Are you a survivor of domestic violence? Those who are experiencing domestic violence often feel there is no way out. Friends and loved ones often feel despair because they don't know what to do to help. Additionally, some abusers may not realize their behavior constitutes domestic violence. Therefore, knowing the causes of domestic violence and recognizing symptoms is important if the cycle is to ever be broken.
Domestic violence is defined as "violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the abuse of a current or former spouse, intimate partner, or child." Any form of physical or sexual abuse and emotional control or manipulation can be categorized as domestic violence. While some types of domestic violence may occur absent a physical altercation, it is not uncommon that other forms of abuse are coupled with physical violence.
The long-term effects of domestic violence may be present for months, or even years, after the abuse has ended. While this is a stark reality, it is worth noting that when partnered with the right resources, an estimated 71% of domestic violence survivors are able to escape violent relationships and prevent it from happening again.
Warning Signs Of Domestic Violence
Signs that someone is experiencing domestic violence are sometimes visible. For example, a black eye, busted lip, or broken bones. There are other indicators that may be less apparent.
Emotional symptoms may initially be less apparent than physical signs of domestic violence. The responses may be especially heightened in the presence of the abuser or when someone tries to address the issue of abuse with the person who is experiencing it. These symptoms may linger long after the physical injury has resolved. Some examples of emotional responses include:
Do You Think You're Experiencing Domestic Violence?
It is often difficult for people who are experiencing domestic violence to grasp the fact that they are, indeed, experiencing domestic abuse. It's understandable; no one wants to be labeled as such. Nevertheless, knowing what behavior constitutes abuse and violence is the first step on the road to intervention.
If your spouse, intimate partner, or parent does any of the following, these could be indications of domestic violence:
People experiencing domestic violence often feel isolated. Whether it is due to a fear of rejection by others or retaliation from their abusers, they may not immediately seek help. Unfortunately, isolation may lead to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and, in some cases, post-traumatic stress disorder.
According to Louise Howard, professor at King's Institute of Psychiatry, in her article in Medical News Today, "The evidence suggests that there are two things happening: domestic violence can often lead to survivors developing mental health problems, and people with mental health problems are more likely to experience domestic violence." This reflects how a cycle of abuse may be repeated. Violence may lead to a mental health disorder; then the mental health disorder may cause the person to be at risk of re-victimization.
This does not have to be your story! If you've been affected by domestic violence, although you may feel alone, you are not. There are several resources available:
Risk Factors For Domestic Violence
While it may not be possible in every case to predict who may become an abuser or who may be affected by an abuser, there are some risk factors that increase the chances. It may surprise you to know that the risk factors associated with potential survivors and potential abusers are similar. This is because without help, many survivors become abusers or are re-victimized later in life.
Common Risk Factors Related to Domestic Violence Include:
Being educated about who is at risk and what signs may indicate the presence of domestic violence will help decrease the chances of entering or staying in an abusive situation.
In 2018, the Domestic Violence Resource Center reported that schools that provided education and resources for students about domestic violence reported a 40% increase in the number of reports by students regarding instances of domestic violence. This is significant, as it shows that the more education a person has about an issue, the more likely they will be to reach out for help. This is one way to help combat the occurrence of domestic violence.
It Is Okay To Take Care Of Yourself
Often, the fear of leaving a toxic relationship can feel as crippling as the actual abuse. Survivors usually feel guilty about leaving an abuser. However, your safety and the safety of any children in your care is of utmost importance.
Therefore, if you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, seek help immediately.
Facing Your Fears
Change is scary. Unfortunately, fear is one of the main reasons people experiencing domestic violence do not seek help. However, tapping into the right resources can be crucial to recovering from abuse. When traveling to meet a counselor or therapist in person is difficult, online counseling is a great alternative.
You’ll likely need support from a lot of different sources to recovery after domestic abuse. If you’re unsure of how effective online therapy might be in your case, consider the following: post-traumatic stress disorder was one of the first types of therapy to be studied online. A recent publication looked at a total of 38 of those studies to affirm that cognitive behavioral therapy (a common type of talk therapy) is more effective than being put on a waiting list and just as effective as traditional therapy.
Online therapy also allows you more flexibility as to location. You don’t need to go into an office if you’re worried about being seen there. You can have a session anywhere you feel safe with a secure internet connection. As mentioned above, there’s no being put on a waiting list if you’ve been working up the courage to start therapy. In fact, most people are matched with a BetterHelp counselor within 24 hours.
For more information on how online counseling may benefit you or a loved one, see some reviews of BetterHelp counselors below.
"Sharon Valentino has helped me through so much! Since we started working together, just a few months ago, I already feel like I have more power and control over my life. I have let go of some very painful things, I have moved away from abusive relationships and really gaining skills and tools I need to keep myself safe and happy. She has taught me that I have the power to control my thoughts, my anxiety, and most of all my company. I really like how direct she is, it helps me get grounded and connect to myself. I can't wait to see where I am after working with her a year!!!"
"Dr. Thiem is extremely caring and knowledgeable. She has helped me work through my trauma with such patience. Dr. Thiem uses a variety of therapy techniques and is truly supportive. I didn't think that I would ever feel okay again until I started working with her. I'm grateful for her kindness and skill. She's wonderful!"
If you or someone you know is the experiencing domestic violence or you are a survivor of domestic abuse, contact one of the resources listed in this article. No matter how difficult or scary things are, you can move forward. All you need are the right tools. Take the first step.