Meaningful Psychology Facts About Love

Experiencing romantic love can be a mind-bending roller coaster of emotions, behaviors, and biological processes, often beginning with butterflies at first sight. While romantic love is something most people experience in a lifetime, there may still be some aspects that are hard to understand. Critical thinking, listening, and psychology, along with current research, provide insight into the world of love, emotions, romantic relationships, and how men and women tend to fall in love.

What is love?

Love as a triangle

Romantic love can be thought of as a triangle of intimacy, passion, and commitment. These three aspects are separate but may impact the strength of each other. For example, holding hands or gazing into each other's eyes can increase intimacy, while love produces a strong sense of commitment. On the other hand, a relationship lacking passion but high in intimacy and commitment may experience pain in some aspects but revel in others. A relationship lacking all three elements may not be compatible, possibly leading to a break up, or require couples counseling or coaching to improve.

Chemical reaction

Romantic love involves chemical reactions in the body, as men and women fall in love, experiencing physiological changes that affect them in various ways by altering their serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and cortisol levels.

The chemicals released by feelings of love, which love makes possible, can cause mood changes, influence thoughts and focus, and even lower blood pressure. Sometimes, if a loved one is suddenly taken away, it can result in broken heart syndrome (called stress-induced cardiomyopathy). However, death by a broken heart is rare, occurring in less than 2% of those with stress-induced cardiomyopathy.

All about love

Here are a few other facts about love:

• Love can require compromises and understanding, especially when navigating stressful situations. 
• Love may require compassion. Consideration and empathy for your partner can be essential foundations for a compassionate, honest relationships. 
• Love is often universal. Whether you feel romantic or sexual attraction to others or not, love in some form is a basic human need. Love can be expressed and felt in hugs from close friends, a lick from your dog, or even in supportive words of a coworker or boss.

Sexual attraction

Sexual attraction may not be the only glue that binds two people together in a long-lasting romantic relationship. Although sexual attention often plays a role in romantic love, especially at the beginning when men fall for a woman, relationship attraction and compatibility involves much more. There are many theories and research on how and why we tend to be attracted to each other.

Here are some research-based facts about sexual attraction, explained:

• Body language is one of the top ways we attract each other (smiling, flicking our hair, making eye contact, etc.).
• The pitch of your voice may impact how others perceive your attractiveness levels.
• Many people find those with symmetrical faces highly attractive.
• Having other interests, values, and beliefs in common can increase attraction, emphasizing the importance of thinking alike.

Psychology of love

Throughout the centuries, certain love facts have come to light: and famous artists have used creative means to explain love and its effects on the mind and body. At times, it can feel that love can only be described through poetry, music, films, and art. However, there's a psychological basis to love as well, which we can try to understand if we listen closely.

Deep down, the mind is where love takes root. Experiencing love and the loss of love can be life-changing, bringing about emotional and physical pain. Whether you experience love in a short term or long term relationship, when you lose someone that you love, it can be one of the hardest emotional pains you ever have to go through, and a turning point in life.

Psychological research findings about love include:

1. Cuddling with someone you love triggers the brain to release oxytocin. This chemical relieves stress and promotes a feeling of well-being and happiness, helping to lower levels of anxiety.
2. Seeing a picture of someone you care about can lower stress and pain levels and help you heal faster if you are injured or sick.
3. Less than a second after looking at someone we love, the brain releases chemicals such as oxytocin and dopamine. Together, they provide a sense of intense happiness and well-being.
4. Kissing helps us choose who we will love. It is a big player in maintaining long-lasting love. If your partner is a good kisser in your opinion, you may be more likely to be happy in the relationship.
5. Long distance relationships work better when partners communicate about intimate feelings and thoughts more often. When both partners seem to have an idealized view of their partner, the relationship has a stronger chance of working out. 
6. Having a healthy social connection with someone is important for your mental and physical health. Being isolated for long periods can be detrimental and may lead to conditions like obsessive compulsive disorder.
7. Love lasts longer when both partners are actively working toward self-fulfillment. For couples that choose to work on conflicts in therapy, 70% find fulfillment and benefits from the process.

How relationship education and therapy can prepare you for love

A study from 2019 evaluated the effectiveness of emotionally focused couples therapy. They found that couples who attended regular sessions with a therapist reported greater satisfaction in their relationship over time, and that their satisfaction was at the same level at a follow-up appointment a year later.

While couples therapy tools are geared for couples, you may also benefit from a therapist focusing on relationship issues as an individual. In individual relationship-based therapy, you'll work with a counselor to define your values, your desires, and any barriers in your way to reaching romantic goals. It can also be important to learn realistic information about healthy relationships and how to build them. Online therapy may be a valuable tool for those who have a busy schedule or can't make time out of their day to drive to an appointment.

Speaking with a licensed therapist can help you build relationship skills as you work to understand better who you are and what you are looking for in a partner. It can feel challenging and, for some, even "embarrassing" to be open and vulnerable about these deepest human desires. Online therapy can create space between you and a mental health therapist, allowing you to take treatment at your own pace. With online platforms such as BetterHelp for individuals and Regain for couples, you can learn more about love on your own time.

Below are some reviews of therapists with BetterHelp from those dealing with relationship concerns.

Therapist reviews

“Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I say. He’s not only supported me but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self-improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight into my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”

“Stephanie is a gem! She's very thoughtful, thorough, honest, insightful but most of all helpful. This is coming from a person that never wanted to do counseling and just "knew" I didn't need it. She's been key in helping my wife and me find our better place. She made us grow as a couple and individually. Thanks, Steph!”