7 Tips For Having More Intimate Sex

Updated February 1, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Tonia Cassaday , LISW

Do you feel that you have fallen into a sexual rut? Maybe your sexual relationship with your partner has flattened. Or you realized that many of your recent sexual encounters lacked any intimacy. Perhaps you struggle in dealing with rejection from past sexual partners or are feeling self-conscious about your body. These are just several reasons why you — and many other people — could be looking for advice on having more intimate sex.

The key to having more intimate sex relies on your emotional connection with your partner both inside and outside the bedroom. Communication and openness will help you develop your sexual relationship with your partner. Here are seven tips for cultivating and strengthening it.

  1. Redefine Your Original Viewpoint On Sex

Each partner brings a distinct viewpoint on sex into the relationship. This attitude is usually formed from their own unique life experiences. Some people do not learn how to effectively articulate their sexual desires and preferences to their partners until later in life. Others may struggle with focusing more on the physical than the emotional part of sex. These issues can create sexual dysfunction throughout the relationship.

To prevent or ameliorate this issue, it is important to remember to slow down and enjoy the entire experience together. Focusing on your sexual desire for each other and the present moment rather than the end goal can drastically improve your intimacy in bed.

  1. Use Your Words And Talk To Each Other

Try to sit down with your partner and discuss your interests and desires together. Active listening is important for both parties as well as honesty when discussing their thoughts. Make sure you are having these conversations outside of the bedroom. They need to be taken seriously and should be done without any distractions. While the idea of talking about your sexual needs not being completely met sounds awkward, it will allow you to focus on other, more fun parts of your relationship.

Being honest during these sessions is critical. If you don’t tell your partner what you need, they cannot fulfill you the way you need them to. Don’t be afraid to ask questions either, such as “What do you need more of?” or “What is something we can do differently?” When done successfully, these intimate conversations can allow your partner to sexually satisfy one another without having to do any guesswork.

  1. Embrace New Experiences To Improve Your Sexual Relationship

Couples whose sex lives are starting to plateau sometimes turn to new toys, positions, and even sexual partners to spice up their bedroom activities. This inclination may be caused by a failure to focus on your emotional connection with each other over the need for physical pleasure.

Instead of looking for short-lived, external help, try to allow yourselves to be more vulnerable in front of each other. It may feel risky or even a little scary, but opening yourselves up emotionally and sexually can allow you to feel more connected to each other. You can also try being more expressive in your feelings toward each other, both verbally and non-verbally. Telling your partner how much you love them or giving them a massage before bed is a couple of great methods for practicing intimacy.

  1. Don’t Be Afraid To Slow It Down

Sometimes, you just need to take things slowly. This may entail slowing down the conversation when it comes to your unique sexual desire or required level of intimacy from your partner. Some people need more time and patience when it comes to expressing their sexual needs.

It can also involve the literal interpretation in the bedroom. Slowing down your movements allows you to remain in the moment and enjoy the unique connection you share with your partner. Remember to focus on the present experience rather than the end goal of achieving an orgasm.

  1. Build An Erotic Love Map Together

An erotic love map explores your partner’s preferences and desires. As you build this love map, try to ask specific questions about their needs and desires in bed. Start with these questions as you build a comprehensive list tailored to your unique relationship.

  • What felt good last time?
  • What did you do that turned each other on?
  • What fulfills your sexual desire and makes sex better for you?
  • What do you need to make sex more intimate for both of you?
  • What do you dislike?

Sex and intimacy do not always go hand in hand. However, by building a love map together, you and your partner can garner a better understanding of each other’s tastes and desires. Allowing yourself to become vulnerable when talking intimately about sex can be effective in bridging the gap between the two terms.

  1. Eliminate Distractions

Silence your phone. Put it away. Pay attention to your partner. With so much going on in the world around us, it can be easy to become distracted. You must focus your attention on your partner during something as intimate as sex. Allowing yourself to become distracted may delay sexual pleasure and frustrate your partner. Eliminating objects such as your cell phone or laptop can prevent you from getting distracted and allow you to focus on the moment instead.

  1. Don’t Be Afraid To Be Vulnerable

Showing vulnerability can be done in a variety of ways. Expressing your sexual desire for your partner sometimes requires you to be vulnerable. Maintaining eye contact during sex, while sometimes awkward at first, can also help you connect sexually with your partner.

Being vulnerable can be scary. Not everyone is comfortable with sharing their thoughts and feelings out of fear of being judged. But doing so allows partners to build trust in each other and prevent themselves from shutting down or becoming distant from each other.

Sex and Intimacy 101: Why The Two Don’t Always Go Hand-In-Hand

Intimate sex can strengthen your emotional connection with your partner. Part of achieving this entails knowing how sex and intimacy can connect to each other. Sometimes they don’t match up together at all. Random hookups and one-nightstands are usually not intimate.

Couples can also show intimacy toward each other without having sex. Something as simple as asking how they are when they arrive home from work or greeting them with a kiss can articulate your affection.

Different Types Of Intimacy

Intimacy can be expressed in indifferent manners, allowing you to have different opportunities for connection.

  • Physically: Taking a walk, cooking dinner together, and going to a movie are several examples of physical intimacy.
  • Emotionally: Sharing one’s emotions and thoughts with a partner can be considered emotional intimacy.
  • Sensually: Physical touching, such as hugging or kissing, is sensual forms of intimacy.
  • Sexually: Sexual intimacy involves forms of sex such as intercourse and oral sex.
  • Intellectual: Divulging one’s opinions, and ideas even if they disagree
  • Spiritual: Sharing awe-inspiring moments

Non-Sexual Methods For Intimacy

To help focus your energy on the intimate and emotional aspects of your relationship, it can be helpful to practice intimate acts that aren’t sex-related. Here are some ideas to get started:

  • Discuss the things that matter the most to you
  • Give each other a massage.
  • Try something new together, such as a cooking class or dancing lesson.
  • Help each other out more.
  • Spend more time cuddling

Partners don’t necessarily have to practice non-sexual methods for intimacy alone to improve their emotional connection. However, they can complement the sexual intimacy often done in the bedroom. Think about the impression you want to make on your partner and act accordingly to make that impact.

The Four Pillars Of An Emotionally-Intimate Relationship

If you aren’t emotionally connected with your partner on some level, improving the intimacy in your sex life can be difficult. Building an emotionally intimate relationship involves several key factors, including:

  • Knowing Yourself: By understanding your feelings and needs, you can articulate them to other people.
  • Trusting Your Partner: When partners trust each other, they are more willing to share their intimate feelings and vulnerabilities with them.
  • Practicing Honesty: Being honest, but tactful, is important for helping your partner make informed choices that will improve your sexual experience.
  • Learning To Communicate Clearly: Clear communication involves both an open ear and the use of verbal and nonverbal methods to get your feelings across to your partner.

As you continue to build your relationship with your partner, remember to have fun. Not every conversation or encounter with them has to be serious.

Health Benefits Of Intimate Sex

The health benefits of a strong sexual and emotional relationship are plentiful. Many people experience:

  • Reduced stress
  • Better support system
  • Reduced risk of morbidity and mortality
  • Improved mental health

Seeking Treatment Or Counseling

Couples may seek therapy and counseling for a variety of reasons. Couples counseling can help you and your partner work out any relationship issues or roadblocks you are experiencing. Sex therapy is another type of talk therapy for couples who need to address psychological, medical, or personal factors impeding sexual satisfaction.

Are you ready to start counseling? Licensed mental health professionals, including the staff at BetterHelp, can help you and your partner work through sex and intimacy issues together.

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