Topics To Talk About With Your Crush To Increase Intimacy

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D.
Updated November 30, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Crushes are common, but they can come with complicated emotions. Perhaps when you try to speak to the other person, you start to clam up. Maybe you are searching for ideas to start a conversation that'll help you get to know each other on a new level. Perhaps your relationship seems more platonic than romantic, but you're too nervous to carry it to the next level. 

If you relate to these feelings, there are a few things to talk about with your crush that may help you increase intimacy. Although the tips can apply to a crush, they can also benefit those in romantic relationships looking for new conversation topics.

Intimacy Is Within Reach

Intimate Topics To Discuss With Your Crush 

If you and your crush often have conversations, it can be common to feel that the conversation has become mundane or hasn't moved past platonic topics. You might have a lack of familiarity with this person or might not be sure of their likes or dislikes, instead sticking to small talk or a safe conversation routine. While it can be scary, meaningful intimacy often occurs through vulnerability and willingness to try. 

If you show that you can let your guard down, your crush may feel more comfortable and respond similarly. Ways to start increasing intimacy can include being straightforward with your feelings and asking them about theirs. Below are a few other topics you can try. 

Details About Them 

Whether you've been crushing on this person for a while or are starting to establish a more intimate relationship with them, there are a few ways you can prompt them to discuss more intimate details about themselves, including the following questions:

  • "In your own words, how would you tell your life story?" 
  • "I know we know each other a bit already, but what are some interesting areas of your personality you haven't told me yet?" 
  • "What is the most essential aspect of who you are?"
  • "What is your life goal?"
  • "Which of your values best define you?" 
  • "Do you live by any moral code?" 
  • "What makes you, you?" 
  • "Are there any passions you couldn't live without in your life?" 
It can be exciting to learn what events or personality traits this individual values most. You might know details about their life, but knowing the impact that one's life has had on them can help you understand them better. If you've just met this person, these questions might offer a chance to get a backstory on this person to feel closer to them. If you relate to their story, you can discuss your own experiences to connect with them further.

The Non-Negotiables

Non-negotiables might not be a beneficial topic for a first date. However, after you've gotten to know your crush for some time, talking about your dealbreakers for relationships can be beneficial, even if you're not in one. You might ask your crush about their goals and aspirations or whether they hope to get married or have children with someone in the future.

If you're holding back information from your crush, like a mental health diagnosis, disability, or another concern, you might also test the waters about these topics. If they react unkindly or perpetuate societal stigmas, you can use it as a chance to educate or a sign that the relationship won't work out. 

Talk About Romance And Attachment 

Romantic topics can increase emotional intimacy. If you're in a relationship where romance wouldn't be considered awkward, you can invite your crush on a romantic date. Try a candlelit dinner, a bouquet, or sultry music to get started. A relaxed atmosphere can bring back memories and foster openness. 

Communicate how you want to get affection from each other and promote romance in your relationship. Are there activities you want to do on a date? Do you know each other's love languages? What makes them feel special? What makes you feel special? You can also discuss attachment styles if you find the attachment theory interesting. 

Reach For Nostalgia

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), people love nostalgia. For that reason, many individuals enjoy listening to their favorite bands from high school, thinking back on favorite toys from childhood, or watching TV shows that no longer exist. 

Some people enjoy talking about positive memories. If you want to increase intimacy, ask your crush about their past. The interests you can find in common when discussing the past can be significantly meaningful. If childhood doesn't bring up much, you can talk about college, first jobs, first apartments, and other topics of unique experiences.

Common Interests 

Common interests are a place to start; you may already know some if you've talked to your crush before. However, if you have something special in common, ask about how they developed this passion. Play a game of twenty questions with guidelines set on personal interests and think about what more you might learn about each other's interests.

If you and your crush like to read, you could create your own "book club" and read the same books. If you don't like sports or reading, there are hobbies that you can find in common. You could also start a new hobby together. For example, you might try a cooking class or learn a language. 


How To Discuss More Intimate Topics 

When speaking to your crush, try to speak without fear of retribution or judgment. From the start, talk about anything and everything, no matter how insignificant or embarrassing it may seem. If your crush seems nervous, angry, or upset, talk to them about why specific topics cause challenging emotions. Don't laugh or make judgments when they tell you about themselves.

In addition, it can be valuable to take time to laugh. Laughter is essential for the body and mind, and laughing can relieve stress from a challenging conversation. Studies have also found that laughter can strengthen a bond. The two of you might take time to watch a funny show, make light out of situations when healthy, make jokes, and laugh at funny situations in daily life. 

How Does Intimacy Strengthen Relationships? 

Deeper intimacy with your crush can be the foundation for a meaningful relationship. As you understand what makes each other happy, you may find yourself thinking about the future. Talking with your crush about intimate and vulnerable topics may be a starting point for discussing the next steps in your relationship.

To maintain a healthy relationship, don't stop asking questions. Try not to get to a place where you are making assumptions about a partner instead of hearing from them about their experiences. In addition, ensure you continuously put effort toward the connection.

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Intimacy Is Within Reach

Support Options 

If you want to start a relationship but face challenges related to confidence or communication, a counselor or therapist may be supportive. They can also guide you and your current partner through any relationship concerns if you've begun a recent relationship with a crush. 

Concerns about intimacy are often sensitive topics. You may find it difficult to open up to a stranger about these challenges, even if they are discussed with a licensed therapist. In this case, online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples might be beneficial. Through internet-based counseling, people often feel safer opening up about their feelings. Additionally, online counseling is more convenient as it can be from your home or anywhere else you have an internet connection. 

Researchers have confirmed that internet-based therapy is an effective treatment method for couples. A recent qualitative study suggests that many participants in online couples counseling experience similar outcomes compared to in-person therapy. During sessions, some feel they forget the therapy is taking place online. 


Talking to a crush can be scary, but there are ways to change a conversation from platonic and casual to something more intimate. If you're interested in connecting further with a crush or new partner, consider discussing the above topics or contacting a mental health professional for further guidance.

Gain insight into healthy intimacy

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