My Boyfriend Cheated On Me
If you suspect your partner will cheat, is cheating, or was cheating in the past, it's normal to feel angry, sad, as well as other complicated emotions. You can recover from cheating with the help of an online therapist. Continue reading to learn valuable coping skills and discover resources to move forward from pain.
Why Did My Partner Cheat?
"My boyfriend cheated on me." You are not alone. Continue reading to learn healthy ways to move on.
You may be asking yourself, "Why did my boyfriend cheat on me?" or even, "is he cheating?" You're angry, hurt, and feel betrayed. This guy was supposed to love you and honor your commitments. He's broken your trust and made you question everything about your relationship. When you have that sinking gut feeling and eventually find out that your partner cheated, many questions come into play. And you're allowed to feel all of your feelings. There is no wrong way to feel in this situation, even if you’re feeling guilty, like you “drove him to this.” You also probably feel angry and resentful that “men cheat so much.” But the truth is, people cheat and fall into their cheating ways for so many reasons, the most common reason being a lack of love, or a feeling of anger and neglect.
You may feel overwhelmed or in a state of shock that this is even happening. That's understandable, and if you can't seem to grasp the fact that your guy was cheating, you don't have to push yourself to feel differently than you feel right now. Your emotions are probably all over the place. One thing you can do is talk to your friends or family. Confide in a close friend or loved one and tell them how you're feeling. You're allowed to be angry, sad, frustrated, or confused, and good friends will understand.
Maybe you believed that your relationship was perfect, and this infidelity which you discovered in his phone or heard through the grapevine comes as a complete surprise to you. Did you suspect something was wrong, but couldn’t put your finger on it? Whatever the case may be, you know the truth, and now it's time to handle your emotions.
How can you cope? While friends and family have great insight, another way you can handle your complex emotions is through therapy. Whether you see an individual therapist or go to couple’s counselling or both, therapy can help you process your feelings about cheating, and your sex life. You can get through this time with the support of a mental health professional who cares. Online counseling is an excellent place to start working through these feelings and talking about how the affair impacted your life. If you're in couples counseling, the therapist can help you communicate your emotions to your boyfriend in a way that he can hear them. Therapy will help you confront your pain, get support, and move forward.
Relationships are an integral part of our lives. We all want to be loved, and when you've found a partner who you adore, you want to keep that connection healthy. The counselors at BetterHelp can support you through phone or computer as you navigate issues that come up in your romantic relationship. They've worked with many people in your shoes and helped them heal from the wounds of infidelity. Maybe you're considering leaving your boyfriend, but you're unsure. Perhaps you want to hash out your problems because you love him and want to stay together. It's okay not to know, and you will figure it out in online counseling.
The counselors at BetterHelp want you to find real, lasting love. Maybe you and your boyfriend have a chance to make this relationship work, but you don't know until you healthily process everything. You might be working on your problems in individual therapy, or you may be talking about cheating with your boyfriend and a couples counselor. These are both great options. You deserve to have someone who cares about you and can be honest about your feelings. Your online therapist at BetterHelp will support you through phone or computer in navigating through the emotions you're feeling, and you will make the right decision as to how to handle your boyfriend's indiscretion. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors.
Your Feelings Are Valid
Maybe you had suspicions of his unfaithfulness, or perhaps you were completely blindsided by it. It could be that he confessed to you first, or maybe your friends saw him out one night. No matter how it happened, you felt devastated after he cheated on you. It was like a punch in the gut. More than likely, you got angry, sad, or determined, or all of these emotions occurred at once. When you find out that your trust has been shattered there is no wrong way to feel. You might feel angry, sad, or shocked. These are all understandable emotions given the circumstances.
But what do you do next? It's tempting to try to "move on" after he begs for forgiveness, but that's easier said than done. Recovering from infidelity in a relationship takes a lot of hard work - and usually, needs the support of a professional counselor to walk both you and your partner through the ruins of your relationship and to help you rebuild it if you choose.
If you're struggling to get over an incident of cheating in your life, here are some things to think through that may help you effectively process the occurrence and move on. Writing your answers out can be extremely helpful for processing your feelings.
- Did you fully trust your partner before the cheating incident?
- Does your partner seem genuinely sorry, or were they sorrier that they got caught?
- Is your partner willing to do hard work to repair the relationship, or do they want to move on as quickly as possible without dealing with the fallout?
- Are unresolved feelings from past infidelity affecting the level of trust in your current relationship?
- What would it take for you to trust your partner again fully?
- What makes you want to repair and continue this relationship?
- If your best friend came to you with a similar situation, what advice would you give them? Are you following your advice?
- Does your partner seem angry or irritated at you for not trusting them after this incident?
- Are they willing to give you the support or space you need to address your emotions?
Professional Help Is Available Online
If you have experienced infidelity, you could greatly benefit from counseling. Whether you're trying to salvage your relationship, or you need to recover after your relationship ended, an unresolved incident of cheating can have severe consequences for the health of your relationships even if you leave your unfaithful partner. BetterHelp.com has experienced, licensed counselors available that can help you rebuild your capacity to trust an intimate partner. Their services are affordable and offered in a convenient online format. You deserve to be happy, and your happiness shouldn't have to suffer based on someone else's poor decisions. Seek help and start to put your life back together. If you prefer traditional, face-to-face therapy, this is also a great resource for coping with, processing, and moving forward in life.
Feelings Of Loss
The fact that your boyfriend cheated on you represents a loss of your life. Whether the relationship can be repaired or not, you have lost the connection you once had. You may go through periods of intense sadness, anger, and guilt. You may be obsessed with understanding why this happened to you. You might convince yourself to give your boyfriend another chance on certain conditions. It's common to go through all the stages of grief.
It can be a very emotional time in your life. However, you might feel numb and wonder what's wrong with you if you don't cry. Either way, it's essential to identify your feelings and come to terms with them. If you're speaking to a therapist about these feelings, you have the opportunity to express them to someone who won't judge you. This counselor can guide you in rethinking your situation now that you have the new information that your boyfriend has cheated. With unique thought patterns in place, the feelings can become more manageable.
Signs Of Depression And Anxiety
After you've lost trust in your boyfriend, your grief can turn into depression. Perhaps you're constantly thinking and aren't taking care of yourself as you once did. Maybe you're spending a lot of time alone, isolated from family or friends. Your identity might have been so wrapped up in the relationship that you no longer know who you are or what purpose there is in your life. If you get stuck in thoughts that your life as you knew it is over, depression can eventually follow. Look out for these signs:
- Feelings of sadness
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
- Sleeping too much or too little
- Eating too much or too little
- Unexplained aches
- Feeling anxious or irritable
- Not able to concentrate as usual
- Having little or no energy
- Losing interest in favorite activities
Anxiety can rear its head, especially if you've been in a relationship for a long time. You may feel anxiety intensely if your housing situation has changed, or you were dependent on their income to make ends meet. You might feel anxiety for no other reason than that you're in the new and uncomfortable territory on a path you did not choose. A therapist can teach you techniques for dealing with anxiety.
Your boyfriend has dealt a blow to your sense of self-worth. You may wonder if you're loveable at all. If his actions made you feel like you're not attractive enough, smart enough, or not good enough, you can benefit from spending some time building your self-esteem.
An online counselor can help you evaluate your thoughts and understand how your boyfriend's infidelity compromised your sense of self-worth. They may suggest that you think of your positive qualities. They might give you homework to do things that bring out the best in you and increase your self-esteem. Having good self-esteem can affect everything from your career to your family relationships. Improving it is an excellent way to move on with a more satisfying life or to stay with a new sense of independence.
Anger is a natural reaction to being cheated on by your partner. You can be the most loving, caring, attractive, and exciting person in the world, but if your boyfriend has issues of his own, he may still cheat. Allow yourself to feel your anger without telling yourself that it's wrong. Feelings of anger don't always show up right away. You may feel hurt, rejected, or sad at first. You may never permit yourself to feel your anger if you learned to fear or avoid that emotion as a child. The best thing you can do if you have unresolved feelings of anger is to get into therapy. It isn't helpful to deny, but your counselor can help you find appropriate ways to deal with it and move on.
Avoiding Unhealthy Relationships
What so often happens when we end a relationship with someone who is cheating or has cheated on us is that we quickly fall into a similar relationship. Repeatedly being cheated on is one of the most common signs of an unhealthy behavioral pattern in your life. Learning about what contributed to your boyfriend cheating, the infidelity, and other problems in your relationship can help you avoid having a series of boyfriends who do the same to you.
That means dealing with the issues that cause you to be attracted to these kinds of people. It also means looking for any warning sign or knowing the red flags to look for when you get involved with someone new. This incident was painful enough, and you probably don't want something like this to happen to you again. A counselor can help you explore your background and issues so that you become better at choosing partners.
Making A Plan
If you have a boyfriend cheating on you, this is a sign something in the relationship was broken. You may decide to stay with your boyfriend and forge a new relationship. That road can be a difficult one. Both people have to participate in the healing and rebuilding process of the relationship. A therapist can help you with this process fairly and reasonably. If you don't deal with the infidelity in a way that works for both of you, the problem is bound to resurface, whether in another episode of cheating or the gradual disintegration of your relationship.
Have you been cheated on or are currently struggling with a cheating partner? A therapist at BetterHelp can help you.
You have a cheating boyfriend. Should you stay, or should you go? You need to make a new plan at this point. You need a game plan for yourself that honors your rights and who you are as an individual. The relationship will never be the same. However, if you both talk in depth and do the work to heal the broken bond, it could survive and maybe even get better.
Your boyfriend cheating may make you decide you aren't willing to continue it. You may instead want to spend your time and effort building a new life on your own. Working with an online counselor can help you build confidence in yourself, point you in the direction of what you want in a romantic relationship, and help you achieve that goal. You can have the life you want, but to do so, you have to deal with your issues and learn how to love yourself more.
"She's been an incredible help with everything I've brought to her attention, I would strongly recommend her to friends and family also seeking help/guidance."
"Alex helped me so much, I will always be enormously grateful. Not only she is outstanding at her job and very professional, but she also happened to be for me this warm light in a sort of mist which, even though you don't know how far you'll have to walk, you'll get there eventually."
Below are some commonly asked questions related to this topic:
What do I say to my cheating boyfriend?
Is your boyfriend cheating? Did your gut feeling or subtle signs lead you to discover that your boyfriend is cheating and having sex or an affair with another woman? This can be a devastating blow to your heart and make you worried you’ll lose your ability to feel trust in your own relationship in the future. You should not be feeling guilty about communicating in a healthy way the pain he’s caused you.
Your boyfriend’s behavior is unacceptable and you should make this clear to him when you talk. Tread carefully in conversation, but express that you’re feeling deeply betrayed. An open dialogue about what’s really going on in this tough patch of your relationship might help too. And in time, hopefully you can communicate whether your guy cheating on you is something you can work on with a relationship expert, or if it’s something you can’t get past because you’re too concerned the same situation will repeat itself.
How do guys act when cheating?
If your boyfriend is cheating or having an affair, there are usually some common signs, like lying, disappearing for hours, taking a week long trip away from you frequently, and lack of interest in your sex life. You can look for either an obvious sign like these ones, or a more subtle sign of an affair. If you suspect your boyfriend is cheating, a first sign could be he wants to have less sex than normal. He may always be talking on the phone to someone you don’t know.
Another red flag of your boyfriend cheating is that he keeps buying new clothes when he’s normally not concerned about his style. And other signs a guy is cheating include a secret email account you see on his phone, him always coming up with an excuse why he can’t visit with your family or your friend, suddenly picking up a new hobby that has him disappearing for hours, or being extra sweet to female work colleagues or another woman when he’s really standoffish and has mood swings around you.
Can someone who loves you cheat on you?
A guy or girl who believes they love their partner is still capable of cheating on them or having an affair. There are many reasons people cheat by having sex with someone else when in a relationship that don’t have to do with love. These include feeling neglected by their partner, craving the attention and affirmation they feel they aren’t receiving, having an addiction to more sex, and deep insecurity and jealousy. Other signs of potential cheating or an affair aren’t always found in someone’s expressed love for you; they might be increasingly demanding attention, disappearing for a week long business trip you know nothing about, avoiding your family or having sex, hiding their phone screen, and more.