Common Non-Negotiables In A Relationship | BetterHelp
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Most people have heard of the term “non-negotiable,” but this can mean something different to each individual. What might be a must-have quality for one person could be a preference for another person. Some might believe a certain trait is non-negotiable but later discover that their perspective evolves with time and experience. This isn’t necessarily a matter of someone having “better” values but a matter of what each person holds as their core values. This article will explore common non-negotiables in a relationship and ways to receive support for relationship challenges.
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Honesty
While most people say that honesty is an absolute must-have quality in a partner, each couple’s level of openness may vary. If someone finds out that their romantic partner hasn’t been honest about their past relationships, for example, they may decide that the relationship won’t work. Honesty can also extend to the way that people treat their friends and coworkers. Honest behavior across all relationships can be an attractive feature that leads an individual to trust another person and form a successful partnership with them.
Open communication
Most people state that strong communication is a non-negotiable in a relationship, but it can be challenging to maintain open communication throughout the life of a relationship. Often, communication seems smooth and almost effortless at the beginning of a relationship, but strong communication can be difficult to maintain over time. People’s needs and values can change, and the nature of a specific relationship can evolve over time.
How to improve communication
Communication is the foundation on which most healthy relationships are built and is a non-negotiable value for many. Regular communication can foster greater intimacy, which, in turn, can enhance communication, creating a positive cycle that promotes relationship growth.
Cultivating stronger communication skills might take time and effort, but it is possible. To strengthen communication in the relationship, couples may:
- Schedule regular quality time together
- Practice active listening
- Use “I” statements (for example, "You never help," as opposed to "I feel overwhelmed when I have to do everything myself, and I'd appreciate your help.")
- Be empathetic
- Ask open-ended questions
- Show appreciation
Commitment to personal growth for both mind and body
For some people, it’s important to be with a partner who demonstrates a commitment to personal growth. This can mean a commitment to caring for their health, as evidenced by regular exercise and pushing oneself toward fitness goals, for instance. A commitment to personal growth can also mean caring for the mind through practices like mindfulness, meditation, and regular reading. For some people, a commitment to personal growth might entail seeing a therapist from time to time to care for their mental health.
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Find your matchCore value or values
To some people, it may be of vital importance to have a partner who prioritizes specific values. For example, some people may want to be with a person who shows a commitment to giving back to the community through donations or volunteer work. Here are some other examples of values that one may consider non-negotiable in a relationship:
- Mutual respect
- Trust and honesty
- Communication
- Empathy and understanding
- Loyalty
- Commitment
- Reliability and responsibility
- Shared life goals
- Lifestyle alignment
Financial security
For many people, finding someone who is financially stable is an absolute must in a relationship. This doesn’t necessarily mean that people are looking for someone with plenty of personal wealth. They may just want to know that their partner strives to avoid debt and works toward a financially secure future.
How relationship counseling may help
While non-negotiables can guide individuals in relationship decisions, many still experience questions and concerns about their relationships. When this occurs, individuals or couples may benefit from relationship counseling. Relationship counseling offers a safe, non-judgmental space in which couples can:
- Assess their expectations
- Evaluate their current non-negotiables
- Recognize unhealthy patterns
- Cultivate effective communication
- Learn conflict-resolution skills
- Build trust
- Deepen bonds
Online relationship counseling
Some couples may live in an area with few relationship counselors. Others may prefer to speak with a counselor outside of their local community. In these cases, online therapy can serve as a way for couples to receive evidence-based support without leaving their homes. With Regain, couples can speak with a licensed couples counselor via audio, video, or live chat at a time that works for them. For individuals who prefer to speak with a counselor one-on-one, BetterHelp offers a network of more than 25,000 licensed professionals who can help people navigate relationship issues and personal doubts related to their non-negotiables.
In addition to offering flexible communication options and a large pool of therapists, online therapy has a strong basis of support in scientific research. One study found that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) was even more effective than in-person CBT for treating symptoms of depression, which may be common in people experiencing serious relationship challenges.
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Takeaway
Non-negotiables in relationships often guide people as they search for partners or navigate relationship challenges. Common non-negotiables include honesty, open communication, financial stability, and a commitment to personal growth.
If you have questions about your personal non-negotiables in a relationship, you might consider speaking with a licensed therapist. With BetterHelp, most people are matched with a therapist within 48 hours, and you can change therapists at any time until you find the right fit for your unique needs.
What is a common core value or set of core values that people consider to be non-negotiable?
While most people consider honesty a core value, expectations can vary in different relationships. Some people may look for a partner who values a commitment to being honest in their friendships and work relationships, which may be a sign of how they will navigate a romantic relationship.
Why is open communication a non-negotiable for many people?
For many people, open communication is paramount to a successful relationship because it can lead to a strong bond. Some people prefer to be told something disappointing rather than have their partner withhold that information. For example, if one person needs more personal space, communicating this may prevent a toxic dynamic from forming.
Is exclusivity a common non-negotiable?
For many people, an exclusive or monogamous relationship is a non-negotiable. However, there are many types of relationships that can lead to lasting fulfillment. For many people, the key to a romantic relationship is communicating openly so that everyone is on the same page in terms of expectations and responsibilities. Open communication may prevent behavior that violates a person’s boundaries.
How do you find a relationship that leads to personal growth?
Some individuals find that dating people who challenge them can lead to personal growth. For some people, this may mean meeting others who challenge them intellectually. For other people, this process may involve spending time with individuals who challenge them to do more for others. A relationship characterized by mutual support can lead both people to pursue personal growth.
What is the 100% rule in relationships?
The “100% rule” suggests that, instead of relationships being 50/50, each person should give 100% every day. This can show emotional maturity and contribute to the success of a committed relationship.
What are non-negotiable qualities a serious boyfriend or girlfriend must have?
Each person may have a different set of non-negotiable qualities they desire in a partner, and it can be helpful to develop your own non-negotiable list, as well as to take note of any deal-breakers. However, a few common non-negotiables include the following:
Respect for personal boundaries
No abusive behavior, including emotional abuse
Shared religious beliefs or other deeply-held beliefs
A commitment to physical, mental, and emotional well-being
Compatible saving and spending habits
What are the four things that end relationships?
The “Four Horsemen” established by John Gottman are often seen as red flags that can prevent a lasting relationship. These include stonewalling, criticism, contempt, and defensiveness.
What is compromise in a relationship?
Compromise in a relationship generally refers to finding common ground when both partners want different things. Compromise is often crucial to make a long-term relationship work.
Do you have to agree on everything in a relationship?
In general, it’s not necessary to agree on everything in a relationship. However, establishing non-negotiables and being aware of traits that are a “hard pass” for you can be vital. For instance, you may not be willing to be in a relationship with someone who is engaging in substance misuse (formerly called substance abuse). Another potential non-negotiable could be that your partner must get along with your family (their in-laws). Often, individuals develop lists of non-negotiables based on difficulties they’ve encountered in previous relationships.
There are also some things that partners may need to agree on. For example, if one partner wanted kids and the other didn’t, there isn’t necessarily a compromise that could satisfy either person. Having compatible future plans can also be vital.
How can you protect your mental health in a relationship?
Protecting your mental health in a relationship often involves setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. It can also involve seeking support, whether from family members, your best friend, or a therapist, when you encounter challenges.
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