The Benefits Of A Sex Therapist

Physical intimacy is an important component of many romantic relationships. Those who want to enhance their sex life or work through sexual issues may turn to mental health professionals who can help them address emotional challenges that may be inhibiting their physical closeness. Psychosexual (sex) therapists are professionals who help couples overcome intimacy-related emotional challenges and strengthen their sexual connection. In the article below, we’ll discuss the role of the psychosexual therapist in addressing sexual concerns, the benefits and common themes of psychosexual and relationship therapy, and the options for working with a counsellor for sex and relationship therapy in the United Kingdom.

What is psychosexual (sex) therapy?

Psychosexual therapy is a form of psychotherapy that aims to help individuals or partners address intimacy concerns and improve their sexual well-being. Sex counselling is a form of talk psychotherapy, a psychological approach that involves discussing the sources of challenges with a trained provider and then developing strategies for overcoming them. While it is often conducted as couples therapy involving all partners, individuals can also participate in sex therapy. 

Sex counsellors are mental health professionals with backgrounds that can vary significantly. A sex counsellor may be a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or counselor. While these providers often have varied professional backgrounds, they will typically need specialized training in psychosexual counselling in order to practice the modality. 

How long a person or a couple may need to attend intimacy counselling can depend on the specific goals they want to achieve or the concerns they are experiencing. While some clients may require as few as five sessions, others may participate in 20–30 sessions before reaching their objectives. If you’re interested in pursuing this type of counselling, a professional can share more information about how many sessions you may need.

Common sources of intimacy challenges

There are many different sexual function concerns that may impact an individual’s or a couple’s sexual well-being, from erectile difficulties to painful sex. The following are some of the most common causes of sexual function concerns and intimacy challenges:

• Mental health disorders, like anxiety disorders
• Physical health concerns
• Lack of communication
• Low self-esteem
• Insecure attachments
• Fear of intimacy
• Relationship conflict
• Sexual dysfunction
• Erectile issues
• Orgasm difficulties
• Delayed ejaculation
• Sexual pain
• Desire discrepancy
• Compulsive sexual behaviours
• Porn addiction
• Infidelity
• Past trauma

Potential benefits of seeing a sex therapist

Reduced mental health concerns

Psychosexual and relationship counselling can help participants address any underlying mental health challenges that may be impacting intimacy. For example, many people live with anxiety related to intimacy, commitment, or sexual performance. Research suggests that counselling may help reduce anxiety and improve the quality of one’s sexual life. 

People who have experienced sexual trauma may also benefit from psychosexual counselling. A counsellor can help trauma survivors process complex feelings regarding physical intimacy and learn coping strategies for triggering situations. While psychosexual counselling will typically not be the first-line treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or other trauma-related mental illnesses, it can sometimes be utilized as a helpful complementary counselling for clients who are interested in it.

This psychotherapy may also help people with sexual problems, like compulsive sexual behavior, to develop a healthier relationship with intimacy. There is evidence that psychosexual interventions may help individuals who are experiencing sex addiction, pornography addiction, and related behavioral concerns. 

Improved communication

It isn’t always easy to talk about intimacy concerns, even with your own partner. A psychosexual counselor is specifically trained to create a safe, comfortable environment that may help couples share their thoughts and feelings about intimacy. Partners may feel heard and understood when they can express themselves without fear of judgment, which may help couples communicate more effectively in other aspects of their relationship as well. 

Enhanced sexual function

Sexual dysfunction is a challenge that affects many couples. A therapist can help a couple navigate the emotional aspects of challenges like erectile dysfunction, painful intercourse, or orgasmic dysfunction. Partners may be encouraged to share their feelings regarding sexual dysfunction or learn techniques for addressing it. A sex therapist can also help couples address changes in sexual desire or function that may be caused by aging, injury, health conditions, or other factors. 

What techniques might a sex therapist use?

There are many different methods sex therapists may use to help their clients enhance sexual intimacy. Often, providers encourage therapeutic work by facilitating a dialogue that prompts couples to openly share their sexual preferences with each other or express their appreciation for each other in a confidential space. For example, a professional may ask each partner to discuss their fantasies and then come up with ways of engaging in them as a couple. This can help partners better understand each other and become more comfortable communicating their desires. 

Another example is that counsellors may help participants—particularly those who experience anxiety—engage in breathwork or meditation. These types of mindfulness strategies may help them focus on the present when they’re physically intimate. Research suggests that mindfulness can be associated with greater sexual satisfaction and overall sexual well-being.  

Because of the nature of intimacy concerns, “homework” is often assigned for the individual or the couple to engage in outside of sessions. For instance, counsellors may ask couples to engage in sensual touching activities (e.g., massage, mindful touching), kegel exercises, or other techniques at home. This type of sex education can help empower individuals to take steps toward overcoming their sexual challenges.

Another common modality in this field is cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on the connection between a client’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Using CBT principles, sex counsellors may help partners understand how certain thought processes contribute to their sexual connection, which can help them identify and work through communication difficulties. Take, for example, a situation in which one partner experiences unhelpful thoughts about sexual contact and hygiene. Through CBT, a counsellor takes a holistic approach that may help them reframe their beliefs, potentially helping them overcome relational difficulties and leading to more comfort and increased intimacy. 

Sex therapy & mental health challenges

Because sex therapists are mental health professionals, they typically have the training and qualifications necessary to help clients manage any psychological concerns and deliver trauma-informed care when necessary to overcome challenges that may be affecting their sexual well-being. For instance, they may employ techniques like role-playing exercises, which could help a partner with anxiety become more comfortable with physical closeness or become more kink-aware. Or, they might help one partner address ruminations regarding sex, which could arise out of depression. 

A sex therapist may also help participants learn more about their sexual orientation or gender identity. For example, a couple’s sexual life may change when one partner begins the process of transitioning to the gender they identify with. A sex therapist can help all partners navigate this change and the emotions it may bring up. 

Therapeutic Models and Specialist Training: Who Provides Sex and Relationship Therapy?

Sex and relationship therapists come from various backgrounds with special training beyond their initial qualifications as a counsellor, psychotherapist, or psychologist. They have typically undergone additional education and clinical practice helping people with sexuality, intimacy, and relationship concerns. 

Sex therapists draw on techniques from various approaches to therapy, including psychosexual, cognitive behavioural, and attachment-based approaches and mindfulness-informed techniques, choosing the appropriate approach based on the needs of individual clients.

How to find a sex therapist

Some couples who have been together for a long time may mistakenly believe that a fulfilling sex life is something that’s behind them, but being physically satisfied in your relationship is not just for young people. Whether you’re interested in getting help navigating the challenges of consensual non-monogamy, have a particular interest in understanding how women’s health affects intimacy, or need help navigating other relational difficulties, a sex therapist can help.

If you’re in the UK and are looking for a professional psychosexual therapist to help you address sexual and relationship issues, there are several therapy options you can explore. First, for those who are eligible for NHS care, it may be possible to receive this type of treatment for free by getting a referral from your GP.

If you want to find a non-NHS therapist, you might go through the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT), which is the professional organization of sex counsellors in the United Kingdom. Through COSRT’s Find a Therapist tool, you can search through a large directory of private practice professionals in this field. You’ll also be able to filter the results based on the providers who are closest to you.  

You can also search for sex counsellors using your insurance’s directory of providers, if you have health insurance. If you’re struggling to find psychosexual counsellors in your area, you might also consider connecting with a provider remotely through an online counselling platform. 

Counsellor qualifications

Ensuring your psychosexual therapist is properly qualified can help you feel more confident as you begin your counseling journey. Sex counsellors in the UK typically need to have been trained in an accredited counseling or psychology program. They will usually also be registered with COSRT or the Institute of Psychosexual Medicine. 

Some counselors may also choose to pursue gender, sexual, and relationship diversity (GSRD) training, which can better prepare them to help clients who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community or who practice some form of non-monogamy. If you’re unsure about a professional’s credentials, consider scheduling a consultation. There, you can ask about your sex therapist’s experience, ensuring they have helped individuals or partners with similar concerns to those that you’re facing in the past. You’ll also have the opportunity to determine whether their style and personality fit your needs.

Participating in relationship therapy online

It isn’t always easy for couples to find the time to address intimacy concerns and other relationship challenges. Online psychosexual counselling can make it easier for individuals or partners to fit sessions into their schedule.

Online counselling platforms like BetterHelp allow you to schedule counselling sessions at times that work for you—no commuting required. Because you can participate in sessions with an accredited psychosexual therapist or other type of provider remotely via video call, voice call, or messaging, you and your partner can work on enhancing physical closeness even when you aren’t in the same place. Many people also find talking about sensitive subjects like sex to be easier when they’re not face-to-face with their care provider.

Is working with relationship therapists online effective?

There is a substantial body of evidence pointing to the potential efficacy of online counselling in helping individuals and partners address emotional or sexual difficulties that may be impacting their sexual well-being. For example, findings from one study suggest that online relationship counselling led to improved symptoms of sexual dysfunction in participants. In general, you can expect the quality of online care to be similar to that of in-person care.