Experiencing Family Stress? Common Stressors In Family Life And What You Can Do
When people say that relationships are difficult, they aren't just talking about romantic ones. Personal relationships of all types can have their challenges. Everything from parent-child connections to friendships involves two or more people with their own unique needs and feelings, which is likely to lead to some significant stress and conflict from time to time.
Unresolved conflict or lack of communication can make family life incredibly complex. It’s important to recognize the potential causes of family stress and work together as a family unit to come up with strategies for managing it effectively. Alleviating these tensions can not only reduce stress experienced by family members, but also improve your own self-esteem, mental health, and emotional well-being.
Let’s explore six common causes of family stress, and then look at how you might ease some of the tension to promote a healthier family dynamic.
Common causes of stress in the family system
Every family is unique, made up of unique individuals with a particular past. Different personalities, experiences, and expectations create a unique family dynamic. Family dynamics play an important role in how each person in the family interacts with the other.
In families with different dynamics, conflicting expectations and misunderstandings can be a source of stress. Tension can still arise even when families get along well. Whether your family is welcoming a new baby, navigating health problems, or dealing with financial troubles, stress can affect all of you.
That said, there are a handful of sources of stress that are commonly seen across many different types of families around the globe. Knowing the most common causes of family stress can help you better prepare for the challenges that lay ahead. Here are six of them, though this list is by no means exhaustive.
#1. Finances
Money is a common cause of stress for both individuals and families. In families in particular, there are multiple people who need money to meet a variety of basic needs. This area of life can get stressful when there aren’t enough breadwinners, or when certain unforeseen expenses—such as medical care—arise that the family may not be financially equipped to handle. Financial troubles can also strain relationships if one or both partners feel anxiety over the need to cut back on spending.
If you are looking for a cause of parental stress, add finances to the list. Trying to stay afloat and provide food, clothing, shelter, and healthcare for each family constituent can be a huge challenge and a source of stress and parent-child conflict. Things can be further complicated when some family constituents are spending more or making more than others, or when concerns about finances cause them to lash out emotionally or behave in unproductive ways.
#2. Parental relationship issues
Some families include two parents or a single parent who is dating. Romantic relationships are difficult, and these challenges may affect other representatives along the way. In families where there are two parents who are together, couples can lose touch with each other due to busy schedules, disagree with each other on parenting styles or finances, or simply drift apart over time. These issues can affect the moods of the parents and therefore the atmosphere in the house—especially if they lead to fighting or divorce.
Parental stress can also cause your child to feel stressed or overwhelmed, as they may worry about the future of their family. Research suggests that parental responses to stress are correlated with children’s negative emotions. Single parents who are dating may experience challenges around knowing when or how to integrate a new partner into their family’s life. While these are only a few of many possible scenarios in this category, it’s clear that romantic relationships that affect the family unit can definitely be a potential source of stress.
#3. Health problems
No one chooses to have mental or physical health issues. However, that doesn’t mean that a person with a health condition can’t sometimes contribute to stress for the rest of the family. In the best of times, families can come together as a support system for a loved one who is ill in some way. That said, stress can build up over time—especially when the health issue is chronic, long-term, or especially severe. It may be related to finances or deciding who will handle any necessary care, for instance. The person with the illness may also experience stress related to their condition and how it impacts their life and the lives of their families. Such stress can further weaken the immune system and make recovery more difficult.
It’s important to remember that every family member is impacted by health issues and each one needs support and understanding. Having open conversations about how the illness is impacting both the kids and parents is a step toward managing stress levels.
#4. Loss
Grief is a difficult process to work through, and not everyone in a family will move through it on the same timeline or in the same way. This mismatch can lead to frustration or judgment. Even without this factor, grief is a complex experience that can bring up a whole host of difficult emotions that can take a while to subside. Dealing with the logistics of a person who has passed, especially if they were a parent, primary caregiver, or breadwinner, can also be extremely stressful for those left behind. Losing an older parent can also be accompanied by the added stress of taking on a more active caretaking role for the surviving parent. Families dealing with loss need support and compassion from each other, as well as coping skills to help them move through the process.
#5. Relocation
For various reasons, a family may need to relocate to a new city, state, or even country. A family may move because of a job relocation, a natural disaster, or a desire to be in a different school district. Depending on the cause of the move, this type of move can cause a mix of different emotions in the family, from excitement to dread to fear. The mismatch can be challenging to deal with, as can the practical logistics. Plus, studies suggest that having strong social connections can help with stress resilience, so the time between moving to a new place and building new connections can be an extra stressful period for the family. While relocation can bring stressors, it can also be an opportunity to start anew for families.
#6. Adding a family member
Growing your family can be both joyful and one of the causes of family stress. Adding new constituents to a family can be exciting, whether it's a new baby being born, a child of any age being adopted, or a new spouse marrying in. However, a new family member is likely to disrupt existing family dynamics. Life changes can be difficult, especially when there are children involved.
Bringing home a new baby or child can cause jealousy issues and sibling rivalries. Disagreements regarding parenting practices may arise, potentially leading to or exacerbating marital dissatisfaction. A new spouse can bring up complicated feelings as well. Adjusting to the addition of a new family can be stressful in different ways for everyone involved. A healthy family is one that can work together to adjust, accept and embrace the changes.
How therapy can help family members manage stress
Cultivating an environment of calm, open communication where everyone’s needs are listened to and taken into account can help families with stress management. Speaking with a mental health professional is one way to do this. Psychotherapy can help family members understand the sources of psychological distress, develop effective coping strategies, and work through stressful events together.
Research supports the effectiveness of family therapy, with one study citing that parents who participated “reported higher family cohesion, higher satisfaction, and perceived efficacy as a parent, and healthier parental practices” after treatment.
A trained therapist can create a safe space where each person can express their feelings, and they can act as a moderator to make sure everyone is heard and that the conversation progresses constructively. Or, if family stress is stemming from the relationship between parents, couples therapy may be useful. Individual therapy may be helpful if it’s centered on one person's experience in handling grief, a physical or mental illness, trauma, or another challenge. There are many different forms counseling can take; family meetings with a qualified mental health professional for an evaluation may be a beneficial first step.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
In addition to different forms, therapy can also take place in different formats. While in-person sessions are traditionally the norm, online methodologies are becoming increasingly popular. Research suggests that both can offer similar benefits, which means that families can typically choose the one that works best for them. Since virtual therapy is often more available and affordable and requires no travel time, many busy families find it to be a convenient option.
If you’re interested in online therapy, you can use a platform like BetterHelp to get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or online chat to address the challenges you and your other family members may be facing.
Takeaway
What are the common causes of family stress?
Family stress may be caused by a variety of factors. These could range from stressful life events—such as a move, the start of school, or a parent getting a new job—to family discord, a divorce, or a serious illness. Maternal stress may also be a factor if a new mother has challenges getting enough sleep or finding the social support she needs.
What are examples of stress at home?
What family stress looks like at home may depend on the source of the stress, in addition to other factors, like individual stress reactions. For instance, if a family is going through a stressful time at work, they might exhibit irritability or impatience when interacting with their family after they get home.
Similarly, physical symptoms of stress may also manifest at home. For instance, families might experience headaches, muscle pains, elevated blood pressure, or digestive issues while at home, which may affect daily life within the household. In extreme or prolonged cases, stress may even affect family functioning, or change the ways that family interacts with one another.
How does family stress affect students?
Family stress may affect students in a variety of ways. For instance, prolonged or chronic stress may increase the risk of negative physical effects, such as fatigue, nausea, or trouble sleeping. In some cases, it may even raise the risk of developing diabetes, heart disease, or another chronic illness. These effects may directly or indirectly affect students’ performance at school.
From a mental health standpoint, family stress may also play a role in the development of certain mental illnesses. For instance, a 2022 study found an association between academic and family stress among students and an increased risk of depression, which may in turn negatively affect academic performance.
What can you do when you're stressed about family?
A variety of strategies may be helpful if you find yourself experiencing stress due to family matters. Understanding your stress cues—the reactions in your body and mind that signal stress—may be an important place to start. If a pattern emerges, you may be better able to identify when you’re stressed and take steps to address the cause.
Ways of managing ongoing family stress may also include self-care strategies, such as good hygiene, regular physical activity, eating a healthy diet, practicing mindfulness, or giving yourself space when you need it. Additionally, when it comes to ongoing family stressors, such as an upcoming move or a transition to a new school, seeking emotional support may also be helpful. This might involve talking to a therapist, speaking to a trusted friend, or looking for a family bonding opportunity to discuss your feelings about the situation.
Can family stress cause anxiety?
To answer this question, it may first be worth understanding the difference between stress and anxiety. Stress may be defined as a physical or mental response to demanding or taxing situations. Anxiety, meanwhile, may be defined as a feeling of worry, unease, or apprehension, often centered around future possibilities.
Although individual stress responses may vary, family stress—especially negative stress—has the potential to affect the entire family, including potentially causing anxiety. This may be especially true if the stress is associated with a future event or outcome. For instance, a couple experiencing stress or negative emotions about an ongoing divorce might also experience feelings of anxiety about how the event will affect their family system.
Does family stress affect children?
There is a possibility that family stress results in various effects on children. For example, a 2020 study found an increased risk of mental health challenges among preschool children whose parents reported parenting stress during their infancy.
It may be important to remember that a certain level of stress exposure may be considered a natural part of child development. For example, a child might experience apprehension or an elevated heart rate due to minor stressors, like going to the doctor’s office. This is what is known as the positive stress response. However, children exposed to prolonged stress and adversity during childhood (such as abuse or neglect), may experience a phenomenon known as the toxic stress response may occur, which may have lasting impacts on the brain.
How does stress affect family relationships?
Stress affects family relationships differently, depending on a variety of factors, such as individual coping skills and communication. That said, stress may have potentially negative effects on family systems.
For instance, if individuals in the family keep high-stress levels to themselves, it may be challenging for others to understand their situation, potentially leading to feelings of frustration or resentment. Stress may also affect family relationships by impacting a person’s ability to focus on family activities or give their relationships the attention they need. In some cases, the physical health effects brought on by chronic stress may place additional strain on interactions between the constituents in the family.
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