What Kind Of Person Am I Compared To Others?

Updated December 22, 2022by BetterHelp Editorial Team

What kind of person am I compared to the people I know? At some time during their development as a healthy person, nearly everyone goes through a time when they ask this question. However, despite how common this is, research shows that comparing yourself to others can have negative effects on your health and well-being.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to find your place among others. It can be part of the process of understanding who you are. However, you don’t have to sacrifice who you are just so you can fit in. If you feel stuck, not being able to answer or let go of that question, know that you are not alone, and there are ways to get past this. Below are a few things to remember as you think about who you are and what it means to compare yourself to others.

Explore The Tendency To Compare Yourself To Others.

You Are Uniquely You

There's no one else who has your combination of physical and emotional characteristics and life experiences. No matter how hard you try to compare yourself to others, it may feel impossible to come to a conclusion that describes the differences exactly. Not only are you unique, but it’s normal that you are unique. That means you shouldn't have to fit in with everyone else or try to be just like everyone else. For this reason, comparisons often don’t lead to an accurate picture of who you are or lead to greater well-being.

Comparisons To Others Often Aren't Helpful

While there may be occasions when comparisons to others can provide some motivation, research shows that comparing yourself to others can be detrimental for your mental health. Comparisons can lead to low self-confidence and even depression. This may decrease your desire to improve in ways that help you reach your true potential.

On the other hand, comparisons can sometimes make you feel good if you think you compare favorably to others in some area of life, but that may not be a healthy, lasting form of confidence. Someone who believes they compare favorably could end up caring less about others around them, which can be detrimental to their relationships to friends, family, and coworkers. 

When It's Helpful To Ask “What Kind Of Person Am I?”

There are three main instances when it may be helpful to ask that question. First, you can work on improving some aspect of yourself if you believe someone in your life is a healthy role model in that area. Second, with the guidance of a licensed counselor, you may gain valuable information about your mental health if you notice that you think or behave differently than others. Finally, you can build your self-esteem to a healthy level if you see that you are similar to people you admire.

By looking at each of these things, you may be able to discover more about yourself and find out if you might start doing something to change. For example, if you admire someone for being an excellent listener, you might start practicing strategies to become a more careful, empathetic listener for those around you. If you notice someone else has developed a strong physical or mental health routine, you can begin to implement some strategies to improve your own health, such as regular exercise or mindfulness meditation. These are strategies that can help you improve certain aspects of your life without changing who you are as a person. As you begin to notice improvement in these areas, you may find a healthier more accurate point of comparison—between the you of the past and the you of the present moment.

What To Do When Comparisons Get To Be Too Much

Just like everything else about you, the way you think about things is likely going to be different from how others think. You have had different life experiences and offer different thoughts and insights than other people do. However, there are some things that you may notice that can be signs of a potential problem. If you notice that you are depressed or that your moods tend to change frequently, you may want to talk with an experienced therapist to find out more.

Explore The Tendency To Compare Yourself To Others.

What To Do When The Comparisons Overwhelm You

If your comparisons make you feel sad, lonely, or inadequate, you may find it helpful to assess the validity of the conclusions you've drawn. Are you being too hard on yourself? Do you have unrealistic expectations about yourself? If you are doing either of these things or if you know there are things about yourself you'd like to change, you may benefit from talking to a licensed counselor

If you don’t feel comfortable going into a therapist’s office, you might try online therapy, which researchers have found to be just as effective as in-person therapy. With BetterHelp, you can schedule therapy from the comfort of your home, and you can contact your therapist via phone, videoconference, or live chat. 

A licensed therapist may be able to offer an objective, unbiased perspective on some of the thoughts you have as you compare yourself to others. Also, there are therapeutic approaches that have been proven to be effective at addressing related feelings of anxiety. These include cognitive behavioral therapy, which a professional therapist may use to help you accurately assess your thoughts in a nonjudgmental setting.


If you have questions or concerns about comparing yourself to others, know that you are not alone. Most people do this from time to time, and it’s something that therapists are accustomed to helping people with. Reach out to get matched with a licensed therapist at BetterHelp today.

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