Advice For Anger Relief: Tips On How To Calm Down
Anger is a natural part of the human experience; most people feel angry about something sometimes, be it their jobs, their relationships, the state of the world, or even just something they overheard that rubbed them the wrong way.
While it’s perfectly OK to feel angry sometimes, it’s important to admit that getting angry about something—even when it’s perfectly justified—is rarely the solution to our problems. By examining the factors that influence our anger and learning some effective management techniques, we can work towards controlling it, rather than letting it control you.
Common causes of anger
Sometimes anger is completely justified. Maybe someone’s reckless driving endangered you or your family, maybe someone took something of yours without asking, or treated someone you care about unfairly. At the same time, anger doesn’t always require an external target. We can just as easily feel angry at ourselves for our past actions, mistakes, or feelings.
In other circumstances, we may find ourselves feeling angry but not understand why or at whom. These are the cases where it’s most important to exercise self-awareness, but a state of anger is rarely conducive to making those sorts of rational assessments. Dealing with anger without a subject can feel very upsetting or confusing, and is often a reaction to something else going on in our lives that may seem entirely unrelated on the surface. For example, feelings of uncontrollable anger can be a symptom of other mental health conditions like anxiety or depression. In those cases, it’s important to address the underlying condition while also working to manage the anger itself.
Why it’s important to manage our anger
In some ways, feeling angry is just our emotions telling us that we care about something deeply. It can be a powerful motivator when it comes to seeing or experiencing injustice, frustration, or violence. On the flip side, feeling angry can often cloud our judgment, leading us to make rash decisions or say things we end up regretting.
The thing to remember is that anger isn’t an inherently bad emotion, even though it often feels that way. One of the most important skills to learn for anger relief is reflecting on whether our anger is or isn’t justified, as well as if our anger is in proportion to whatever caused it.
Anger isn’t just an emotional state. It can be an intensely physical experience, and most often a very unpleasant one.
Lastly, it’s important to learn to manage anger because, generally speaking, people tend to have a hard time being around angry people. People dealing with rage issues often find it has a negative impact on their relationships with friends and loved ones. Naturally, that’s something worth doing our best to avoid.
How to let things go
Of course, this is often much easier said than done. Many of us have likely had a circumstance where we were very upset about something, and know all too well that hearing other’s advice to “just calm down” can sometimes have the opposite of its intended effect. This can be just as true in the long-term as it is in the short. Holding grudges is, in almost all cases, a negative influence on one’s mental health. And while there are plenty of productive strategies for navigating our grievances, they never take the form of retaliatory aggression, which only causes tempers to flare higher.
Behavioral scientists have researched the strengths and benefits of taking a mindfulness approach towards our anger. Their studies on “nonattachment”—a term appropriated from Buddhism that means the same thing as “letting go”—showed a measurable increase in the positive mental health of students who engaged in mindfulness practices like meditation.
A similar APA study found that mindfulness mediation had both immediate and long-term positive effects for people trying to find relief for their anger. If you’re interested in beginning to practice mindful meditation, there are a plethora of helpful online resources to get you started. Mindful meditation is a way to practice channeling a calm gaze inward, and can help you build your emotional toolkit for dealing with angry thoughts.
Of course, it’s not always easy to go it alone. Anger management can be a long journey for some, and there’s absolutely no shame in seeking help. Therapy can be incredibly beneficial to people who habitually find themselves struggling to cope with anger on their own. Talking to a professional can help us get out of our own head, as well as open the floor to rational advice when we’re having a hard time thinking straight.
Anger relief exercises
While something like mindful meditation is a good example of a regular practice for anger management, it’s not always something we might be able to access in the heat of an angry moment. In those cases, we may need to look at other techniques to cool down quickly, in order to avoid letting our anger get out of control. To look at these closer we’re going to break them down into a few categories:
Breathing exercises
We know that it’s almost a cliche to tell people to “take a breath and count to ten”, but the truth is that focusing on your breathing can be very calming. When you get mad your cardiovascular system will often amp up your breathing and heart rates, and getting them back to their normal levels by controlling breathing will help you cool off faster.
There are a lot of different kinds of breathing exercises out there, so it’s worth it to try a few and see which is best for you, but one option is called “square breathing” or sometimes “box breathing”. It’s a simple pattern of breathing in slowly for four seconds, holding that breath for four seconds, breathing out slowly for four seconds, and then waiting another four seconds before starting over again. Doing this for a few cycles can be incredibly calming. For some people, it also helps to imagine a dot traveling along the edges of a square as they perform each step, and going to the next step when that dot turns the corner. Give it a shot!
Visualization exercises
Another way to bring your anger back in line is to channel it into imaginative imagery. For example, you may choose to visualize your emotions as a raging storm at sea by picturing the harsh wind, driving rain, and crashing waves. Then, to bring that chaos back to order, imagine the storm beginning to calm, the wind and rain letting up, the water settling into calm. As you visualize those changes, you may begin to notice a similar sense of calm replacing your anger as well. Of course, that’s just one example of visualization. You can use whatever imagery you feel your mind drawn to.
Take your time with this. The changes from chaos to calm don’t need to be instantaneous. All that you’re trying to do is give your brain space to work through what it’s feeling in a way that’s personal, productive, and non-aggressive.
Get some physical exercise
One of the best exercises is… exercise!
Going to the gym is great if you have access to one, but even something as simple as walking a lap or two around the office or doing some jumping jacks in your bedroom can help you get some of the anger out.
And, if it’s an option for you, getting outside in nature even for a little bit can be an effective way to calm down. Going for a walk, bike ride, or run are all good options for exercising outdoors to blow off steam.
One last thing to note: none of these strategies are mutually exclusive. You can do breathing exercises while going for a walk, work on visualization while doing square breathing, or any other combination of activities. The key is, as always, finding what strategies are the most accommodating and effective for you.
Therapy for anger relief
For many people, anger management problems can have a negative impact on their lives and relationships. Online therapy can be a great option for managing anger. One of its biggest benefits is that it's convenient and flexible. You can attend sessions from your own home, and at times that work for you. You can even choose the type of communication that works best for you, whether that's video, phone, or messaging.
Seeking counseling online is a perfectly valid method for dealing anger issues. Researchers have found that even in an online space, having a therapist talk people through mindful and emotional awareness exercises yielded positive results for the subjects. Ultimately, the development of online therapy means that people seeking anger relief have easier and quicker access to outside support when they need it!
Takeaway
How do you calm down when you're angry?
When you're angry, it's important to know that there are healthy ways to release negative emotions. The first step is to try to understand what's making you angry. Identifying the root causes of your anger can provide insight into how to address it effectively. Once you know what's triggering your anger, you can start to work on calming down.
One effective method is to have some quiet time. Removing yourself from the situation causing anger, even for a few minutes, can help you regain perspective and composure. This quiet time allows you to process your emotions without external pressures or ongoing triggers.
Taking a brisk walk is another beneficial approach. Acute physical activity can help release tension, which often accompanies anger. The change of scenery and the rhythm of walking can also be mentally soothing and provide a break from the cycle of angry thoughts.
Relaxation techniques like deep breathing can also be helpful. Deep breathing helps slow down physiological reactions to anger, like increased heart rate and rapid breathing. Focusing on slow and deep breaths can activate your body's natural relaxation response. This technique helps calm your mind and reduce the physical symptoms of anger.
Implementing these strategies can aid in managing anger more effectively. While feeling angry is a natural human emotion, how you respond to this emotion can make a significant difference in your mental health and how you feel.
How can I control my anger alone?
Uncontrolled anger can have a range of negative effects, both on your well-being and on your relationships with others. Finding ways to manage and control anger is important, especially when you're alone. Taking a few moments to control anger or other negative feelings can significantly improve your emotional health and interpersonal interactions.
Mindfulness and meditation are valuable tools for controlling aggression and anger. These practices encourage you to focus on the present moment and can help you manage the thoughts and emotions that feed into anger. Even a few minutes of mindfulness or meditation can provide a sense of calm and control.
Journaling your thoughts and feelings can be another useful approach. Writing down what you're feeling and why you think you're angry can provide clarity and insight, helping you to understand and manage your emotions better.
The goal is not to suppress your anger but to understand and channel it in healthier ways. If you can find a healthy way to release rage or aggression when you're alone, it can prevent problematic behaviors that could harm yourself or others.
Can anger issues be cured?
Anger is a healthy emotion in moderation. However, chronic anger or uncontrolled outbursts can be signs of an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. The good news is that anger issues can be managed and improved with the right tools and support.
Therapy is one effective way to address anger issues. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a type of talk therapy that can help individuals recognize and change patterns of thinking and behavior associated with anger. This approach focuses on identifying triggers, learning healthy coping mechanisms, and improving communication skills.
Other forms of therapy, like mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) or dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), may also be beneficial in addressing anger. While there is no quick fix for anger problems, seeking professional help and implementing healthy coping mechanisms can lead to significant improvements in your mental well-being.
Why do I get angry so easily?
Various factors can contribute to anger. Addressing and managing anger-provoking situations requires understanding what causes the anger.
Anger can be easily triggered by stress. Your tolerance for additional frustrations can be significantly lower when you're under a lot of stress, whether from work, personal life, or other pressures. This heightened state of stress can make you more reactive or sensitive to things that might not bother you otherwise.
Another factor could be underlying mental health conditions. Anxiety, depression, or mood disorders can sometimes manifest as irritability or quickness to anger. In these cases, the anger might be a symptom of a deeper challenge that needs to be addressed with the help of a mental health professional.
Past experiences and upbringing can also play a role. If you grew up in an environment where anger was a common response to problems, you might have learned to express your emotions similarly. Alternatively, if your emotional needs weren't adequately met or understood in your early years, you might be more prone to anger as an adult.
Physical factors like lack of sleep or certain medications can also influence your mood. Fatigue can lower your threshold for irritation, and some medications have side effects, including increased irritability or mood swings.
Unresolved personal issues, such as past trauma or ongoing problems that you haven't dealt with, can lead to anger. Sometimes, anger is a surface emotion that masks deeper feelings like hurt, fear, or frustration. In understanding the causes of your anger, you can work towards addressing and managing it more effectively.
Is anger a mental issue?
Anger is not considered a mental health disorder on its own. It is a natural emotion that everyone experiences to some degree. However, when anger becomes uncontrolled and harmful, it can be a symptom of underlying mental health challenges.
Some individuals may experience intermittent explosive disorder (IED), which is characterized by repeated instances of extreme anger or aggression. IED can be a standalone diagnosis, but it is also often associated with other mental health conditions like bipolar disorder, depression, or anxiety.
In some cases, chronic anger may be linked to personality disorders like borderline personality disorder (BPD) or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). These conditions can affect how individuals process and express emotions, including anger.
If you feel that your anger is significantly impacting your life and relationships, it's important to seek help from a mental health professional. With proper support and treatment, you can address underlying issues and learn healthy ways to manage anger. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and with compassion and empathy, you can find healthier ways to express your emotions.
Why do I cry when I get angry?
Crying when you're angry is a phenomenon that many people experience and is deeply rooted in our complex emotional and physiological makeup. Research indicates only humans can produce emotional tears, which appear closely related to our subjective emotional experiences. So, when you cry out of anger, it is a response that involves various psychological and biological processes.
The experience of intense emotions triggers a response in your body that can produce tears. This response is part of parasympathetic activation — the part of the nervous system responsible for "rest and digest" activities. When you're angry, your body might be in a heightened state of arousal. As a result, the act of crying can be a way for the body to attempt to calm itself down. Crying also lowers heart rate and blood pressure, helping to regulate the stress response.
Additionally, neurotransmitters, which are chemical messengers in the brain, play a role in both the experience of emotions and the physical act of crying. When you're angry, your body releases certain neurotransmitters that can heighten your emotional state. Crying can be a way for your body to help regulate these chemical levels, bringing them back to a more balanced state.
Emotional tears also contain higher levels of stress hormones than reflexive tears (like those produced by an irritant). Crying can, therefore, be a way of physically releasing these stress hormones from your body.
While not everyone cries when angry, it is a valid and normal response for many individuals. If you find yourself crying out of anger frequently, exploring the underlying causes with a therapist may be beneficial in understanding and managing your emotional responses.
Can anger affect the brain?
Chronic anger and intense outbursts of anger can significantly impact the brain. Studies have shown that prolonged anger can lead to changes in brain structure, particularly in areas associated with emotion regulation and impulse control.
Chronic anger is linked to an increased risk of developing cardiovascular disease, as it can lead to high blood pressure, increased heart rate, and elevated levels of stress hormones. These physical responses can damage blood vessels in the brain, leading to a higher risk of stroke or other neurological conditions.
Additionally, chronic anger and frequent outbursts of anger have been associated with changes in neurotransmitter levels. Prolonged exposure to high levels of neurotransmitters, such as adrenaline and cortisol, can cause damage to brain cells and disrupt the communication between neurons.
Research has also shown that anger can lead to abnormal amygdala and prefrontal cortex functioning, impairing cognitive functioning, affecting memory, decision-making, and problem-solving abilities. Increased inflammation in the brain has also been linked to decreased cognitive performance.
While anger itself is not a mental health disorder, chronic anger can significantly impact brain function. Without intervention, these changes can lead to long-term negative consequences for mental and physical health.
What are the 5 keys to controlling anger?
While anger is often a personalized experience, some general techniques can help manage and control anger.
- Recognizing triggers and warning signs: Identifying what situations or events trigger your anger can help you anticipate and prepare for potential outbursts. Physical cues, such as an increased heart rate or tension in your body, can also serve as warning signs when you need to utilize anger management techniques.
- Practicing relaxation techniques: Deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation are all helpful ways to calm the mind and body when experiencing anger. These techniques allow you to regulate emotions and reduce stress levels.
- Utilizing positive self-talk: Negative thoughts and self-talk can fuel anger and make it difficult to control. Practicing positive affirmations and challenging negative beliefs can help shift your mindset, making it easier to manage emotions. A calming word or phrase you can repeat to yourself in moments of anger may also be helpful.
- Communicating assertively: Expressing anger healthily and productively involves clear and respectful communication. Using "I" statements, actively listening, and avoiding accusatory language can help prevent the escalation of conflicts.
- Seeking support: Having a supportive network of people who can provide understanding, guidance, and encouragement when dealing with anger is important. Your support system may include a trusted friend, family member, or therapist.
Remember that managing anger is an ongoing process that takes time to master. With patience, self-awareness, and the right strategies, you can make progress in controlling your anger and reducing its impact on your life.
Should I see a psychiatrist for anger?
Therapy can be a helpful tool for managing anger, especially if it interferes with daily life and relationships. A psychiatrist can provide a comprehensive evaluation and diagnosis of potential underlying mental health conditions that may contribute to uncontrolled anger.
Some individuals may benefit from medication, particularly if they have co-occurring conditions such as depression or anxiety. However, therapy is often the primary treatment method for managing anger and addressing its root causes.
A psychiatrist or therapist can also help you develop coping mechanisms, learn effective communication skills, and explore any underlying issues that may be contributing to your anger. Seeking professional support does not mean that there is something wrong with you. Instead, it shows strength in recognizing the need for assistance managing your emotions.
Remember to approach therapy with a compassionate, open mindset and trust the prcess. With support and guidance, you can gain better control over your anger and improve your overall well-being.
Is anger part of anxiety?
Anger can be a symptom of anxiety, but it is not always present in individuals with an anxiety disorder. People with generalized anxiety disorder may experience constant feelings of tension and irritability, which can manifest as anger or aggression.
Anxiety disorders can also cause irrational fears that may trigger anger when those fears are challenged. For example, someone with social anxiety may become angry when put in a situation where they are forced to confront their fears, such as a social event.
Additionally, difficulty managing emotions is a common symptom of anxiety disorders. Anxiety disorders can lead to outbursts of anger or other intense emotions in response to stressors. However, it's important to note that while anger may be present in individuals with anxiety, it does not define the disorder and should not be the sole focus of treatment.
Only a trained mental health professional can provide an accurate diagnosis and determine the best course of treatment for managing both anxiety and anger. If anger or anxiety are causing significant distress or impacting daily life, a therapist can help address these issues and develop an individualized treatment plan.
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