreover, this only happens in some circumstances. For instance, for a lot of people, there has to be a mutual feeling. If the feelings are mutual, then this principle totally holds. Typically, this happens when there is a long distance between two people. Sometimes you may be longing to see them, and this kicks you into a deep line of thought. When you find yourself unable to stop thinking about them, imagine sending them a ball of white illumination.
What does it mean when someone is always on your mind?
When you fall in love with someone, the person always stays on your mind. However, you can also have someone you really hate on your mind. When someone is always on your mind in ways you can't stop, then it means you care for the person. Please try not to get too engrossed in your thoughts by meditating, visiting friends, or seeing a mental health professional.
What are the signs when someone is thinking of you?
There are proven ways that show someone can’t stop thinking about you. This may sound unbelievable, but when someone sneezes often or has hiccups, it may be a good sign that you are on that person's mind. However, that's just on the more physical view. Most of the time, when someone is thinking of you, they always try to reach out. It may be through social media or just a regular phone call. For instance, the person may subtly share tweet related to how they feel with you.
How can you tell if someone misses you?
When someone really misses you, they can try to do things that show that he can’t stop having you in their mind. Some people may go as far as infringing privacy terms. It’s not necessary that the person is in a relationship with you. You may also find yourself thinking about them in some situations. When someone really misses you, the person may have serious issues trying to stop thinking of you. It’s very advisable that when anyone is unable to stop thinking about someone, him or her should imagine sending the person a ball of white light or a ball of white illumination. Then try enclosing that person into the white light.
Is it true when you can't sleep someone is dreaming about you?
Usually, this is a psychic belief. However, it is possible that someone may be so deep in his or her thoughts about you. If you feel the same about that person, it may also affect your sleep. A dream is typically a product of what you imagine or what you wish. So, it's possible to have someone thinking deeply about you. On the other hand, you may also really care about the person to an extent where it causes you to skip sleep for a night or two. Sometimes, this happens when you just started dating someone. Please note that it is much safer to share your thoughts with someone you trust to help your mental health.
How do you know if a guy thinks about you a lot?
The first thing most guys do when they miss you a lot is to call or text you very often. When he’s unable to stop thinking about you, he will do his best to reach out. If both of you see each other every day, he will be thinking about a new day with you. Often times, you may notice that he does things like ‘cancel reply’ on social media platforms when you both are in a conversation.
Not meaning any harm, a guy that thinks a lot about you may try breaking some policy terms even on social media. Please note that there’s a difference between a guy being unable to stop thinking about you and a guy obsessing over you. Obsession is a mental disorder, and it's not fun.
Is it true that when you're thinking of someone they're thinking of you too?
Often times, you may find yourself thinking about someone; you may be thinking about a guy, and you want to be sure he's thinking about you too. Yes, it is true that someone may be thinking of you just the same way as you think of the person. The principle is simple; you get the same vibes you give off.
Most times, in a long term affair, both parties may not be thinking so much about each other. However, sometimes they may want to know if they still have that spark. Hence, this is where this principle helps. If you ever need to stop thinking about someone, just imagine sending that person a ball of white light or a ball of white illumination.
Is it true if someone is on your mind you are on theirs?
It is possible that someone has you on their mind because you have that person on your mind. However, for this to happen, both parties need to have mutual feelings for each other. People are known to give out the same energy they get. So, it is possible that if you're unable to stop thinking about someone, the other party may also be thinking about you. If you're in a situation where you don't want to continue thinking about someone, you may need to see someone that may help.
What are the signs a guy misses you?
- Constant and consistent messaging
- He tries to reach you often through calls
- He’s always fast to answer your messages
- He’s always telling people about you
- He constantly checks you out on social media
- He could easily get jealous
- His friends or family may tell you
How do you know if a guy finds you beautiful?
You may possibly come across a guy in the coffee shop and wonder if the guy really finds you attractive. In some cases, you may actually know the guy. Either way, it might end up being very tricky to know if he finds you beautiful or to know if he's unable to stop thinking about you. Most times, when a guy finds you beautiful, he'd always smile around you. For some guys, they like to maintain eye contact when they find you beautiful. However, some just give excuses for touching your body.
How do you know a man misses you?
First, you should know that if a man misses you, it also means he’s unable to stop thinking about you. When a man misses you, he may try to suppress that feeling at first. Although, later on, he’d start to send you texts, call you, or talk about you everywhere, including social media platforms. When a man misses you, he also is very fast at replying to you on social media platforms or normal messengers.
Will he miss me if I leave him alone?
When you’re into a relationship or when you’re always thinking about a guy, you may want to know if he’ll miss you if you leave. It is possible for a guy to miss you if you leave him alone, especially once he feels he made a mistake in your short term relationship or even the long term one. He may try his best to change what happened between you two. Overall, if he does or shows any of this, it implies he misses you, and he will definitely miss you if you leave him under those circumstances.
Does silence make him miss you?
You may be wondering if it’s a good idea to employ the silence technique to make him miss you. Yes, silence can make him miss you. In other words, when you maintain an attitude of silence, you’re making him unable to stop thinking of you. Please note that there’s a difference between someone being unable to stop thinking about you and obsessing over you. Obsession is a mental disorder, and it’s completely unhealthy.
When you are not in contact with him, even via social media or text, you need to show that you are doing something that will make him want your attention. For instance, you can be working to develop your skills in a particular field, or you may just be doing something that normally draws his attention.
How do I keep him wanting more?
If you want to keep your man wanting more, there are certain steps you need to take. These steps will ensure your man is unable to stop thinking about you and will always keep his craving for more of you. Please note that there’s a difference between a man being unable to stop thinking about you and obsessing over you. Obsession is a mental disorder, and it's not fun.
Start by keeping him engaged. When you have conversations with him, let them be things that interest him. Try and find things that you have in common to start off. Being yourself is important in these situations.