Dealing With Heartache: What To Say When A Pet Dies
Coping with the loss of a pet can produce the same complicated emotions as losing a family or friend. Sadness, loneliness, and pain often accompany grief, frequently making it hard to move on with life and even care for oneself. If a loved one has recently lost a pet, it can be hard to know what to do or say to help them feel better during this difficult and emotional time. Expressing your condolences and offering sympathy can be helpful, as can sending flowers, offering a listening ear, and dropping off food for your loved one. If their grief seems to be negatively impacting their life long-term, you might suggest they meet with a licensed therapist for support.
What to say when a pet passes away
Losing a pet can be an emotional time, so soothing words can be a salve to an individual who is grieving. Your loved one may benefit from the reassurance that they have support or that someone else knows how they’re feeling. It can also help to hear that they aren’t alone in experiencing mental health-related concerns. For example, it can be normal and expected to grieve when a pet passes away. It may be easier for someone who has lost a pet before to express condolences, but you can still use many of these suggestions if this doesn’t apply to you.
“I'm thinking about you and your pet”
This can help you express your deepest sympathies in a simple and effective way. It is a sentiment that acknowledges that you know what happened and wish them well. This can be a sympathetic phrase when you might not know the pet well. It isn't always necessary to say a lot of words when you're just trying to be there for someone, but this can effectively convey compassion and kindness.
“They were really amazing”
A phrase like this can be comforting because it shows respect and helps to memorialize how special the pet was. You can let your loved one know that you're going to miss the pet, too, which can be a way of providing empathy. If you have fun stories with the pet, you might even want to tell them. Remembering the good times can be bittersweet when you've just lost a beloved pet, but it can also be a way to experience consolation.
“They were able to live a wonderful life because of you”
When offering support to someone grieving the loss of their pet, remind them of the beautiful life they provided for their furry friend, whether it was a cat or dog. You might highlight how their care made all the difference, saying something like, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss; your special companion truly led a wonderful life thanks to your love and dedication." You can offer verbal condolences and reassurance that their emotional pain is a natural reaction to losing such a one-of-a-kind friend.
“I know that losing a pet is hard”
You might want to try to relate to your friends or family when something like this happens. Losing a pet can be hard, and you might have experience in this area if it has happened to you. Sometimes, just knowing that someone has gone through a similar experience can help. If you have lost a beloved pet in the past, then you can empathize with this person.
“It’s difficult to lose someone in the family”
Losing a beloved pet can feel much like losing part of the family. If applicable, think about how you might feel about your own pet and what you would go through if something happened. For many pet owners, the loss of a cherished pet is just as impactful as losing a person in the family. That's why it can be nice for people to acknowledge the significance of this loss through carefully chosen words. Treating the loss of a pet like the loss of family can let your loved one know that you understand how important the pet was to them.
“I’m here for you”
You don’t have to know exactly what to say or be a perfect orator to let someone know that you care about them. A simple sentiment, such as “I’m always here for you,” can make a difference in someone’s life. When you’re coping with pet loss, it can be easy to become sad and feel lonely. Having the companionship of a pet taken away can produce complex emotions. Letting your loved one know that you’re there for them no matter what can provide them with the support they need. You can let them know that they can reach out to you if they need help or if they just want to chat. Being present and giving your friend or family a shoulder to lean on can be a significant gesture when they’re coping with the loss of a pet.
Supporting someone experiencing pet loss
Actions speak loudly, often in the same way comforting words do, helping to ease the grief that fills the lives of those who have said goodbye to a cherished pet. The following are some things you can do to console someone who has lost a pet.
Send flowers
Perhaps you don’t know what to say, or you aren’t sure when you’re going to be able to see your friend or family face-to-face. You might be able to express your deepest condolences by sending them flowers. This can be a generous gesture that often shows that you care about your loved one and understand how significant the loss of their pet has been. Not only can sending flowers be a kind gesture, but you can also write something on the card to communicate your sympathies. The messages mentioned above could work nicely in a card like this, or you can try to say anything else you’re feeling in your heart.
Offer a listening ear
One of the best ways to show up for someone grieving the loss of a pet is to let them express themselves. While it is often tempting to give advice to those who are going through a difficult time, sometimes just listening and providing your loved one with an outlet for their emotions can be the most helpful course of action. You can let them know that they can talk to you whenever they're ready. Of course, if they ask you for your point of view, you can offer advice that might help them find peace in their situation but try to avoid telling them how to feel or what to do. Talking through one's feelings, especially about the unique circumstances of their loss, can be cathartic, so consider allowing them to do just that.
Bring food
Symptoms of depression, such as a lack of motivation, can be normal parts of the grieving process. Cats, dogs, and other pets often feel like family members, and the loss can disrupt every aspect of daily life, including going to the grocery store, cooking, or even ordering food. In this situation, bringing something to eat for your loved one can be helpful. Consider cooking or picking up a meal that you can drop off. Consider bringing something you know they like or a dish that can be reheated easily.
Additionally, if you know they’re receptive to visitors, this can be a chance for you to check in on your loved one, have a conversation with them, and show them you’re thinking about them. Let them acknowledge the loss of the pet if they want to, but be ready to talk about other things if they would like to take their mind off the loss.
Remember that people grieve in different ways
As your friend or family mourns the loss of their pet, they may choose to grieve differently than you would have. Whether you have lost a pet or not, everybody usually has their own process for grieving. With time, the memories and emotions linked to their pet will evolve, but the love they had will remain constant, a bond cherished forever in their heart.
Holidays and anniversaries that remind them of their pet may cause them to experience sadness, longing, and loneliness. However, being consistently supportive and checking in with this person to express your support at important times throughout the year can be meaningful. If they seem to have trouble processing their grief, you might recommend they schedule an online or in-person therapy session for professional support and guidance.
Finding support for the loss of a furry family member
Online therapy can be a potential option for those experiencing grief because it generally doesn’t require them to leave the house or sit in a public waiting room. Instead, they can get professional help from the comfort of their home at a time that works for them. In addition, online therapy can make it easy to match with a licensed therapist who has experience helping clients through feelings of grief.
A growing body of evidence points to online therapy as an effective method of addressing symptoms that may be related to losing a loved one, such as a pet. For example, in one study, researchers found that online therapy could comfort individuals experiencing grief. In general, participants experienced a significant improvement in feelings of loss and symptoms of depression while also reporting high levels of satisfaction with this form of treatment.
Takeaway
What do you write when a pet dies?
When someone’s pet dies, you might not know what to say besides “sorry for your loss.” It can be tough to find the right words, and you don’t want to say the wrong thing and make them feel worse.
Here are a few ideas if you decide to write a sympathy card, send a text, or otherwise support someone who lost their fur baby:
- Offer to bring over a meal, or order takeout for them.
- Suggest ways you can help with cleaning or errands.
- Get them a gift card for a massage or spa day, or just ask them what you can do to help.
- Send some of the cutest photos you have of their beloved pets. You could even paint their furry family or make jewelry with their pet's name engraved.
- Consider commissioning an artist to paint their pet.
- Write about all the funny or happy memories with their pet.
- Donate to a pet charity, like the ASPCA or a local rescue, in their honor
- Allow them to express their grief without judgment or unsolicited advice
- Let them know about support resources available, like the non-profit Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement.
- Remember to give them space to process the loss, without asking intrusive questions about their pet's death or pushing them to only focus on the positive.
- You may want to remind them that it’s okay to be sad and that grief isn’t linear.
- Check in with them more than once. It’s common for people to be overwhelmed by messages of condolence in the immediate aftermath of a loss, only to be left without support a few days or weeks later. Try to provide some support throughout the grieving process.
- Encourage them to avoid self-blame and remind them of the wonderful life they gave to their pet.
People often form a special bond with their pets. It’s understandable that when such an important part of their family passes away, they may experience grief and psychological distress. Though it’s never easy losing a pet, providing compassionate support can help make the grief process less isolating and painful. According to some studies, social support may even reduce the risk of post-bereavement depression.
What do you say to someone who lost a pet?
Here are some things you might consider saying to a someone you care about whose pet died recently:
- “They will be greatly missed, and I know you loved them very much.”
- “There’s nothing I can say that will take away this grief, but I will be here for you whenever you need me.”
- “It takes a very special person to love animals as much as you do. They were so lucky to have you.”
- “I know they were your best friend and I’m sure this loss is hard. I’m thinking of you and available any time you need some support.”
- “There are so many wonderful memories you’ve had with [pet name]. They were so loved and will be missed dearly.”
- “Is there anything I can do to help?”
- “I’m here to listen if you want to talk, or even if you just want some company.”
- “I have dinner on the stove, can I bring you some?”
- “There are resources available for pet bereavement. Would you like me to discuss some with you?”
How do you comfort someone after losing a pet?
There are many ways to provide comfort after someone loses a pet. For example, you may:
- Provide physical comfort, like a hug or squeeze of their hand. If they enjoy physical touch, you could also consider getting them a gift card for a massage or manicure.
- Give them space to talk about it. Allow for moments of silence, focusing on listening to them more than you talk.
- Provide accepting, non-judgmental, validating support. There is no right or wrong way to react to the loss of a pet.
- Cry alongside them.
- Ask how you can best support them. Everyone is different, and it may not be a good idea to make assumptions about how they want to be comforted.
- Help them navigate cremation, memorial ideas, and other after-life decisions.
- Reduce the burden of daily stressors by doing things like cooking meals, cleaning, or running errands for them.
- Make a donation to an animal charity in their pet's name.
- Connect them with support services, like grief hotlines or therapists.
- Give them space, without putting any expectations on how they “should” grieve or when they should move on.
What do you not say when a pet dies?
- While many comments come from a place of kindness, some things may be unhelpful or outright offensive. Here are some guidelines on what not to say:
- Don’t encourage them to get another pet right away.
- Avoid putting pressure on them to “get over” their loss. Grief is different for everyone, and it’s often not linear.
- Don’t tell them to “be strong.” Crying and other intense emotions can be a healthy part of grieving.
- Try not to give unsolicited advice, like telling them about what you did when your pet died.
- Do not say “everything happens for a reason,” or that their pet is in a “better place.”
- Don’t tell them it’s “just” a pet. For many people, a pet is a part of the family, and their loss can be very painful or traumatic.
- Do not try to force them to only focus on the positive. Whatever they’re feeling is valid.
- Don’t ask them why they didn’t do XYZ differently. Questions like these may come from a good place, but they can inadvertently place blame on the bereaved.
- Do not ask invasive questions about their pets' manner of death.
- Remember that you do not know how they’re feeling. Everyone’s grief is unique.
When someone you care about is suffering from the loss of a pet, you may want to “fix” them or provide guidance. However, grieving is normal, and providing unsolicited advice or pushing them to rush through their grieving process can be counterproductive. Instead, focus on listening to them without judgement or jumping to solutions.
How do I post my pet death on social media?
Though there’s no obligation to make a pet death announcement online, many people find it comforting to virtually memorialize their pets.
If you decide to make a social media post, consider adding your favorite photos of them and writing an obituary. In your obituary, you may wish to discuss some happy memories, or details about what your pet meant to you. You could also write poems or talk about quotes.
What do you say on social media when a pet dies?
When you write a pet death announcement on social media, you may want to include the following:
- Their name
- Their age and date of their death (you can choose to include their cause of death if you want to)
- Quotes that you find comforting or relatable
- Stories you want to talk about your pet, or ways in which your pet impacted your life
- Any memorial or celebration of life you wish to hold, like a walk in their favorite park or a volunteer event in their honor
- Photos
- Any suggestions you may have for making donations in your pets name
You can also set some boundaries if you don’t want people to ask intrusive questions. For example, you may say, “It feels too raw to discuss the details right now, but I wanted to express that my pet, [pet name], passed away.” You may also choose to only reveal your post with certain people.
What do you do when a beloved pet dies?
When your pet dies, you may experience an overwhelming flood of emotions, a lack of emotions, or something in between. Knowing how to respond can be difficult, especially in the immediate aftermath of their death. Here are some things to consider doing when your pet passes away:
- Before your pet dies: If your pet is sick or aging, it may be a good time to ask your veterinarian questions to help you prepare for their eventual passing and determine when or if there’s a time you’d like to consider euthanasia. You can also ask about end-of-life services, such as cremation.
- Logistics after your pet passes away: If your pet dies at home, you should call your vet or a pet crematorium right away. They can advise you on the next steps.
- Giving yourself permission to grieve: Grieving the loss of a pet is normal. It can be very painful, but giving yourself space to mourn their loss can help you honor your feelings and adapt to their loss.
- Asking for the support you need:
- Your loved ones can often provide support during the grieving process. You can ask for them to keep you company or if they’re willing to help you manage errands, cooking, and cleaning duties.
- Consider reaching out to your employer to ask about bereavement leave or if you can take accrued PTO until you’re ready to return to work.
- Some people also find it helpful to join a pet bereavement support group or speak with a therapist.
- Explain what happened to your children: The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry offers guidelines on explaining the death of a pet to children.
- Posting the news: Many people choose to let friends and extended family know of their pets passing through an email or social media obituary. If there are other people who may be deeply affected by their death, you may want to consider calling or meeting in person to let them know.
- Consider memorializing them: Some people write a pet obituary, take clippings from their pet's fur, commission artwork, create a photo album, make a charitable donation in their pet's name, or display their ashes in an urn.
What to do when a friend's dog dies?
If your friends dog dies, you could consider:
- Validating their feelings by letting them know there’s no “normal” way to grieve
- Giving them time to process their loss
- Offering to help with household duties or other responsibilities
- Keeping them company and listening to them without offering unsolicited advice
- Checking in with them routinely
How do you console someone?
There are many ways to console someone. You may want to consider ordering their favorite takeout dishes, actively listening to them, validating their feelings, giving them a hug, talk about fond memories together, and routinely reaching out to offer your support.
- Previous Article
- Next Article