Ever Thought: Why Does No One Want Me?

Updated December 5, 2022by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Being single might not always feel easy, especially when it seems like everyone is paired off. Sometimes rejection can sting, and it might even lead a person to think something is wrong with them. However, being single is no indication of a flaw or failing, and it certainly has no impact on a person’s worth or worthiness of love.

This article will offer ways to build self-love and self-confidence. Treating yourself well may make you more attractive to others, but also, more importantly, it can remind you that you are enough, just as you are.

Are You Having Trouble With Your Confidence?

Why Do I Feel This Way?

There are many reasons why a person might feel as if no one wants them. Whether you have gone through a difficult breakup, are struggling with unemployment, are dealing with anxiety or depression, or are simply going through a hard time, you may feel defeated and alone. Know that you are not the only person to have felt this way, and you do not need to feel this way permanently.

Equipping yourself to find a new, strong relationship might not be about improving your headshot or sprucing up the description on your dating profile, nor is it only about mastering conversational quips or finding the right local hotspots. You do not need to let your future happiness depend on luck and surface details.

The details that can bring you happiness, both in the short term and in the long term, are likely under the surface. The kind of “work” that you can take on in order to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship can make you a healthier person all on your own. By focusing on self-confidence, self-care, self-esteem, and self-love, you can also prepare yourself to find someone who will be good to you, but it all starts with being good to yourself.

The Beauty Of Self-Confidence

It's been said that the most attractive characteristic of any person is self-confidence. No matter how someone looks, their self-confidence is usually what draws others in.

Think of someone you know who always seems to receive positive attention. Think about the way that individual carries themselves. When they enter a room, they most likely hold their head up and their shoulders back, moving their hands and feet with purpose. They probably make strong eye contact and engage readily in conversations. They probably offer attention to those around them, too. This kind of social ease and self-assuredness is typically self-confidence.

A self-confident demeanor can make a better impression than physical attributes. If you think that having self-confidence is a challenge for you, take heart in knowing you are not doomed to have low self-confidence forever. Self-confidence is a skill that can be learned and strengthened, just like anything else.

  1. Build Self-Confidence With Self-Care

The best way to build self-confidence might be through self-care. Self-care is usually different for everybody because, at the end of a long day, everybody unwinds in different ways. Figure out what simple pleasures make you feel relaxed, at ease, or happy.

For example, think about a few dishes you enjoy or would like to cook. Either in your own kitchen or via takeout, you can explore new foods, flavors, and styles. Do it to make yourself happy, and keep in mind that developing your own interests, talents, and hobbies will probably give you greater confidence and conversational ability as you meet new people, too. You can learn how to prepare a fantastic meal or dessert, or you can suggest a dinner date at a restaurant that you know is great.

Some people might find self-care in restorative relaxation, like long baths, gentle yoga, or music. Others might prefer active pastimes like hiking or jogging. Perhaps you’d like to arrange a regular social gathering with friends, or a quieter time with one or two close friends. From working out to attempting new skills and hobbies to joining a book club, there are many ways to take care of yourself and restore your feelings of peace and wholeness. When you feel better from the inside out, you can exude self-confidence.

  1. Self-Care Also Builds Self-Esteem

Beyond self-confidence, you can also benefit from building your self-esteem, which refers to the way you see yourself, your abilities, and your accomplishments. Self-esteem can be shaped by our caregivers, early environments, authority figures, peers, and other individuals in our lives. Most of all, though, we have the power to shape it ourselves. Even if you don’t feel like it, you have power over your own self-image, and you can tap into this incredible power at any time.

Taking care of yourself can allow you to feel clearheaded and restored, instead of burned out or depleted. When you feel better, you can see yourself better. Once you have engaged in a self-care activity or pastime, allow yourself to reflect on your positive qualities and accomplishments. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a dear friend, and you may feel your self-esteem rise. With healthy self-esteem, you can gain a better understanding of yourself and the positive ways in which others may see you.

Self-Esteem Creates Self-Love

It can be difficult to be in a solid relationship and to love another person without loving yourself first. If you constantly need affirmation due to a lack of self-confidence, self-care, and self-esteem, a partner may be unable or unwilling to provide adequate support. Having a low opinion of your own worth may also make you more vulnerable to relationships that are manipulative or unhealthy. Furthermore, you may still feel dissatisfied or distrustful within a healthy relationship if you don’t consider yourself worthy of it.

For these reasons, it can be important to take time to evaluate your self-confidence, feed it with legitimate acts of self-care, and allow that self-care to promote your self-esteem, so that self-love can naturally follow. Remind yourself as often as needed that you deserve love—from trusted loved ones, but also from yourself. In fact, that's the most important place to start.

Are You Having Trouble With Your Confidence?

Where To Start

If you're currently experiencing low self-confidence or self-esteem, building self-love may feel impossible. You may even feel that you don’t deserve to be happy. Try to fight these counterproductive thoughts by treating yourself like a friend you are trying to encourage. If a dear friend was in your position, what would you say to lift their spirits and show them what they mean to you? Offer yourself the same support.

Rather than tear yourself down over a mistake or missed opportunity, let it go and reiterate positive actions and choices instead. Most of all, give yourself time, space, and plenty of kindness. You truly do deserve it.

How Counseling Can Help Get You There

Beginning a journey of self-care and self-love can be difficult and intimidating, and many people may seek out additional support to help them along the way. If you think that accountability and patient support may benefit you as you move forward, you may want to consider working with a therapist or counselor. Pursuing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may also be a helpful approach to raising your self-esteem, and an online therapist through BetterHelp can guide you through CBT from the comfort of your own home. Various clinical studies have proven that online CBT is just as effective in treating the symptoms of mental illness as in-person CBT.

Online therapy has several advantages over in-person services. Online therapy is convenient, and affordable; because you can arrange your sessions with a therapist around your schedule and lifestyle, you can meet whenever and wherever you’d like. You can work with a therapist at BetterHelp by video chat, phone call, or text messaging. If you think you could use some extra support from an expert for your self-love journey, you can get started today. Here are reviews from BetterHelp users who have found support and higher self-esteem.

Counselor Reviews

"I feel extremely comfortable talking with Shannon Francom. She has a very warm personality and has been working with me to help me feel more confident in standing up for myself and improving my self esteem in all areas of life."

"Jodi has been of great help and has helped me work on a few different aspects of my life. I've struggled with intimacy related issues that have caused my self esteem to dip, as well as career path anxiety. He's been a great help in guiding me to feel better about everything which has allowed me to continue to improve and get better. I'll definitely be coming back to him in the future if needed."


Try to stop asking, “Why does no one want me?” You are one of a kind, and somebody absolutely does want you. If you can start by learning to love and appreciate yourself as an individual, you can feel more attractive, happier, and more confident, and you can become much better prepared to experience happiness in a relationship. You deserve to feel loved and valued, and the right tools can help. Take the first step today.

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