Tips To Help Teenagers Who Don't Like School
Middle and high school can represent a difficult time in a person’s life, which can lead many kids to say “I hate school!”.
This phase comes with changes in lots of different areas, and the pressure to fit in and achieve the success that many teenagers experience can make it even harder. There are a variety of reasons you may not like school, whether they’re social, academic, or otherwise, but there are almost always steps you can take to make your environment more manageable.
5 reasons you might not like school, plus five solutions to try
Depending on your age, you may still have several years of middle school or high school ahead of you. If you’re unhappy with a particular aspect, some of the following tips might be useful. Let’s take a look at common reasons teenagers don’t like school along with a strategy that may help improve each one.
1. You’re feeling overwhelmed
If school feels overwhelming, you’re not alone. Many teenagers find themselves with packed schedules. From classes and homework to extracurricular activities and even part-time jobs, many students want to escape back to summer. Add time for relaxation and hanging out with friends, and you might be fully booked. If what you have on your plate is truly too much, you might speak with your parents, a guidance counselor, or a therapist about what you may be able to reasonably cut from your agenda.
It may also help to try out some new organizational tactics. Keeping a physical planner can be helpful, since you can see your weeks and months at a glance so you can plan ahead. There are plenty of planning apps for your phone that are available, too. You might also try color-coding your materials for different classes, setting phone reminders for important dates and assignments, focusing on one thing at a time instead of multitasking, getting into a reliable routine, and getting enough sleep. These are all strategies that might help you keep things organized and running smoothly.
2. You hate getting up early
In general, teenagers need more sleep than the average adult because their bodies and brains are still growing. If you’re having trouble waking up during the semester anymore, it’s not your brother or sister’s fault--you may not be getting enough rest each night. Aiming for at least eight or nine hours is typically recommended. If you have trouble getting good sleep, you can try a few different strategies for establishing better sleep habits. Examples include going to bed and waking up at the same time every day and sleeping in a dark, quiet room that’s at a good temperature. It may also help to limit your screen time, especially before bed. Research suggests that more smartphone use correlates with poorer sleep outcomes in teenagers especially, so putting your phone down at least an hour or two before bed may be beneficial.
3. You have test anxiety
Test-taking can be a significant source of stress and anxiety for people at various types of schools, whether you find the source material interesting or not. Depending on your school district, most exams test knowledge in one, specific way, which can mean that people with different learning styles may need to improve regardless of their grasp of the subjects. There can also be a lot of pressure from teachers or parents associated with getting good grades. If test anxiety is making it hard for you to like school, there are a few things you can try. First, learning some deep breathing exercises may help you keep yourself calm and focused when going into an exam. Next, you could meet with a tutor who can evaluate your studying and test-taking habits and help you find ways to remember what was discussed in your lectures. Finally, you can ask your teachers for accommodations if you have specific needs around test-taking. They may be able to grant you extra time or let you take the test in a quieter setting.
4. You’re being bullied
According to the CDC, about one in five high school students report being bullied at public school in the past year, and about one in six reports being bullied online. Bullying is serious, and it can cause long-term fear and have a negative impact on you in both the short and the long term. That’s why seeking help is so important. According to stopbullying.gov, telling the bully to stop in a calm, clear voice can be effective in some cases. If you’re at risk for physical harm, however, walking away and finding an adult who can help is best. You may also want to speak with a teacher or counselor you can trust to help prevent future instances of bullying.
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5. You’re experiencing anxiety or depression
If you’re facing certain mental health challenges, it can be difficult to enjoy, do well in, or even go to school. At this age, anxiety can manifest as concerns about all kinds of things, from your academic performance, social life, and appearance to your future plans or family situation at home, to name a few. This combined with a poor diet full of junk food can point to symptoms such as trouble concentrating, irritability, sleep problems, recurring fears and worries, and extreme self-consciousness. When it comes to depression, symptoms in children and teenagers can include crying spells, feelings of hopelessness, loss of interest in activities once enjoyed, feeling easily frustrated, and low self-esteem. If you feel you may have a mental illness like anxiety or depression, there is help available. Doctors, a school counselor, or a licensed therapist can help you manage symptoms so that you can feel and function better at school and in other parts of your life.
No matter what grade you are in, facing all the challenges that middle and high school may offer can be difficult. However, you don’t have to do it alone. A therapist can listen, help to explain what is happening and provide you with a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can talk about what’s bothering you at school.
They can help provide you with a lesson for building self-confidence, decreasing anxiety, developing a sense of self, keeping yourself organized, and enjoying your budding sense of freedom. Talking about these topics with a professional can provide support and guidance for whatever you’re going through, and they may also identify and offer treatment for any mental health disorders you might be experiencing.
You can speak with a mental health professional in person or online. Research suggests that online and in-person therapy offer similar benefits, so you can choose the method that works better for you. If you’re interested in the online format, a virtual therapy platform may be worth considering. BetterHelp is one option for online therapy for those 18 and older. It will match you with a licensed therapist who you can speak with via phone, video call, and/or online chat from your house. TeenCounseling offers the same services but to those between the ages of 13 and 19, with parental consent.
Regardless of your age or the therapy format you feel most comfortable with, know that there is support available to you as you face whatever challenges you may have in front of you at school.
Takeaway
What do I do if I hate my school?
If you hate going to school, one of the first things to do is figure out why so you can talk to someone about it. Sit down and create a written list of the things you don’t like - and anything that you do - about going to school; it's important you can explain where your feelings come from as best as you can. Once you have a good understanding (or at least a start), consider talking to your parents about what is bothering you. Tell them why you hate school, what is being done to make you upset, and what you have already tried doing to correct it.
If your parents are unable or unwilling to hear your concerns, you should consider talking to another safe adult in your life. Teachers and school counselors are likely good choices. If you’re feeling a lot of anxiety about going to school, a counselor can help figure out how to best help you feel better at school and prevent difficult feelings from arising again. The most important thing to do is likely to reach out before feelings become overwhelming. School isn’t always fun, but you deserve to feel safe, and supported there.
Is it normal not to like school?
It is normal not to like school, especially in later grades. High school can be a highly stressful experience for any teenager, despite opportunities for socialization, sports, and fun extracurriculars. All of those may appear as strong benefits to adults, but the Yale Child Study Center found in a survey of high school students that nearly 75% of their feelings regarding school were negative, indicating that students carry a lot of dislike for their school experience. However, if a student wants to cry at the thought of going to school, struggles to wake up consistently, describes feeling hated, or can’t report any positive aspects of their education, it’s likely a more serious issue is underlying their dislike of school.
Is it normal for a 13-year-old to hate school?
It is normal for middle and high school students to dislike school sometimes, but a sustained hatred for school is likely rarer. A significant hatred of school may lead to school avoidance, wherein a student puts in considerable effort to avoid attending school at all. School avoidance, also called school refusal, is sometimes a sign of a deeper mental health concern.
Anxiety disorders can sometimes be the root cause, or a student may be experiencing a form of trauma related to a fear of attacks or imminent harm, along with other traumatic things that may happen. While it is certainly normal for a 13-year-old to dislike attending school occasionally or even frequently, a persistent hatred of school or school avoidance behaviors likely indicate that a deeper issue is contributing.
Is there a school phobia?
Until the mid-20th century, truancy (an unexcused absence from school) was treated universally as a matter of delinquency, meaning that students did not attend because they simply did not care about their education and preferred to engage in delinquent behavior. Around the early 1940s, researchers noted that many students avoided school due to factors defined by fear and distress, not delinquency. The term “school phobia” was coined during that time period to describe students who avoided school because of anxiety or fear.
The term “social phobia” has mostly been replaced by “school refusal,” which refers to school-avoiding behaviors, regardless of their cause. School refusal might occur because of a fear of failing a subject like math or reading, anxiety about socializing, avoiding exercise, bullying, or other reasons. The way school refusal is addressed varies considerably from case to case, often depending on how much school impacts the individual student. In situations where anxiety or fear are significant contributors, the student is likely experiencing what the original inventors of the term “school phobia” described.
Is school making kids depressed?
Schools can contribute to difficult feelings, and some school-based factors can increase the chances a student will be diagnosed with a mental health concern. For example, one study found that bullying or teasing at school can significantly increase the risk of depression, as can struggling in a certain subject or working to overcome a learning disability.
The stressful nature of school, a place where children and teenagers are expected to learn adult skills and begin to behave as adults, can also significantly impact a student’s mental health. However, resources like school counselors and mental health support groups are available to help struggling students. While school can contribute to depression, it is likely that those who are depressed at school also have other factors contributing to their mental state.
Do kids with Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) hate school?
Although evidence suggests that students with ADHD tend to struggle more in school than their peers, an ADHD diagnosis is not a guarantee that a student will hate school. Students will probably be more likely to dislike school if their ADHD is poorly managed or if their school is unaware of their diagnosis. They might find it challenging to hear and understand lengthy instructions, avoid staying in their seat, or fail to retain information from courses that do not interest them. Struggling to sit still or pay attention in every class (except maybe lunch) can create a significant mental load for students with poorly managed ADHD.
In contrast, students with well-managed ADHD whose caregivers have coordinated with the school likely find school significantly more preferable and less stressful. Elementary students usually need to rely on their parents to advocate for them, but older students should consider approaching a trusted teacher or school official in addition to their parents if ADHD is adversely impacting their education.
Is school too stressful for kids?
There is ongoing concern regarding the level of stress experienced by students in school, especially in later grades. Evidence suggests that high schoolers and college students are especially prone to stress-related effects due to the sudden increase (at most school districts in the United States) in responsibility and autonomy between grades eight and nine. Academic-related stress has been shown to increase the risk of substance use, dropout, sleep disturbances, and reduced academic achievement.
Do kids feel lonely at school?
Children and teens often feel lonely at school for several reasons. Students, especially younger ones, may not know how to socialize and interact with their peers. They might also feel anxiety about interacting with peers, or they may be experiencing depression, which commonly causes children and teens to withdraw from others. They may also feel as though they don’t fit in with others, perhaps because they are slower to mature. Parents and schools can help kids feel less lonely by encouraging them to interact with others, practicing social skills, offering clarification regarding social situations, and helping the child find friendships outside of school.
Can too much homework cause depression?
Evidence suggests that excessive homework can have several adverse effects, notably increased stress levels, health declines, and a loss of opportunities to engage in other extracurricular activities. Students often struggle to see the point of homework or resent that it has been assigned, which may further reduce the benefit of taking work home from school.
The health reductions associated with excessive homework, such as sleep deprivation and weight loss, are also associated with high stress and depression. Sleep disturbances alone can make it difficult for a student to get up in the morning to attend school, and that may be worsened by late nights completing homework. While homework itself probably isn’t the sole cause of a student’s depression, the stress it causes may be a significant contributing factor.
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