Engagement, Wedding Planning, And Beyond: Caring For Your Mental Health Together

When you imagine your wedding day, what does it look like? Are you in a grand event space surrounded by a massive crowd of family and friends, or do you picture an intimate affair with a few of your closest loved ones? Each person's wedding inspiration is likely to be different, but wedding stress is one thing many spouses-to-be have in common. 

The stress of wedding planning can seem overwhelming for many reasons, but it is possible to manage the challenges and enjoy your big day. This post explores the stressors many people encounter when planning a wedding and how to approach them in the most balanced way possible—all while continuing to nurture your relationship and handle everyday challenges. 

Common stressors of weddings and wedding planning: Wedding website, wedding invitations, and more

Wedding budget concerns and managing expectations are just a couple of the everyday stressors faced by many people planning a wedding. On top of that, decision fatigue can set in when individuals must choose every detail of their big day while navigating the relationship challenges that might accompany those decisions. Again, weddings often look very different between couples, depending on many factors—the following stressors might not apply to some, but could be significant issues for others.

Cultural and social pressure around engagement and weddings

Cultural, traditional, and societal expectations can put significant pressure on people planning their weddings. Some cultures plan days-long affairs featuring hundreds of wedding guests or expect elaborate ceremonies complete with multiple wardrobe changes and wedding events. Culture, tradition, and societal pressures often play into wedding stress. Comparison culture and social media often create unrealistic standards about wedding style and scope, applying pressure to find the perfect wedding dress and throw the perfect reception. 

Wedding planning and financial strain 

Budgeting and managing wedding costs can be a significant source of stress, potentially leading to worry and anxiety about overspending. Wedding costs may exceed initial estimates due to last-minute changes, unforeseen circumstances, or hidden fees. Family contributions can be a source of tension, particularly if there are differing opinions or expectations. In some cases, couples might experience guilt, shame, or pressure to overspend.

Creating a guest list and gathering your wedding party

Couples often experience pressure to include specific individuals in the wedding party or invite certain people based on family obligations, work relationships, or past social connections, even if those individuals aren't close to them. Deciding who gets a “plus one” can also be a source of stress as couples weigh relationship status, budget, and the potential for drama. Additionally, it can be challenging to tell people they aren't on the guest list, especially if they expect to be included, leading to potential hurt feelings and social awkwardness. Choosing not to invite someone can strain friendships or family ties, and couples may worry about the long-term impact of their decisions. 

Creating a wedding website and sending wedding invitations

Choosing a paid or free wedding website, invitations, and other communications can be a source of stress. For many, these items represent the first impression of the wedding, adding pressure to make them both informative and aesthetically pleasing. Managing RSVPs, dietary restrictions, seating arrangements, and other details often requires managing a lot of information and logistics. 

Interacting with the wedding planner, wedding photographer, and other vendors

Trusting and relying on others, such as a caterer, wedding photographer, and DJ, to help you achieve the wedding you want can be stressful. Some couples find themselves dealing with unreliable wedding vendors, poor communication, or unexpected changes. Misunderstandings, delayed responses, and poorly communicated expectations can also contribute to tension and anxiety. Additionally, you might encounter vendors in the wedding industry whose personalities or communication styles don't mesh well with yours. These interactions can be emotionally draining and add stress to the process. 

When everyone’s a wedding planner: Setting boundaries with loved ones

Tensions and disagreements within families or with friends during the planning process can create added stress and emotional strain. Some spouses-to-be must navigate unsolicited opinions and controlling behavior from others, potentially creating conflict with family, friends, vendors, or the bridal party. Managing such challenges can be tricky, particularly if the individual(s) are contributing financially to the wedding. 

Setting boundaries and learning to say no without guilt are often necessary when interacting with pushy loved ones. Some people find it beneficial to speak to a counselor about such challenges. Mental health professionals can help clients strengthen their communication and conflict-resolution skills.

Balancing planning a wedding with daily responsibilities

Wedding planning typically involves numerous tasks, deadlines, and appointments, which can lead it to seem like a part-time job. Managing it all while balancing daily life and other responsibilities can be overwhelming, leading to pressure to make quick decisions and potentially neglect essential details. Try to establish clear boundaries between work and wedding planning. 

Create a clear timeline for your wedding date and break it down into manageable phases. There are many free wedding planning tools that may help you create this structure. Stay organized with a wedding checklist to avoid last-minute rushes and stress. Finally, don't try to handle everything on your own—delegate tasks to trusted friends, family members, or a wedding planner if you have one. Remember that it's okay not to be perfect. Try thinking about the wedding planning process as a journey.

Signs of burnout and overwhelm

Unmanaged stress and overwhelm may also lead to more serious mental health concerns, such as panic, anxiety, and depressive disorders. These disorders are treatable with the professional guidance of a therapist.

Physical symptoms

People tend to experience stress differently in the body, and symptoms can change in frequency and nature over time. Some physical signs of overwhelm include the following:

• Headaches 
• Muscle tension
• Fatigue (even with plenty of sleep)
• Changes in appetite or sleep patterns
• Stomach problems

In some cases, when stress goes unmanaged, physical symptoms can develop into those similar to a panic attack, such as shortness of breath, dizziness, and nausea.

Emotional and behavioral symptoms

Couples planning a wedding may experience a range of emotional symptoms that can potentially lead to problematic behavioral changes, such as increased fighting, social withdrawal, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Emotional symptoms of wedding stress might include those listed below:

• Excessive worry, racing thoughts, and a general sense of unease 
• Being easily agitated or snapping at others
• Struggling to focus on tasks
• Experiencing decision fatigue
• Sadness or hopelessness

Prioritizing your well-being 

Prioritizing well-being during wedding planning generally involves making self-care a priority, setting realistic expectations, and communicating effectively with your partner. This might mean establishing boundaries, delegating responsibilities, and seeking support when needed. If possible, schedule self-care days into your routine. These days should be dedicated to activities that help you relax and recharge, such as spending time in nature or reading a good book. 

Incorporating mindfulness techniques like meditation, deep breathing, or yoga can also reduce stress. If wedding planning stress becomes overwhelming, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. Mind and body wellness are directly linked. As such, caring for your mental health also means taking care of your body. To stay physically healthy, get plenty of sleep, exercise regularly, and eat nutritiously. 

Beyond engagement: Tips for staying grounded and nurturing your connection

The foundation built on your shared values, love story, and reasons for marrying can easily get lost in the hectic planning process. Try to reconnect through open and honest communication with your partner about your hopes, dreams, and expectations for the wedding day. A weekly check-in where you discuss your progress, feelings, and concerns can help you stay aligned. 

Schedule activities unrelated to the wedding, such as a date night at the movies, an afternoon hike, or a walk around the neighborhood together. Taking a break from planning can help you refocus and reconnect with each other. You might also consider the things you appreciate about your partner on a daily basis and let them know you’re grateful for them. 

Seek emotional support

Seek support and advice from trusted friends, family members, or mentors who have been through the experience of planning a wedding. Consider reaching out to a therapist specializing in stress management and life transitions. Proactively addressing these topics can help you avoid more serious mental health challenges later. A therapist may also help you with personal growth and self-awareness by exploring personal expectations, values, and beliefs. Additionally, if you have unresolved past relationship trauma, a therapist can help you address that and explore how it might be impacting your current partnership.  

The benefits of pre-wedding day couples counseling 

Consider attending premarital counseling. Even if your relationship is strong, couples counseling can reinforce your bond by helping you maintain healthy communication, learn to handle stress together, and prepare for the life transitions to come. There are also support groups for engaged individuals to help manage stress, conflict, and relationships. Utilizing couples therapy now can normalize the idea of seeking external emotional support throughout your marriage, whether it's to address specific conflicts or to maintain a healthy bond when things are going well.  

The benefits of online therapy 

Individuals and couples may benefit from the flexibility and convenience offered by online therapy during the commotion of wedding planning. Virtual counseling allows you to attend sessions from the comfort of your home at times that suit your busy schedule and eliminates the need to commute to a therapist’s office. This may be particularly beneficial for couples with demanding work schedules, those living in remote areas, or those navigating long-distance relationships.

Online platforms like BetterHelp for individuals and Regain for couples often provide a broader selection of therapists than what is available in person, enabling people to connect with professionals specializing in areas like stress, conflict resolution, major life changes, and premarital counseling. Online therapy can be more affordable than traditional in-person counseling without insurance, potentially alleviating some of the financial strain that accompanies throwing a wedding. 

Additionally, virtual therapy is evidence-based. One study published in Frontiers in Psychology indicated that online premarital counseling can be as effective as traditional in-person sessions for improving relationship satisfaction, communication skills, and overall mental health for couples. Another Internet Interventions study revealed that internet-delivered cognitive behavioral therapy (iCBT) could reduce perceived stress, as well as anxiety and depression symptoms, which can be common in those who are overwhelmed by wedding planning responsibilities.