How Can I Feel Less Lonely When I Have No Friends In College?
Out of your entire educational career, the move to college may often present unique social challenges. You may leave behind old friends and enter a new, foreign setting that seems like starting over from scratch after ending a previous phase of life, whether you are leaving high school or home life. For some, freshman year can be an isolating experience.
However, other people in college may be in a similar boat, and you may not be the only person looking to make a new friend. People entering college, whether they're a freshman or transfer students, may also be hoping to meet new people. Although it can be scary, there are ways to put yourself in a position to meet other students and make friends.
Ways to make friends in college
Socializing in college may seem difficult at first. To get started, below are a few tips you can use to try to make it easier to make friends while you get used to this transition.
Join a club
Colleges often involve many social, academic, sports, and hobby clubs. As these clubs are often focused on a wide variety of topics, almost anyone may be able to find a topic they enjoy. If there isn't a club for one of your hobbies, you might be able to form one by talking to whoever oversees clubs at your school.
Once you've joined a club or organization, look around the room and pick a person to introduce yourself to. Volunteer as a leader or contribute your time by helping run events and attend planned activities. Being active in a club may help get you out and interact with students with similar interests.
Go to campus events
If you want to meet new people, getting involved and attending campus events is one way to do so. Whether it's a club, party, or networking event, talk to the people who show up. Show people the real you and try not to wait until conditions are "perfect," or you might miss an opportunity. Beginning-of-the-year events may be the best way to meet new friends, as people are new to the school and still haven't formed groups or made close ties.
When you attend events, speak with as many people as you can. After the event, you can invite someone to walk home with you or grab a snack. If you have a roommate and live in the dorms, invite them along, too. Take a chance to build friendships, and you may make a friend for life.
Keep in touch with friends and family from home
Transitioning from high school to college can be challenging, so having a support system in place when you are lonely can be vital. Maintaining friendships can benefit your mental and physical health and remind you of the people you love at home. Make established relationships a priority by scheduling regular phone or Skype time with your parents and past best friends. In this way, you can keep socializing while you work on making friends in your new area.
Plan visits in advance
Another way to make it through the school year when you are lonely is plan visits and holidays in advance. This way, you know when you will see the people you love, which may give you something to look forward to. You can also plan for friends and family to visit you at school. Showing your family and old friends around your new neighborhood could be fun if you moved away for college.
Work on your social skills
If you get nervous or shy when talking to new people, it may be a place to start when attempting to make new friends. Maybe you aren't making friends in college because you're misinterpreting people's behavior or sending the wrong signals. Working on your social skills involves pinpointing problem areas—like speaking too quickly when you get nervous, having poor posture, or acting self-conscious when meeting people. If you struggle to work on these challenges alone, you may benefit from talking to a therapist about social skills training.
How to cope with being alone or feeling lonely
The tips above may help you meet new people. However, they may not solve the loneliness challenge when adjusting to your new life. Below are a few coping skills to use when you feel alone.
Learn how to be comfortable alone
Some people are more scared than others of being alone, as they may view being alone as a negative. However, having alone time is vital to your health and well-being. Alone time gives you time to process your emotions, partake in your hobbies, and let down your guard so that you might keep up with others. Learning how to be alone can be a positive life skill that may help you during times in your life when you aren't around others as often.
Use your loneliness as an opportunity
Rather than letting your loneliness control you, it may be beneficial to try turning it into an opportunity to connect with others. Loneliness can serve as a signal that you may benefit from more connection. Framing it as a need like hunger or tiredness can change how you react when it arises.
Be around others
Being around others can be essential for mental health and wellness. If you don't have new friends, consider spending time near other humans. Try going out in public and sitting near people in large spaces, even if it means eating lunch in the cafeteria. You might choose to be around others at a coffee shop, a public park, or a sporting event.
Although you're alone, being alone in public offers an opportunity to be around others and potentially meet someone. Try pointing out something cool you see around you or complimenting someone. If you don't want to talk to others, being near them may also improve your mental health.
Make meaningful connections
At first, you may be tempted to go out and meet as many people as possible to avoid loneliness. However, it may be helpful to try to develop more significant relationships with one friend or a group of peers instead of more superficial relationships with many people. When you are partaking in activities you're passionate about, you may meet like-minded people to form a connection with.
Talk to a therapist
Being lonely for a long time can negatively affect your mental health. If you are stressed, anxious, or depressed, reaching out to a counselor for help can be healthy. Students are under a lot of pressure, and having someone to talk to who can put your situation into perspective may be valuable.
Students can often be busy due to their school and work schedules. In these cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be a valuable resource. With an online therapy platform, you can participate in therapy from the comfort and convenience of your apartment or dorm. You won't have to worry about potentially running into people you know post-therapy or discussing your treatment with others. In addition, you may be able to schedule your sessions quickly and for times outside of standard business hours, which may be helpful if you have a busy daily schedule.
Research shows that online therapy is a valuable resource for people with difficult emotions, such as loneliness or isolation. In a study published in Behavior Therapy—a peer-reviewed academic journal—researchers examined the effectiveness of online therapy in reducing loneliness. The study begins by pointing out the issues associated with loneliness, including mental and physical health conditions. Participants took part in a cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) program and experienced a significant reduction in loneliness.
Takeaway
Is it normal to not have college friends?
Not having friends in college is not typical, but it does happen. Not everyone has the time, resources, or desire for an extensive social network. However, evidence suggests that fostering strong social connections in college increases the chances of academic success. Seeking out opportunities for socialization, such as clubs, intramural sports, and study groups, will likely be beneficial in the long run. It is also likely that selection activities based on your interests will lead you to like-minded people with whom you can be friends.
What percentage of students have no friends?
It is difficult to say what percentage of students have no friends, but evidence from a UK university suggests that nearly a quarter of students feel lonely most or all of the time, significantly higher than the 8% of the general population who reported the same. A survey from a US university found that nearly 80% of students find a close friend during their first year of college. Overall, the percentage of students with no friends is likely very low. Given the numerous opportunities students have to make friends at college, it is likely that most people can find at least one or two friends.
How do college introverts find friends?
One of the best ways to find friends as an introvert in college is to seek out other introverts. Colleges typically offer many socialization opportunities, which are likely low-key and introvert-friendly, like movie nights or small-group game gatherings. Finding like-minded people who discuss similar interests or hobbies may make it easier for you to come out of your shell, and you should consider investigating clubs or groups that align with enjoyable activities. You don’t have to overdo your socialization, but it is likely important to step out of your comfort zone at least a bit to find new people and make new connections.
You might also consider reaching out to your college’s counseling center or student support center if the prospect of socializing seems overwhelming. You may be experiencing social anxiety disorder or another concern that can create real barriers to social interaction. Regardless of whether you meet the criteria for a diagnosis, a counselor or mentor can likely help you improve your social skills and confidence in social situations.
Is it normal not to make friends freshman year of college?
People typically make friends during their first year of college. One university survey found that nearly 80% of students had at least one close friend at the end of their first year. However, that means one in five students did not have a close friend, which is a significant number. Students having trouble making friends in college should consider investigating clubs and groups catering to their interests. They might also consider contacting the student support center or a mental health professional for assistance.
How do you know college isn't for you?
College isn’t the right choice for everybody, and that’s okay. In the past, significantly more importance was attached to obtaining a college degree. Recently, a resurgence in the trades and better information about the benefits of a four-year degree has pushed people towards sub-baccalaureate education. While bachelor’s degrees, on average, still result in higher earnings and better outcomes, evidence suggests several vocational diplomas, certificates, and associate degrees lead to higher earnings than many bachelor’s degrees.
Because options besides college are becoming increasingly viable, it is important to carefully consider what you want to do before making a college decision. Think about what careers are enjoyable and tolerable, and balance that against potential earnings for that career. You’ll likely find a career that seems enjoyable and provides a good income. College is probably a good option if that career requires a four-year degree or higher. However, if you can get that career with another form of education, especially one cheaper than a four-year degree, college may not have as high of value.
Is 24 too old to make friends in college?
It is likely that a 24-year-old student can still make friends in college. Most students will likely be fresh out of high school, and a person in their mid-20s might find it challenging to relate to them, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Furthermore, about one-third of college students are 24 or older, increasing the likelihood that a person will find same-age peers with whom they can interact. Many students, especially older ones, also form lasting relationships with faculty and staff.
Why am I so lonely in college?
Loneliness in college can be caused by many reasons. Some of the common ones include social anxiety, introversion, poor social skills, time constraints, and type of education. Social anxiety and introversion may be related to poor social skills, or a person may struggle to socialize absent of other mental health conditions or personality traits. Time management or struggling to keep up with academic responsibilities may also play a role; people who spend most of their time staying ahead of - or catching up on - schoolwork may struggle to find time to socialize.
Another barrier may be the way classes are attended. A person who mainly takes online or hybrid courses may have fewer opportunities for on-campus socialization, especially if they are a commuter student who would have to travel to campus for events designed to facilitate social connections.
If loneliness is due to internal factors, like anxiety or social skills, it may be worthwhile to reach out to a mental health professional for help making proactive changes. For external challenges, like time constraints or distance to campus, it may be worthwhile to visit the student support center for help gaining time management skills and choosing which on-campus events are worthwhile.
How many people make lifelong friends at college?
The evidence regarding lifelong friendships is likely too limited to predict how many originated in college. However, evidence does suggest that most people meet a lifelong best friend around age 21, which may indicate that college students are in an ideal position to make lifelong friendships. On the other hand, it is likely that college is not a necessary component for a long-lasting friendship. It is possible that typical development during young adulthood sets the stage for those friendships that will last most of a person’s life.
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