How To Navigate Philophobia

It can be natural to feel uncomfortable with relationships. However, in extreme cases, when a fear of romance significantly impacts someone’s life, it may cross into the realm of  philophobia. 

Philophobia, or the fear of love, can make it challenging to enter a new relationship, form lasting meaningful relationships, and get emotionally close to people. It can also lead to side effects like stress, loneliness, and depression. If you’re experiencing symptoms that indicate you fear love, you may benefit from learning more about the phobia of love and how to find support. 

Philophobia: What does the DSM say?

Philophobia is another specific phobia that involves a fear of love. ‘Philos’ is the Greek word for loving, and ‘phobia’ is the Greek word for fear. This fear often centers on romantic relationships but may also include relationships with friends and family members. 

Symptoms may consist of:

• An intense fear of falling in love or being in love
• Distress at the idea of being emotionally attached to someone
• Difficulty forming attachments to others
• Actively avoiding getting emotionally close to people
• Physical symptoms when exposed to reminders of love, such as nausea, a rapid heartbeat, dry mouth, sweating, heavy breathing, or trembling

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) does not include a separate entry for philophobia.However, the symptoms often align with specific phobia symptoms, which may include:

• Intense, persistent fear in response to a specific inciting event or idea
• Levels of fear and anxiety that are out of proportion to the actual danger or risk
• Significant disruptions to daily life due to fear
• Active avoidance of the source of fear

If a fear of love is getting in the way of your daily life and has lasted longer than six months, you may be living with philophobia. 

If you believe you have philophobia, you are not alone. It is believed that Queen Elizabeth I of England may have had this phobia, as she seemed to never enter into a romantic relationship and never entered into marriage. People from certain cultures, especially those who use arranged marriage, may have a fear of love.  

Causes of philophobia

A range of possible factors may contribute to someone developing philophobia or another specific phobia. Although it may not have a single cause, some potential contributors may include:

• Social pressures or cultural norms
• Challenges in previous relationships or past experiences, such as abandonment, the loss of a loved one, a partner who was extremely possessive, or mental, emotional, sexual, or physical abuse
• An avoidant or disorganized attachment style
• A recent painful breakup that left you deeply hurt
• Challenges with self-esteem

In addition, several factors may lead to a greater risk of developing anxiety disorders in general, including specific phobias. These include:

• Being female
• Having a family history of anxiety disorders
• Certain personality traits, like shyness or sensitivity
• Past trauma
• Having another mental health condition

Although an exact cause of philophobia has not been identified, it can still be distressing. It can also affect mental, social, and emotional well-being. These may include:

• Substance misuse
• Difficulty forming and maintaining intimate relationships
• Social isolation, which may raise the risk of other mental illnesses
• Anxiety attacks and panic attacks
• Depression
• Health effects like high blood pressure

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

How to navigate philophobia: Tips and treatments for intimate relationships

Because this phobia can negatively affect a person’s quality of life, it can be worthwhile to learn how to navigate it healthily. The following steps may help you manage this phobia: 

• Educate yourself on specific phobias and other anxiety disorders, which may help make the phobia less intimidating.
• Compassionately acknowledge your symptoms and avoid judging yourself when you feel afraid.
• Practice mindfulness to build awareness of your emotions and reactions, which may help you gain perspective on your symptoms. 
• Use stress management techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and journaling when your symptoms worsen. 
• Look for opportunities to connect with others in non-romantic settings like hobby groups, group classes, support groups, or fitness clubs. 
• Practice self-care strategies to support your well-being, such as exercising, pursuing hobbies, getting healthy sleep, and eating a balanced diet. 
• Consider joining a support group for people with specific phobias. 
• Be patient when you have a setback, and remember you are not alone. 

Professional treatments for specific phobias 

Working directly with mental health professionals may also reduce the symptoms of philophobia and other specific phobias. Examples of professional treatments may include:

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT is a form of therapy that focuses on identifying and reframing negative thoughts and behaviors. 
• Systematic desensitization therapy: This form of treatment (which may be incorrectly called systemic desensitization therapy) involves ranking fears, learning stress reduction techniques, and applying them in real-life situations
• Exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP): Exposure therapy is a type of therapy that involves gradually exposing someone to their fears in a safe environment. Studies show that ERP is one of the most effective treatments for specific phobias. 
• Psychodynamic therapy: This form of treatment focuses on finding and treating the root causes of mental illnesses.

Find support from a mental health professional for your mental disorders

Some doctors may recommend anti-anxiety medications for treating specific phobias. Talking to a mental health professional can be a crucial first step toward finding the right treatment plan for you so you can overcome your philophobia or other phobias. Your treatment plan may involve you learning relaxation techniques and developing new thought patterns. You may also be assigned real-world tasks to become more comfortable with experiencing love in romantic relationships. With time, you may be able to recognize any constant negative thoughts that are holding you back from a relationship and be ready to experience loving feelings. 

In some cases, phobias can make it difficult to leave home due to high levels of stress and avoidant urges. In these cases, online talk therapy platforms like BetterHelp can be more available. Online therapy platforms provide a way to attend therapy from home. The option to connect with a therapist via in-app messaging or a voice call may also be helpful for those who have anxiety about socializing, and you can switch providers any time you want until you find the right therapist.

In addition to its benefits, research suggests online therapy is an effective treatment for anxiety disorders, including specific phobias. In 2021, researchers analyzed research from several studies of internet-based phobia treatments for children, adolescents, and adults. They found that online interventions led to a significant decrease in symptoms of specific phobias.