The Role Of Couples Therapy After Infidelity

Infidelity can be devastating for couples, leading to feelings of betrayal, anger, and sadness. One study concluded that 20% of married couples engage in extra-relational affairs at some point in their lives, with the number increasing to 70% for unmarried couples. While infidelity can be damaging, there are techniques designed to help couples get back to a positive and loving everyday life together, like couples therapy. 

Couples therapy may provide a good space for partners to discuss their emotions surrounding infidelity and find healing through communication and understanding. It can also help them identify any underlying issues that may have contributed to their relationship challenges. Healing from infidelity takes time, and couples counseling can be a powerful tool to help with recovery. 

What is couples therapy? 

Couples therapy can give individuals who have experienced infidelity in a relationship the opportunity to have an open and honest discourse alongside a professional relationship counselor. Marriage counseling or family therapy is also available for married couples who wish to discuss their relationship challenges with a professional.  

Couples therapy after infidelity may be beneficial for understanding why the affair happened and processing the resulting emotional turmoil. Therapy may also help both partners to understand and manage their own feelings of betrayal, anger, or guilt. One of couples therapy's main focuses is finding the optimal path forward in life for both individuals in the relationship, whether that means staying together or breaking up. 

Couples therapy and marriage counseling present opportunities to explore the underlying issues that led to infidelity. In couples therapy sessions, individuals may have the opportunity to work towards rebuilding a healthy relationship with a new sense of understanding and self-awareness.

The role of couples therapy after infidelity

During couples therapy, both partners can work with a licensed therapist specializing in affair recovery. The therapist typically acts as a neutral person and may facilitate discussions and activities that help the couple understand the impact of infidelity on their relationship. The therapy sessions may focus on immediate emotional reactions, individual behaviors, compatibility, and any other factors the couple finds relevant.

Therapy sessions can occur with both individuals present or with each individual at a time, depending on the couple's preferences or the therapist's guidance. Couples therapy and marriage counseling experts might focus on a few key guiding principles. These guidelines may include: 

Identify underlying issues 

Therapists may help the couple identify any underlying issues that might have led to infidelity, including problems with communication, intimacy, trust, or compulsive sexual behavior disorder. The couple can work together to stop the cycle of distrust and create a plan for building a stronger foundation for their relationship. This may require diving into relationship dynamics and each individual's habits and emotional state. A therapist may also help one or both partners identify and manage mental health challenges such as attention deficit disorder or bipolar disorder, which could contribute to behavioral issues. 

Emotional expression 

Throughout the therapy process, both partners may be encouraged to express their thoughts and feelings honestly and openly in the present moment. Emotional expression could be one of the key factors that make couples therapy effective in affair recovery.

Couples might find it difficult to express their emotions in the aftermath of an affair. These emotions can be overwhelming and challenging to manage, and in some cases could even lead to further damage to the relationship. Couples therapy may prevent this by providing the safe space needed to speak honestly and let the healing process run its course. 

Develop communication skills 

Communication can be strained after an affair, and couples may struggle to effectively communicate their emotions and feelings effectively after such an intense experience. A counselor may help each partner understand the other's perspectives and communicate in a respectful and productive way. This communication can then be used to reestablish trust and potentially rebuild the relationship.

In many cases, one of the main objectives of couples counseling is to help the couple understand that rebuilding trust takes time and effort. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is a process that may require commitment and patience from both partners. There might be setbacks, but it is often essential to be patient and trust the process. Not every couple decides to stay together after infidelity, but couples therapy has been shown to improve the odds of recovering from the incident.

Why partners cheat

Infidelity is a common issue that many couples face. Still, cheating can leave a deep scar that may be difficult to heal, leading to disruptions in the relationship. There are several reasons why infidelity may occur in a relationship, and there may be ways to work toward preventing it from happening to you.

Lack of communication

When couples cannot communicate effectively, they may not be able to understand their partner's needs. This disconnect could lead to dissatisfaction and unresolved issues within the relationship. As a result, one partner may turn to someone else to feel heard and understood.

Another cause of infidelity is a lack of physical intimacy. When one partner feels sexually unfulfilled, they may turn to someone else to satisfy their desires. Sexual frustration can arise due to poor communication. Thus, it can be helpful to have regular conversations with your partner about their satisfaction and any lingering intimacy issues they may be feeling. 

Emotional neglect

Lack of emotional intimacy may be another reason why infidelity happens in relationships. Emotional intimacy is an essential component of a romantic relationship. When one partner feels neglected or ignored, they may begin to seek emotional intimacy elsewhere. This can lead to emotional affairs, which can sometimes become physical.

Stress 

It's possible for high levels of stress in one or both partners to influence whether infidelity occurs. When individuals are stressed, they may seek out external outlets for comfort and validation, which can include seeking intimacy outside of the relationship.

Stress can also lead to a decrease in emotional and physical intimacy between partners, which can cause one or both individuals to feel neglected or unfulfilled. This can create a vulnerability that may make the couple more susceptible to cheating. Therapy can help couples learn stress-management strategies, such as mindfulness practice, that reduce stress.

Will couples therapy work?

Research shows that couples-based interventions have proven effectiveness in addressing a broad spectrum of specific relationship dysfunctions. For marriages to survive infidelity, it is often important for individuals to participate fully in the counseling process. Both parties may need to take responsibility for their respective roles in the infidelity and be open to exploring the underlying issues that led to the betrayal. In some cases, infidelity can cause individuals to develop mental health conditions such as depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and anxiety disorders. This may lead to an increased need for professional health care. 

The success of treatment may lie in the ability of each person to be honest about the role they played in the betrayal.

Perhaps the main factors that contribute to the success of online couples therapy after infidelity include:

• Identifying the root cause of infidelity 

• Developing an understanding of relationship boundaries 

• Understanding each partner’s emotional needs 

• Acknowledging mutual responsibility 

• Exploring any underlying mental health conditions 

• Learning conflict resolution and problem-solving skills and strategies  

• Dealing with feelings of guilt and shame   

• Rebuilding intimacy through forgiveness

Online couples therapy after infidelity 

If you are working through the recovery process after infidelity, online behavioral therapy is one option that can provide some unique benefits. One study demonstrated the effectiveness of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for couples who have experienced infidelity. Researchers discovered that couples who were open about discussing the infidelity with their partner before or during therapy were more likely to experience affair recovery and improvements in the relationship. 

Online therapy may make it easier for individuals who experience infidelity-related trauma to get help. With online therapy, you can speak to a couples or marriage counselor from the comfort of your own home. For some individuals, this may provide a safer environment to open up about tough topics such as sex addiction, affairs, and the emotional effects of betrayal in a marriage. Online couples counseling might also be more convenient since it can be easily scheduled around each partner’s calendar.  

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

This form of remote therapy for couples is supported by scientific research in the field of mental health, with one recent study showing that online interventions effectively improved select couples' relationships and individual functions.