Attachment Articles

Medically Reviewed By: Aaron Horn, LMFT, MA

Attachment

Attachment is an integral part of how we connect to other human beings. As children, we learned to bond with the people that brought us into the world, cared for us, or adopted us, and this influences our attachment style. Whether it’s your biological parents, caregivers, or your adopted family, you form bonds with your guardians when you are young.

If a child develops an insecure attachment, they are likely to get separation anxiety when away from their caregivers. Attachment theory states that this could manifest in the child not wanting to leave their parents when going to school, camp, or any other activity where they might be alone. On the other hand, a child who is securely attached can say goodbye to their guardian without feeling afraid that they won’t come back to get them later. 

There’s also another form of attachment, which is called “avoidant.” As a child, the individual with an avoidant attachment style is most often neglected, and due to their childhood neglect, they do not form attachments properly, impacting their intimate adult relationships. Children with an avoidant attachment style are afraid to form attachments, and they can appear to be numb or lacking emotion surrounding relationships with others. Children with a secure attachment style are comfortable in their caregiver relationships, and confident enough to explore their lives independently.

Questions About Attachment

You may have specific questions about attachment styles and how they can affect your life. Many of these will be addressed in this article. Some questions people often ask about attachments include:

• What are the 4 types of attachment?
• What is attachment in a relationship?
• What is an attachment person?
• What is an example of attachment?
• What is attachment trauma?
• What age is attachment formed?
• What is the difference between love and attachment?
• What causes attachment?
• What is a healthy attachment relationship?
• Can you love without attachment?

Types of Attachment Styles

In attachment theory, there are four different types of attachment. These are each explored in more detail below. 

Insecure Attachment

An insecure attachment is when a person does not feel at ease when connecting with others. As an adult, a person who is insecurely attached to their partner may constantly ask for reassurance that the person stills loves them. People with insecure attachment fear being abandoned and tend to be scared that their partner might leave them. A person who is insecurely attached may have trouble staying in romantic relationships because of the constant reassurance that they need from their partner. The partner may grow tired of reassuring them and start to feel that they aren’t trusted, which might impact their mental health and happiness within the relationship. If you have an insecure attachment style, it can be helpful to seek therapy. You can discuss where the insecure attachment style originated and work on becoming more secure. 

Avoidant Attachment

Those who live with an avoidant attachment style are not confident that they can form meaningful connections. A potential cause of this attachment style is early childhood neglect. If you didn’t feel loved by your parents or guardians during your formative years, it can lead to avoidant attachment behaviors or a disorganized attachment style. Children who experience neglect may continue to isolate themselves in adulthood, acting in an insecure attachment style. They may find it challenging to seek proper attachments and prefer to be alone rather than risk opening themselves up to other people. Therapy can help a person be more vulnerable with others and form relationships with more security.

Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment, also called anxious/ambivalent attachment, or anxious-preoccupied attachment, is another common attachment style. In children, anxious/ambivalent attachment can develop due to inconsistent responses by caregivers. If a child sometimes feels that their needs are met, and sometimes does not, this can lead to an anxious attachment. These children want the love and affection of their caregivers but are not sure they can trust them to provide it. In adults, anxious ambivalent attachment can affect both mental health and relationships. Adults with this attachment style can crave the emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship but have a hard time trusting anyone enough to develop a relationship with them. This can cause difficulties with trust, boundaries, and excessive worry. 

Secure Attachment

Secure attachment is the optimal attachment style, where a person feels confident in themselves and secure about their relationships with loved ones or romantic partners. Securely attached children feel confident in their relationship with caregivers and trust that they are loved and taken care of. Those with secure attachments can form healthy, lasting relationships without excessive worry that they will be abandoned. They believe themselves to be worthy of love, see others as responsive to their needs, and feel accepted as they are in their relationships. 

Securing A Secure Attachment Style

Many adults have attachment patterns that are not secure. These fall under the categories of insecure ambivalent attachment, anxious preoccupied attachment style, or anxious/ambivalent attachment, among other names. People with insecure attachment behaviors or anxious attachment styles can sometimes have difficulties forming and maintaining healthy relationships. 

In a dysfunctional relationship, there may be one person with avoidant attachment issues and one person with insecure attachment issues. The anxious or insecurely attached person may consistently want reassurance from the avoidant person, and the avoidant person might avoid talking about or showing emotion. This can lead to a negative push-pull cycle that may leave both partners feeling trapped. Working on attachment troubles in therapy can help couples come together as stronger, healthier units. 

Online Counseling With BetterHelp

Online counseling can provide a safe place to discuss your issues with attachment and find healing. We all have scars from our past. Our earliest attachments can imprint trauma in our lives, and if you are carrying around traumatic experiences without ever addressing them, you might be hurting. If you were a victim of childhood neglect, or have had several failed relationships, you may be exhibiting signs of insecure attachment. You might worry about how this will affect you in the future. 

Whatever the reason, online counselors are available through BetterHelp to help you learn how to develop a more secure attachment style and support you in forming lasting relationships with other people. With online counseling, you won’t need to leave your home, drive long distances, or wait for a spot on a waiting list to open up. Rather, you can begin receiving care according to your schedule and connect through a variety of means that feel comfortable to you.

The Efficacy Of Online Counseling 

Online counseling can be a resource for addressing mental health concerns and attachment-related issues. In one study, researchers assessed the efficacy of an online group psychotherapy intervention and explored participants’ attachment styles in relation to the results. Researchers found that attachment did not play a role in the effectiveness of online therapy, meaning that most individuals can find some benefit from online therapy regardless of their attachment style. Those participating in the study experienced reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression, as well as a decrease in the attachment dimension of avoidance. A reduction in social phobia was also observed.

Takeaway

Whether you have a secure attachment, anxious ambivalent attachment, or avoidant anxious attachment, you deserve to feel comfortable and confident in your relationships. This is true whether they are friends, family members, or romantic partners. According to attachment theory, it is possible for anyone to change their attachment style or move into a more secure attachment style. Working with an online therapist can help you move toward a secure attachment style, which may help you form relationships that feel safe and healthy.