What Will Healthy And Loving Relationships Feel Like?

There are many elements to consider when aiming to maintain a healthy, long-term relationship. Engaging in constructive, honest communication, building emotional intimacy, and learning to resolve conflict together are just a few examples of the parts involved in the balancing act of a romantic partnership. Here, we’ll discuss the basics of what a healthy relationship can look like, along with tips for cultivating one so that you can support the well-being of all involved partners. 

Long-term healthy relationships

Many people are familiar with the often-cited statistic that over half of marriages end in divorce and that the chance of divorce increases in second and third marriages. On the surface, these odds can seem insurmountable. However, it’s also true that the chances of a relationship ending decrease with each year it lasts. 

That said, longevity is not the only factor to consider when thinking about what makes a successful partnership. As research suggests, the many potential benefits of being in a long-term, committed relationship are generally only available when they are positive and low-stress for all parties. That’s one reason why prioritizing a healthy dynamic can have an important effect.

What does a good relationship look like?

While the concept of a healthy relationship may seem simple on the surface, it’s not uncommon to feel confused when looking at one specifically. Particularly if you’ve seen red flags or experienced unhealthy dynamics in the past that were normalized, it can be challenging to articulate precisely what makes a romantic connection good. That’s why looking at the research on this topic does help many people.

While the ideal components can vary from individual to individual and culture to culture, researchers do suggest a handful of signs that seem to often characterize connections that are positive for both partners.

Eight tips

Cultivating many of the components of a healthy relationship will typically take time, patience, commitment, and effort from one person or both partners. Of course, each relationship is unique, and what works for one partnership may not function as well for the next. In general, however, keeping the following general strategies in mind is likely to lead you in the right direction, since they revolve around basic concepts such as respect, trust, and communication.

1. Engage with kindness

Interacting with kindness and empathy as often as possible can help promote a safe space where both partners feel heard and supported, as well as free to be themselves, learn, and grow together. Kindness allows partners to respect each other's differences and offer support when needed. A 2019 survey indicates that kindness is the top quality people seek in a romantic partner.

2. Make decisions together

Having a sense of teamwork may help you and your partner approach life challenges or handle conflict more effectively. Research suggests that individuals with “higher relationship quality” tend to exhibit higher levels of coordination and cooperation. Avoiding accusatory statements or personal attacks, aiming to understand your partner’s point of view, and working toward similar goals could all be helpful in the process of making better decisions.

3. Show affection thoughtfully

Demonstrating to your partner that you care for them can take many forms, so learning which types of non-physical and physical affection they appreciate most could go a long way. In fact, a 2022 study suggests that people who express affection in the way their partner most likes to receive it—whether that’s physical touch, acts of service, or affirming words—tend to have higher levels of satisfaction. Knowing your own preferred method and communicating that to your partner could also empower them to help you feel safe, appreciated, and cared for.

4. Keep it balanced

A positive relationship usually requires give and take and a balance of power. Research from 2021 indicates that all parties perceiving that they have an equal say in decisions that are important to them can predict relationship satisfaction. It's a good sign when both individuals can have a conversation without rose-colored glasses, seeing the reality of their living arrangements and dynamics clearly.

5. Express appreciation

One team of researchers analyzed 43 studies on the topic of romantic relationships, and it emerged that expressing appreciation for one's partner was the second-most important action for measuring relationship quality. Thanking them for the ways in which they show you care and support can be a simple but powerful action to take in your relationship daily.

6. Maintain physical intimacy

Not all romantic relationships include sexual intimacy, but most include some form of physical intimacy—such as holding hands, hugging, or cuddling. Some researchers have proposed a correlation between a desire for affectionate touch with a partner and “relationship well-being.” Talking with your partner about what kinds of physical intimacy they enjoy and don’t enjoy could be a good place to start.

7. Cultivate trust

It’s widely understood that trust is usually a key component of successful long-term relationships of all kinds. Trust typically creates a solid foundation for a strong partnership. Research also indicates that a lack of it could contribute to a host of challenges, from emotional instability to conflict. Building trust is generally an incremental process that can be done through consistent action, from following through on your promises to being reliable in your support for your partner.

8. Maintain your independence

While spending time together is a key part, having the ability to spend time away from your partner is just as important. Research on romantic relationships from 2021 theorizes that “maintaining a sense of self while being closely connected to the partner” is key to a positive connection. This can resemble having friendships, hobbies, and interests outside of your partner and your relationship and setting aside designated alone time regularly.

Ending an unhealthy partnership

Ending a relationship can be an unpleasant and emotionally turbulent experience, but it’s sometimes necessary. While infidelity is reported to be the most common cause of the end of romantic relationships, there are plenty of reasons you might decide that it’s time to part ways. Incompatibility, a lack of agreement on style or future goals, or simply the realization that your path is diverging from your partner’s are just a few examples. In some cases, more serious issues, such as abuse or addiction, may call for immediate separation. 

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Communication is considered to be a key component of maintaining healthy relationships, and it’s also often crucial when it comes to breaking up. As long as it’s safe to do so, you might approach your partner with calm and compassion at a time when you can be alone and won’t be disturbed. You might clearly communicate why you believe that the relationship is no longer right for you, being direct but compassionate. If you have no interest in working on things, expressing this boundary gently but firmly can be key.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Cultivating skills in therapy

If unhealthy habits arise and persist despite efforts, it may be helpful to seek professional help in the form of couples counseling or therapy. As this article reflects, there are many different skills that may be helpful to someone who is trying to establish or maintain a healthy romantic partnership. 

If you want support in building or polishing these skills, you might consider connecting with a therapist. They can support you in improving your abilities in areas like healthy communication and conflict resolution, and they can also help you address any mental health challenges that could affect them, such as low self-esteem or anxiety. If you want to strengthen an existing relationship, meeting with a couples counselor could also be helpful for you and your partner.

In-person therapy has been the norm for decades, but it’s no longer the only option. While some people still prefer meeting with a therapist face to face, others find it intimidating or inconvenient. In cases such as these, online therapy can be a viable alternative. With a platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples, you can get matched with a licensed therapist whom you can meet via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of home—or anywhere else you have an internet connection. That way, you can express your feelings and talk openly in a comfortable space. Research suggests that online and in-person sessions can usually offer comparable outcomes.