Understanding what your guilt means and how to work past it

Most people feel guilt from time to time, but when it persists for an extended period, causes substantial distress, or interferes with your functional ability in one or more areas of your life, it may escalate into a guilt complex.

Below, we’ll explore the various types of guilt, why you may feel guilty, and how speaking with a therapist may help you work through your feelings. 

Does everyone feel guilt?

While almost everyone feels guilty occasionally, these feelings can become a guilt complex if they persist for a long time without being addressed. Some people may feel guilty even when they've done nothing wrong or have no control over the situation causing their guilt.

However, people living with antisocial personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, or psychopathy may lack an emotional sense of empathy or understanding, which may make it difficult for them to experience remorse, shame, or guilt. 

Shame vs. guilt: What’s the difference?

While these two terms are often used interchangeably, shame and guilt have distinct meanings. Guilt typically reflects one’s moral values and sense of responsibility for crossing the line. It may help you understand how your behavior affects others so that you can reshape your habits to avoid that action in the future. By contrast, shame typically describes inward-focused emotions reflecting how you feel about yourself.

Types of guilt

Psychological research indicates there are several guilt categories and subtypes that may offer further insight into the sources of guilt and what it means. 

Deontological (natural)

According to research published in Frontiers in Psychology, deontological guilt “arises from the transgression of an internalized norm.” Deontological guilt is the standard reaction most people feel when they understand they’ve done something wrong or acted against their personal values or morals. 

Altruistic

Many people experience empathetic or altruistic guilt upon realizing they’ve caused someone harm, whether through their actions or omissions of actions.

Anticipatory

Some people feel guilty immediately after thinking about doing something they consider wrong. They may experience self-reproach in anticipation because they believe or know they will do something they shouldn’t in the near future. 

Existential

Existential guilt might be thought of as a feeling of guilt that people sometimes experience for not creating a life that lives up to their expectations. This type of guilt may also be associated with a lack of purpose or delayed accomplishments. 

Inequality (collective guilt)

Inequality guilt, also known as collective guilt, is guilt that is typically related to imbalanced circumstances, such as racial discrimination, sexism, or other inequalities.

Non-related (misplaced)

Experiencing feelings of maladaptive guilt for situations beyond your control or circumstances you didn’t cause constitutes non-related or misplaced guilt. 

Survivor’s guilt

Some people may feel guilt related to a specific traumatic event that they didn’t experience but that someone else did, regardless of whether they were at fault. 

Which mental health conditions are associated with guilt?

The following mental health conditions may feature guilt as a symptom or related emotion:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Anxiety disorders
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
• Mood disorders like depression
• Eating disorders
• Dysphoria (i.e., lingering feelings of dissatisfaction)
• Alcohol and substance use disorders

Exploring excessive or persistent guilt

Many people experience persistent or excessive guilt, regardless of whether they’ve done anything wrong. Below are some common reasons people may feel lingering guilt, shame, and self-reproach:

Past traumatic event

Traumatic experiences—particularly where someone was hurt or killed—can often lead to feelings of excessive or persistent guilt.  

Adverse childhood experiences like abuse or neglect

People who grew up in adverse childhood environments may have difficulty identifying, understanding, and expressing their thoughts and feelings. This may cause misplaced or undue guilt. 

Your personal beliefs, morals, and ethics

Those raised in rigidly religious homes or communities may feel guilty when they break away from traditions and expectations. Straying from your ideas of a balanced, ethical framework may leave you feeling guilty.

Family values and opinions

Your family’s values and how vocally they tend to express their opinions may influence you. This may determine whether you feel guilty about your thoughts, actions, and decisions. 

Social and cultural norms

The social and cultural norms you were raised with may affect your patterns of thought and behavior. These norms may contribute to feelings of guilt about not living up to who you "should" be or what you “should” have accomplished by now. 

How extreme, continual guilt may affect you

When left unaddressed, extreme guilt or remorse may develop into a guilt complex. This type of complex might be associated with the following characteristics or behaviors:

• Decreased self-esteem and self-confidence
• The belief that you can't improve after betraying core values
• Feelings of worthlessness or worries that you’re not a good person
• A tendency to feel overwhelmed by decision-making
• Excessive concern about how others perceive you
• Challenges setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
• Enhanced sensitivity to criticism
• Depression or anxiety
• Insomnia or trouble sleeping
• Migraines and headaches
• Social isolation
• Passive communication without conveying your honest thoughts and emotions

How to work past guilty feelings

The constant, overwhelming feeling that you’ve committed an offense, even if you can't pinpoint it, may indicate that you aren't processing your emotions in healthy ways. You might consider trying some of these techniques to help you work through your guilt: 

Identify the underlying concerns causing your guilt

Perhaps one of the first and most crucial steps in understanding and processing your guilt is examining the potential underlying problems leading to your feelings. It may help to speak with a therapist during this process.

The following are some therapeutic approaches that may help with overcoming guilt:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
• Trauma-focused CBT (TF-CBT)
• Trauma-informed guilt reduction therapy (TrIGR)
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR)
• Experiential therapy
• Grief counseling

When someone feels guilt, working with a qualified mental health professional may help them recognize the unproductive patterns of thoughts and behaviors contributing to their adverse emotional state. 

Find ways to forgive yourself

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. One misstep doesn’t mean you need to continue to feel guilty. It may be best to take time to consider what you did wrong, do what you can to make it right, and then find a way to forgive yourself so you can move on without unresolved emotions. 

Implement strategies for coping with a guilt complex

The following strategies may be helpful if you’re experiencing a guilt complex:

• Lean on your support system and talk through your feelings. 
• Practice positive affirmations and gratitude. 
• Reframe your perspective on the situation. 
• Brainstorm potential solutions and approaches.
• Increase awareness of the link between your thoughts and feelings with mindfulness techniques like meditation, yoga, or deep breathing exercises. 

Could you benefit from speaking with a professional about guilt?

Although there are multiple techniques and strategies you can attempt on your own to help you work through your feelings of guilt, it may help to speak with a licensed counselor. However, when you’re feeling guilty, it may be difficult to share these emotions with a stranger. If this is the case, online therapy may provide a solution to this common barrier to treatment. Many people who have received online therapy have reported that the physical separation from their therapist made sharing details about their personal lives more manageable. 

With online therapy, you can communicate with a therapist in a way that’s most comfortable for you, whether by audio, video, live chat, or a combination of these methods. Online therapy may help you identify the reasons you feel guilty and teach you healthy, practical coping skills to help you manage your emotions more effectively.

Research published in 2020 shows that . Also, individuals frequently report shorter wait times, lower costs, and a substantially larger network of available treatment providers with teletherapy platforms.