Speed Dating Advice To Help You Have The Best Experience
Speed dating can be a positive and rewarding experience for many people. During a speed dating event, you'll get to have short, one-on-one conversation with several people. At the end of the night, you'll be asked to indicate whether you're interested in seeing anyone you've chatted with again. If you and another person both mark that you'd like to meet up, you'll be given their contact information.
Many people like that speed dating presents an opportunity to gauge potential matches without the pressure that may come with a full-length date. However, the experience can be nerve-wracking, uncomfortable, and even anxiety-producing for some. That said, there are several tips you can follow to prepare yourself for a more positive speed dating experience, such as practicing good body language, making eye contact, and wearing an outfit that makes you feel confident during your first impression.
What Is Speed Dating?
Speed dating is a social event designed to allow single people to meet and find a potential romantic match. This type of event was first devised in 1998 by Rabbi Yaacov Deyo to help single people assess romantic potential more quickly and easily than through traditional dating or online dating. Despite the rise in the popularity of dating apps, speed dating is still a fairly common way to meet new people—especially for those who prefer to start with an in-person connection.
Oftentimes, speed dating events are run by an organization, and there may be certain requirements to attend (such as an age range, career type, religion, or sexual orientation). Typically, signing up for one of these events also involves registration and a fee.
Tips For Getting The Most Out Of Speed Dating
The outcomes of attending a speed dating event have the potential to be positive, ranging from simply having a good time to meeting a match that you end up dating further. To help you combat nervousness and get the most out of the experience, consider some of the following tips.
Stay Engaged
“Dates” at a speed dating event usually last between five and ten minutes. You can maximize that brief time by staying engaged and present with each person. First, put your phone away; even having it face down on the table can be distracting. 89% of participants in a survey say that someone took a phone out during their last interaction, and 82% said it deteriorated the conversation.
Next, try to practice active listening by making eye contact, nodding, and using other encouraging body language, listening without judgment, and asking follow-up questions as needed. In one study, participants who were partnered with someone who practiced active listening were more likely to be satisfied with the conversation, and more likely to say that their partner was attractive and left a positive impression. This approach can be helpful not just in speed dating but also in making friends, acing a job interview, or any other social situation where effective communication is key.
Ask Good Questions
The speed dating event organizers may offer you a list of questions to ask people if you need a little inspiration. Either way, going in with a few good questions of your own at the ready can also help you feel more confident and cultivate fun and meaningful conversations with people during the night.
While it can be helpful to learn about the basics like a person's job and where they're from, you might both benefit from going a bit deeper, too. For instance, consider asking them about their passions—like what they could talk about for half an hour without preparation, who the most important person in their life is, and which of their current personal goals most excites them. Questions like these can help you get to know them on a more intimate level, even in a short time. Follow these top tips for speed dating advice to make the most of your experience and create lasting connections.
Be True To Yourself
We all want to put our best foot forward when meeting someone new. This is especially true in dating situations like serious dating, teen dating, speed dating, etc. However, don’t let the desire to impress make you present yourself as someone you’re not. Stay true to who you are and offer your authentic self, and you’re likely to have more success. In fact, one study found that relationships built on accurate self-representation tend to last longer.
Keep An Open Mind
While trying to force a match where it doesn’t exist isn’t recommended, it’s usually a good idea to keep an open mind when going into an event like this. You may have a specific type of person you tend to gravitate towards, but try not to get tunnel vision to the point where you disregard someone different who could potentially still be a good match. Changing your perspective a bit may help. Instead of evaluating dating potential, an article on the blog of the popular dating app Bumble suggests first asking yourself, “Could I be friends with this person?” After all, many romantic relationships develop from friendships first.
Don’t Put Pressure On Yourself
At a single speed dating event, you’re likely to meet as many as 5–15 new people—perhaps even more. If you don’t click or match with someone (or anyone) at an event, that’s okay. It’s still a good experience to put yourself out there and meet new people, and you can always attend another event with a new pool of people. Plus, if you decide this dating format just isn’t for you, there are other ways to meet someone. You might try volunteering, joining a club, or otherwise exposing yourself to like-minded individuals, or exploring dating sites or apps.
Speed Dating And Anxiety
Many people experience nervousness before attending a speed dating event. Preparing before the event can alleviate worry for some, as can wearing an outfit you feel confident in, keeping a good perspective on the stakes of the event, and practicing calming breathing techniques. That said, those with anxiety disorders—especially social anxiety—may find that speed dating is triggering. In this case, it can be beneficial to consider other forms of dating that come with a bit less stress—such as online dating, where you can get to know someone asynchronously without the time pressure. You may also benefit from speaking with a therapist to address your symptoms and learn how you may be able to make your dating experiences more positive.
In particular, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been clinically proven to help lessen symptoms in those who experience anxiety, since it works by helping individuals reframe negative thought patterns to make potentially triggering situations—such as dating—more manageable. Research shows that online therapy in particular can be effective for those who experience anxiety. In a study published by the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, for instance, researchers found that symptoms of depression and anxiety in participants were significantly reduced after internet-based treatment with a qualified provider.
That said, you don’t need to have a mental health disorder like anxiety to benefit from meeting with a therapist. A professional like this can help people in different situations with different types of challenges. If low self-esteem is holding you back in your dating life, for example, they can help you devise strategies to build it up. If past heartbreak or trauma is preventing you from being your authentic self in dating situations, they can help you work through that and heal.
How To Seek The Support Of A Therapist
If you feel you may benefit from the support and guidance of a therapist, you have options. Research suggests that online and in-person therapy can offer similar benefits for many different kinds of situations and challenges. If you’d prefer to meet with someone in person, you can search for a provider in your local area. Asking your insurance company for a list of covered providers near you, if applicable, can be a good first step.
Or, if you’d prefer to meet with someone virtually from the comfort of your own home, consider an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. You can fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with someone who fits your needs and preferences. Then, you can meet with them via phone, video call, and/or online chat to address the challenges you may be facing.
Takeaway
Speed dating can be a great way to meet new people without being too time consuming, but it can be stress-inducing for some—especially those with an anxiety disorder. The tips discussed here can help you go into the event with more confidence and get more out of it. Consider the importance of what you wear to make a good impression and feel comfortable. And while these events often cater to both men and women, meeting with a therapist can also help you learn how to have more positive dating experiences in the future.
What do you say during speed dating?
Speed dating involves short, timed interactions with potential romantic interests. To make the most of your limited time during a speed dating event, it's essential to strike up engaging and meaningful conversations. Here are some conversation tips and questions to consider:
- Start with a Warm Greeting: Begin each interaction with a friendly smile and a warm greeting. A simple "Hello, how are you?" can set a positive tone.
- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Ask questions that require more than a simple "yes" or "no" answer. Open-ended questions encourage deeper and more meaningful conversations.
- Listen Actively: Pay close attention to what your date is saying. Show genuine interest in their responses, and avoid interrupting or thinking about your next question while they're talking.
- Avoid Controversial Topics: Since time is limited, it's generally best to steer clear of controversial or highly personal topics, such as politics or ex-relationships. Stick to lighter, more neutral subjects.
- Ask About Interests and Hobbies: Inquire about their interests, hobbies, and favorite activities. This can reveal common interests and potential conversation topics.
- Talk About Passions: Ask about their passions or things they feel strongly about. People tend to light up when discussing what they love.
- Use Humor Sparingly: Humor can be an excellent icebreaker, but be mindful of your audience.
- Be Yourself: Authenticity is key in speed dating. Be genuine and let your true personality shine through.
- Express Interest in a Second Meeting: If you feel a connection with someone, express your interest in getting to know them better. You can say something like, "I've really enjoyed our conversation. Would you be interested in meeting up for coffee sometime?"
Speed dating is a fast-paced event, so make the most of the time you have. Be respectful, listen actively, and aim to create a positive and memorable impression. If you both feel a mutual connection, you can exchange contact information to continue the conversation outside of the event.
How do you flirt on speed dating?
Flirting during speed dating can be a fun and effective way to create a sense of chemistry and connection with potential matches. Here are some tips for flirting during a speed dating event:
- Maintain Eye Contact: Eye contact is a powerful way to convey interest and attraction. When you're engaged in a conversation, maintain good eye contact with your date. It signals that you're actively listening and interested in what they're saying. However, be mindful not to make your date uncomfortable by staring excessively.
- Compliment Sincerely: Offering a genuine compliment can go a long way in flirting. Keep it sincere and avoid overly sexual or inappropriate comments.
- Playful Teasing: Light, playful teasing can create a relaxed and flirtatious atmosphere. Be careful not to cross any boundaries or make your date uncomfortable. Keep the teasing friendly and lighthearted.
- Smile and Use Body Language: A warm smile is one of the most effective flirting tools. It communicates friendliness and approachability. Additionally, use open body language, such as facing your date and leaning in slightly, to show that you're engaged and interested.
- Use Humor: A well-timed, light-hearted joke or humorous comment can break the ice and create a sense of connection. Just ensure that your humor is appropriate and not offensive.
What questions to ask on speed dating?
Speed dating offers a limited amount of time to get to know someone, so it's important to ask questions that are engaging, revealing, and provide insight into your potential match. Here are ten questions to consider asking during a speed dating event:
- What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
- What's your idea of a perfect weekend?
- What's the most exciting place you've traveled to?
- What's your favorite type of cuisine, and do you enjoy cooking?
- What are your career aspirations or your dream job?
- If you could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?
- What's the last book you read or movie you watched?
- What's one thing on your bucket list?
- What's your favorite way to relax and unwind after a long day?
- What qualities do you value most in a partner or a relationship?
What do people do at speed dating?
Speed dating is a structured social event where individuals have the opportunity to meet and interact with multiple potential romantic partners in a short period of time. Here's an overview of what people typically do at speed dating events:
- Registration and Introduction: Participants arrive at the venue and register for the event. They receive a name tag or a number to identify themselves.
- Orientation: Before the speed dating rounds begin, there is usually a brief orientation or welcome session led by the event organizer. Participants are given an overview of the event format and rules.
- Speed Dating Rounds: Speed dating consists of a series of timed one-on-one interactions, typically lasting around 3 to 5 minutes each. Participants are seated across from each other at tables or in a designated seating area.
- Conversations: During each speed dating round, participants engage in conversation with their date.
- Rotation: When the timed interaction ends, participants usually rotate to the next table or partner. This rotation continues until each participant has met and interacted with all other participants.
- Note Taking: Participants often receive a sheet or card where they can jot down notes about each person they meet. These notes can help them remember their impressions and preferences.
- Feedback and Matches: After the speed dating rounds are completed, participants may have the opportunity to provide feedback to the event organizer about their interests and potential matches. The organizer may use this feedback to facilitate mutual matches.
- Networking: In addition to seeking romantic connections, speed dating events can also serve as opportunities for networking and making new friends.
- Socializing: Some speed dating events include social time before or after the formal rounds, allowing participants to mingle and continue conversations.
- Follow-Up: If participants express interest in each other and mutually agree, contact information may be exchanged at the end of the event. Participants can then arrange follow-up dates or meetings if they wish to continue getting to know each other.
Speed dating events vary in size, format, and specific rules, but the general idea is to provide a structured and efficient way for people to meet and interact with potential partners. It's a fun and low-pressure way to explore romantic connections and discover whether there is mutual interest.
What not to ask on speed dating?
While speed dating is an opportunity to get to know potential partners quickly, it's essential to be respectful and considerate of your date's feelings and comfort. Avoid asking questions or making comments that may be inappropriate, intrusive, or offensive. Here are some topics and questions to avoid during speed dating:
- Personal Finances: Avoid questions about income, financial status, or material possessions. These topics can be seen as intrusive and may make your date uncomfortable.
- Past Relationships: Don't inquire about past relationships, ex-partners, or reasons for breakups. Focus on the present and future rather than dwelling on the past.
- Politics and Religion: While it's essential to discuss values and beliefs in a relationship, these topics can be divisive and may lead to heated discussions. If you do broach these subjects, do so with sensitivity and respect.
- Sexual Preferences: Avoid questions about your date's sexual preferences, history, or experiences. These topics are highly personal and may come across as invasive.
- Physical Appearance: Don't make comments about your date's physical appearance, such as asking about their weight, height, or appearance-related insecurities. These questions can be hurtful.
- Health Issues: Avoid prying questions about medical conditions, mental health, or family health history.
- Controversial or Offensive Topics: Stay away from controversial issues, offensive jokes, or questions that may be considered disrespectful or insensitive. Be mindful of cultural sensitivities and potential triggers.
- Marriage and Children: While discussing long-term goals is important, asking someone if they want to get married or have children right away can be overwhelming and presumptive. It's best to keep the conversation lighter initially.
- Negative Comments: Avoid negative comments about your date or their interests. Focus on positive and constructive conversations.
- Invasive or Deeply Personal Questions: Questions that probe too deeply into someone's personal life or past traumas should be avoided.
What should you not do during speed dating?
During a speed dating event, it's important to conduct yourself in a respectful and considerate manner to create a positive impression and ensure a pleasant experience for everyone involved. Here are some things you should avoid doing during speed dating:
- Don't Be Late: Arriving late disrupts the event's flow and can leave a negative impression. Aim to arrive a few minutes early to check-in and get oriented.
- Don't Dominate the Conversation: While it's important to engage in conversation, avoid monopolizing the conversation or talking about yourself exclusively.
- Don't Be Dismissive: Even if you don't feel a strong connection with a date, avoid being dismissive or rude. Maintain courtesy and respect throughout the interaction.
- Don't Bring Up Controversial Topics: Avoid discussing controversial or divisive subjects, such as politics or religion, in a way that may lead to disagreements or discomfort.
- Don't Use Inappropriate Language: Use polite and respectful language. Avoid offensive jokes, swearing, or inappropriate comments.
- Don't Interrupt: Allow your date to finish speaking before responding. Interrupting can be seen as impolite and disruptive.
- Don't Criticize or Judge: Refrain from making negative comments or judgments about your date's appearance, interests, or background. Focus on positive aspects of the conversation.
- Don't Get Too Personal: Avoid asking overly personal or intrusive questions, especially regarding topics like finances, health, or past relationships.
- Don't Be Distracted: Give your full attention to the person you're currently talking to. Avoid checking your phone, looking around the room, or appearing disengaged.
Is speed dating serious?
Speed dating can vary in terms of seriousness depending on the context and the individuals participating. While speed dating is often seen as a fun and casual way to meet potential romantic partners, it can also be taken more seriously by individuals who are genuinely looking for a meaningful relationship.
What to text after speed dating?
After a speed dating event, it's a good idea to follow up with individuals you felt a connection with to express your interest and continue the conversation. Here are some tips on what to text after speed dating:
- Promptness Matters: Send your follow-up text within a day or two after the event while the conversation is still fresh in your date's mind.
- Personalized Messages: Customize your messages to each person based on your interactions. Mention specific topics you discussed or things you both enjoyed during your conversation.
- Express Interest: Start by expressing your interest in getting to know them better. A simple, "It was great meeting you at the speed dating event" can be a good opener.
How long is speed dating usually?
The duration of a speed dating event can vary depending on the organizer and the specific format they choose. However, the typical length of a speed dating event is around 2 to 2.5 hours. Here's a breakdown of how the time is usually allocated during a speed dating event:
- Registration and Welcome (15-30 minutes): Participants arrive at the venue and register for the event. There may be a brief orientation or welcome session where the event organizer explains the rules and procedures.
- Speed Dating Rounds (1.5 to 2 hours): The main portion of the event consists of a series of timed one-on-one interactions between participants. Each interaction typically lasts around 3 to 5 minutes. Participants are seated across from each other at tables, and they have the opportunity to engage in conversation before rotating to the next table.
- Breaks and Socializing (15-30 minutes): Depending on the event, there may be short breaks between speed dating rounds to allow participants to mingle, grab refreshments, or socialize with others. This time also provides an opportunity for participants to jot down notes or indicate their interest in potential matches.
- Feedback and Matching (15-30 minutes): After the speed dating rounds are completed, there may be a brief period for participants to provide feedback to the event organizer about their interests and potential matches. Organizers use this feedback to facilitate mutual matches if there is interest from both parties.
- Optional Social Time (Varies): Some speed dating events may include optional social time before or after the formal rounds, allowing participants to continue conversations and get to know each other better.
How do I prepare for online speed dating?
Preparing for online speed dating is similar to preparing for an in-person speed dating event, with some additional considerations for the online format. Here are 10 tips to help you prepare for online speed dating:
- Choose a Reliable Device: Ensure that you have a stable internet connection and a device (computer, tablet, or smartphone) with a functioning camera and microphone. Test your audio and video settings in advance to avoid technical issues during the event.
- Select a Quiet and Well-Lit Space: Find a quiet and well-lit location where you can participate in the event without distractions. Good lighting ensures that you are clearly visible on camera.
- Dress Appropriately: Dress in a way that makes you feel comfortable and confident. While you don't need to wear formal attire, choose an outfit that reflects your personal style and is appropriate for a video call.
- Prepare Icebreaker Questions: Have a few icebreaker questions or conversation starters ready to kick off your interactions. These can help break the ice and make the initial moments of conversation smoother.
- Create a Dating Profile: If the online speed dating event uses a platform or website, create a dating profile with accurate information and a recent photo. This profile may be visible to other participants.
- Check Event Details: Review the event details provided by the organizer. This includes the schedule, the duration of each interaction, and any guidelines or rules specific to the event.
- Charge Your Device: Ensure that your device is fully charged or connected to a power source to prevent it from running out of battery during the event.
- Prepare a Notebook and Pen: Have a notebook and pen on hand to jot down notes or indicate your interest in potential matches. This can be helpful if the event provides opportunities for feedback and matching.
- Practice Video Etiquette: Familiarize yourself with video call etiquette, including maintaining eye contact, speaking clearly, and avoiding distractions in the background.
- Relax and Be Yourself: Remember that online speed dating is a chance to meet people in a relaxed and efficient way. Be yourself, stay open-minded, and approach each interaction with a positive attitude.
- Previous Article
- Next Article