My Family Is The Opposite Of Alone: Loneliness And Mental Health

A strong family bond has the potential to bring joy, comfort, and a sense of safety to each member. They can lead to memories that last a lifetime and represent a support system during difficult moments. However, it can sometimes feel hard to maintain these close bonds with parents, siblings, and extended family because of busy schedules and various distractions in the world. While it might be easy to drift apart, there are also some simple methods you can try to bring your family together and strengthen your relationships with each other. You can also learn skills in therapy that may improve family dynamics. 

The opposite of alone

When you’re feeling sad or lonely, strong family bonds can remind you that you are not alone – you are together. Perhaps this is why some people say, “My family is the opposite of alone.” Familial connections, such as those with a wife, husband, mother, or father, can offer support, love, and a sense of belonging that can be comforting during the most challenging of times.  

Embracing the strength of family bonds may provide emotional resilience and help you face life's challenges with greater confidence.

Why family bonds matter

As one research study on the topic puts it, family relationships can be “an important source of social connection and social influence for individuals throughout their lives.” For some people, these relationships are with their own family of origin. For others, “family” is generally considered the relationships they’ve built with their partner(s) and child(ren). For still others, their family is made up of “chosen family,” or close friends and intimates they’ve designated as family and with whom they spend a life and, in some cases, a home. Whatever the case, family relationships can be highly influential and have the potential to help a person thrive.

Strong, healthy family bonds in any form can help give one a sense of meaning and a source of emotional support when adversity arises. Consider research that suggests that social support correlates with improved mental and physical health.

On the other hand, weak or unhealthy family bonds can result in isolation, sadness, negative health outcomes, stress, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and other concerns. For these reasons, cultivating robust, healthy relationships with those you consider family can be an important component of overall health and well-being.

When family is present but you still feel alone

Not all families are equal in terms of the support they provide. In some cases, individuals are surrounded by family members but still feel deeply alone. There could be many reasons for this. 

Emotional neglect and feeling unseen

In severe cases, a family member may be emotionally neglected or even abused, creating a toxic home environment. If you’re being hurt physically or emotionally, tell someone you trust or call the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. You can also text BEGIN to 88788.  

The opposite of an enmeshed family

While most agree an enmeshed family dynamic is unhealthy, the opposite could be equally detrimental. Family members who are detached or disengaged from each other often find themselves feeling lonely with little hope for connection in the future. 

Strategies that may help strengthen family relationships

Regardless of what your family makeup is, these relationships can represent an important part of your life. If you’re looking to deepen your relationships with the members of your family, the techniques below might be helpful.

Spend intentional quality time together

Quality time is one effective way to strengthen your family bonds. You could decide, as a family, to set aside time each week or month to be fully present with each other and engage in activities everyone enjoys. You could have a family day or a husband and wife’s day, for instance. Here are a few ideas:

• Family meals. Decades of research indicate the potential benefits of families who regularly have meals together—a minimum of three per week and ideally 5–7. For example, kids whose families eat together regularly tend to have higher self-esteem, lower rates of substance misuse, teen pregnancy, depression, and behavioral issues at school, better body image, and lower risk of eating disorders, higher grades, and lower rates of obesity—and it can act as a healthy emotional bonding experience as well.
• Outdoor activities. Hiking, barbecuing, playing sports, or otherwise spending time together outdoors is often something all family members can get on board with. Plus, research suggests potential health benefits of time in nature, like lower stress levels, higher levels of subjective well-being, increased creativity, and better emotional control.
• Game nights. Playing board games, card games, or video games together—especially those that are collaborative or team-based—can present an opportunity to have fun together and to collaborate, engage in teamwork, and make memories.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

The above are just a few ideas. It may take some time to figure out exactly what your family likes to do together, but the memories, bonding opportunities, and even potential health benefits can make this effort worth it.

Practice effective communication

Clear, honest, and compassionate communication can empower individuals in any type of relationship to understand each other and deepen their connection. It can allow for boundaries to be set so everyone feels safe and respected, it can help ensure everyone is listened to and considered in major family decisions, and it may decrease conflict overall. 

Here are a few tips for effective communication within a family unit:

• Practice active listening. This means giving the person who is speaking your full attention, avoiding interrupting, and asking clarification questions as needed. It can also include making sure everyone gets the chance to talk—including any older adults and children who may be part of the family. 
• Check in. Most modern families have busy schedules, making it easy for someone’s feelings, struggles, or concerns to get overlooked or ‘lost’ in the shuffle. Making an effort to regularly check in with each member may help ensure everyone has the opportunity to express their needs and feel supported.
• Set communication standards. Setting rules for how you’ll aim to communicate with each other could help your family maintain positive relationships with one another. Respect, compassion, grace, calm, and honesty—even in the face of disagreements or conflict—are a few examples.

Work on problem-solving together

Problems and conflicts are a natural part of any type of relationship, including family relationships. Rather than letting them drive you apart, working together to solve problems could strengthen your connections and make each person feel like a valued member of the unit whose input matters. Here’s a basic framework you might consider following when facing a family problem that needs resolving:

1. Identify the problem. When a problem arises, identifying what it is, why it’s a problem, and who it’s affecting can be a good place to start.
2. Brainstorm solutions. Sitting down together as a family to develop potential solutions can help everyone feel like a part of the process. It may be helpful to encourage everyone to share their ideas and be open to other perspectives.
3. Choose a solution. Narrowing down the ideas the group came up with is next, which might be done by voting. It can help if all members enter this phase with an open mind and a willingness to compromise. 
4. Implement the solution. Next, it’s time to implement the chosen solution. Delegating each responsibility and ensuring that each member is committed to trying to make things work can be useful at this stage.
5. Evaluate the solution. After some time, you can evaluate the solution as a group to see if it has resolved the problem, taking care to let everyone tell their experience. If not, you may have to go back to the drawing board and develop or choose a new solution. 

Show each other appreciation and gratitude

Psychologists and researchers have examined the effects of gratitude on various types of relationships, and findings suggest that it may help us maintain and strengthen connections with others. Showing appreciation and gratitude for your loved ones may, in particular, help you feel closer and more invested and make it easier to cooperate. A few ideas for showing gratitude to your family members could include:

• Giving compliments to acknowledge each other’s strengths and achievements
• Regularly expressing thanks for what each person contributes to the family, from cooking meals to making jokes to planning common activities 
• Giving thoughtful gifts, which could take any form—from putting a thoughtful note in someone’s lunchbox, bringing home pizzas for everyone at the end of a long week, or doing chores or household tasks that benefit everyone
• Spending time together—specifically, carving out time and making concrete plans to bring everyone together, whether that’s a family vacation, weekend routine, a special outing, or a movie night at home
• Celebrating together to recognize special moments, whether it’s a birthday, a holiday, or an individual's success

Expanding your support system beyond family

Whether or not you enjoy spending time with your family, it could be beneficial to expand your social network and social support system. 

Building community when your family cannot meet every need

Regardless of how supportive your family is, it’s unlikely that they’ll be able to meet all of your needs as a human being. Broadening your horizons by interacting with your community could prove fulfilling. 

Small steps that create momentum

There could be countless numbers of ways to build a community support system. Here are a few ways you can begin: 

• Volunteer at a local charity or non-profit organization
• Attend fitness classes or a book club to build connections based on interests
• Attend community events and shop locally; become “a regular”
• Ask new acquaintances to meet for a coffee or lunch to build connections
• Join a local social media group and make it a point to post regularly

How therapy can help

Family challenges can be difficult to face alone, which is why some people turn to a therapist for support. A trained mental health professional can help you brainstorm ideas for strengthening family bonds, improve your communication skills, learn to empathize with your family members, polish your conflict-resolution skills, and work through relational challenges. If you’re experiencing stress, anxiety, depression, or another mental health challenge that’s resulting from family issues or contributing to them, they may also help you address these.

If you and your family have busy schedules, it can be hard to find time to regularly commute to and from a therapist’s office. In this situation, online therapy can represent a viable alternative. You can use an online therapy platform like BetterHelp to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can then meet with them via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from the comfort of home or wherever you have a strong internet connection. Research suggests that face-to-face and internet-delivered therapy can offer equal effectiveness in many cases, so you can typically choose whichever format best fits your schedule.