My Girlfriend Broke Up With Me: What To Do When A Relationship Ends

Updated March 16, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

When the person you were closest with breaks up with you, it can leave you feeling lost, confused, hopeless, and like your life is lacking in direction. That person was probably the center of your everyday life and your plans for the future. And all those memories! It can just seem like too much, at times.

So, what can you do when your partner breaks up with you? You can start by looking within. You have the strength you need to overcome this if you believe in yourself and put in the effort.

Wondering What To Do Now That Your Relationship Is Over?

Who Are You Without Them?

If they had been your partner for a very long time, you probably have a very good idea of who you were when you were with them. You may have found it easy to be funny, caring, or smart when you had them by your side. Now, you need to find out who you can be when you are by yourself, as well as with people other than them. If the relationship spanned for many years, it might take some serious effort to understand your identity now.

You are not the person who you were before them, but you are not the person who you were when the two of you were together, either. That can be a really scary concept to contemplate immediately following a breakup. It can also be incredibly liberating when you consider all the possibilities. The canvas of your life and your future now have blank spots where you previously assumed there was permanent art. What are you going to create for yourself? We'll discuss this more later in the article.

What Are Your Priorities Now?

Now that your partner is out of the picture, your life path may seem like a road to nowhere. Now is the time to think about what you want for yourself. What kinds of people do you want in your life? What events or activities would you like to attend? What kind of work would you like to do? After you answer these questions, make a list of priorities for your new life. Then, let the list guide you as you plan each day, week, and month.

Your relationship took up a very large portion of the pie chart that was your life. This is an opportunity to consciously replace that time and energy with healthy and productive choices. Nature abhors a vacuum. That space will be filled with something. If you are not mindful, that space can end up being filled with things that are either not helping you achieve your goals or are working against your goals. For example, you may end up on the couch watching television, which may not be very productive.

How Do You Get Over Them?

Let’s cover some strategies to get over someone when the relationship has ended. Take your time reading and understanding them. Make a note of those that particularly resonate with you.

  1. You may be best off avoiding the person that broke up with you as much as is humanly possible. No calls, no letters, no texts, no sleeping together, no trying to be friends. Nothing. If you are going to be friends, that will be down the road, not now, since you may still be in love with them. This is the hardest step and the one that people stick with the least. It is also the most important.

  2. When you find yourself thinking about them,  immediately distract yourself. But you must throw yourself into an activity that demands your attention, or you will be multitasking and thinking about them while doing the activity.

  3. If you find distraction is not effective, then redirect your mind to thinking about all of your ex's undesirable qualities. (You're not together for a reason, after all, and the reason is not that things were going well.) Think about things that annoyed you about them, think about how they dumped you, think about them sleeping with their new partner, etc., anything that helps you begin to associate them with negative feelings.

  4. Avoid contact with anything that reminds you of them. Places you used to go, places you planned to go, mutual friends, pictures, texts, mementos, emails...anything.

  5. Stop telling people how much you still love them or miss them, and even stop saying it in your head. "Unfriend" on Facebook and "unfollow" on Twitter.

  6. If you do run into them, there's no going out of your way to hug them or to be super nice to them. Be polite, then move on. There will be a time for the "high road," but we are not there yet.

  7. Rinse and repeat.

Wondering What To Do Now That Your Relationship Is Over?

There you have it. Do those steps faithfully, and you are more likely to get over them, perhaps even sooner than the usual passage of time.

"I Feel Depressed Since My Partner Broke Up with Me"

Sometimes, getting over them on your own is not enough. You may feel many emotions when your partner leaves you. Emotions are a natural part of losing touch with someone who mattered to you. But, if you begin to have signs of depression, you need to address that problem before you can be ready to do well on your own. Some symptoms of depression to watch out for are the following:

  • Being excessively worried, agitated, anxious, or irritable. This means as a more general condition and not only relating to matters about your partner and the ending of the relationship.

  • Feeling indifferent to what happens in your life

  • Having low energy

  • Feeling guilty

  • Having trouble concentrating

  • Having trouble making decisions, especially decisions that are relatively minor or used to come easily to you

  • Isolating yourself. Some isolation makes sense. You are mourning a loss and taking stock of your life now. But you also need support from the people who care about you. It can be hard to get that support if you are alone.

  • Having unexplained pain.

  • Experiencing loss of or increase in appetite.

  • Having insomnia or sleeping too much.

  • Thinking about suicide or engaging in self-injurious behavior (SIB).

If you are having thoughts of suicide or harming yourself, it is important to seek help immediately. You can call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. If you feel that you are a danger to yourself or others, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.

Other Solutions

  • Implement self-care routines. Getting in touch with yourself will help you adjust to this life without your partner. Make sure to set time aside daily to dedicate to taking care of you!

  • Do some yoga. If the changes in your life are causing stress, yoga can help. You don't have to be a pro; there are plenty of poses that are perfect for beginners. This method has proven to be a low-impact, calming way to deal with your mental issues.

  • Get a new hobby. Sometimes, all you need to get over your partner is something to distract yourself with. Starting a new hobby could give your mind something new to focus on that will give you a chance to breathe.

An in-person or online counselor can help you assess your mood and determine what kind of treatment is right for you. With the right kind of therapeutic help, you can recover from the breakup of a past relationship and have a fulfilling life on your own. 

How BetterHelp Can Support You

If you’re considering online therapy, BetterHelp can offer emotional support and understanding. Their licensed counselors can meet with you on your time and wherever you feel most comfortable. 

Online therapy has been very effective in helping people deal with issues stemming from the ending of a relationship. If you're dealing with depression, for example, online therapy has been shown to provide excellent support and a road to healing.

Below, you can read a review of a BetterHelp counselor from someone who experienced a breakup.

Counselor Reviews

"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."

Conclusion

It can be difficult to navigate life without your partner, but it's not impossible. With a little effort and the right tools, you can get back to feeling like yourself. Take the first step toward moving on to a better tomorrow.

For additional help & support with your concerns

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