Learning How To Open Up To People
It can be difficult to be vulnerable, and stigma surrounding mental health challenges can make people more likely to minimize, deny, or ignore their feelings. Despite the fact that 50% of Americans will be diagnosed with a mental illness at some point, there is still a fraught cultural narrative that mental health challenges are a sign of “weakness.” Talking genuinely and openly with the people you care about can build trust, strength, resilience, and a sense of community. A licensed mental health professional can help you work to embrace your feelings and invite people into your life.
How To Have Deep Conversations
When you face social rejection and ostracization, the same regions of the brain responsible for physical pain are activated. Vulnerability leaves us exposed to potential rejection, judgement, humiliation, and the pain that can come with it.
However, while cultures can sometimes stigmatize talking about our feelings or associate it with “weakness,” vulnerability provides a space for authenticity, innovation, and creativity. While small talk can be a healthy part of social life, it’s also important to have outlets for deeper emotional support.
If you’re finding it challenging to open up with friends and/or family, you may want to use some of the following tips to get a conversation started:
Find The Right Person
Not all relationships feel deeply trusting or safe for vulnerability, and some studies estimate that it takes 340 hours of face-to-face interaction for most people to develop close friendships. You may want seek out open discussions with friends who demonstrate consistency of character, compassion, respect, courage, honesty, fairness, and generosity.
However, you do not have to limit open conversations to best friends. One study determined that people are very social beings and will often tell something meaningful about themselves after someone else does, leading to deeper and more enriching conversations—even with strangers.
Focus On How You Feel
When you’re having an open conversation with someone (such as a friend, colleague, romantic partner, or family), it’s a good idea to emphasize “I” language. “I” statements can be used to discuss your experiences and help you navigate conflict, plus they help develop self-awareness. Bellevue college has a free worksheet that may help you differentiate between “you” language and “I” language.
Find The Best Communication Format
If you’re finding difficult to initiate a face-to-face discussion, you might want to consider talking on the phone, video conferencing, or writing a letter. Note that texting may lead to misunderstandings because body language and tone of voice are not communicated, so it may not be the best choice for serious conversations.
Write About It
Some people find it helpful to write about how they’re feeling before having a difficult conversation. It may help you organize your thoughts and figure out how to clearly communicate what you want to tell. According to Kaiser Permanente, journaling can improve communication skills and improve self-confidence.
If you’re not sure exactly how you feel or how to write about it, you might want to try stream of consciousness journaling. During this practice, you write down your thoughts as they cross your mind, which may provide more clarity.
Set Aside Time
Setting aside time without distractions can make serious conversations easier. Most people prefer to have intimate conversations one-on-one, without other people present or immediately nearby.
Be Honest
Being open and honest about how you feel can build stronger social connections and increase self-reported happiness. While many people may be tempted to sugar-coat difficult conversations, it can be misleading and counterproductive.
Ask For What You Need
When you reveal something personal, some people may not know how you want them to respond. Consider letting them know what type of help you’re looking for from them but be prepared that they may not be able to provide you with all the support you need.
Some ways they may be able to help include regularly checking in with you, helping you find resources, offering advice, or running some errands.
Understand That Opening Up Can Be Uncomfortable At First
Sometimes, difficult conversations may feel uncomfortable. If you’re disclosing something you haven’t talked before, they may have questions about it or they may need some space to process what you told them.
Return The Favor
In addition to asking for support, you can provide support. Dr Anna Akbari, a sociologist, recommends scheduling consistent time to spend with close friends and being available when they need help from you.
It’s Not Always Easy To Talk About Feelings
Talk To A Therapist
If you’re finding it difficult to open up about mental health challenges with friends and family, or if they cannot offer you the support you need, you might want to consider reaching out to a licensed professional.
One type of talk therapy, called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), can be effective for both people aiming to improve their overall well-being and those with diagnosed psychiatric disorders. During CBT sessions, a therapist can help you explore the relationship between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By reframing negative thoughts, they can help relieve emotional distress and guide you towards healthier communication skills.
A 2017 study demonstrated that online CBT can effectively address the symptoms of many psychiatric disorders, and it’s often more affordable than traditional in-person therapy. Additionally, online CBT, which is offered on sites like BetterHelp, can be done from the comfort of your own home. If opening up to others is challenging for you, then this may be a good option.
BetterHelp Counselor Reviews
"Dr. Boring-Bray has been instrumental in my recovery from avoidance and social anxiety. She is both supportive and informative. She has helped me navigate my emotions to have a better understanding and control of them. Anything is possible with a strong therapist and hard work."
"As someone who struggles with talking to people and emotions, I was extremely hesitant to start counseling let alone do live sessions. I was able to open up immediately on my first session with Jessica. She was patient and calm with me which gave me the sense of trust I was looking for. She has a gentleness in her voice and empathy in her eyes that could put anyone at ease. She asks questions in a way that gives her the info she needs but allows you to open up as well. I'm so thankful I was matched with her and would highly recommend her! Thank you Jessica for being amazing."
Takeaway
It can be hard to talk about your emotions. Writing about your feelings, talking with close allies, emphasizing honesty, and asking for what you need can help. If you’re finding it very difficult to open up to the people in your life, you may want to consider trying therapy. Online cognitive behavioral therapy
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs): Opening Up
What does it mean to open up to someone?
You allow someone to know your true thoughts and feelings on different subjects.
While it can feel risky to open up to another person there are many reasons why it’s important for your mental health. Being able to open up allows you to feel connected on a deeper level with people.
What is opening up emotionally?
It can be important that you can trust the person that you’re talking to.
They can help you learn how to identify where your challenge is stemming from so you can address it.
Is it good to open up to someone?
It’s good for your mental health to be able to feel understood by others. People feel understood when they’re able to talk with another person, open up about personal matters and not feel judged by them.
However, it’s important to remember for your mental health, that it’s possible that people feel differently than you do on topics. However, in healthy relationships when a person opens up with another, even on controversial topics, they’re able to have a healthy conversation about it.
People feel differently on many topics. This is also why when you begin to open up with others you may want to start with small topics and work up to bigger ones.
Why can’t people open up?
Sometimes people struggle to upon up with others because of mental health challenges that they’re dealing with. This could include things like an eating disorder, bipolar disorder, or other personality disorder. People with depression and anxiety may also struggle with opening up on a deeper level with people. They may be worried of what others will think of them or that they won’t understand what they’re saying or thinking.
How do you get a man to open up emotionally?
If you want a man to open up with you emotionally you may find it helpful to focus on a different activity instead of talking. Some men find it easier to open up with someone that they’re doing an activity with or working side by side with instead of just sitting down for a conversation. Some also prefer not to be sitting face to face but instead shoulder to shoulder. They may feel less vulnerable this way.
How do I get a closed person to open up?
You’ll also want to remember that people open up when they feel safe. And people feel safe in conversation when they know they aren’t being judged for their opinions and thoughts. Create this space for the other person and allow them to start with where they’re comfortable. Don’t try to push or force the conversation.
It’s also important to remember that they may be closed because of mental health challenges like bipolar disorder or social anxiety. Encourage them to seek help if they need it and support them in taking steps in this area.
How do you get a guarded girl to open up?
Creating a safe space can hep a guarded girl to open up in conversation.
It’s also important to allow the conversation to start small. Most people aren’t going to want to dive into deep and serious conversations with someone that they don’t know that well. She may also start to feel comfortable opening up if you take the step first.
What is it called when you can’t express your feelings?
When a person has a difficult time expressing their feelings and emotions it’s known as alexithymia. While this is not a mental health disorder, they may have a diagnosable mental health disorder like depression. It’s also believed that this can be connected with autism spectrum disorder.
If you’re struggling to express feelings, talking with a mental health professional may be able to help you learn to identify and acknowledge your feelings.
Conclusion: Opening Up To People
Learning to open up to people when you are used to keeping to yourself can be a struggle at first, but with a little willingness and effort, it is possible, and it is well worth the effort. You can live a life where you don't hold back from opening up to people. All you need are the right tools. Take the first step.
How do you get a guarded girl to open up?
Creating a safe space can hep a guarded girl feel comfortable opening up in conversation.
It’s also important to allow the conversation to start small. Most people aren’t going to want to dive into deep and serious conversations with someone that they don’t know that well. She may also start to feel comfortable opening up if you take the step first.
What is it called when you can’t express your feelings?
When a person has a difficult time expressing their feelings and emotions it’s known as alexithymia. While this is not a mental health disorder, they may have a diagnosable mental health disorder like depression. It’s also believed that this can be connected with autism spectrum disorder.
If you’re struggling to express feelings, talking with a mental health professional may be able to help you learn to identify and acknowledge your feelings.
What Is Online Therapy?
Online therapy has helped millions of people feel like their best selves. BetterHelp isthe global leader of online therapy and licensed mental health services; designed to help people feel better without having to even leave their homes. Our platform matches people with a licensed therapist virtually. The powerful and effective online therapy treatment BetterHelp provides helps with common mental health concerns like depression and anxiety, as well as everyday life challenges & problems like love and relationships. If you are considering online therapy, you can start your journey today by getting matched with a therapist who is right for you.
A licensed online therapist can help a person address things like depression, anxiety, anger, raising children, and other specific mental health conditions, problems, or illnesses. Qualified & experienced therapists help people feel their best, improve mental health, and strengthen or heal relationships. Online therapy is designed to make it as easy as possible for people to get the help and support they need without having to even leave the house or open the front door.