Questions To Ask Before Leaving Someone You Love
Updated February 04, 2019
Reviewer Avia James
Deciding when to end a relationship is a difficult decision to make. Sometimes, it can be clear that a relationship has run its course, yet people still cling on to their partner because they fear that they have invested too much time into the relationship to throw it away. Leaving someone you love can often feel like a 'waste.'
Looking at a relationship from this perspective is not healthy. Relationships are not 'projects' that gradually grow and improve over time. A lot of times, they become worse. The frequency of arguments increase, both partners become distant from one another, the needs of both partners go unfulfilled and so, they both seek gratification from other sources. This is a very common occurrence, and sometimes, it can be a good idea to weigh up the options.
Before you call it quits on your relationship, it can be useful to ask yourself some important questions to ensure you're making the right decision. There is no reason to jump into making a decision that is so very important. You want to take the time to consider everything carefully. This will give you a little bit of context and will allow you to feel comfortable going into your ultimate decision.
Is this relationship fulfilling me?
Our partners are there to enrich our lives. When in a relationship, both sides should be bringing equal happiness to the other. Simply being with someone because they're 'not a hassle' or because 'it's convenient' is not how a relationship should work. Everyone has needs which their partner should work towards fulfilling; sexual gratification, emotional support, and mental support. If your partner doesn't help address these issues, your needs are not being fulfilled. If this is the case, it's time to move on.
In order to determine whether or not your needs are being met properly, it is important to examine things from the right perspective. Think about what it is that you need out of a relationship. Try to determine if there is something that is lacking from your point of view. You should also think about whether or not you are being the fulfilling partner that you are meant to be.
If you can point to specific things that need work in your relationship, then it is time to start thinking about whether things can change. Can you work on yourself in order to fix your perceived flaws? Do you think that your partner would be willing to try harder to fulfill your needs? If so, then it may be worth having a conversation about improving your relationship instead of ending it.
Is there a future in this relationship?
It is important to know that your relationship is heading somewhere. Knowing that you have a future together is something many women claim as one of their favorite things about being in a relationship. As much as it pays to live in 'the now,' ambitious futures are important, as they provide us with the motivation we need to make it happen. If you struggle to see a future together, there probably shouldn't be one.
The point of a serious relationship is to try to grow as a couple. Is there an end goal in sight for your current relationship? Is the thought of marrying your current partner appealing to you? Would you like to have children with your current partner? If you can answer yes to any of those questions, then there is the possibility that you could have a future together.
Thinking about whether or not your goals align with the goals of your partner is going to be important here. For instance, if your partner really wants to become a parent but you have no interest in kids, then that may be the death knell for your relationship. You have to be honest about whether or not you want the same things out of life. If you do not, then it is possible that you may be holding your partner back from true happiness or vice versa.
Can leaving someone you love be a positive thing?
A lot of relationships are prolonged for more than they should be because one or both of the partners fear the alternative: being alone. If fear is the only factor keeping you in your relationship, it is time to leave. You are seeking the companionship of the person, not the person themselves, meaning you are trying to fill a void in your life which will always be there unless you address the underlying issue.
You should only be dating someone because you truly want to be with them. Being with someone due to it being better than having no one at all is simply not fair. This means that you may be keeping your partner from someone who is truly going to fulfill them. Think about this and make sure that you are in this relationship for the right reasons before deciding to continue.
Understand that being alone is not something that you should fear. Even if you do not have a romantic partner that you are attached to, you will never truly be alone. It is normal for people to seek out connections with other people. You need to learn to love yourself as much as possible too though, as this is going to make you a much better person and a better partner for any future lovers.
If you are considering leaving someone you love, then, you are doing it to better yourself. Initially, it may feel like you're throwing a lot away, but in due time you will come to realize that bettering yourself requires sacrifices. It is not a simple process to endure, by any means. It will cause heartache and grief. And even though you believe that you're making the right decision, it will hurt regardless.
The decision to leave a partner that you love is going to be one of the toughest things that you will ever have to do in your life. It can feel like a part of you is being taken away and this may be a scary time for you. If this is the right decision to make for both parties, then you need to find the strength to move forward. You might be freeing up your partner to find a new romantic interest that will help them to fulfill their life goals.
Even when you know it is the right decision to make, it can still be depressing. If you are still struggling to make a decision even with the above points in mind, seeking professional help for your situation will allow you to make a more informed choice. You may want to seek out online counselors to help you if you are feeling down about ending your relationship as well.
Turning to online counselors for help is a convenient way to process the pain that you are experiencing. They have the expertise that you need to help turn the situation around. Compassionate professionals will listen to what is going on and can provide important advice. Your situation can improve and life will feel happy again. Don't hesitate to get the help that you need if you are in pain.
You will be able to make contact with online counselors whenever it is convenient for you to do so. They will always be there when you are having a particularly bad day. The depression you feel after losing a relationship that meant a lot to you is difficult to process. It can be a bit easier when you have trusted allies on your side. Get help moving on today so that you can face tomorrow with full confidence.