Will My Ex Come Back? 4 Signs They Might
By: Dylan Buckley
Updated November 06, 2020
Medically Reviewed By: Sonya Bruner
Breaking up with someone is difficult, and when you have been with them for a long time it can often be all you've known. As such, it's natural to wonder whether or not your ex might come back to you, especially if there are unresolved issues that you are willing to work out. While this all depends on your standing with your ex and what they want, coming back and working on the relationship may be a possibility.
How Can You Tell If Your Ex Will Come Back?
An unfinished relationship will often leave clues behind. If you have had relationships in the past that haven't worked out, you'll know that there is a major difference between a relationship that has ended and a relationship that can be mended. You also know the difference between wanting to go back to someone and simply needing closure.
Ultimately, a relationship that could be continued means that you are willing to try to return to how things were; however, it depends upon your ex's willingness to reciprocate those feelings. Fortunately, they will often show signs of wanting to return to a relationship (if they don't say it outright), and that is what we will examine in this article.
Can Relationships Be Fixed?
The truth is that relationships are very complex, depending upon the chemistry, efforts, and behaviors of each person involved. That said, relationships can be, and have been, fixed in the past, and if you and your partner are up for it, you can rekindle what was lost.
Many people may want to fix their relationship, but feel ashamed that it fell apart in the first place. No matter what, don't feel bad. It's important to know that you are not alone in your efforts. There are plenty of resources out there to guide you and your partner through the process, as you work on your connection with each other. Before you begin, however, there is a very important question you need to ask yourself.
Are You Able to Change?
Relationships can only thrive if you are willing to create change where something wasn't working before. Sometimes, it's not as simple as changing behaviors. Behaviors are often deeply woven together with personality traits. Your ex might feel you are messy because you don't carefully organize your belongings, but you like a place that feels lived in. It might bother your ex that you must always arrive ten minutes early for any social function, but you believe that it is far better to be early than late.
These behaviors can be so ingrained that you feel uncomfortable with changing them. They are part of who you are, and maybe it isn't fair that your ex was so frustrated by them. Keep in mind that adjustments and compromises will need to be made in order to carry the relationship forward, and you will need to identify these problem areas in order to make the relationship work where it wasn't before.
Will My Ex Come Back? These Four Signs Suggest They Might
You're not necessarily without hope once your ex walks out the door. Some breakups can be followed by reconciliation.
Here are four signs to look out for that might suggest your ex is interested in getting back together.
- If your ex talks with you about the past, then they're still thinking of you in some capacity. It doesn't matter if your ex is still angry, and only brings up the bad parts—the point is, there is part of your past that they are still working through, and may still not be over.
- If your ex finds the smallest reason to call you, that is likely a sign that they miss you. If your ex is calling on a fairly frequent basis on their initiative, it likely means that they want to hear the sound of your voice.
- If you can still make your ex smile, there's hope for you. A smile means not all the memories are bitter.
- If your ex exhibits strong feelings in your presence, this may indicate that there is still a connection. The emotion can be expressed as anger, accusations, nervousness, snide remarks or defensive posture—but you're still stirring up feelings.
When You Know it's Right
The question is not so much whether your ex will come back, but whether it's good for you if you do get back together. Your ex saw something in you that they fell in love with, and it's still there. If your ex begins to seek you out, smiles at you again, or begins to show ease when around you, you may be ready to take it to the next level, and learn how to fall in love all over again.
Here's where a third-party or a counselor could be very useful. They can help the parties resolve some of the issues that made living together impossible, or seem impossible. A counselor has the training to advise and make recommendations for reconciliation. They can also help the parties accept the end of the relationship, if reconciliation is not possible. And if you do decide to remain separated, they are able to provide guidance to continue living happy and productive lives apart. But for it to work, both parties have to be willing to compromise. To begin working with a third-party or counselor, both parties have to ask themselves some basic questions, such as:
- Am I willing to be absolutely honest with my partner?
- What issues caused the need for separation? Was it infidelity; jealousy; physical, verbal, or mental abuse; addiction; another person's interference; money problems; or the lack of intimacy?
- Am I no longer in love with my partner?
- Why are we no longer friends, and why have we grown apart?
- What annoying habits do I have that irritate my partner?
- Do I have poor hygiene?
- Do I accuse my partner of working too much or am I guilty of the same?
- Am I away from home too much or do I feel my partner is away too much?
- Do I feel ignored?
- Am I not in agreement with plans for the future?
- Am I always the disciplinarian with the children?
- Does my partner disagree with my form of discipline?
- Am I asking or expecting too much of my partner? Am I reasonable?
- Do I have anger issues?
- Am I fun to live with?
- What can I do better?
- Can I say sorry and mean it?
Creating space and time away from each other has its benefits. It allows both parties to slow down and think about their priorities. It allows for both partners to avoid thinking only with emotions, and gives them time to start thinking rationally. Living in an unhappy atmosphere is toxic, and can cause stress that can eventually lead to deteriorating health, both mental and physical. One or both parties could develop anxiety, depression, ulcers, headaches and migraines, loss of appetite or weight gain, heart palpitations, inability to make decisions, or inability to concentrate and a whole host of other problems. The effects of an unhealthy home life could begin to affect your work and the behavior of your children.
If you and your partner have decided to seek counseling with the idea of reconciling, here is what you need to do. You both have to accept and own your mistakes. You have to be willing to listen and understand your partner's viewpoint. You have to try to forgive each other, and pledge to have open and honest communication so that you can trust again. Even though you agree to live together again, be aware that not everything is going to be the same as it was before the problems began. Nothing can ever be the same,so if that is what you expect, expect to be disappointed—and be prepared for another separation to happen, perhaps permanently. Cooperation also means being willing to show appreciation when your partner shows a willingness to improve the relationship. Be willing to give it time; your relationship didn't fall apart overnight, and it won't heal overnight.
No one enters a partnership or marriage thinking about divorce or separation. But, over time and under certain circumstances, it can become a real possibility. More often than not, it is impossible to discuss the problems rationally while in the throes of emotional pain and dysfunction. An experienced relationship counselor can provide a safe place to identify the issues, begin constructive communication, and offer possible solutions that both parties can accept. Remember that a counselor is not a miracle worker. Sometimes, a temporary separation or a divorce is absolutely the best solution for all concerned. It is not the end of the world, and you can survive.
How to Keep the Relationship Thriving
Part of getting back together with someone is seeking to do better than last time, and grow from that experience. As such, you cannot expect to rekindle things with your ex and see more progress if you are not doing things differently. To get you started, here are some vital relationship tips that will help you be more successful this time around.
Communicate With Your Partner
Whenever healthy relationships come up, you are almost always going to hear about trust and communication. Your partner is not going to automatically know what you want, how you feel, or how you think. If you do not let them know about these things, and then blame or punish them for acting a certain way, resentment is sure to follow. Make sure to be open and honest with your partner at all times.
Spend Plenty of Time With Them
When couples have been together for a while, or feel like they already know everything about each other, things can become stale. They may start to spend less and less time with their partner, and get more caught up in their own lives. It is important that you continue to schedule dates and special occasions with your partner, so that they know they are still valued and appreciated.
Work on Yourself
Many people think that the relationship is all about two people, but the fact is that the individual is just as important as the unit. Take care of yourself and work on what you need to,so that you are happy and healthy, and can spread that to your relationship.
Add Some Extra Support to Your Relationship With BetterHelp
Trying to return to your relationship and fix everything on your own can be a daunting task. You may not be sure where your problems lie, or how to begin fixing them once you do identify them. Having access to these resources is a vital part of fixing your relationship. You won't be able to move forward unless you can identify and change the problems that caused you and your ex to break up before. But help is available.
Recent research has shown that online therapy is an effective method of working through relationship issues. A study published by BioMed Central points to a growing body of evidence that internet-based therapy can help couples dealing with intimacy issues, along with a number of other personal mental health concerns. The study primarily focuses on guided treatments, in which participants would interact with a therapist, complete assignments and lessons, and have discussions with their partner. This type of online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a widely accepted method of counseling for couples, particularly due to the flexibility it affords the members of a potentially strained relationship.
As discussed above, internet-based counseling for couples can help mend a broken relationship. If you need more personal advice on a relationship, you can contact BetterHelp, where you can speak to a licensed therapist from anywhere you can get an internet connection. Because BetterHelp's counseling services are offered online, you and your partner can easily fit a session into your day without having to worry about scheduling and traveling to anoffice. Also, if an issue arises, you and your partner can reach out to your therapist any time of day, and they will respond as soon as possible. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people who have been helped.
"Denae is a fantastic, warm-hearted counselor, with much wisdom to impart. She's helped me deal with complex family and relationship issues. Ultimately, her brand of engaged listening and advice is uniquely effective for anyone needing help in life."
"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."
If you feel drawn to your ex and you both decide to try your relationship again, having the right tools in your arsenal can take you a long way. With the right tools, building a more loving relationship with your partner is possible.
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