Can You Learn How To Get Someone To Fall In Love With You?

Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW
Updated April 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Love can be one of the major motivations that people have in life and one of the most difficult things to understand. If you are currently in love with someone who does not yet love you back, you might wonder if anything can be done. You may be curious about whether it is possible to make someone fall in love with you. 

There is no magic potion that you can give someone that will make them fall madly in love with you. If you often ask yourself, "I can't fall in love," know that this feeling may be temporary.  Love is hard to predict and you do not know which way things will go, but be open to taking a chance on love. You can do things to try to influence the person with whom you are attracted to pay attention to you. But, in the end, most people will freely choose and love who they will love.

Ultimately, it is self-love through personal growth and development that may bring you fulfillment. Nonetheless, just because the person you love may not be reciprocating, there are ways to develop a relationship to open the door to love. Below, you will read pieces of advice that can help you grow as a person and possibly develop a love connection with your potential partner.

Try to develop your bond with them

Find natural, authentic love the right way

One of the first things you should do when you hope someone to fall in love with you is to deepen your bond with them. If you can develop your relationship over time, then a love connection might happen between the two of you. These things can take time, but it’s worth putting in the effort.

Try not to worry so much about whether they fall in love with you while building your relationship. Enjoy being friends and take the time to get to know the person you are interested in dating. If you do start dating casually, then that is a sign that things are going well. See what you have in common and find ways to participate in activities or conversations that build on that connection.

Be sure to communicate that you are interested in developing a bond beyond just friends. If you have intentions of dating them, let them know. Flirting can be a good way to test the waters for something like this. Let them know that you are interested in some way while you work on developing your bond.

Be kind and avoid being obsessive

Do your best to be kind to this person that you are in love with, too. However, check in with yourself to identify if you are growing obsessive.  It is natural for you to have feelings for someone, but this focus should not be all-encompassing. Try to get to know this person and see if your personalities mesh well. If so, then that is a place for love to bloom.

On the other hand, if you become obsessive and try to monopolize the person’s time, you may end up pushing them away. Be relaxed about spending time with this person and enjoy yourself. You most likely will be excited about spending time together and to want to as much as possible. Just try not to take things overboard and always remember to be respectful.

There may be painful times when you notice the person you like showing interest in other people romantically. In these cases, you may want to consider being honest about being interested in them romantically. Just avoid being rude if you want things to work out between you two. Understand that they are not obligated to fall in love with you and that it needs to happen naturally. 

Work on self-love

Before making "how long does it take to fall in love" a big concern, maybe it's time to make yourself a priority. If you find yourself obsessing about the other person falling in love with you, it is time to take a step back and reflect on your own state of love and respect for yourself. Self-love is when you practice appreciation for yourself by taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your own happiness or well-being. You practice self-love when you do things that support your growth as a person, physically and psychologically. Take the time to work on your own goals. Do not ignore your goals in life to focus too much on a potential love interest. Ultimately, they will respect you more if you keep striving toward your goals. 

Ways that you can work on growing this love include:

  • Establishing healthy boundaries
  • Trusting yourself and your decisions without self-judgment
  • Prioritizing your basic wants and needs
  • Practicing kindness and self-respect to yourself
  • Forgiving yourself

In a sense, self-love falls into the concept of self-care. When you care for yourself, by eating healthily, exercising, or practicing meditation, you may find that your need to be loved by that other person is not so predominant. Being kind, gentle, patient, and compassionate with yourself is a first step towards building a healthy love relationship with that significant someone in the future. 

Be honest with your feelings

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Learn to be honest with your feelings when you are falling in love with someone. So many people tend to retreat into their shells when this happens due to the fear of being rejected. Try not to let yourself fall into this pattern. It is important be honest with your feelings and your intentions from the beginning.

Have you ever heard of people being put in the “friend zone?” This has been somewhat exaggerated in movies and other forms of entertainment, but you most likely do not want your love interest to see you as only a friend. If you are not honest about your feelings, they may never know you are interested in dating them. Being honest with yourself and with your potential partner is important.

Take the time to talk to your friend or would-be lover about what you are thinking and how you are feeling. This gives you a chance to be truthful about your intentions. If you are hoping to date, then you let them know to allow everything to be out in the open. From that point, you may be able to relax and enjoy a first date. 

Muster up the courage to see if they feel the same way

Getty/Halfpoint Images
Find natural, authentic love the right way

Sometimes love is not obvious. You may be head over heels in love with someone and waiting for them to give you a sign that they are interested. Not everyone will make grand gestures to let you know that they feel the same way about you. You might need to muster up your courage and find out by asking them how they are feeling.

Of course, this can be a very stressful situation. People can feel quite vulnerable in confessing their feelings to a potential romantic partner. There is always the chance that they do not feel the same way. Try not to let the fear of rejection keep you from potentially finding the love of your life. If you enjoy hanging out with one another and feel like the time is right, then do not be afraid to ask about love.

Remember that many people may not express their love until deep into a relationship. Confessing love right away may overwhelm the other person, especially if they are not seeing things the same. Let the relationship takes its course. You can also use words such as “I like you” instead of “love.” The word like can be less jarring than love. This will also give you both time to allow true love to develop in your relationship without pressure or stress.

If you have already been casually dating and love has developed on your end, then do not be afraid to be the first to say it. Saying “I love you” happens through only one person. You may be nervous about saying it the first time which is completely understandable. It is not easy to take the first steps toward admitting love, but it will be satisfying when you hear those three important words said back to you.

Online therapy is always there when you need support

Sometimes having a difficult time in your love life can affect you deeply and you may need to reach out for professional support from a licensed therapist. While your friends and family may offer you support, there are times when you need to talk to an experienced therapist who can offer you sound advice, strategies to help you grow, and a compassionate perspective on your situation. 

Life can be complicated and busy, and you may not have the time to make appointments in person and travel to an office to receive counsel.  Online therapy is a convenient option that can help you understand yourself and the challenges you meet in your love life. 

You can also talk about any issues that are bothering you, such as anxiety issues, depression problems, or fears related to your love life. For example, studies have shown that people with depression showed a significant reduction in depressive symptoms after receiving treatment from evidence-based treatment through videoconferencing. 


There is no magic solution to make someone fall in love with you, but there are things you can do to foster a healthy relationship with someone you care about. By learning to love yourself, speaking honestly with the other person, and offering them respectful kindness and affection, you may just find them falling in love with you in return.
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