Why Do I Feel Broken And How Can I Snap Out Of It?

By Joanna Smykowski

Updated January 18, 2019

Reviewer Kristen Hardin

Sometimes, life is just plain overwhelming. Competitive, fast-paced, and filled with stumbling blocks that keep us from acquiring our goals. We often feel exhausted with trying to keep up with all that is expected of us. It can also seem like life is easier for other people. Social media can make it appear as though your friends and peers just float through a smooth, idyllic life. Even though we know rationally that everyone struggles, inside, we wonder, "Why Do I Feel Broken?" and wonder if we can be put together again.


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You're Not Alone

No one has it all together. Life is not easy for anyone, though we all have different ways of coping and some people may have more luck and good fortune than others. But it is important to remember that you are not alone and no one is immune to struggles and defeat. Everyone has felt down or broken before and everyone has felt pain. Some people have abused us. Some have neglected us. Some have disappeared from our lives, leaving feelings of loss. How we cope with the pain depends on how well we cope and what kind of support system we have and we perceive the hurtful events.

As humans, we weren't meant to be alone in our sorrow. Emergency hot lines and therapy services are set up for those suffering traumatic events, such as the loss of a loved one, or for victims of violent crime. We find support groups for our grief in family members, friends, church, fellow employees or among other who have experienced the same trauma.

Why Do I Feel Broken and What Can I Do?

Often times, it's not a single event, but an accumulation of events that finally make us feel like we're dragging through the dirt. It could be just one more failed relationship among a string of others, a growing reluctance for the work place that hasn't given you a promotion in three years or an ongoing drama with hostile neighbors. You feel stuck in a rut. The way you are seeing these events sets you up to notice all the negative things and fail to notice the positive things. It takes extra work and energy to change your focus on finding the positive things in your life but it can make a huge and powerful difference.

You can unstick yourself from this pattern and do something different. You can visit someone you haven't seen in a long time. You could go someplace new and get out of your rut by gaining a new experience. The fresh stimuli will take things off your mind for a while and help you see life from a fresh perspective. It may not fix everything, but it can be a good start. When you realize that you feel broken, you want to challenge that before it gets too "stuck" on you. You can acknowledge the bad things that have happened while allowing room for hope for positive change.


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Somebody Took a Battle Axe to My Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem often occurs to those who feel broken and helpless to do anything about it. Low self-esteem can be the result of an abusive relationship or feelings of inadequacy in the workplace. During a self-esteem attack, you may feel you've said something stupid or insensitive. You may isolate yourself or refrain from engaging in new activities for fear of looking ridiculous. You fear saying something "wrong" during discussions can keep you stuck not feeling good about yourself.

Give yourself a chance to explore your capabilities. If you have thoughts and opinions, share them. It can be really helpful to open yourself up to positive visualizations. Visualize yourself at work during a meeting. Instead of sitting there silently and keeping your good ideas to yourself, visualize yourself speaking up and getting a positive response. Remember that you are your worst critic by far and you notice (real or imagined) negative things about yourself that others likely do not. Positive visualizations can really help you start to put yourself out there more.

But I Really do Seem to Fail at Everything

When we feel broken, looking at the past feels dreary. It becomes difficult to remember if we ever really accomplished anything. Our certificates and awards seem so ordinary. We feel replaceable in our jobs, devalued as a contributor to society. If this is how it seems to you, don't look back, look forward.

Assign yourself a project, then complete it. It can be a self-improvement goal, such as making a point to connect with friends and family at least twice a week or learning a foreign language. You can increase your self-confidence if you develop a hobby that uses your skill sets. Your project will give you solid evidence of what you can accomplish when you take the direction of your life.


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The Burden is Still There

If you have done what you feel you can do to stop feeling broken and to move forward, but still feel stuck, do not feel like there is something wrong with you. That is what counselors are for. Sometimes, the burden is just too great and too overwhelming. It can be hard to know where to start and exactly what to do. A counselor can help you set goals and create a plan for how to get there. It can take the help of another person to help you cross some final hurdles in your journey to feeling unbroken. Not only will your counselor share his or her knowledge, experience, and training with you, but the act of sharing your pain and your hurt with another human being who is trained and capable of helping you process it can be enormously helpful.

Time really is on your side. Old pains become dulled, our memories softening the edges and readying ourselves for new experiences. You may not feel they have mended, but you can put them at their ease by allowing yourself to enjoy your moment in the present. Learning how to enjoy the here and now is a skill. If you have felt broken for a long time, it may not come easily, but this is something your counselor can help you with to accelerate your progress.

Moving forward is taking each day and making it your own. You decide how much of the past you want to leave behind you. How much is too precious to forget. You decide which experiences to draw upon for reaching your future goals. You accept that there will be disappointments, emotional setbacks, but there will also be rewards.


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There will be celebrations, reunions with loved ones, mature relationships, and shared interests It's a lot to look forward to when you think about it. This is why it's the ideal time to chat with a therapist from BetterHelp. We can help you achieve your goals and find the elusive peace of mind that you need in order to function.


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