How Can I Move On When I’m Still In Love With My Ex?
Updated December 10, 2018
Reviewer Laura Angers
If you find yourself thinking, "I'm still in love with my ex," with increasing frequency these days, you might be wondering how long it will take to finally get over him or her. If you just broke up, it makes sense that you're missing your ex at first, but if it's been a while, you could be getting impatient with yourself for still having these feelings.
When you're in love with someone, moving on isn't easy. However, there are things that you can do to make the process go more smoothly.
How Can I Move on When I'm Still in Love with My Ex?
- Get Closure and Set Up Boundaries
One of the first things you should do after a breakup is get closure. You should know why your relationship ended and find a way to accept it.
To help with the process of getting over your ex, it's important to set clear boundaries. If your relationship ended badly, that might not be hard to do but if you're still friendly or there are kids involved it can be harder.
Some boundaries you can set include:
- Appropriate reasons and ways to get in touch
- If you still hang out or talk, you can set boundaries around what you talk about (no flirting)
- You can also set boundaries around your physical closeness/no hugs or kisses/etc.
- Seek Out Counseling.
You could still be in love with your ex for a wide variety of reasons.
A counselor, either in-person or through an online counseling service like BetterHelp, can help you heal and move on after a breakup. It can also feel great having someone impartial and understanding to talk to who doesn't know you personally.
Whether your relationship just ended, or it's been a while, a counselor can assist you in seeing how your thoughts and actions keep you stuck in your current situation. A counselor can also help you by giving you coping techniques to try if you're feeling lonely or thinking about your ex a lot.
- Go Out on Dates
It might take a little while before you're ready or even interested in dating anyone again. On the other hand, you might be thinking that a rebound is just what you need. Either way, it's best to wait until you feel ready and not get out there because other people say you should.
Getting back out there after ending a relationship can totally be scary, but you should push yourself to do it when you feel ready. After a breakup it's important to get out, have fun, and meet new people. Don't worry if the first date you go on doesn't go well. Bad date stories are half the fun!
The first person you meet probably won't be right for you, so take this as a time of self-discovery where you decide what you will want out of your next relationship.
If your ex is always on your mind or hanging around, it can really be hard to get over them. If you're lonely and they've already moved on, it can be even more torturous being the one that's still hung up on your relationship.
The best thing to do is seek out counseling if you're having emotional problems after your breakup. Getting help doesn't mean you're weak at all. Knowing what you need and asking for it is in fact a brave thing to do. Some other ways that you can move on if you're not over your ex yet are by getting closure, setting boundaries, and eventually starting to date again.