How Forgiveness Therapy Can Benefit Mental Health And Well-Being

Forgiveness therapy

Moving forward may feel challenging when others harm you, especially if you have experienced trauma. Forgiveness therapy may help some individuals who have experienced harm at the hands of someone else release anger, heal relationships, and work towards positive outcomes such as self-healing, self-compassion, self-empowerment, and self-liberation.

What is forgiveness therapy, as a mental health treatment?

Forgiveness therapy is a term coined by Dr. Robert D. Enright in his book, Forgiveness Therapy: An Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope (previously called Helping Clients Forgive). The book describes the Enright model of helping clients resolve anger through forgiveness. The model breaks down the forgiveness process for emotional healing into four phases: uncovering, decision-making, work, and discovery (also known as “deepening” or “outcome”).

The first phase is the uncovering phase, where the patient may begin to learn more about the emotional pain related to their traumatic experience. In the second phase, also known as the decision phase, the patient may choose to change their mindset around the experience, such as opting to release anger and resentment. The third phase, the work phase, often involves the actual process of learning to forgive the person who has wronged them. In the final phase, the outcome phase, the patient may reflect on the positive changes they may have experienced through the process of forgiveness.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation. It is also distinct from legal mercy (clemency), though forgiveness may be extended to those who have harmed others.

When someone physically or emotionally wounds you, it may impact your mental health, physical capabilities, and life decisions. For instance, if the person who hurt you was someone close to you, you may find it challenging to trust others again.

There are different types of forgiveness therapy, which usually fall under decision-based or process-based forgiveness interventions. Receiving support through forgiveness therapy may help you feel more compassion and empathy for the person who wronged you, as well as for your wounded self. It may also help you focus on the positive aspects of life instead of the traumatic incident.

Why should I try forgiveness counseling?

There are several benefits of forgiveness counseling. Forgiveness counseling may help you move past traumatic events, such as abuse or violence. While these events may always be a part of your past, forgiveness work can help them become one page in your life story instead of a defining moment. 

It may feel unjust to work to forgive those who have wronged you, but forgiving others can have tangible benefits for your well-being. Research published in the journal Trauma, Violence, & Abuse shows that forgiveness interventions can reduce:

• Depression
• Anger
• Anxiety
• Hostility
• Stress 

Forgiveness interventions may also increase positive emotions, providing emotional and psychological benefits. Forgiveness can also help reduce the adverse physical effects of living with chronic anger, resentment, or stress that often manifests when you hold grudges. According to the Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope, forgiveness therapy may also be useful when addressing:

• Bipolar disorder
• Depressive disorders
• Anxiety disorders
• Child and developmental disorders

What does the research say about forgiveness therapy?

Evidence from clinical trials indicates that forgiveness therapy can provide many mental health benefits. One meta-analysis of various studies suggests that forgiveness therapy can be effective in fostering forgiveness while relieving depression and stress in older adults. Compared with the control group, these findings suggest that forgiveness interventions may enhance life satisfaction and psychological well-being. Another study with university students suggests that forgiveness interventions, especially those of a longer duration, can relieve mental health symptoms, offering hope, and improve self-esteem, among other benefits. Forgiveness therapy, especially process-based interventions, has also been found to encourage self-forgiveness, which is forgiveness turned towards the self. 

Is forgiveness therapy right for everyone?

While forgiveness therapy may be helpful for many individuals, it may not be appropriate for everyone, as outcomes can depend on individual readiness and context. For example, forgiveness therapy may not be appropriate if used before a person is ready to engage with the process or if they are still experiencing abuse or trauma. Feeling pressured to forgive can be another impediment to the work of forgiveness, as forgiveness may only happen if a person genuinely seeks to release anger and its effects. In this case, it can be important to remember that forgiveness involves personal choice; that is, a person chooses to forgive because they foresee benefits to their well-being and personal growth from doing so. 

Forgiveness therapy versus other therapeutic approaches

There may be times when excessive anger and difficulty managing emotions can be more appropriately managed with other approaches. For example, anger management may help individuals cope with anger, providing tools to de-escalate anger, relax, and manage strong emotions. Acceptance-based therapy is another evidence-based approach that encourages acceptance of one’s feelings and emotions while aligning behaviors with values and goals. 

How forgiveness therapy works

Counselors practicing this type of therapy may help clients discuss their history to move forward. Forgiveness therapists may have a background in educational psychology. They often work with clients affected by trauma to explore the traumatic event and come to terms with the experience. Depending on the severity of the client’s trauma, it may take some time before they feel comfortable discussing it thoroughly enough to develop an appropriate client goal for their treatment process. 

The process 

Throughout your sessions, your therapist may provide a safe environment to help you feel comfortable discussing your personal history. It could feel challenging to discuss your history of trauma. However, communicating your feelings can help you heal. Your therapist may listen to your story, or they may ask questions to guide the conversation.

Coping with shame and acceptance 

After a trauma, many people may find it difficult to stop thinking of ways they could have prevented the traumatic event from happening. They may come to blame themselves for the event, even though they were survivors of something complex. In these instances, self-forgiveness can be a challenge. 

Fortunately, learning to forgive yourself is a teachable skill. After you tell your story, your therapist might work to help you understand that what happened to you was not your fault. They may also work to help you accept that you cannot change the past and to develop a more balanced view of the situation, as opposed to blaming yourself for making mistakes that likely are not your fault. 

Healing emotional responses 

If you are experiencing anger or upset towards the person or people who have harmed you, your therapist may also help you explore the root of your emotions. By coming to understand the depth of your emotion, you could be able to start the healing process. 

Rebuilding safety 

Next, you may begin to rebuild your sense of safety. Your therapist may recommend coping mechanisms to help you focus on the positive things in your life. They may recommend you spend time doing activities that bring joy to help restore self-esteem. 

Learning to forgive 

Your therapist can work with you on increasing your ability to forgive others, known as interpersonal forgiveness. They may also help you find meaning in the traumatic experience and develop your life purpose apart from your traumatic history. 

Some individuals think that forgiveness means forgetting what happened. However, forgiveness therapy is not about minimizing your experience, but helping you understand it and potentially also develop empathy for the person who wounded you. According to the Empirical Guide for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope, understanding the true definition of forgiveness can be a vital component of this form of therapy. 

Moving forward after forgiveness

With support from your forgiveness therapist and time, you may reach a point where the problematic event you experienced lives in your past instead of your present. You may gain compassion for yourself and feel able to forgive those who may have wronged you in the past. 

Depending on the severity of your experience, your healing may not result in complete forgiveness. However, you might experience reduced anxiety, stress, or fewer thoughts of trauma. 

Forgiveness counseling is often about learning to let go. It may not consist of feeling empathy for the individuals that wronged you. Forgiveness is a component of this type of therapy, but it is often a tool to ensure that you can move on from what has been holding you back. In some cases, your therapist may guide you to radical forgiveness techniques to help you move forward. 

The phases of forgiveness therapy

As previously mentioned, forgiveness interventions usually fall into two camps: decision-based and process-based forgiveness interventions. While the former tends to be shorter in duration and involves cognitive strategies, the Enright model of process-based forgiveness interventions typically draws on cognitive, behavioral, and affective strategies. 

Process-based forgiveness interventions

Step-by-step therapeutic approaches used in clinical settings can help the injured individual release anger and resentment. These are structured steps used in process-based forgiveness interventions, which typically include four phases and 20 steps. 

1. The first phase involves uncovering, a process of exploring and identifying their negative feelings and defenses against the offender. 

2. The second phase involves decision, which asks the person to explore the possibility of changing their response and feelings towards the offender.

3. The third phase involves work (cognitive reframing), which asks the person to seek to understand and empathize with the offender.

4. The fourth phase involves discovery (deepening), in which a person finds meaning and a sense of universal perspective in their experience of suffering. 

Radical acceptance and forgiveness

One precursor to forgiveness may be the practice of radical acceptance. Radical acceptance encourages a person to accept reality without condoning it. Often used in acceptance-based therapies, radical acceptance is based on the principle that some things are beyond our control, such as painful events from the past, and resistance to this fact can lead to suffering. By accepting what has happened, one may reduce reactivity and seek to change how we respond to events, such as offering forgiveness, because we realize that holding on to anger and resentment no longer serves us. 

Common forgiveness therapy techniques

There can be many techniques used in forgiveness interventions. The REACH Model, a decision-making forgiveness intervention, uses five steps: Recall (identifying and expressing emotions associated with the event); Explore (building empathy based on understanding the offender’s perspective; Acknowledge (recognizing when the injured person has been forgiven by others); Commit (making a commitment to forgive); and Hold (working to hold onto forgiveness over time). 

Both decision-based and process-based forgiveness therapy may encourage tools that invite reflection and empathy, such as journaling and mindfulness. However, each intervention may also use different tools for emotional healing and releasing excessive anger. For example, decision-based interventions may encourage writing a forgiveness letter to the offender without sending it.

What forgiveness therapy is not

There can be many myths around forgiveness. One common myth is that it excuses the person who has done harm. Another myth is that a person may feel pressured or forced to forgive. One key element of forgiveness therapy is addressing what it is and what it is not. Forgiveness is forgiveness therapy is not about excusing, denying, or minimizing behavior. Instead, it can encourage empathy while recognizing the harm and, in so doing, provide a broader context for viewing the offense and the offender. For instance, a person may still hold the other person accountable for their actions but offer forgiveness to release bitterness and resentment. 

Improving mental health with a positive mindset: Managing anger and restoring hope

If you have been holding onto emotions like stress, anxiety, anger, or distrust for a long time, you may have found it challenging to experience everyday peace and happiness. Challenging emotions can take a toll on you emotionally and physically. Working on positive thinking and emotional regulation in and out of therapy may help you heal. 

Even with therapy, it can be unrealistic to believe that there will not be bad days or that you will never have sad feelings related to your past. However, you can learn to combat negative emotions with positive ones, restoring hope over time.

Positive activities can be an essential facet of forgiveness counseling. Spending time adding value to your life may help you view your life more positively. For example, expressive writing might help you focus your mental energy on something positive that leads to creatively satisfying results. 

Studies show that utilizing positive affirmations (through writing or speaking) can benefit your mental health and increase optimism in your daily life. You could try repeating the following phrases: 

• “I am worthy of love.”
• “My past does not define me.”
• “I want to keep trying to forgive myself and others for the past.” 
• “I will not give up on my well-being.”
• “I am important.”
• “I am proud of myself.”

A forgiveness therapist to help you forgive

A therapist can offer guidance and structured forgiveness therapy to help you release anger and resentment. 

Millions of people seek therapy to help them with depression, anxiety, trauma, and other mental health concerns. Of those millions, 21% have used online therapy in the last year. Because online therapy is convenient and cost-effective, it can make getting the support you need more available.

When you’ve experienced a challenging event, you may struggle to trust traditional therapy. Online therapy may allow you to obtain support from a safe, comfortable place. 

Studies show that online therapy is effective in treating long-term exposure to stress or traumatic stress. Additionally, a recent study found that 71% of participants found it preferable to traditional in-person counseling. If you want to try therapy online, consider reaching out to a professional on a therapy platform such as BetterHelp and speaking to your therapist about forgiveness therapy as an option.