Why Do I Miss My Ex So Much?

By Joanna Smykowski

Updated August 01, 2019

If you've recently gone through a breakup, then you might find yourself still missing your ex-girlfriend or your ex-boyfriend. Sometimes you might feel very pitiful for having these feelings. You shouldn't be so down on yourself since this is a perfectly natural way to feel. Losing a romantic partner is really difficult and you might miss that person very much at first.

Usually, these feelings are going to pass after a certain amount of time. There are times when they will linger, though. It might lead you to wonder whether or not breaking up with your ex was truly the right call to make. No one likes having doubts and this is certainly going to make you uneasy. There are tools to help you cope during this difficult time. This article will cover reasons people miss their exes, as well as possible solutions to move toward a happy, fulfilling life.

It Can Feel Overwhelming And Upsetting When You Miss Your Ex Too Much
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What Causes People to Miss Their Exes?

Going through a breakup can be one of the most emotionally painful experiences in the world. You're used to having your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend around you all the time. Once you've broken up, you're going to have to get used to being alone again. You might have friends and family to help fill that void, but it's normal to be lonely when you're used to having a romantic partner.

You might find yourself remembering the good aspects of your relationship and pining for them due to the loneliness that you're feeling. This can be difficult to go through and you might even feel a profound sense of sadness when reflecting on your relationship. There's a good chance that you loved your ex and feelings such as love don't just go away overnight. Some people will even consider whether or not they should try to get back together with their ex due to these feelings.

Is Getting Back with My Ex a Good Idea?

You'll often find that relationships end for a good reason. You see, there was something that caused you to break up in the first place. It's possible that you could attempt to rekindle your relationship. You just have to make sure that this is a good idea first.

If your ex was physically or emotionally abusive toward you, then you should try to stay strong. You might love him or her, but this doesn't mean that having a relationship together is going to be a healthy life choice. If there are issues that are minor that you can work through, then you could consider trying to get back together. It really is completely dependent on the situation that you're in and the type of person that your former partner is.

You might simply be feeling the symptoms of depression or anxiety. This is totally normal and people regularly have struggles with their mental health when they're placed in a stressful situation. Having a relationship end is going to make you sad and it's going to take strength to get through things. You might feel weak at first but you need to know that you aren't alone.

When you're struggling with a breakup and you find yourself getting depressed, it's important to have a support system in place. Turning to friends and family members to help is a great idea. It might also be helpful to rely on professionals who understand what you're going through. Facing depression and anxiety alone is never recommended and you're always going to have access to people who care about your well-being.

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It's Important to Know When to Move On

It is very important to be able to differentiate between missing your ex-partner as a person or missing their companionship. The healing process behind both can be entirely different. Feeling like you miss someone is normal and you shouldn't feel strange about having these feelings. You might miss your partner's personality, their little quirks, their scent, or any other thing that made you fall in love with them in the first place. These feelings of missing them will pass with time. It's important to distract yourself in the meantime -- what kinds of activities did you enjoy before your relationship? Try going for a hike with a friend, or enroll in a cooking class of your favorite cuisine. Do what makes you happy.

Some people simply miss having someone to spend time with. You might just be lonely and this is a natural response to a breakup as well. Do you find yourself wishing that you had someone to show you physical affection or to go out to dinner with you? If these are some of the first things you think of when thinking of your breakup, then you may be missing companionship as opposed to your ex specifically.

Whether you were in love or not, you were very fond of your ex for a period of time and having them taken away suddenly can be tough to come to terms with. Breakups aren't easy and you need to take the time to feel these emotions. Dealing with your emotions in a healthy way is very important. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship for a time so that you can move forward and become an even stronger person.

That being said, knowing when to move on is crucial. If you get stuck on this past relationship for too long, then it could prevent you from finding new things to make you happy. If you want to find someone new, then you need to be able to find the strength to leave the past behind. Online counselors can help you with this if you're having a tough time on your own.

Consider Taking Time out to Focus on Other Things

Humans are social creatures, and it is natural to want to have someone to spend time with. Not all meaningful relationships are sexual or even romantic, however. You might be very tempted to go find someone new right away to try to make yourself feel better after a breakup. Looking for a new romantic partner while you're emotionally vulnerable is not going to be ideal.

The time following a break-up might be the perfect opportunity to strengthen or renew relationships with family and friends. This can help you to fill your social needs without all of the hassle and hazards of emotional relationships. Spending time with people who love you will make you feel better. You might even be able to connect with a part of yourself that you haven't been paying much attention to lately.

You may also want to dedicate more time and effort to your work. Financial success is a crucial part of life and it might be good to focus on pursuing that promotion or getting a raise. Your life is about so much more than one romantic relationship. Try to explore things without thinking about romance for a while so that you'll be emotionally ready when the next romantic opportunity arises.

It Can Feel Overwhelming And Upsetting When You Miss Your Ex Too Much
We're Here To Talk - Get Started With Online Therapy Today

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Examining the Need for Companionship

Humans value connections with others. However, sometimes this desire for companionship can be indicative of a much deeper issue. It may suggest that your biggest concern is loneliness, and you are doing whatever you can to avoid it. If you are not happy in your own company, then it will be impossible for anyone else to make you happy.

If this is the case, you need to work on your internal happiness. Accept your flaws and realize that you're human like everyone else. Everyone gets lonely at some point, and it's completely fine to do so. Emotional unhappiness with oneself can stem from many issues, including being neglected during childhood, and it is important to address these issues with a professional therapist before they develop further. Simply filling the void in your life with another person's presence will only cause further emotional trauma down the line. When you care more about the relationship than yourself or the individual that you are in a relationship with, it can lead you to tolerate unhealthy relationships or relationships that aren't unhealthy but that are unfulfilling.

This kind of relationship often called "rebound relationships" may be fun for a while and may even distract you from the pain of your breakup. However, they are seldom successful and seldom long-lasting. In the end, they only lead to more breakups and more pain, if not for you then for the other person. After all, if you look at it, the concept of rebound relationships is based on the idea of using other people to make yourself feel better before moving on to something else.

It can be hard to tell when it is okay to move on from a devastating breakup. One approach is not deliberately to move on but to spend your time and energy doing other things that are important to you. As long as you are still getting out of the house, the opportunity for a fresh start to a new relationship will always be there.

Online Therapy Can Help You

If you're currently having a tough time picking up the pieces after a breakup, then you might want to sign up for online therapy. BetterHelp is one of the best sources of online therapy and you can be matched with a licensed therapist today. They know what it's like to go through heartbreaking situations and they can teach you how to cope. You'll be able to feel stronger over time so that you can make the best decisions for yourself.

When you have online therapists as your allies, it makes it so much easier to get back to feeling happy again. You might not be smiling much right now but things can change. You'll be able to talk to online therapists at any time and they'll always be ready to help you. It's convenient and you'll be able to get this therapy without having to leave your house. If you're interested in getting help, then you should know that BetterHelp has a great record of success. There are many people who have experienced similar hardships after breaking up with their romantic partners. Take a look at a few counselor reviews to see just how helpful they can be.

Counselor Reviews

"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."


"I've never been to therapy and so was really hesitant about opening up at first. But Whitney has just been so great! I signed up for Better Help because I was going through a breakup with problems I knew stemmed from problems with myself. I knew I felt unhappy in my relationship but could not for certain say why. Therapy with Whitney has been so great in helping me become more self aware and reflective. And, of course, the break up was hard at first. But every day, with Whitney, I was able to feel a little bit better than the day before."


You Will Love Again

It might sound ridiculous or even perhaps impossible now, but the end of your last relationship is not the end of romantic love in your life. You might need to take a break to heal yourself emotionally for a certain period of time. Even so, you will be able to find love again. Love is one of the most beautiful parts of life and you can't let one instance of heartbreak keep you from loving once more.

As you give yourself time to grieve, space to heal and enjoy your hobbies--you'll find someone that matches up with your sensibilities at some point. People learn important lessons from the relationships that don't work out. You might miss your ex now but those feelings will fade in time. The true love of your life might be just around the corner. Use this time to get in touch with yourself. A better understanding of why you want to be in a relationship and what a healthy relationship looks like can also help you to develop happier, healthier, and longer lasting relationships in the future.


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