Why Do I Always Feel Sad And Lonely?
Human beings are generally social creatures, meaning we can have the capacity to enjoy connection and closeness with our friends and loved ones. It can be normal to feel lonely at times, however, especially when we’re isolated from other people or going through major life changes. Understanding the difference between a passing feeling and a need for intervention can support many in attaining a higher quality of life.
Below, we’re exploring possible reasons for long-term sadness or loneliness, and different scientifically supported ways to address these feelings in ourselves.
Possible reasons for sadness and loneliness
If you’re working on resolving feelings of sadness or loneliness, it can be helpful to figure out what could be causing them. Sometimes, you can make life adjustments on your own that can ease your difficult feelings. Other times, you might benefit from the help of a professional, who can empower you to move forward effectively.
We’ve listed some possible reasons for ongoing loneliness or sadness below:
- Maintaining a lack of social contact
- Having a romantic partner lose interest in your relationship
- Experiencing a difficult or traumatic event
- Experiencing loss or relocation of a loved one
- Dealing with conflict with a loved one
- Experiencing relationship troubles or dysfunction
- Experiencing diagnosis or symptoms of a mental illness, like depression
While this list is extensive, it does not cover every possible reason for sadness or feelings of loneliness. Acknowledging how you feel and accepting possible reasons behind the feeling can be a first step to healing for many.
Lack of social contact
A lack of social activity can cause a person to start experiencing feelings of loneliness. In this case, it can be helpful to seek out social contact and meaningful relationships with your friends and loved ones.
It can be normal to crave social contact if you haven’t been able to connect with people in a while. Having loved ones on whom you can lean when you’re feeling low can be important. According to a recent study referenced in the New York Post, almost half of all Americans reported having less than three close friends in their life. While there are many possible reasons for this, many cite major life transitions — such as the start of a new job or a relocation — as a possible reason for a shorter friend’s list.
If you’re experiencing a major life change, having a solid support system of friends can help you cope with feelings of loneliness. If you aren’t sure where to start, consider reconnecting with old acquaintances or immersing yourself in your local community. You might also try to forge friendships in your workplace school environment, as you may spend more time there than in other places.
Traumatic experiences that affect mental health
Many people might start feeling sad, lonely, and even angry after something traumatic happens in their lives. Coping with stress, grief or the effects of trauma can affect your mood and mental health as a whole. You may just need time to process the situation, or you may benefit from supportive therapeutic intervention. In either case, if you don’t take the time to grieve or feel your emotions in their entirety, your painful emotions might be prolonged.
Reaching out to others for support can be a helpful step in moving forward productively after a loss or traumatic event.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
A friend or family member moved away
You may feel lonely or depressed when someone you’re close to moves away. This can be a common experience for parents who send their kids off to college, or for people whose families move states for a new job opportunity. Major life events such as this can be stressful, often causing someone to experience feelings of sadness and loneliness.
Keeping up through texting, emailing, or phone calls can be a way to enhance your quality of life in the middle of the transition. You may also consider giving yourself time to adjust to their absence.
Conflict with friends or family
Arguments with friends or family members could make you feel lonely and sad, and maybe even a little guilty. Did you have a fight with someone in the past? Perhaps this created a rift that you haven’t been able to mend since the fight occurred. If you don’t have a lot of close relationships, even one argument could wind up being very significant to you and your mental health. Not having your usual confidant with whom to talk could create a sense of emptiness within you that’s hard to shake, and it could be contributing to your loneliness.
To remedy this, you could try to fix and improve things with this individual. It can be natural to disagree from time to time. If the argument was more serious in nature, you may consider speaking with a therapist for support as both parties work through their feelings regarding the disagreement.
Depression and related symptoms
If you’re experiencing prolonged or unresolved feelings of loneliness, emptiness or sadness, it could be a sign you’re facing some type of depression.
The difference between someone experiencing a medical condition like depression and someone who isn’t is generally determined by how long the feelings persist, and if there is a secondary physical experience as a result of the feelings.
There are different treatments available for depression. For many, the most commonly pursued options include talk therapy and medication. Speaking with a medical provider or mental health professional can help you get more information about what course of action might be most effective for your specific needs.
You may also be dealing with thoughts of suicide if you are experiencing depression. If that’s the case, it's essential you reach out for support immediately. If you or a loved one are experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This line is available 24/7, and can be reached by dialing 988.
Online therapy for those experiencing sadness or depression
The thought of getting to the root cause of your lonely or sad feelings can feel overwhelming. However, you can begin to process your thoughts and feelings with an online therapist through the BetterHelp platform.
Seeking treatment in online therapy
If you’re feeling lonely or sad due to depression, it may be hard for you to overcome these feelings and get out of bed in the morning. You might also be withdrawing from friends and family members or avoiding leaving the house at all. Online therapy can be more approachable for many compared to in-person therapeutic intervention. You can speak with a licensed professional counselor from the comfort of your home, choosing whatever method of connection feels most comfortable for you. Whether you want to use an in-app messaging feature, talk on the phone, or connect over a video chat, online therapy can give you more control over your therapeutic experience.
Is online counseling effective for mental health?
Online counseling can help individuals effectively manage and treat their mental illnesses. One study published in the Journal of Anxiety Disorders assessed the efficacy of computer-based therapy for those living with anxiety and depression. Researchers found information suggesting that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy was equally effective as traditional, face-to-face therapy. The internet-based intervention had high rates of satisfaction and was thought to have contributed to a better quality of life for participants. It was also suggested to result in reduced depression and symptoms of nervousness in fewer sessions compared to those seeing a therapist in person.
Takeaway
What does it mean if you feel lonely all the time?
Feeling lonely is a painful emotional state that can occur whether you’re experiencing physical social isolation or not. Some things that may trigger persistent loneliness include:
Lack of emotional intimacy or connection
Mental health conditions like depression or social anxiety disorder
Physical health conditions, such as those that cause chronic pain or make it difficult to spend time away from home, can lead to loneliness
Low self-esteem
Fear of vulnerability
Avoidant attachment style
Certain personality traits
Trust issues
Major life changes
Traumatic experiences
If you’re experiencing persistent sadness and loneliness that interferes with your daily life or causes you distress, consider making an appointment with your general practitioner for medical advice.
Why do I feel sad and lonely all the time?
Some reasons you might be feeling persistently sad and lonely include:
Mental health challenges like depression
Financial stressors
Moving to a new town or other major life changes
Working from home, unemployment, or retirement
Physical health challenges
Social isolation
Negative self-talk and pressure
Fear of vulnerability
Some strategies to reduce loneliness include joining a local club, volunteering for a cause you care about, seeking support from loved ones, talking to a therapist, and being compassionate with yourself.
What to do if you feel lonely and depressed?
Here are some things that can help if you’re feeling lonely and/or depressed:
Call a loved one or crisis hotline for immediate support needs
Schedule a session with a licensed psychotherapist
Spend some time outside
Join a group event, such as yoga classes, cycling events, art collectives, or neighborhood potlucks
Invite friends over for a board game night
Practice self-care strategies, such as deep breathing exercises or mindfulness
Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d extend to a close friend
Prioritize healthy lifestyle habits, such as getting enough sleep, eating a nutritious diet, and getting regular exercise
Depression is a serious mental health condition. If you’re experiencing symptoms that cause you distress or interfere with your daily life, consider making an appointment with a medical practitioner and/or licensed therapist.
Am I depressed or just lonely?
Loneliness is an emotion you might experience when your need for emotional intimacy goes unmet. Depression is a diagnosable mood disorder that results in persistent low mood, sadness, loss of interest in activities, social isolation, irritability, and/or feelings of hopelessness.
Loneliness can be both a risk factor for depression and a symptom of the disorder.
To determine whether you’re experiencing loneliness, depression, or both, consider seeing a licensed therapist or medical doctor for a diagnosis. Outside of mental health care, seeking connection with loved ones, journaling, practicing self-compassion, and taking steps to build more authentic relationships can help.
Why do I feel sad for no reason?
Sadness without an underlying cause may be triggered by:
Medication side effects
Hormonal fluctuations
Stress
Financial hardships
Major life changes
Mental health conditions like depression
Negative self-talk
Traumatic experiences
Negative emotions, including sadness, can be completely healthy when they occur occasionally. However, if sadness is causing you distress or coming from no known cause, self-reflection might help. In some cases, journaling can help you uncover the triggers of your sadness, or it may be helpful to talk with a therapist.
Why am I not able to cry anymore?
Some reasons you might not be able to cry when sad include:
Emotional exhaustion and fatigue
Emotional suppression
Mental health conditions, such as depression
Anhedonia or languishing
Societal pressures, such as the belief that “men don’t cry”
Pollution or a dry climate
Medications or conditions that cause dry eye
Crying can have several important benefits, such as encouraging social bonding and empathy, relieving stress, and improving mood. If you’re finding it difficult to express challenging emotions, it may be helpful to journal, seek support from people you can talk openly with, or find space to process your feelings intimately.
How can you fix depression?
Depression cannot be “fixed” or “cured,” but there are things you can do to cope with symptoms:
Talk therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective approaches for depressive disorders, helping to reduce symptom severity and relapses and improve quality of life.
Medication: Antidepressants are approximately 20-30% more effective than placebos at managing depressive symptoms, though they’re most effective for moderate to severe depression.
Self-care: Self-care strategies include seeking support from loved ones, using stress-reduction strategies, practicing gratitude, creating routines, regular exercise, and prioritizing a healthy sleep routine.
Experts often recommend a combination of talk therapy, antidepressant medications, and self-care for the best mental health outcomes.
Why is loneliness so painful?
Loneliness is an emotion that people often feel in response to unmet emotional intimacy needs. Loneliness triggers a pain response in the brain, which can trigger the body’s stress response and lead to chronic inflammatory diseases if it persists.
The pain of loneliness serves a biological purpose, pushing us to form rewarding social connections that were historically important for survival and reproduction.
Does depression go away?
Yes, depression can go away, and many people fully recover from depression when provided with support and treatment. Most commonly, depression is addressed with talk therapy, medication, self-care, support groups, or a combination of the above. There is no average length of depression because it can vary considerably based on individual factors.
How can you avoid depression?
Some depression risk factors, including genetics, personality traits, and stressful events, aren’t entirely avoidable. However, while you may not be able to prevent depression, you can reduce your risk. Some ways to protect yourself include:
Maintaining connections with friends and family
Seeking support from loved ones proactively
Using healthy coping skills to manage stress
Limiting substance use
Reaching out to a therapist when you’re going through major life changes or stressors
Prioritizing getting enough sleep
Incorporating self-care strategies into your daily life
Staying involved in activities you enjoy
If you begin experiencing significant sadness or other symptoms that cause you distress, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist. Research finds that talk therapy may be significantly more effective when treated early, leading to shorter episodes and less severe symptoms.
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