Relationship Problems: When Are They A Dealbreaker?

Most couples experience relationship issues and troubles from time to time, such be theyas financial stressors, breaches of trust, communication issues, or crossed boundaries.

When left unresolved, these challenges matters can lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics, chronic stress, physical health issues, or the separation of the couple. In contrast, when couples rely on core values such as thoughtful communication, mutual respect, and teamwork, they can often overcome hurdles and grow stronger because of them. 

The most common problems in a partnership

Nearly all couples —, even those with with healthy relationships, — experience challenges or conflict from time- to time. Some of the most common typical ones include:  

Reduced emotional connection or physical intimacy

It is common for couples to find themselves drifting apart over time, especially if they live together. Oftentimes, these challenges require honest communication and an intentional effort to reconnect.

Communication difficulties

Many people are not taught effective communication skills. This can make it difficult challenging for them to get on the same page, feel heard, and avoid making hurtful comments to their partner.  

Infidelity

When your romantic partner cheats on you, it will likely harm your ability to trust them. If both parties are willing and able, couples therapy can help address the underlying motivators for infidelity and how to learn from them. 

Financial strains

Financial pressures often strain relationships, especially when partners have different spending habits or expectations. Clear discussions, budgeting, or consulting with a financial advisor may be necessary. 

Harmful arguments

Many couples have differences of opinion. However, they might should not devolve into spiteful comments, name-calling, or absolutisms. 

Recurring arguments disputes

Perhaps it seems it seems like you disagree or fight about the same subjects day after have the same fight about chores, childcare, or something else every day.? Oftentimes, These recurrent arguments tend to escalate over time, as both parties become increasingly frustrated. 

Feeling taken for granted

Sometimes, partners forget to show appreciation for each other. Simply verbalizing appreciation regularly, spending quality time together, or sharing and offering a thoughtful gift to your partner can help express your gratitude for all they do.  

If some of these relationship challenges are or have been present in your current relationship or previous relationships, you may want to consider having an honest conversation with your partner, reading credible books or articles about the challenges you have identified, or speaking with a licensed talk therapist.  

Can a relationship overcome communication challenges? 

John Gottman, Ph.D., determined that four main elements of overarching toxic communication styles can predict the end of present relationships when left unaddressed. These are commonly called the “four horsemen of the apocalypse,” and they include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, which are described below:. 

Criticism

Unlike a complaint, which addresses a specific behavior, criticism implies fault with the person themselves. For example, a criticism if you were to when you discover that your partner didn’t complete a chore, a criticism may sound like, “Why are you so lazy? Can you really not accomplish anything without me?”

Contempt

Contempt is any verbal or nonverbal action that intentionally causes harm. Contempt may include sarcasm, eye-rolling, or name-calling. 

Defensiveness

Defensiveness is often a form of self-protection. However, when someone cannot accept any accountability, it can make the other partner feel unheard or invalidated. 

Stonewalling

Stonewalling includes things like evading or going silent during difficult conversations or going silent. When one partner shuts down, their the other partner may push more,— or else they may believe that their partner doesn’t care about the conversation. 

Criticism

Although these challenges are common traits in ending commonly-end relationships, there are ways to overcome them. For example, when you feel compelled to criticize your partner, instead consider the following.: 

• What behavior do you want them to address? 
• How can you ask them to change their behavior without attacking who they are as a person?
• Consider using “I” language statements and making your request as concise and specific as possible. For example: Instead of saying, “You stress me out when you don’t call to tell me you’re running late!”, you might say, “When you don’t do the chores you say you’ll do, I feel disrespected, and I’d like us to start using a chore calendar to help us tackle chores as a teamI feel anxious when you don’t communicate to me that you’re running late.” “I” statements help not to place blame, which may cause defensiveness.

Contempt

When If you start to show contempt, remember to: 

• Become aware of the thought, feeling, or behavior you are responding to. 
• Clearly and respectfully verbalize what is making you angry, rather than rolling your eyes or saying something passive-aggressive.
• Recognize their efforts when they do something positive. 

Defensive behavior

If you’ve become defensive, practice: 

• Actively listening to what your partner is trying to express. Then, express validation —say something like perhaps, “I hear what you’re saying, and I want to understand your perspective.”
• Take a deep breath to clear your head and allow. Allow yourself to move away from self-defense. 
• Accepting some responsibility for the role you played in a harmful dynamic. Ask Consider asking them, “How could can I address your concerns?”

Stonewalling

If you are shutting down and stonewalling your partner, try: 

• Tell your partner that you have become overwhelmed and need a time-out to calm yourself before returning to the conversation. Ensure they know that you will return to the conversation in the future. 
• Do something to calm yourself, such as going for a walk, reading, or practicing deep-breathing exercises. 

The benefits of couples therapy

In many instances, couples experiencing relationship challenges find it difficult to change these dynamics on their own. For married couples, 70% experience a positive impact from couples therapy, and couples therapy has been shown to reduce conflict and improve relationship satisfaction. Couples therapists help their clients address unhealthy dynamics and build tools for healthy communication, conflict resolution, and greater emotional intimacy. 

Despite the effectiveness of couples therapy, some partners may find couples therapy to be stigmatizing or uncomfortable to attend sessions in person. In these cases, online therapy from a platform such as BetterHelp may provide a greater sense of autonomy, because sessions can be conducted from home. A 2022 peer-reviewed study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that online couples therapy can be an effective alternative to in-person therapy online couples therapy can be an effective alternative to in-person therapy, resulting in improved relationship satisfaction and mental health.

When are issues a sign of an irreparably toxic relationship? 

Unhealthy relationships often have some of the following characteristics: 

• Controlling behavior. 
• Hostility or picking fights. 
• Recurring breaches of trust. 
• Fear of one’s partner. 
• Disrespect for someone’s opinions, beliefs, or property.
• Codependence.
• Isolation, from one another or from friends and /or family. 
• Abuse, which may include sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, or financial abuse.

In instances of abuse, harmful behaviors are often cyclical, meaning they may be very difficult or impossible for couples to resolve and move past. 

Most patterns of abuse begin with threatening behavior before escalating to overt emotional or physical abuse. At some point, the abuser may make expressions of remorse or make promises to change. However, i n instances of abuse, harmful behaviors are often cyclical, meaning they may be very difficult or impossible for couples to resolve and move past. However, the cycle typically repeats itself. 

Though some couples may be able to work through single instances of abuse with the help of a therapist, most people are better off when they leave relationships marred by abuse, control, manipulation, or disrespect.