How To Talk To Your Boyfriend To Improve The Relationship

You’ve probably heard that practicing good communication can be one of the keys to a happy relationship, but that’s often easier said than done. In general, it can be important to be honest, practice active listening, consider your partner’s nonverbal communication during an in-person conversation, and avoid assuming you know what your partner is thinking. Couples therapy can be another way to improve your communication with your significant other and help you hit the re-do button when things go awry in a serious relationship. You may work with a couple's therapist in your local area or match with one through an online therapy platform.

Note: Although this article refers to talking to your boyfriend, the information here can apply to people of all genders.

What is communication?

Communication generally refers to the act of sending or receiving information, but in a relationship, we may need to navigate the best methods to get that information across and help our partners feel heard. Without these skills, it can be possible to communicate often and still not be satisfied with your relationship. 

Good communication may not simply refer to the frequency of communication, but also to several other factors, such as active listening, bridging gaps in communication, and understanding how best to relay your feelings to your partner. It may not be the spiciest thing, but effective, healthy communication is often the key to healthy relationships.

As you continue reading, we’ll provide more details about what each of these tips looks like and how to make them work.

The importance of improving your communication

Studies have found that good communication can be an indicator of a couple’s happiness. Still, many couples have difficulty in this area. According to one poll of mental health professionals, poor communication tends to be a leading cause of couples splitting up. 

It can be a common misconception that you must have a similar communication style to your partner for your relationship to succeed. While it may be more challenging to learn a new way of communication, it doesn’t have to preclude you from being able to work on issues with your partner. If this is the case in your relationship, both you and your partner might need to accommodate each other. This could mean understanding that their style might be different, but it isn’t necessarily wrong, and vice versa. 

Furthermore, the way you give love might not be the way you want to receive love. If you don’t think you and your partner have good communication skills, it may not signal the end of your relationship. Couples may improve the happiness of their relationships by learning better communication skills in therapy. 

How to talk to your partner about anything

It may be important to keep in mind that your partner’s communication style, like your own, was likely developed before the two of you met. This could help you from getting overly upset when you are having a conversation with your partner, and it doesn’t go the way you thought it would. 

Communication in a relationship: Listen and express yourself 

We usually learn how to communicate and express love based on our upbringing, core values, and behaviors modeled for us, as well as through our own personal life experiences. If you two are not on the same page, it doesn’t necessarily mean that one communication style is better than the other. Having this difference can make you feel like it’s not safe to open up to your partner, but keeping the lines of communication open can ensure that you’re not walking around with built-up emotions and frustrations that don’t get resolved. 

While everyone can be different, some basic rules may apply to maintaining healthy communication in a romantic relationship. Consider keeping these in mind when you are having a conversation with your partner.

Be honest with your emotions and feelings

The number-one tip for improving communication within your relationship is generally to be honest with your partner. Your partner may be the person you can be completely open with. While it may not always be easy to be vulnerable and straightforward, this may be the only way to ensure your relationship is one you can feel safe in. 

Keep in mind that arguments may turn out much worse if one partner is withholding information. You might find that having a small conflict upfront about a disagreement can be much easier to resolve than waiting for the conflict to grow, either through a lie or an omission. It can be important to be truthful in a conversation with your partner, especially if you expect the same.

Listen without worrying about your turn

Good communication may not just be about the things you say; it can also be about being an active listener. Consider sincerely listening when your partner is talking to you. Rather than thinking about what you are going to say next, you might focus on their part of the conversation and think about what they’re saying to you. You might miss a lot of the conversation if you are preparing for a response before they’ve had the chance to get their point across. Try to ask your boyfriend open-ended questions, and actively listen to what he has to say.

Pay attention to nonverbal communication 

People can communicate in ways other than words. In fact, a large part of communication tends to be nonverbal. Much can be learned by paying attention to people’s eyes, posture, and gestures. If your partner is struggling to say something to you, or you feel like you’re misunderstanding them, try to look at their body language. It may help you decipher the message. 

How to talk to your boyfriend: Understand their body language

Also, you can pay attention to your partner’s body language when you are talking to them. This can help you recognize how they’re receiving your messages. For example, if they are shifting around and not making eye contact, that might be a sign that they’re uncomfortable with the topic at hand, or even one word you’ve used that may rub them the wrong way. It can take some time to learn these nuances, but if you pay attention, you may be able to pick up on what your partner might not be communicating verbally. 

Nonverbal communication can refer to a person’s expressions and actions in real life. When you are talking to your partner, whether it is about a serious matter or not, try giving them all your attention. For example, you might want to avoid checking your phone or starting an involved activity while the two of you are talking. Consider whether other tasks can wait until the conversation has ended.

Don’t assume your partner agrees with you

When you’ve known someone for a long time, you may start to feel like you can read their mind. This can become a dangerous habit, as it may lead you to make assumptions that aren’t necessarily accurate. When you think you already know how the other person feels, you often don’t feel the need to communicate with them. This mindset can make people feel unheard and create more problems in the relationship. If a decision is important, you may need to have a conversation with your partner about it, even if you think you know how they will respond.

Communicate on a regular basis

In addition to the suggestions above, you might want to consider having one weekly or bi-weekly check-in or conversation with your partner to talk about the highs, lows, and concerns that each of you is having. This doesn’t have to be anything formal, but something that can be a fun, lighthearted activity to do together over dinner or while relaxing on the couch at night. You can even use conversation starters to explore fun conversations. Making conversation with your partner a regular event can make it easier to discuss difficult topics as they arise and help you and your partner better understand each other’s communication styles. 

Questions to deepen your connection

Sometimes, starting a conversation with your boyfriend can be challenging. It may be helpful to have some questions on hand to ask when you’re not sure what to talk about. 

Firsts and relationship milestones

When celebrating milestones such as anniversaries and other special days, you may want to ask romantic questions about memories you’ve made together. Talking about the early days of your relationship can be fun and might re-ignite some of the butterflies you felt when you first met. Here are some related questions to consider:

• What was your first impression of me (besides physical appearance)?
• Was it love at first sight for you?
• What’s a memorable experience from when we first started dating?
• What’s your favorite thing about me?

Fun and flirty conversation starters

There may be times when you want to keep the conversation fun or even a bit flirty, such as during a weekday date night. Here are some questions to ask to lighten the mood: 

• What’s your favorite guilty pleasure?
• Can you show me a hidden talent of yours?
• What’s your favorite song?
• Who’s your favorite pop culture icon?
• Name one movie you wish you’d never seen.
• Dinner party or movie night?

Values and future alignment

In every serious relationship, there comes a time when you need to have important conversations about your future together as a couple. Timing can be everything for these types of discussions, but knowing what to ask can also be crucial. 

• Define success. What does being successful look like for you?
• Which family member has been most influential for you?
• Can you tell me about how you’ll be a role model to your children?
• Do you prefer cooking or washing dishes? How will we split the chores if we move in together?

Still struggling to communicate, listen, and understand in your relationship?

Knowing the things to talk about with your boyfriend and learning effective communication skills may be the best thing you can do to improve your relationship. When you find communication lagging between you and your partner, a couples therapist may be able to help you build better strategies together. You might consider working with an individual therapist as well to address how your past has impacted the way you communicate and learn how to improve upon that. If having a healthy conversation with your partner is a priority, this may be something you want to seek out help for.

Benefits of online therapy in helping you learn how to talk to your boyfriend

There can be many potential barriers to seeking support in person. Often, couples have a difficult time speaking to a stranger about the intimate details of their relationship. Online therapy could make you feel more at ease while discussing these sensitive topics. This form of therapy can also be more convenient since you can meet with your therapist from the comfort of your home at a time that fits both of your schedules.

Effectiveness of online therapy for relationship communication challenges

A recent qualitative study found that many couples found videoconferencing to be beneficial in granting them a sense of “control and comfort” during sessions. This study also suggested that online therapy could create a better sense of therapeutic alliance, which can be an important predictor of successful therapy.