Speed Dating Advice To Help You Have The Best Experience
Updated February 11, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault
Many people are finding success with speed dating to find potential matches. This method can be nice because it allows you to meet many different people at one event. You can get a feel for whether you might have a connection with someone and you just might wind up hitting it off with someone special. Speed dating can be really fun, but it can also be a little hectic, so you may be interested in speed dating advice to get the most out of the experience.
The problem with speed dating is that many people start to get anxious before the big event. It isn't easy to have a good experience when you feel overly anxious about making a good impression. The best thing that you can do is to try to relax and not worry about the outcome. Getting a bit of advice might help to put your mind at ease, but you shouldn't stress out about the idea of speed dating.
This article aims to help people understand the process of speed dating a little bit better. Once you read through all of this information, you should feel a little less nervous about the prospect of going on one of these dates. You'll feel more prepared overall and will be ready to have a good experience. It's a lot easier to feel calm when you feel like you have a good idea of what to expect.
What Is Speed Dating?
What is speed dating exactly? Well, speed dating is essentially a social function where single people can meet other singles to find a match. This method of dating hasn't been around for too long, as it was conceived in 1998 by a Rabbi named Yaacov Deyo. He wanted to find a new way to help people meet many potential romantic matches at one single event. The idea of speed dating was born, and it has been an interesting way for singles to meet new people ever since.
Typically speaking, there will be some sort of organization or group that will set up a speed dating event. To be able to attend, people will have to register for it ahead of time. This isn't always the case, as sometimes there will be more informal speed dating events, too. Many people enjoy the more structured events, though, because it feels like the people attending them are more serious about finding someone to connect with.
You might think that speed dating sounds somewhat similar to a mixer event, but they are different in several ways. At a mixer, people are simply allowed to socialize and meet people on their own. Speed dating is different because there is a structure that is adhered to. You will have a certain amount of time to talk to a person, and then you will move on to talk to someone else.
The fast nature of these speed dating events is simultaneously appealing and frustrating. If you feel like you are hitting it off with someone, then you may wish that you could have more time with them. Conversely, if one of the speed dates is going poorly, then you will at least know that it won't last for too long. There are both positives and negatives about these events, so you need to learn to work within the rules.
How Does Speed Dating Work?
Speed dating will allow you to meet many people in one night. If you are looking to make a connection with someone special, then you'll be able to meet up with many singles who might mesh well with you. You'll be given a certain amount of time to talk to a given person. The time limit of the speed dates will be announced in advance, so you should have a good idea of the amount of time that you are working with.
Having a limited amount of time can make it tough to feel like you are giving someone an accurate representation of what you're about. It's important to try your best to communicate effectively and break the ice so that you can determine how well-suited you are to the other person. This method of dating is something that is easier for people who are more outgoing. Those who are more reserved and take a while to warm up to others will have a tough time at events like these.
Once your time limit is up, you will be sent to another table to begin your date with another single person. The process repeats itself until you have had time with everyone that you would be trying to date. There are specific speed dating events for different subgroups and sexual preferences, but you will know what you're signing up for ahead of time. Just remember to do your best, and you should have a fun time talking to all of the different singles.
If you wind up hitting it off with someone during one of the speed dates, you can exchange phone numbers with them. Some speed dating events will take away your cell phone before the event to promote social interaction, but exchanging numbers still shouldn't be too difficult. Many events even give out pens so that people can exchange phone numbers. You just need to stay positive, and you can meet a nice single that will be a good potential match for you.
Where Do You Sign Up For Speed Dating?
Where you go to sign up for speed dating will depend on the area that you're at. Sometimes, different clubs or social groups will hold speed dating events. It's even possible to sign up for speed dating events that are hosted by local religious groups in some places. Being that speed dating was created by a Rabbi initially, this isn't that unusual.
People from all walks of life participate in speed dating, so there will likely be speed dating events in your town. Simply search a phrase such as "speed dating near me" in your search bar, and you will likely find some events. Once you find the event, you can usually sign up for it on the event website. Sometimes things will need to be done in person, but this is less common in the modern era.
Is Speed Dating Right For You?
Depending on where you are at in life, the prospect of dating can either feel exciting or nerve-wracking. If you are interested in finding your special someone, then you need to have the courage to put yourself out there. It can be tough to think about dating again after you have just come out of a relationship or after a long period of being single, but it could be a worthwhile experience. Finding a new partner could lead to increased happiness in your life and plenty of new adventures, so it's worth a shot.
To determine whether or not speed dating is right for you, it is necessary to examine your personality. Are you an outgoing person? If so, then you might be able to do well in a speed dating situation. If you are shyer and more reserved, then speed dating may wind up feeling like too much pressure for you.
People who feel tense around strangers aren't going to have an easy time letting their guard down. To have success at a speed dating event, it is helpful to have a plan, including some questions you can ask the daters.
Speed Dating Questions
Sometimes events will have pre-made speed dating questions on little cards. These are designed to help people steer the conversation and get to know each other during the allotted time. Not all events will use this method, though. Some events will let people simply do whatever they want during the speed date, and they can't force you to follow the questions anyway.
It is a good idea to try to ask questions that will make you stand out. You want to show your date that you're a unique person and you don't want to be lumped in with everyone else by the end of the night. Crafting questions that are a little bit funny and can also help you learn more about your date will be helpful. This can help the date to be a little more fun, and you'll be able to determine whether or not your personality matches up well.
Below are a few examples of some good questions that you might want to consider asking on your speed date. They may come in handy to help you find the match that you're looking for. A mixture of serious questions and fun questions is highly recommended, as you want to show that you are a multi-faceted person.
- What is your biggest passion in life?
- Do you have a favorite movie?
- What was your first concert?
- What do you want your life to look like in five years?
- What is the craziest thing you have done in your life so far?
Important Speed Dating Tips To Remember
Now it's time to get into the good stuff. If you want to have success with speed dating, then you need to have a good plan to make the most of the time that you have available. As mentioned above, asking good questions can be beneficial. There is more to speed dating than simply asking questions, though. You need to make sure that you stay engaged.
Nothing is going to give off a worse impression to a potential partner than not being engaged in the process. If you are disinterested or focused on something else, then your date probably isn't going to want to give you the time of day. Ensure that your head isn't in the clouds so that you can give the date a good effort. Engage your date in conversation and try to stay relaxed.
Break The Ice
Breaking the ice is very important when you want to make things comfortable quickly. Sometimes using humor as an icebreaker will work well, but this might not be the best method for everyone. Something simple like complimenting your date on how nice they look could help to boost their confidence. Making your date feel good and ensuring that they are comfortable will allow you to have a better experience.
Social Awareness Is Important
Try to be smart about how you steer the conversation as well. Some people may enjoy it if you get a little bit flirtatious, but this may wind up making another person uncomfortable. You need to have the good social awareness to succeed in this environment. Try to gauge your partner's personality before you go into anything more personal.
Be True to Yourself
It is never a good idea to misrepresent yourself during a speed date. If the date were to continue further, then your partner would find out that you weren't truthful. Being honest about yourself and your situation is important. Telling lies to try to impress someone is not a good way to find a romantic partner.
The purpose of speed dating is to find someone that will match up well with you. If you can't be honest, then you're not going to be able to find the person that you're looking for. Be brave and try to be confident that there are people who are going to love what you bring to the table. Everyone is looking for a quality connection so your honesty will be appreciated.
Go Beyond Superficial Conversations
It's a good idea for you to try to go deeper than simply finding mutual interests if you can. You may have seen a speed dating meme or two on the Internet over the last several years. The male asks a question such as "have you ever seen Star Wars?" The female answers "no" and then the guy gets up and leaves the table.
Romantic connections are about a lot more than simply liking the same things. It can be nice to find out that you have some mutual interests with someone. Maybe you like the same bands, or perhaps you both enjoy stand-up comedy. Someone having different interests than you shouldn't disqualify them as a potential partner.
Try to determine what their life goals are. See if their stance on life and love matches up well with yours. Ask questions that will make you stand out and help the person you're speed dating to remember you. Just try to figure out what makes them tick and then determine if they are a good person.
Happiness in dating is about finding someone who complements you well. You might enjoy having things in common, but someone with opposite tastes in many areas can wind up being the love of your life. Put forth the necessary effort to get to know someone so that you can make a good choice—that way you will know that you gave it your best shot and you won't have any regrets about missed opportunities.
Advice For Dealing With Speed Dating Anxiety
Speed dating can be an amazing way to meet some nice people. Many singles have had success with finding their spouses through these speed dating events. If you have anxiety issues, then you might feel like this won't be possible for you to do. In this situation, it is a good idea to get some help so that you can feel better.
When you start to control your anxiety better, going to events such as speed dating won't seem like as big of a deal. You'll be able to feel more natural and can show off how great of a person you are. Speed dating is meant to be fun, and if you need some help to overcome your anxiety, then you should reach out to get it. You'll wind up feeling stronger, and it is always nice to know that there are others who care.
Research shows that online therapy platforms can be useful forms of counseling for those who experience anxiety that comes dating. In a study published by the Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry, researchers examined the effectiveness of online therapy, and in particular cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), when helping individuals cope with anxiety. They found that levels of worry and symptoms of depression were significantly decreased after treatment, concluding that online CBT can create positive improvement in those experiencing anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy works by helping individuals reframe negative thought patterns that are underlying unwanted behaviors and emotions, so that potentially triggering situations, such as dating, are more manageable.
As discussed above, if you’re experiencing anxiety arising out of dating or other social situations, online therapy can be a valuable tool. If you’re not yet comfortable in face to face situations, in-person counseling may not be the most appealing option. With online therapy through BetterHelp, counseling can be completed from the comfort of your home. The mental health professionals at BetterHelp have assisted thousands in reducing anxieties related to dating. Read below for counselor reviews, from those who have experienced similar issues.
“Tavia and I work well together. She encourages me and challenges me so I can move forward with my anxiety and stress in a positive way.”
“Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He’s not only provided me support but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”
You should consider going on a speed date if you want to be able to meet people in a fun and unique way. It can be a little stressful, and there is shame in admitting that speed dating makes you anxious. You can seek out help for that anxiety if you feel like you need it. Either way, speed dating is something that can be a great experience if you approach it with the right mindset.
Remain positive, and it will be possible for you to meet someone really special during a speed dating event. Once you have made it to the speed date, just remember to relax. Have fun and try to represent yourself in an honest and fun way. You'll be sure to hit it off with someone, and it could lead to a beautiful relationship.
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