Relationship Counseling – Can It Help You & Your Partner?

For a couple, relationship counseling can be a valuable and effective tool for working through any issues you may face with your partner. It can be especially helpful when you feel you cannot move beyond an obstacle on your own. Relationship counseling can teach you healthy coping skills, communication skills, and conflict resolution skills that you can continue to use on your own. It can also provide you with an unbiased perspective and help you understand each other more deeply. If you’re interested in trying therapy, you might look for a couples therapist in your local area or sign up for an online therapy platform, where you can be matched with a licensed professional. For families or couples with young kids, there are also family therapists who specialize in managing a couple’s partnership in the context of a family. Marriage and family therapists may help to improve satisfaction while addressing mental health concerns that may be present.

When to find a counselor

Communication problems

In many cases, the real problem is a lack of communication between both you and your partner. Couples who are always bickering tend to get stuck in negative reinforcement cycles, even if they have otherwise healthy relationships. They may not know how to resolve their differences, so they tend to look at their partners as part of the problem. They may be confused about how to communicate and how to show respect in a relationship. Many couples stonewall and pursue the idea of "escaping" rather than fixing the communication problem at the root of the issue.

Therapy often focuses on teaching both partners how to better communicate, with an emphasis on expressing feelings rather than phrasing observations in a critical or accusatory way. In doing so, couples therapists can teach partners effective communication skills and conflict management skills which may improve a couple’s relationship.

Types of counseling 

Couples counseling can take place in several different formats and involve a variety of modalities. Research suggests that various forms of therapy can help couples address partnership challenges. For example, data from a meta-analysis on the efficacy of emotionally focused therapy show that 70% of participants—from 20 total studies—experienced reductions in relationship distress. Researchers in another study found a similar rate of effectiveness for cognitive behavioral therapy. 

The type of therapy you participate in will typically determine the number of sessions you and you partner attend. Though therapy may last as long as necessary for a couple, it is typically completed in 12 sessions. If you decide to seek counseling, you and your partner may want to request a list of the counseling services a therapist provides. Below are a few different types of couples counseling. 

Pre-marital therapy

The beginning of a marriage can come with specific concerns for spouses, such as combining finances and moving in together. Pre-marital counseling can help engaged couples navigate these challenges as they enter the next phase of their partnership. 

Marriage therapy

Married couples often benefit from discussing their challenges with an unbiased third party. In addition to working with the couple together, a marriage counselor might conduct individual therapy sessions. This can be particularly helpful if one partner lives with mental health challenges that impact the relationship. 

Couples therapy

Couples therapy is a broad term that can encompass marriage counseling, pre-marital counseling, and all other forms of partnership counseling. Couples who are dating, considering marriage, or even divorced can participate in couples therapy. Partners can participate in couples therapy in person, or they can register for an account with an online therapy platform.     

Benefits of counseling

Here are a few of the potential benefits of therapy:

• You can both express your thoughts and feelings to an impartial person to get an objective perspective of the issues that have brought you to therapy.
• You can gain a deeper understanding of the dynamic of your partnership.
• You may learn new things about your partner that can help you grow closer and understand each other more deeply.
• You can overcome various roadblocks that may be holding you back.
• You can begin to see each other’s viewpoints more clearly.
• You can gain clarity regarding your feelings toward your partner and your relationship.
• You can learn effective coping skills to use now and in the future.
• You can restore the trust.
• You can work on your own mental health, personal growth, and self-awareness.
• You can cultivate improved communication and conflict resolution skills.

Although relationship counseling may not be able to fix every conflict, it can often provide the clarity needed to decide whether to stay together or separate. A couple’s therapy experience may lead to a healthier, stronger bond. In each counseling session, you and your partner can work on creating behavioral patterns that help you thrive as a couple. If, however, you and your partner choose to end your relationship, therapy can help you do so in a healthy, amicable way. Meanwhile, if you decide to stay together, relationship issues therapy can help you continue to grow closer and work through any lingering resentment.

What to expect during couples therapy

Starting therapy is a big step and may seem overwhelming and unfamiliar at first, however, there are a few things that you can expect when starting a couples therapy session. Couples therapists are typically mental health professionals with a specialty in marriage and family therapy. You may want to ensure the counselor you end up working with is a licensed marriage and family therapist. If you’re searching for a professional through your health insurance provider, you’ll likely be able to request a marriage and family therapist. Couples therapy is a solution focused therapy and one of the most popular methods for couples therapy is the Gottman Method. Led by a Gottman trained therapist, it is designed specifically to help couples to build better relationships. 

In the first few sessions, a therapist may just get to know both partners, during this time it may feel more like individual therapy. Many therapists will also ask about disorders or situations that may be impacting a relationship such as substance abuse, infidelity, and depression. From there your therapist may determine a treatment plan that can include sex therapy, emotionally focused therapy, cognitive behavior therapy for couples, and strategies for overcoming infidelity. Throughout the process your therapist will ensure your emotional safety.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Couples therapy

Traditional therapy doesn’t work for everyone, for couples it can be especially challenging to coordinate a time to meet at an office and it may be difficult to be open and vulnerable when both partners are in the same room. Online counseling with a relationship counselor can work well because couples generally get to connect with a licensed therapist who specializes in improving partner-to-partner communication, just as with in-person therapy. For those who have busy schedules or children, completing therapy sessions online can be much more convenient and reachable than getting childcare and finding the time to visit a therapist’s office together. 

As this study explains, online couples therapy can be effective. The couples participating in the study generally stated that the experience was a positive and beneficial one, and they were able to form a strong therapeutic alliance with their therapists.

Through an online therapy platform, like BetterHelp, you can be matched with a mental health professional based on your needs and preferences for therapy, including sexual orientation, cognitive behavioral therapy, solution focused therapy, and others. With a service like BetterHelp, therapy can be participated in remotely, through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging. Additionally, you can reach out to your therapist outside of counseling sessions. It is important to note that BetterHelp does not accept insurance coverage, however, it is affordable, in many cases, depending on insurance provider, sessions cost less than an insurance co-pay.