Crushes are common, but they can come with complicated emotions. Perhaps when you try to speak to the other person, you start to clam up. Maybe you are searching for ideas to start a conversation that'll help you get to know each other on a new level. Perhaps your relationship seems more platonic than romantic, but you're too nervous to carry it to the next level.
If you relate to these feelings, there are a few things to talk about with your crush that may help you increase intimacy. Although the tips can apply to a crush, they can also benefit those in romantic relationships looking for new conversation topics.
Intimate Topics To Discuss With Your Crush
If you and your crush often have conversations, it can be common to feel that the conversation has become mundane or hasn't moved past platonic topics. You might have a lack of familiarity with this person or might not be sure of their likes or dislikes, instead sticking to small talk or a safe conversation routine. While it can be scary, meaningful intimacy often occurs through vulnerability and willingness to try.
If you show that you can let your guard down, your crush may feel more comfortable and respond similarly. Ways to start increasing intimacy can include being straightforward with your feelings and asking them about theirs. Below are a few other topics you can try.
Details About Them
Whether you've been crushing on this person for a while or are starting to establish a more intimate relationship with them, there are a few ways you can prompt them to discuss more intimate details about themselves, including the following questions:
- "In your own words, how would you tell your life story?"
- "I know we know each other a bit already, but what are some interesting areas of your personality you haven't told me yet?"
- "What is the most essential aspect of who you are?"
- "What is your life goal?"
- "Which of your values best define you?"
- "Do you live by any moral code?"
- "What makes you, you?"
- "Are there any passions you couldn't live without in your life?"
Non-negotiables might not be a beneficial topic for a first date. However, after you've gotten to know your crush for some time, talking about your dealbreakers for relationships can be beneficial, even if you're not in one. You might ask your crush about their goals and aspirations or whether they hope to get married or have children with someone in the future.
If you're holding back information from your crush, like a mental health diagnosis, disability, or another concern, you might also test the waters about these topics. If they react unkindly or perpetuate societal stigmas, you can use it as a chance to educate or a sign that the relationship won't work out.
Talk About Romance And Attachment
Romantic topics can increase emotional intimacy. If you're in a relationship where romance wouldn't be considered awkward, you can invite your crush on a romantic date. Try a candlelit dinner, a bouquet, or sultry music to get started. A relaxed atmosphere can bring back memories and foster openness.
Communicate how you want to get affection from each other and promote romance in your relationship. Are there activities you want to do on a date? Do you know each other's love languages? What makes them feel special? What makes you feel special? You can also discuss attachment styles if you find the attachment theory interesting.
Reach For Nostalgia
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), people love nostalgia. For that reason, many individuals enjoy listening to their favorite bands from high school, thinking back on favorite toys from childhood, or watching TV shows that no longer exist.
Some people enjoy talking about positive memories. If you want to increase intimacy, ask your crush about their past. The interests you can find in common when discussing the past can be significantly meaningful. If childhood doesn't bring up much, you can talk about college, first jobs, first apartments, and other topics of unique experiences.
Common interests are a place to start; you may already know some if you've talked to your crush before. However, if you have something special in common, ask about how they developed this passion. Play a game of twenty questions with guidelines set on personal interests and think about what more you might learn about each other's interests.
If you and your crush like to read, you could create your own "book club" and read the same books. If you don't like sports or reading, there are hobbies that you can find in common. You could also start a new hobby together. For example, you might try a cooking class or learn a language.
How To Discuss More Intimate Topics
When speaking to your crush, try to speak without fear of retribution or judgment. From the start, talk about anything and everything, no matter how insignificant or embarrassing it may seem. If your crush seems nervous, angry, or upset, talk to them about why specific topics cause challenging emotions. Don't laugh or make judgments when they tell you about themselves.
In addition, it can be valuable to take time to laugh. Laughter is essential for the body and mind, and laughing can relieve stress from a challenging conversation. Studies have also found that laughter can strengthen a bond. The two of you might take time to watch a funny show, make light out of situations when healthy, make jokes, and laugh at funny situations in daily life.
How Does Intimacy Strengthen Relationships?
Deeper intimacy with your crush can be the foundation for a meaningful relationship. As you understand what makes each other happy, you may find yourself thinking about the future. Talking with your crush about intimate and vulnerable topics may be a starting point for discussing the next steps in your relationship.
To maintain a healthy relationship, don't stop asking questions. Try not to get to a place where you are making assumptions about a partner instead of hearing from them about their experiences. In addition, ensure you continuously put effort toward the connection.
If you want to start a relationship but face challenges related to confidence or communication, a counselor or therapist may be supportive. They can also guide you and your current partner through any relationship concerns if you've begun a recent relationship with a crush.
Concerns about intimacy are often sensitive topics. You may find it difficult to open up to a stranger about these challenges, even if they are discussed with a licensed therapist. In this case, online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples might be beneficial. Through internet-based counseling, people often feel safer opening up about their feelings. Additionally, online counseling is more convenient as it can be from your home or anywhere else you have an internet connection.
Researchers have confirmed that internet-based therapy is an effective treatment method for couples. A recent qualitative study suggests that many participants in online couples counseling experience similar outcomes compared to in-person therapy. During sessions, some feel they forget the therapy is taking place online.
How do I build intimacy with my crush?
Building intimacy with your romantic interest may involve exploring deeper topics than you would explore with a casual acquaintance. A deep conversation can break down barriers between you and your crush and help you see each other in different contexts.
In these intimate conversations, it may be important to be open about your thoughts and feelings. It can be tempting to say what you think your crush wants to hear because you want to make a good impression. However, honesty is often the foundation of a successful relationship.
Other strategies for building intimacy through conversation include:
- Respecting your crush’s boundaries
- Being vulnerable when possible
- Listening actively to what your crush says
- Expressing your feelings for them if it feels appropriate
What topics do you talk about with your crush?
Thinking of things to talk about with your crush can be challenging, especially if you’ve already been talking to them for a while. To build a deeper connection, you might try exploring topics like:
- Their preferences, like their favorite food or favorite movie genre
- What they enjoy doing in their spare time
- Their personal and professional goals
- What motivates them
- Their spiritual beliefs
- Their childhood memories
- How they like to show and receive affection
Asking creative questions can also be a fun way to explore meaningful topics and gain a deeper understanding of your crush. Some examples include:
- “What would you choose as your theme song and why?”
- “Which of your family are you closest to?”
- “If you could change one thing about the world, what would you change?”
What are intimacy questions?
Intimacy questions are questions designed to help you get to know someone on a deeper level. They often explore important things that might not come up in casual conversation, like political views, fears, and life goals. They may also center around romance—for example, asking someone about past relationships or having them describe their perfect date.
Intimacy questions can give you a more well-rounded view of who your crush is as a person. This can open the door to vulnerability and honesty, bringing you closer together.
How do you start an intimate chat?
When starting an intimate conversation, it can be important to ensure you’re somewhere calm and quiet, which may help you both feel more relaxed. It may also help to have a general idea of what you want to discuss in advance.
Other tips for starting an intimate chat include:
- Easing into the conversation with lighter topics
- Being willing to show vulnerability
- Allowing the other person’s responses to steer the conversation
- Using body language to show interest and curiosity
- Paying attention to the other person’s nonverbal signals
- Not pressuring the other person to say something if they’re uncomfortable
- Previous Article
- Next Article