Why Do I Miss My Ex So Much?

By Robert Porter

Updated March 11, 2020

Reviewer Lauren Fawley

If you've recently gone through a breakup, then you might find yourself still missing your ex-girlfriend or your ex-boyfriend. Sometimes you might feel very pitiful for having these feelings. You shouldn't be so down on yourself since this is a perfectly natural way to feel. Losing a romantic partner is really difficult and you might miss that person very much at first.

Usually, these feelings are going to pass after a certain amount of time. There are times when they will linger, though. It might lead you to wonder whether or not breaking up with your ex was truly the right call to make. No one likes having doubts and this is certainly going to make you uneasy. There are tools to help you cope during this difficult time. This article will cover reasons people miss their exes, as well as possible solutions to move toward a happy, fulfilling life.

It Can Feel Overwhelming And Upsetting When You Miss Your Ex Too Much
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What Causes People to Miss Their Exes?

Going through a breakup can be one of the most emotionally painful experiences in the world. You're used to having your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend around you all the time. Once you've broken up, you're going to have to get used to being alone again. You might have friends and family to help fill that void, but it's normal to be lonely when you're used to having a romantic partner.

You might find yourself remembering the good aspects of your relationship and pining for them due to the loneliness that you're feeling. This can be difficult to go through and you might even feel a profound sense of sadness when reflecting on your relationship. There's a good chance that you loved your ex and feelings such as love don't just go away overnight. Some people will even consider whether or not they should try to get back together with their ex due to these feelings.

Is Getting Back with My Ex a Good Idea?

You'll often find that relationships end for a good reason. You see, there was something that caused you to break up in the first place. It's possible that you could attempt to rekindle your relationship. You just have to make sure that this is a good idea first.

If your ex was physically or emotionally abusive toward you, then you should try to stay strong. You might love him or her, but this doesn't mean that having a relationship together is going to be a healthy life choice. If there are issues that are minor that you can work through, then you could consider trying to get back together. It really is completely dependent on the situation that you're in and the type of person that your former partner is.

You might simply be feeling the symptoms of depression or anxiety. This is totally normal and people regularly have struggles with their mental health when they're placed in a stressful situation. Having a relationship end is going to make you sad and it's going to take strength to get through things. You might feel weak at first but you need to know that you aren't alone.

When you're struggling with a breakup and you find yourself getting depressed, it's important to have a support system in place. Turning to friends and family members to help is a great idea. It might also be helpful to rely on professionals who understand what you're going through. Facing depression and anxiety alone is never recommended and you're always going to have access to people who care about your well-being.

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It's Important to Know When to Move On

It is very important to be able to differentiate between missing your ex-partner as a person or missing their companionship. The healing process behind both can be entirely different. Feeling like you miss someone is normal and you shouldn't feel strange about having these feelings. You might miss your partner's personality, their little quirks, their scent, or any other thing that made you fall in love with them in the first place. These feelings of missing them will pass with time. It's important to distract yourself in the meantime -- what kinds of activities did you enjoy before your relationship? Try going for a hike with a friend, or enroll in a cooking class of your favorite cuisine. Do what makes you happy.

Some people simply miss having someone to spend time with. You might just be lonely and this is a natural response to a breakup as well. Do you find yourself wishing that you had someone to show you physical affection or to go out to dinner with you? If these are some of the first things you think of when thinking of your breakup, then you may be missing companionship as opposed to your ex specifically.

Whether you were in love or not, you were very fond of your ex for a period of time and having them taken away suddenly can be tough to come to terms with. Breakups aren't easy and you need to take the time to feel these emotions. Dealing with your emotions in a healthy way is very important. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship for a time so that you can move forward and become an even stronger person.

That being said, knowing when to move on is crucial. If you get stuck on this past relationship for too long, then it could prevent you from finding new things to make you happy. If you want to find someone new, then you need to be able to find the strength to leave the past behind. Online counselors can help you with this if you're having a tough time on your own.

Consider Taking Time out to Focus on Other Things

Humans are social creatures, and it is natural to want to have someone to spend time with. Not all meaningful relationships are sexual or even romantic, however. You might be very tempted to go find someone new right away to try to make yourself feel better after a breakup. Looking for a new romantic partner while you're emotionally vulnerable is not going to be ideal.

The time following a break-up might be the perfect opportunity to strengthen or renew relationships with family and friends. This can help you to fill your social needs without all of the hassle and hazards of emotional relationships. Spending time with people who love you will make you feel better. You might even be able to connect with a part of yourself that you haven't been paying much attention to lately.

You may also want to dedicate more time and effort to your work. Financial success is a crucial part of life and it might be good to focus on pursuing that promotion or getting a raise. Your life is about so much more than one romantic relationship. Try to explore things without thinking about romance for a while so that you'll be emotionally ready when the next romantic opportunity arises.

It Can Feel Overwhelming And Upsetting When You Miss Your Ex Too Much
We're Here To Talk - Get Started With Online Therapy Today

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Examining the Need for Companionship

Humans value connections with others. However, sometimes this desire for companionship can be indicative of a much deeper issue. It may suggest that your biggest concern is loneliness, and you are doing whatever you can to avoid it. If you are not happy in your own company, then it will be impossible for anyone else to make you happy.

If this is the case, you need to work on your internal happiness. Accept your flaws and realize that you're human like everyone else. Everyone gets lonely at some point, and it's completely fine to do so. Emotional unhappiness with oneself can stem from many issues, including being neglected during childhood, and it is important to address these issues with a professional therapist before they develop further. Simply filling the void in your life with another person's presence will only cause further emotional trauma down the line. When you care more about the relationship than yourself or the individual that you are in a relationship with, it can lead you to tolerate unhealthy relationships or relationships that aren't unhealthy but that are unfulfilling.

This kind of relationship often called "rebound relationships" may be fun for a while and may even distract you from the pain of your breakup. However, they are seldom successful and seldom long-lasting. In the end, they only lead to more breakups and more pain, if not for you then for the other person. After all, if you look at it, the concept of rebound relationships is based on the idea of using other people to make yourself feel better before moving on to something else.

It can be hard to tell when it is okay to move on from a devastating breakup. One approach is not deliberately to move on but to spend your time and energy doing other things that are important to you. As long as you are still getting out of the house, the opportunity for a fresh start to a new relationship will always be there.

Online Therapy Can Help You

If you're currently having a tough time picking up the pieces after a breakup, then you might want to sign up for online therapy. BetterHelp is one of the best sources of online therapy and you can be matched with a licensed therapist today. They know what it's like to go through heartbreaking situations and they can teach you how to cope. You'll be able to feel stronger over time so that you can make the best decisions for yourself.

When you have online therapists as your allies, it makes it so much easier to get back to feeling happy again. You might not be smiling much right now but things can change. You'll be able to talk to online therapists at any time and they'll always be ready to help you. It's convenient and you'll be able to get this therapy without having to leave your house. If you're interested in getting help, then you should know that BetterHelp has a great record of success. There are many people who have experienced similar hardships after breaking up with their romantic partners. Take a look at a few counselor reviews to see just how helpful they can be.

Counselor Reviews

"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."


"I've never been to therapy and so was really hesitant about opening up at first. But Whitney has just been so great! I signed up for Better Help because I was going through a breakup with problems I knew stemmed from problems with myself. I knew I felt unhappy in my relationship but could not for certain say why. Therapy with Whitney has been so great in helping me become more self aware and reflective. And, of course, the break up was hard at first. But every day, with Whitney, I was able to feel a little bit better than the day before."

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ's)

Is it normal to miss your ex after 2 years?

Even though time has gone by, it's completely normal to miss someone that you were with romantically. It doesn't matter that it's two years later; the history is still there, and you're bound to think about them. You have many memories with this person, so of course, you'll miss certain things about them. The question is, what do you want to do with those feelings? Evaluate the pros and cons of reaching out to them. You might decide to let it go. That's something you can ponder on yourself, talk about with loved ones, or work out in therapy.

Do exes come back?

You may find yourself checking your phone, waiting for text messages from your ex. You haven't heard from them in the longest time, yet they're still on your mind. Sometimes, you break up with someone and never see them again. Other times, you might rekindle the romance. It's hard to tell what will happen. The best thing you can do is work on yourself in therapy and keep living your life. Don't count on your ex coming back because you never know what life will bring you. You might meet the love of your life tomorrow, and you don't want to be distracted by a past relationship when that happens. So, can your ex come back? The answer is maybe, but don't count on it.

How do you know if your ex is still in love with you?

You can't know what someone is thinking, but you can tell what someone feels by their actions. If your ex is still in love with you, they'll be reaching out to you and trying to get your attention. Whatever you do, don't engage in an emotional conversation with your ex through text messaging. If there were a texting bible, the first page and the exact part that's relevant here would read "don't text your ex. Wait to hear from them." If your ex wants to talk to you, they will reach out. They will want to have contact with you and will be making an effort to see you. The more pertinent question is, are you still in love with them? And what do you want to do about it? The most important aspect of a relationship is honest communication, so if you still have feelings for your ex and think that there's a chance that you'll get back together, have a frank discussion about it. See where you stand and how they feel, then go from there.

How do I stop missing my ex?

You can't stop yourself from feeling those pangs of nostalgia, but you can take care of yourself and enrich your life with things outside of your ex. That could mean getting out there and meeting other people, or it could mean distracting yourself by doing a hobby that you love. You can't stop yourself from feeling sad, but you can take actions that'll enrich your life and make you feel better.

Can exes fall back in love?

Anything is possible when it comes to love, so if you fall out of love with someone and start to see them differently, it might not mean that it'll stay that way forever. You might need a break from this person due to your struggles or life circumstances, and later on, you might rekindle. You may date a person, not see each other for years, and reconnect then. But once again, it's about you and what's both necessary and healthy for your life. Maybe, your ex will come back, or perhaps they won't, but what can you do to make yourself happy?

What does missing your ex mean?

Missing your ex is about feeling sad that someone you love isn't around or isn't connected to you in the same way anymore. It doesn't mean anything other than the fact that you miss something and someone that was important to you and had a meaningful impact on your life. It's normal and okay to miss your ex, and it doesn't say anything bad about you.

How do you get over someone?

Getting over someone takes time. You can't force yourself to get over someone. You have to feel your feelings, talk to your friends and loved ones, and cope in a way that's healthy for you. That could be anything from writing bad poetry to discussing this issue in therapy.

Do exes miss you?

You can't tell what someone else is feeling, but it's safe to say that your ex thinks of you. What your ex does about remains to be seen. But once you've had a relationship with someone, there are things that you will miss about them if you break up. It's likely that your ex misses you as you miss them, but just because you miss someone, it doesn't mean you should get back together. You were with them for a reason, but you also broke up with them for a reason, so if you think about getting back together with your ex, look at that reason and see if it might still present a challenge.

What percentage of exes get back together?

According to new research, 50% of couples break up and get back together, so you never know. You could get back together with your ex. It's a 50/50 chance!

How can you tell if your ex misses you?

If your ex misses you, then they'll probably either let you know directly or do things that are subtle such as liking your social media posts or talking to your friends and asking how you are. It depends on the person and if they're shy, extroverted, and either likely or unlikely to express emotions.

How do I win back my ex?

It depends on the context of the breakup. If you broke up with your ex, you could have an honest conversation about why you broke up with them, what you regret, and what you want to do to make the relationship work. If your ex broke up with you, it's best to move on. This is especially the case if your ex is not the one reaching out or putting in the effort to talk. Unless you feel like there's a glimmer of hope in the relationship, if someone breaks up with you, the best thing you can do is move forward in your life and be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

You Will Love Again

It might sound ridiculous or even perhaps impossible now, but the end of your last relationship is not the end of romantic love in your life. You might need to take a break to heal yourself emotionally for a certain period of time. Even so, you will be able to find love again. Love is one of the most beautiful parts of life and you can't let one instance of heartbreak keep you from loving once more.

As you give yourself time to grieve, space to heal and enjoy your hobbies--you'll find someone that matches up with your sensibilities at some point. People learn important lessons from the relationships that don't work out. You might miss your ex now but those feelings will fade in time. The true love of your life might be just around the corner. Use this time to get in touch with yourself. A better understanding of why you want to be in a relationship and what a healthy relationship looks like can also help you to develop happier, healthier, and longer lasting relationships in the future.


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