How To Cope With Separation Anxiety: A Mental Health Guide To Overcoming Anxious Feelings
Embarking on a path to greater independence can be hard for many—especially if they may be experiencing the symptoms of separation anxiety.
This emotional hurdle, often characterized by distress and worry when one is separated from a loved one, could impact daily routines, relationships, and personal growth. Understanding the possible root causes, identifying anxiety symptoms, and exploring practical coping techniques can help you on your journey toward emotional resilience and independence.
Read on to learn more about how to cope with separation anxiety.
Understanding separation anxiety
Separation anxiety, which can be a normal part of human development for many, generally occurs when you feel apprehensive about being separated from someone or something you are attached to—such as a primary caregiver, family member or pet. It can become problematic, however, when anxiety-related symptoms become excessive or persistent, possibly interfering with daily life and hindering personal growth. In some cases, it may signal the presence of a mental health condition known as separation anxiety disorder. While commonly associated with young children, separation anxiety disorder might also manifest in older children, adolescents, and adults.
Diagnostic criteria for separation anxiety disorder based on the DSM-V
The fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), published by the American Psychiatric Association, outlines the diagnostic criteria for separation anxiety disorder. According to the DSM-V, an individual may experience separation anxiety disorder when they experience “excessive fear concerning separation from those to whom [they are] attached”.
The intense fear must be evidenced by three of eight possible anxiety symptoms, which we’ll discuss how to recognize below. A child’s separation anxiety must last at least four weeks, while adult separation anxiety must be present for six months. Separation anxiety must also cause significant impairment in an individual’s social, professional, or academic life. Additionally, the excessive distress must not arise due to other mental health conditions, such as autism spectrum disorder or other anxiety disorders.
Separation anxiety is commonly confused with dependent personality disorder. The main differences between the two mental health conditions are that dependent personality disorder is characterized by a reliance on other people, while separation anxiety disorder is marked by extreme distress when one is unable to spend time with an individual. Unlike dependent personality disorder, an individual with separation anxiety may feel anxious about the safety of the subject of their fear.
Factors contributing to separation anxiety disorder in children and mental health
Many factors could contribute to the development of separation anxiety. Some common factors to consider can include genetic predisposition and temperament. Additionally, if a child experiences trauma or loss due to separation, this can cause them to constantly worry about experiencing such an event again. A child’s feelings can be related to parental anxiety in many cases. In a systematic review, researchers found that children of parents with an anxiety disorder had a high risk of developing separation anxiety disorder. Understanding these factors can help develop effective strategies to support children and improve mental health outcomes.
Why children may fear being separated from their parents
A child’s anxiety symptoms may also be related to an insecure or anxious attachment that developed early in life. An avoidant, anxious, or disorganized attachment style can make it difficult for a child to feel safe when a parent or other individual is separated from them.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Additionally, one might consider possible contributing environmental factors—such as overprotective parenting or lack of a support system.
Understanding the possible risk factors of separation anxiety can empower someone living with the condition to develop appropriate coping strategies and interventions that can help them to cope. It may also lead to a more empathetic society as a whole.
Symptoms of separation anxiety disorder
Identifying the symptoms of separation anxiety can be a helpful step in treating separation anxiety effectively. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, some common signs of separation anxiety to watch for can include:
- Excessive worry about being away from a loved one
- Reluctance to engage in activities or attend events without the attachment figure
- Distress when anticipating separation
- Strong desire to sleep near attachment figure
- Physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches or dizziness
- Difficulty concentrating
Recognizing these signs ahead of time can empower one to take appropriate steps to cope with or overcome separation anxiety.
Separation anxiety treatment: Cognitive behavioral therapy, medication, etc.
If separation anxiety continues to impact an individual’s life, professional treatment can help to alleviate its effects. Psychotherapy and medication are the most common forms of treatment for those with separation anxiety disorder. Therapeutic modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and family counseling can help identify the sources of a child’s anxiety and help them develop coping strategies.
Cognitive behavioral therapy and family therapy for children
Cognitive behavioral therapy is a widely utilized modality for anxiety disorders that can help children understand how their thoughts, behaviors, and feelings are connected to their anxiety. Family therapy can help children and their parents learn more about the causes, treatments, and how to cope with separation anxiety disorder. It can also help ensure parents’ behaviors are not contributing to or exacerbating anxiety symptoms.
Medication
Medications like selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors or benzodiazepines may also be prescribed to alleviate the symptoms of separation anxiety. Always consult with a healthcare provider prior to starting or stopping any medication.
Additionally, there are several self-help techniques to cope with symptoms of separation anxiety. Common coping strategies include:
Managing separation anxiety: Strategies for children, parents, and other adults
Establishing a routine as a way how to cope with separation anxiety disorder
Creating a predictable routine may alleviate some of the stress associated with separation. This can look different for many and might involve tasks such as setting consistent times for waking up, bed, and mealtimes. Because going to school can be anxiety-inducing for a child, having a regular drop-off schedule can also be helpful. Planning regular activities, such as physical activity, hobbies, or social outings with other children, could also alleviate separation anxiety.
Additionally, designating specific times to spend with the attachment figure might provide a sense of stability and reassurance for the person experiencing anxiety symptoms, giving them assurance that the distance may only be temporary.
Gradual exposure to separation
Gradual exposure to separation generally allows someone to slowly build a tolerance to separation, potentially reducing the intensity of anxiety and related symptoms over time.
Some tips for implementing gradual exposure can include starting with short separations and progressively increasing the duration. Gradually increasing the amount of time spent apart from the attachment figure might help to reduce anxiety and related symptoms, as opposed to separating the figure abruptly.
Trying new activities or locations could also be helpful in gradually expanding one’s comfort zone.
Encouraging independence and self-reliance during these activities might further promote a sense of accomplishment and confidence.
Support networks
Building a strong support network can be helpful in overcoming separation anxiety. This may involve connecting with friends, family members or colleagues who can understand and empathize with the situation. It can also involve participating in a support group.
Joining support groups or online communities for individuals experiencing similar challenges could provide additional resources and encouragement. Seeking advice or guidance from professionals, such as therapists or counselors, might also be beneficial. These professionals could offer tailored support and strategies to help you navigate the complexities of separation anxiety.
Self-care and relaxation techniques for mental health
Incorporating self-care and relaxation techniques into one’s daily life could help manage symptoms of separation anxiety more effectively.
Some examples of relaxation techniques to try can include deep breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and guided imagery. These techniques might assist in reducing overall stress levels, making it easier to cope with separation anxiety.
Other self-care practices, such as engaging in hobbies, getting regular exercise, and maintaining a balanced diet, could also contribute to overall well-being and mental health. Prioritizing self-care can help one to feel more grounded and better equipped to handle the challenges of separation anxiety.
Communication and emotional expression
Open communication with loved ones and the attachment figure can be helpful in overcoming separation anxiety. Encouraging honest conversations about feelings and concerns can also foster a deeper understanding of the situation and create an environment where the person coping with separation anxiety feels supported and validated—possibly facilitating a higher level of healing.
Mental health support for separation anxiety
Online therapy can be a helpful first step for many as they begin to cope with separation anxiety.
Online therapy generally offers one the opportunity to go through the therapeutic process, offering valuable insights into the possible factors that could be contributing to separation anxiety. This can empower survivors to address the root cause(s) of their anxiety more effectively.
Alleviating anxious feelings with the help of an online mental health provider
The virtual environment of online therapy can allow many more to reach a higher quality of life, possibly removing the anxiety and barriers that can be associated with in-person treatment.
By using online therapy to address symptoms of separation anxiety effectively, one can become more self-aware and develop the emotional intelligence necessary to navigate possible situations involving separation.
The effectiveness of online therapy for separation anxiety disorder
A study showed that psychodynamic therapy might be an effective treatment for separation anxiety in adults who have not responded to traditional treatments, which science suggests can be done quite effectively through digital and online formats.
The participants reviewed in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry showed significant improvement on measures of global severity, current separation anxiety, and the Hamilton Anxiety Rating Scale at the end of the 12-week intervention.
Furthermore, the results indicated a possible link between oxytocin levels and therapeutic outcomes, suggesting its potential usage as a biomarker or mediator of SA response. These findings suggest that targeting attachment issues with psychotherapy could be a promising avenue to treat those experiencing challenges related to separation anxiety.
Takeaway
Separation anxiety can be a complicated and overwhelming experience for many. However, with the right strategies, it can be possible to manage this condition to lead a more balanced life.
Through therapy, self-care practices, relaxation techniques, open communication, and emotional expression, you can gain insight into the underlying causes of your separation anxiety while cultivating resilience and emotional growth. Embracing the journey could present opportunities for personal development that will serve you well beyond these challenging times. BetterHelp can connect you with an online therapist in your area of need.
What are some techniques on how to cope with separation anxiety disorder?
In conjunction with the coping techniques and self-care exercises mentioned above, establishing a routine can help you counter some of the stress that comes from separation anxiety. A predictable routine can help you feel like you have control over something. This type of planning could look different to everyone. Some people may plan specific times for waking up, sleeping, or eating meals, while others may plan times and days for regular activities, like hobbies, visiting friends, or exercising. You may also try scheduling times for spending with the person you’re attached to, which may help you get a sense of stability and reassurance while you are separated. Incorporating these techniques into your daily life can gradually reduce the intensity of anxiety and help you manage separation more effectively.
What should I do if I fear being separated from my partner?
If you find it challenging to be away from your partner, you may be tempted to call or text frequently, but spending an excessive amount of time worrying about staying connected can be counterproductive because you may have less mental energy for yourself. Check in a few times during the day, but try to go about your life and pay attention to what is happening around you rather than focusing on your romantic partner. To avoid dwelling on negative thoughts and emotions, keep yourself busy with other activities.
Yoga and meditation can also be useful approaches to help you deal with separation anxiety in relationships. In addition, you may also explore psychotherapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy. CBT helps identify and reframe negative thoughts and behaviors that contribute to anxious emotions in relationships.
Why do I get anxious when my partner leaves?
There may be many reasons why you get anxious when your partner leaves. It could be something as simple as your partner being gone disrupt your routine, which increases your anxiety. Your childhood attachment style can be a part of it. For example, if you have an anxious-avoidant attachment style, you may be insecure about the relationship and worry that your partner will leave you for good or not come back when they are away. You may have trauma from a previous relationship that you are bringing into your current one, bringing up trust issues, or you may be dependent on your partner. Professional help may help you understand the root of your anxiety and develop coping strategies to reduce its impact.
How to cope with separation anxiety?
While you may not be able to prevent separation anxiety disorder, there are multiple ways to cope with or deal with your emotions and overcome them. One might be to create a predictable routine. The stability and predictability of a routine can help the person realize that separation is only temporary. For example, if a child is anxious about leaving a close attachment figure to go to school, having a consistent morning, after-school, and bedtime routine, and planning regular activities throughout the week may help.
Another strategy can be gradually exposing the person to separation to help them become more accustomed to it over time. Start with short separations, working up to longer periods of time apart.
At what age does separation anxiety typically peak?
Separation anxiety develops between 8 months and a year and typically peaks between 10 and 18 months. At this developmental stage, babies have not yet developed the idea of object permanence or the understanding that just because they can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist anymore.
Can an adult have separation anxiety?
Yes. How is separation anxiety disorder diagnosed in adults? According to the current DSM, an adult can be diagnosed with separation anxiety if they experience three or more of the following:
- Feeling distressed when apart from an attachment figure or when anticipating separation
- Worrying about harm coming to an attachment figure
- Worrying that something bad will happen to oneself that would cause a separation
- Refusing to go places for fear of separation
- Fearing being alone
- Refusing to sleep without an attachment figure nearby
- Having repeated nightmares about being separated
- Having physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or vomiting when apart from an attachment figure or when anticipating separation
The person must also have these symptoms for at least four weeks, and they must cause distress or interfere with daily functioning. Adults do not have to have been diagnosed with separation anxiety as a child to be diagnosed as an adult.
Separation anxiety disorder symptoms in adults are similar to those of other anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and specific phobia. It can occur as a primary diagnosis or alongside other mental health conditions.
Why is my 7-year-old having separation anxiety?
The 2019 data from the World Health Organization mentions that 301 million people around the world are experiencing anxiety disorders, including children and adolescents. Separation anxiety is one of the most common anxiety disorders in children.
Most children grow out of separation around age 3, but these feelings can linger for other kids. About 3% of children with separation anxiety continue to have symptoms into elementary school, and about 8% of older kids and teens experience it. The cause of separation anxiety depends on the age and developmental stage. For example, a 7-year-old may worry that they aren’t going to be properly cared for when their parents or caregiver is not around.
Parents of children with separation anxiety may feel guilty for having to leave them, but getting them proper support can be crucial. If you are concerned about your child's behavior or if your child is experiencing panic attacks or other symptoms, getting an early diagnosis can be beneficial. Talk to your child's provider for a treatment plan that can help.
What triggers separation anxiety?
Researchers don’t know exactly what causes separation anxiety, but they believe it may be a combination of genetics and environment. Some risk factors for separation anxiety include experiencing extreme life stress, like the loss of a loved one, parental divorce, or other substantial life changes. Being diagnosed with a previous mental illness, like other anxiety disorders or obsessive-compulsive disorder, can also increase the risk. A mental health therapy may help you identify the triggers that cause anxiety to arise. Therapy is a safe space to openly share your emotions and learn healthy coping strategies to address them.
How do I detach from separation anxiety?
The first-line treatment for separation anxiety is typically a combination of psychotherapy and medication. Psychotherapy and/or medication may help you deal with separation anxiety better in the future. Talk to a qualified mental health professional to learn what treatment approach may be appropriate for you.
How to fix separation anxiety in a relationship?
Separation anxiety can have a number of adverse effects on a relationship. The person with the condition may seek constant reassurance, exhibit controlling behaviors, and put an emotional strain on the relationship. To manage separation anxiety in a relationship and to overcome the panic feelings of all the times you are left alone, try talking openly with your partner about how you are feeling. Setting boundaries for communication when you are apart can also help. For example, if you are experiencing separation anxiety, your partner may ask you not to text them when they are at work and set up a designated time to call when they are on their lunch break.
If you and your partner are unable to fix separation anxiety on your own, consider talking to a therapist or attending couples counseling together.
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