Why I Am Secretly Glad When He Ignores Me: The Emotions Of Being Ignored

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA
Updated June 27, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Being ignored by a partner can have a variety of emotional effects. You may feel insecure, confused, sad, and lonely, or you may even feel glad. To cope with these emotions, it can help to seek support from friends and family, practice self-care, set boundaries, find ways to move forward, and seek professional help. You can connect with licensed mental health professionals in your local area or through an online therapy platform. 

The Emotional Effects Of Being Ignored

When ignored by a partner, emotional confusion and insecurity may be overwhelming. Without listening or understanding, trust in the relationship might break quickly. Although there might not be an easy solution to this situation, having ways to cope with the unexpected emotions associated with being ignored may facilitate healing. 

Being disregarded by your partner can have damaging physical and mental effects, such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Finding a support system to talk through these feelings is often ideal in order to process the hurt and pain caused by being ignored. Allowing yourself time to acknowledge these emotions can be vital in moving forward.

In some cases, you may find that you secretly feel glad when your partner ignores you. If this is the case for you, it’s probable that there are deeper issues in your relationship that may benefit from being addressed by a professional. Conversely, it’s possible this may not be a healthy relationship for you, and that you may feel more fulfilled by leaving the relationship.

The Power Of Communication In Relationships When Ignored By A Partner

Effective communication is generally ideal for all relationships, and it tends to be even more crucial when we feel ignored by our partners. Open and honest communication can allow you to express your needs, feelings, and concerns healthily and productively. It can also build trust and strengthen the bond between partners. When you feel ignored by your partner, withdrawing and avoiding communication can be tempting. However, this could lead to a breakdown of trust and further damage the relationship. It’s generally recommended to try to communicate effectively with your partner, even if it feels difficult or uncomfortable.

One way to potentially improve communication is to set aside dedicated time to talk. This could be a scheduled weekly check-in or a daily debrief after work. By setting aside dedicated time to talk, you and your partner can give each other the attention and focus needed to have meaningful conversations. If possible, express your feelings calmly and respectfully when you are talking with your partner. Avoid attacking your partner or using language that could be perceived as blame or criticism. Instead, try to use "I" statements to express how you feel and what you need.

For example, "I feel hurt when you don't listen to me" is more effective than "You never listen to me."

Furthermore, try being open to hearing your partner's perspective. This likely means actively listening to what they say and trying to understand their perspectives. It can be okay to disagree, but respecting each other's opinions and finding common ground is normally the desired outcome.

Five Practical Tips For Coping With The Emotions Of Being Ignored By A Partner

If you're feeling ignored by your partner, it might be an emotional and challenging experience. This stressful situation can make you wonder, "Why does he ignore me?" It can be ideal to find ways to cope with the negative emotions that may arise, such as sadness, anger, loneliness, insecurity, and fear.

Here are some practical tips for coping with being ignored by a partner:

  • Seek support from friends and family: It's okay to reach out to trusted loved ones when you feel ignored by your partner. They might provide a listening ear, offer advice, and help you feel less alone.
  • Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself when you're going through a difficult time tends to be the best choice. Self-care can include exercise, meditation, journaling, or spending time on hobbies that bring you joy. 
  • Seek professional help: If you're struggling to cope with the emotions of being ignored by your partner, it might be helpful to seek the support of a licensed mental health professional who can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to process your emotions and find ways to move forward.
  • Set boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries in any relationship is perhaps an ideal choice when feeling ignored. This might include setting limits on how much time you spend together, setting boundaries around communication, or finding ways to prioritize your own needs and well-being.
  • Find ways to move forward: If you have confidence about remaining in your relationship, despite feeling ignored by your partner, you may want to find ways to move forward in the relationship. Consider talking to your partner about how you feel and developing a plan for how to move forward.

Coping With Being Ignored And How Online Therapy May Help

The unexpected emotions of being ignored by a partner may be difficult to healthfully address. But with the help of a mental health professional, online therapy may help individuals facing emotional distress. The ultimate benefit is that it may allow individuals to gain insight into their emotional experiences and develop effective strategies for managing and expressing their feelings, all from the comfort of their homes or anywhere they have an internet connection.

Additionally, through online therapy, you may have the support and safety to dig deep into your emotional inner landscape and give voice to your thoughts and feelings. The healing power of a supportive listener who will not judge or minimize one's experience can lead to better patient outcomes. Online therapy may allow you to be your authentic self, and to feel understood, valued, trusted, accepted, heard, and respected.

Effectiveness Of Online Therapy

According to research published in Semantic Scholar, online therapy may be just as effective as in-person therapy for reducing depression and improving relationship satisfaction. The study compared the efficacy of an online program with a personal group treatment intervention and found that both groups showed significant improvements in these areas. These findings suggest that online therapy can be viable for individuals seeking support for emotional difficulties related to being ignored by a partner.

Coping with the emotional distress of being ignored by a partner may be difficult, but seeking help through online therapy may provide a practical option for managing and expressing these feelings.

Our Final Thoughts

Being ignored by a partner may feel like a deep wound that might lead to more profound emotional confusion. In many cases, being ignored can be linked to insecurity and fear, which might be overwhelming, leaving you feeling uncertain or helpless. While there may not be an easy way out of this situation, having concrete ideas on how to cope with the unexpected emotions associated with being ignored can help facilitate progress toward healing. If you find yourself in this situation, consider seeking professional help through online therapy, which can be an effective way to help people struggling with relationship issues.

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