I Hate My Boyfriend – Should We Break Up If I Keep Thinking "I Hate My Boyfriend"?

It Went from Hot to Not, But is it Hate?

You might've also noticed that you don't have sex the way you used to. It all seems to have settled into a routine, with very little variation or spontaneity. It's common for the sex life of a person to begin tapering off after a few months. Once the passion fades, a stronger, more intimate bond begins to form.

Sometimes you may feel like saying "I hate my boyfriend," but oddly, you're beginning to enjoy nights when the two of you just lie in bed and talk about your day with each other. You might even think, "I might miss him if I left him." People get into and stay in relationships for various reasons. If you're feeling conflicted it can help to identify what your "relationship ingredients" are. Then you can determine if you are willing to compromise with your partner if you determine certain ingredients are missing.

What are Your Relationship Ingredients with Your Boyfriend?

Your relationship ingredients may not include the ingredients listed below and you may include a different variety of ingredients that would make your relationship as a couple "work."

Some example relationship ingredients are:

• Happiness
• Respect
• Value
• Attraction
• Security
• Open Communication
• Freedom to have social friends and relationships outside of your relationship

"I Hate My Boyfriend, so I Say Hurtful Things"

Recently, have there been many changes in the way you argue? Does he always seem to find something to say that's meaner and that stings more painfully with each argument? Arguments are a natural byproduct of a relationship. No two people see completely eye-to-eye on everything and if they did, they would probably become bored with each other quickly. Ask yourself if he is an abuser who escalates negative emotions even when things are going well, or if he might be retaliating to your own sharp remarks that you say in the heat of the moment.

Do My Boyfriend and I Fight Fair?

When a conflict arises within your relationship, do you both come to a mutual resolution for the conflict, does it remain unresolved for various reasons, or does the conflict present at a later date during another disagreement because it remained unresolved from a prior conflict? There are barriers that interfere with effective conflict resolution, most often presenting when one has difficulty managing their emotions, which often cloud their judgment and ability to properly communicate with another person.

Here are a few examples to help you identify if you or your partner display unfairness when attempting to resolve conflicts that present in the relationship. These include:

• The inability to listen to the other, the pattern of over-talking the other person.
• Yelling or shouting to gain control over the conversation or person.
• Displaced frustration or anger, inability to identify if you are upset with your partner, the topic at hand, or something else that is unrelated.
• Use of degrading language and intimidation (you shouldn't feel fearful of expressing yourself).
• The inability to be accountable for your part in the conflict, always blaming the other.
• The inability to express your thoughts or feelings with words.
• Often getting off the topic at hand, bringing up "other problems" in the relationship rather than focusing on the initial conflict or topic of discussion.
• Continuing to argue with the other once you recognize that things are getting "heated" rather than take a "time-out."
• Refusing to honor the "time-out" request, attempting to resolve the conflict when your partner needs a break.
• Not trying to gain an understanding of your partner's perspective.
• Not trying or refuse to compromise to come to a resolution.

Is The Problem How My Boyfriend and I Communicate?

Now that we have noted quite a few common relationship conflicts experienced by couples, let's further explore why they often don't get addressed in the relationship, which eventually will intensify the conflicts and the inability to effectively communicate. When communicating with others it is very important to know what your primary style of communication is. Three common communication styles are: Passive, Assertive, and Aggressive.