Tips To Overcome Sexual Anxiety

Medically reviewed by Laura Angers Maddox, NCC, LPC

Updated July 17, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Sexual anxiety is a common yet often overlooked issue that affects many individuals and couples. It can manifest in various ways, from fear of intimacy to performance concerns, and can significantly impact one’s overall well-being and relationship satisfaction. Addressing sexual anxiety is crucial for regaining confidence, enhancing intimate experiences, and fostering stronger emotional connections with your partner.

In this article, we will explore seven effective ways to overcome sexual anxiety and embrace a more fulfilling sex life.

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Understanding sexual anxiety

Sexual anxiety is a form of anxiety that manifests in relation to sex and intimacy. While not a recognized anxiety disorder in the DSM-V, it can significantly impact a person’s life, self-esteem, and intimate relationships.

Sexual anxiety can take many forms. Most common among them is sexual performance anxiety, in which a person worries that they may not be able to adequately satisfy their partner. This type of sexual anxiety is thought to affect between 6-16% of women and 9-25% of men. In other cases, a person may experience a general fear of intimacy and the vulnerability that it entails, which can make it challenging to enjoy sex.

The mental block that often occurs with sexual anxiety can cause sexual dysfunction, where the body is unable to ready itself for sex. This may result in erectile dysfunction in men and lack of lubrication in women.

While the physical, mental and emotional effects of sexual anxiety can feel overwhelming, sex therapists and mental health professionals can offer support and strategies specific to overcoming this type of anxiety.

Sexual anxiety causes

Sexual anxiety can stem from a multitude of factors, both psychological and physical. Common causes include:

Unpleasant or traumatic past experiences: Adverse sexual experiences in the past can contribute to ongoing sexual anxiety, particularly when rooted in an unpleasant first time or early experience. Sexual abuse or assault can also lead to deep-seated anxiety and fear related to sexual activities.
Body image issues: Negative self-perception of physical appearance can lead to self-consciousness and anxiety during sexual activity. Comparing oneself to unrealistic media portrayals or fearing judgment from partners can further exacerbate these feelings.
Sexual performance anxiety: The pressure to meet a partner’s expectations can create significant stress and hinder sexual enjoyment. Worries about sexual performance and physical responses, such as erections or lubrication, can also contribute to performance anxiety.
Stress and mental health: General stress from work, life, or relationships can negatively impact sexual desire and performance. Stress can make it difficult to feel aroused, or interfere with the ability to be present with a partner. Mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression can also contribute to sexual anxiety.
Lack of sexual education: Limited understanding of sexual health and function can lead to misconceptions or unrealistic expectations about sex and intimacy. This may create situations where individuals find it confusing or uncomfortable to talk openly about sexual preferences and boundaries.
Relationship issues: Unresolved conflicts, lack of emotional intimacy, and trust issues can interfere with the ability of partners to feel at ease with each other, leading to sexual anxiety. Communication barriers in discussing sexual needs and concerns can further strain the relationship.
Societal and cultural pressures: Societal norms and expectations about sex can create pressure to conform to certain behaviors or roles. Cultural taboos and stigmas surrounding sexuality can also contribute to feelings of shame, which can impair a person’s ability to feel comfortable being intimate.

Understanding these causes can provide insight into the origins of sexual anxiety and guide you in taking appropriate steps to address and manage your anxiety in the bedroom.

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Overcoming sexual anxiety

While sexual anxiety may be frustrating, there are some ways to work through troubling thoughts and feelings and regain sexual confidence. Here are some tips to help you cope with sexual anxiety:

Understand the cause

Recognizing the root causes of your anxiety is the first step towards overcoming it. Reflect on any past experiences or thoughts that may be contributing to your feelings of unease. It may help to write down any issues that could be getting in the way, or even discussing it with a partner, close friend, or therapist. In identifying these triggers, you can begin to address them directly.

Explore and educate yourself

It’s not uncommon for sexual anxiety to stem from a lack of understanding about one’s own body, needs, and desires, or even misunderstandings about sex in general.

You can use reliable resources like books or reputable websites to broaden your understanding of sex, or connect with a qualified sex therapist or sex-positive sex educator to help you. Self-exploration through practices like masturbation can also help you become more attuned with your body and learn what feels good for you.

Communicate openly with your partner

When it comes to a healthy and fulfilling sex life, open communication is paramount. Discussing your fears, desires, and boundaries with your partner helps build trust and intimacy, allowing you to understand each other's needs and work together to address any issues that may be interfering with mutual pleasure.

By being honest and open, you can create a safe space where both partners feel comfortable and supported, leading to a more satisfying and anxiety-free sexual relationship.

Try mindfulness and relaxation techniques

Like other types of anxiety, sexual anxiety manifests as a complex interplay between the mind and body. Mindfulness and relaxation techniques offer a way to calm the mind and alleviate stress in the body. You can learn mindfulness through guided meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, and deep breathing.

In understanding how to exert mindful control over your conscious experience, you can implement the principles of mindfulness during sex. For example, next time you find yourself feeling worried or frustrated during sex, you might shift your focus to your breath, the pleasant sensations in your body, or the passionate touches and actions of your partner.

Focus on sensuality rather than performance

Worrying about your sexual performance can get in the way of pleasure and trigger anxiety. Rather than concentrating on achieving specific outcomes, such as orgasm, try to prioritize the pleasure of the journey.

To help you ease into sex or work through an anxious moment, opt for other pleasurable activities like massage, kissing, and sensual touching. This approach helps reduce performance-related stress and allows both partners to enjoy the physical and emotional aspects of their connection.

Maintain a healthy lifestyle

It can be difficult to get intimate when we don’t feel our best—particularly if life stress or body image issues are interfering with the ability to enjoy sex and intimacy. Check in with your lifestyle habits to see whether there could be some positive changes that might help you feel less stressed or more confident in the bedroom.

Exercise, for example, is known to improve sexual function in both women and men, while diet has also been found to improve sexual health in both sexes.

Seek professional help

If sexual anxiety persists despite your efforts, it may be worth connecting with a therapist. Sex therapists and mental health professionals specialize in addressing concerns related to sex and anxiety and can help you understand and overcome your intimacy issues. Therapies like CBT and mindfulness training have shown potential in treating sexual and performance anxiety.

Professionals can also guide you through specific techniques and exercises to improve your sexual confidence and enjoyment. Don’t hesitate to seek help; addressing sexual anxiety with professional support can significantly enhance your overall well-being and intimate relationships.

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Finding support online

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Overcoming sexual anxiety

If you’re struggling with sexual anxiety—whether it’s related to concerns about sexual performance, past trauma, or body image issues—therapy can help. In therapy, you’ll explore the origins of your sexual issues and identify practical ways to help you feel more confident and at-ease during sex.

Online therapy has been found to be just as effective as in-person therapy, and may be preferable for those who find it challenging to make it to weekly in-person appointments. Through BetterHelp, you can attend by phone, video call, or live chat, plus benefit from tools and features like group therapy, digital therapy worksheets, and guided journaling.

Takeaway

It’s not uncommon to experience anxiety around sexual intimacy, but these feelings do have the potential to negatively affect a person’s relationship and their own mental well-being if they’re not properly managed. If you want to overcome sexual anxiety, some strategies to consider include open communication with your sexual partner(s), relaxation exercises, and meeting with a therapist.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

What can I do to get over performance anxiety?

Sexual performance anxiety can be frustrating and embarrassing, but there are some ways to try to move past it. Three main things to try for moving past it are effective communication, relaxation techniques, and changing negative self-talk.

Partners who discuss their concerns can help create a more supportive and safe environment for intimate activities. Talking honestly and openly with your partner can help.

Relaxation techniques can help lessen these feelings and increase your sense of control of the situation. Deep breathing can help you slow your heart rate, and meditation can help you relax. Grounding techniques and progressive muscle relaxation may also be helpful.

Finally, changing negative self-talk can be crucial to taming this feeling. Believing negative things about yourself, your body image, and your performance ability can cause more stress. Challenging your negative inner voice can help you develop higher self-esteem and a more positive self-image, which can help you enjoy the experience and have a more fulfilling sex life.

What are ways I can get rid of anxiety and erectile dysfunction?

The tips covered above and throughout the article (effective communication, relaxation techniques, and changing negative self-talk) can help alleviate this feeling. Coping with this feeling can help with erectile dysfunction, but there are some additional strategies you can do to try to correct it.

Start exercising. Research suggests that increasing moderate exercise can help restore performance in some men.
Eat a healthy diet. This includes a balanced diet rich in vegetables, fruit, fish, and whole grains. Some studies have found that this type of diet can decrease the likelihood of developing erectile dysfunction.
Pay attention to your heart health. Conditions like high cholesterol, high blood sugar, high blood pressure, and high triglycerides can lead to a heart attack or stroke and are associated with erectile dysfunction.
Stay at a healthy weight. Excess fat interferes with several hormones, and obesity raises the risks of diabetes and vascular disease, so getting to or maintaining a healthy weight can help get rid of erectile dysfunction.
Strengthen your pelvic floor. A strong pelvic floor can help prevent blood from leaving the penis by keeping pressure on a prominent vein, which can enhance the length and quality of erections.

What are some ways I can tame nerves when performing?

Working on negative self-talk, communication, and relaxation may help you prepare for the next time you’re being intimate, but if you’re wondering what you can do in the moment, sexual mindfulness can help. This form of mindfulness encourages you to pay attention to what is happening when you’re being intimate without judgment and can help you overcome performance stress and sexual satisfaction. Here are some tips.

Practice mindfulness in your daily life. By practicing outside of sex, you may be more prepared with various skills that can make it easier to practice during intimacy.
Avoid distractions. Silence your phones, turn off your TV, and keep your pets out of the room to keep the room around you a safe place for you and your partner.
Focus on your breathing. Breathe in time with your partner if possible.
Try to engage as many senses as you can; play some quiet music or light a scented candle. Then, while you’re having sex, focus on what you feel, smell, see, hear, and taste.
Make eye contact with your partner.
If your mind wanders during intercourse, acknowledge those thoughts and bring yourself back to the present moment.
Don’t have expectations for yourself. Don’t try to be perfect; release the need to control and just let it happen.

Can you get rid of erectile dysfunction naturally?

Natural ways to tame erectile dysfunction include engaging in regular moderate exercise, eating a healthy, well-balanced diet of natural foods, paying attention to your heart health, maintaining a healthy weight, and strengthening your pelvic floor.

Can anxiety medication help with erectile dysfunction?

Some medications, specifically selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), may actually cause erectile dysfunction, though these effects can be mitigated with the use of other medicine. Other classes may not have such side effects, like mixed antidepressants.

How many men suffer from performance anxiety?

Research shows that between nine and 25% of men experience erectile dysfunction. Erectile dysfunction may not represent all cases of performance anxiety, though.

What are some ways I can help my erectile dysfunction without drugs?

Some things you can do to manage erectile dysfunction without drugs include engaging in regular moderate exercise, eating a healthy, well-balanced diet of natural foods, paying attention to your heart health, maintaining a healthy weight, and strengthening your pelvic floor.

Can anxiety cause temporary erectile dysfunction?

Yes. Although there are not many studies about temporary or situational erectile dysfunction, it may be one of the causes and can diminish your physical experience.

Can stress and lack of sleep cause erectile dysfunction?

Yes. Some recent research indicates that patients with erectile dysfunction may have a sleep disorder that contributes to their sexual dysfunction, like shift work disorder, insomnia, or obstructive sleep apnea. Stress is one of the psychological or emotional conditions that may cause erectile dysfunction, along with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. If you experience stress during a sexual encounter, talk to your doctor to rule out any underlying medical conditions, then consider talking to a therapist to help you learn how to manage your symptoms and establish a healthy sex life.

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