Love Or Fantasy: The Way Media Affects Public Perception Of Love In Relationships

Media may play a role in shaping your worldview from early childhood into adulthood. Film, music, news, and social media posts can influence your perception of people, places, situations, and concepts, including success and love. Many studies have also connected social media to increased levels of stress.

In popular media, love and romance are popular topics. Movies, music, television shows, novels, and social media content perpetuate stories of love, heartbreak, and steamy romance. Alongside fictional works, reality shows, and tabloids often latch onto “real life” love stories to generate an audience. These images and ideas are often exaggerated for entertainment. 

Due to its significance, many forms of media give false impressions about love. While the consumption of love and romance-centric media is common and enjoyable for many individuals, its influence can affect expectations and feelings in real-life relationships, which may be positive or negative, depending on the consequences.  

What is idealization?

It may be beneficial to understand the concept of idealization when exploring how the media affects the perception of love. Idealization is defined as the conception of a person or situation that dwells on advantages and ignores deficiencies. Often, idealizing means believing something or someone is “perfect” despite potential flaws. 

While the portrayal of love in media may shift based on the genre of media, in many of its forms, love, and relationships are idealized in these images. For example, Disney classics like Cinderella, Snow White, and The Little Mermaid portray “true love” grandiosely. Often, these popular fairytales are consumed at an early age.

This early exposure to an unrealistic narrative that true love results in living “happily ever after” in a heterosexual relationship often sets children and adults up to strive toward an idealized version of love that might not fit your realistic expectations. Even in media marketed towards adults, romance is often portrayed as flawless or undying. 

How media can impact perceptions about love 

There are several ways media impacts public perceptions about love in the US, including the following. 

Identity and diversity 

Along with shaping one’s perception of love, consuming media often influences personal views of societal norms and values. Though the push for diverse representation in media has made strides, people with minority identities remain underrepresented in mainstream entertainment. 

A lack of diverse love, such as interracial love, LGBTQIA+ love, and many other forms of love in mainstream media, may harm one’s perception of love. Media often dictates views of what love “should” look like, which is shown to children and people who are impressionable. When a young BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ child only sees heterosexual or white couples on TV, they might assume that the type of relationships they crave are unhealthy or unrealistic. They may believe that they must hide themselves or seek out unfulfilling or traumatic relationships. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Alternatively, media that depicts many different instances of love can positively affect those it represents. Diverse representation also has the potential to widen the lens of love for those who may hold a limited view. 

Idealization of unhealthy behaviors 

Another potentially harmful effect of modern media comes from idealizing certain unhealthy relationship behaviors, such as jealousy, possessiveness, and controlling behavior. While these characteristics are often portrayed as romantic or passionate on screen, these behaviors are detrimental to the health and functionality of a relationship in real life. 

An example of this behavior comes from the movie and book series Twilight. In the series, a main character pursues his love interest by obsessing over her with possessive behaviors, including sneaking into her house and watching her sleep. Although portrayed as romantic in the movie, this behavior would be illegal and scary in real life. 

When a child or adult sees this portrayal of love in their media acted out by attractive actors and actresses pretending to be in love, they may believe that the behavior is romantic. If someone enters an unhealthy relationship with patterns like these, they might romanticize it, believing that the push and pull of an unhealthy relationship is part of “passionate love.”

Considerable influence 

While media effects the perception of love requires continuing research, a study published in 2014 by the University of Michigan determined that TV and film can heavily influence an individual’s romantic ideals. The study surveyed 625 college students about how often they watched 93 romantic movies, 17 relationship-centric sitcoms, and several marriage-themed reality shows. 

The responses indicated that participants with more exposure to romantic movies strongly believed that “love” finds a way. In comparison, those with higher exposure to sitcoms featuring characters who dated multiple partners had lower levels of idealization yet believed that “true love” is “perfect.” 

“The media may be teaching us what sort of beliefs we should have about romantic relationships,” said Julia Lippman, a postdoctoral research fellow in the UM Department of Psychology. “It is possible that frequent exposure to romance and courtship in this idealized form could lead viewers to adopt equally idealized notions about relationships in the real world.” 

Unrealistic ideals 

While maintaining a favorable and hopeful view of love and romance could positively affect relationships, it can be helpful to determine the difference between real-life love and fantasy. Unrealistic ideals influenced by the media can often create disadvantages when seeking or engaging in romantic relationships. For example, you might struggle to notice red flags in a potential partner if you’ve seen them portrayed as romantic on TV. 

Counseling options for couples and individuals 

If you feel that the idealization of love has negatively affected your romantic pursuits or real-life relationships, it may be helpful to seek an outside perspective. Speaking with a trusted friend or family member in a relationship that you admire can be helpful in tempering expectations and understanding the ins, outs, ups, and downs of a healthy and lasting love. In addition, talking to a therapist could be beneficial. 

If you often use online media, you might feel more comfortable talking to an online therapist. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples offers individuals and couples the chance to connect by phone, video, or live chat sessions with extra benefits like worksheets, webinars, and journaling features. Online therapy can also be more convenient for those with busy schedules. 

According to research, couples therapy has proven to have positive effects on over 70% of couples participating in treatment. If you’re ready to get started, you can sign up with an online platform or contact a therapist offering telehealth services through their practice. Additional research shows no difference in the effectiveness between in-person and online counseling.