How To Leave A Partner Who Has Narcissistic Personality Disorder
It can be challenging to maintain a relationship with someone who has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). If you’ve been experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may decide it’s time to leave. A few tips may be to prepare before leaving, avoid unnecessary conversation, reduce contact after the breakup, and get ready for retaliation. You may also find it helpful to put away any reminders of the relationship, build a support system, choose your battles carefully if co-parenting, and seek out professional help. Online therapy can be one way to get the help you deserve from a licensed therapist.
Understanding Narcissistic Abuse
There may be a range of behaviors involved with narcissistic abuse, which can be a form of psychological abuse. Because it often doesn’t leave any physical signs behind, it can be difficult for survivors to realize that they may be being abused.
Some examples of narcissistic abuse may include:
Belittling and criticizing
Withholding (i.e., money or affection)
Verbal abuse (often disguised to look like jokes)
You may find that anytime you try to address any of these abusive behaviors, your partner finds a way to turn it back on you. For example, they might tell you that it’s your fault that it’s happening, or that you’re not perceiving the situation correctly.
If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.
How To Leave Someone With NPD
It can be important to note that leaving a person who lives with narcissistic personality disorder may not be like leaving someone who doesn’t have this disorder. Those with NPD can be very good at twisting words, using guilt, and employing other strategies to convince you to stay in the relationship. Sometimes, you may even end up feeling like the problems in your relationship are your fault.
If you’re going to leave, the following tips may help.
Prepare Before You Leave
It can help if you prepare to leave before you ever say a word about it to your partner. This could include creating a plan for where you’re going to go and where you will live. It may include slowly taking some things out of the house when your partner isn’t present so you can leave quickly when the time comes.
It may also be helpful to ensure that all your legal and financial documents are in order and that you have copies of any of the documents you need. Talking to an attorney and an accountant before you announce that you’re leaving may also be beneficial. They may help you identify other actions to take in order to make the split as clean as possible.
Avoid Unnecessary Conversation
When the time comes to leave, it can be helpful to make it quick. You might simply let your partner know you’re leaving. You generally do not want to get into a conversation about the relationship because those with NPD tend to be good at drawing people back in.
Once you’ve made up your mind to go and you have your plans in place, it can be best to make it a quick goodbye. You might try to leave your emotions out of it when talking to your partner. It may be helpful not to allow yourself to stay and listen to what they have to say.
If you’re worried that you will have a hard time leaving quickly, you might choose to have another person there to support you through the process. Your partner may be less likely to try to manipulate you when someone else is around to witness it.
Once you have left, it may be best to avoid having any unnecessary contact with your ex. If you do have to be in contact with them, you might try to have a third person involved in the conversations or cc’d on any emails. It may even be helpful to have your attorney included in emails.
If your former partner continues to call, text, and email you, you might avoid responding unless it’s something that you legally need to respond to. It can also be helpful to limit the number of ways that they can communicate with you if possible.
Get Ready For Retaliation
You may find that your ex retaliates against you out of their anger and hurt. They may also be able to move on more quickly from the relationship than you. You might take time to think about your partner and what their typical behaviors are so that you can do your best to try to predict how you think they’re going to retaliate and prepare yourself for it.
It can be wise to change passwords and PINs to any of your accounts. This can include your email, bank account, and any other account that they may have had before. Doing this proactively can stop them from draining your bank account. You may want to block your former partner from viewing your social media accounts as well.
Put Away Reminders Of The Relationship
It may be helpful to either get rid of or put away any reminders of the other person. If you have children together, you may not be able to do this completely, but you may still look for ways that you can limit the number of things that remind you of them.
Over time, as you heal, there may be some things you’re able to get back out because they mean something to you and provide you with good memories. But if that’s not the case, there is generally no need to keep those things around if you don’t have to.
Build A Support System
One of the most common behaviors of narcissistic abuse is isolating the other person from their family and friends. You may find that you don’t have close relationships with other people anymore. However, there may be a good chance that these people still care about you and want to help you if they can. You might work on re-establishing these relationships and building a support system with which you can surround yourself.
If you don’t have anyone on a personal level that you can use for support, you could consider joining a support group of people that have been through similar situations. It can be comforting to go through this difficult time with other people who have been there before and can offer you support from personal experience.
Choose Your Battles Carefully When Co-Parenting
For many who have left a person with NPD, co-parenting can be difficult to do. It’s generally helpful to have limited contact with your ex.
If you are dividing custody and expenses, there may be some decisions that you need to make together. Your former partner may want to control those decisions. It may be helpful for you to take time to consider what things are worth fighting for and what things aren’t. If you’re discussing a topic that’s not very significant, then you may find it easier to just allow them to make the decision they want to avoid further conflict and potential for abuse.
Get Professional Help
It can be incredibly helpful to talk with a therapist when you’re in a relationship with a person with NPD or when you’ve left one. Many people who have been in relationships with people with NPD find that their self-esteem and self-confidence are low. It may be hard to trust other people, and you may feel confused and overwhelmed. There may be many emotions that arise after leaving a relationship, even if leaving is the best and safest choice for you.
After leaving a partner with narcissistic personality disorder, you may experience a lot of stress and anxiety. This can be completely normal given the situation, but you may benefit from speaking to a professional about what you’re going through. Online therapy can be an easy, reachable way to get the help and support you deserve from any location that has a stable internet connection.
This study discusses the efficacy of online therapy and finds that it can be as effective as traditional therapy for various mental health disorders. According to the study, online therapy may show particular promise in treating anxiety and the effects of stress.
Being in a relationship with someone who lives with a narcissistic personality disorder is often difficult. If you’re a survivor of narcissistic abuse, you may eventually make the decision to leave your partner. If this is the case, it can be important to avoid unnecessary conversations about your decision with your partner and to prepare before leaving. Reducing contact after leaving and preparing yourself for potential retaliation can also be helpful. It can be wise to hide away reminders of the relationship and lean on your support system during this time. If you must stay in contact because you are co-parenting, picking your battles can be beneficial. Of course, working with a mental health professional may also help you get through this challenging time. Online therapy can connect you with a therapist who may provide the tools you need to overcome this situation.
Commonly Asked Questions About This Topic
Why is it so hard to leave a narcissist?
How do you emotionally detach from a narcissist?
How do you let go of a narcissist you love?
What happens when you leave a narcissist?
How do you deal with a narcissist when you can't leave?
How do I stop loving a narcissist?
What happens when you stop talking to a narcissist?
What to say to disarm a narcissist?
What happens when you end a relationship with a narcissist?
What does cutting off all contact with a narcissist do to them?
What makes a narcissist fall apart?
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