Am I In Love? Nine Signs You’re Marrying The Man You Truly Love
An engagement can produce a wide range of emotions. You may be excited, nervous, joyful, or overwhelmed. You may also be uncertain about marriage and your feelings for your fiancé. It’s not uncommon for people who are engaged to second-guess their decision and even their love for their partner. Marriage is a significant commitment, and it makes sense to want to be certain you’re truly in love before tying the knot. If you want to explore your feelings for the man you’re engaged to marry, there are several indicators that can help confirm he’s the right person for you. Below, we’re going to discuss signs that you’re marrying the man you truly love.
9 signs your fiancé is the one for you
Feelings of hesitation are normal before tying the knot. While it may seem scary or wrong to question your decision, it can ultimately be best for both you and your fiancé to ensure you’re well-suited to each other in the long term.
Marrying someone without knowing whether you’re fully invested can lead to hurt feelings, tension, and complicated situations later in the marriage. Of course, if you’re engaged, it is highly likely that you and your fiancé have a strong connection and may have even been in a long-term relationship for years. Exploring your feelings for your partner could just be a way for you to identify areas of your relationship that you can work on prior to getting married. Whether you’re questioning your feelings or simply want to confirm that you’re making the right choice, we’ve compiled the following list of nine indicators that your fiancé is the right man for you.
1. You consider him a life partner
When you picture your life 5, 10, or 25 years down the line, are you imagining your fiancé by your side, supporting you every step of the way? Do you feel that the two of you are a unit? Research suggests that the more committed partners are, the more likely they are to view each other as being an integral part of their lives. A strong sense that you and your fiancé are a team and a commitment to maintaining your relationship in the long term can indicate that you’re in love.
2. Thinking of him makes you happy
Feelings of love can activate our brain’s reward system—a connection so strong that studies have shown individuals can actually feel less physical pain when viewing a photo of their loved one. You may notice that you experience increased relaxation and feelings of well-being when your fiancé is on your mind. If thinking of your future husband helps you feel calm, centered, and happy, there’s a good chance you’re in love with him.
3. You can be vulnerable around him
Early in relationships, partners sometimes struggle to share their fears, weaknesses, or anxieties as readily. As they grow closer and fall in love, though, they are often able to open up and express themselves. Vulnerability with your fiancé can indicate that you feel comfortable letting your guard down and developing emotional intimacy with him. According to a framework for defining love, trust is one of the four key elements of love. If you feel secure enough with your fiancé enough to let him see your flaws, you have likely developed a trusting and loving relationship. Telling your partner anything, no matter how vulnerable, can feel special and indicate a deep sense of love.
4. You see the best in him
As you explore your feelings, you may want to pay attention to how you react to the less-than-perfect things you learn about your fiancé. Do these things make you question your relationship? Or are you able to see the best in him even when he makes mistakes? Researchers have found that individuals in successful romantic relationships often idealize their partner. While you might not want to simply overlook your fiancé’s faults, focusing on his positive qualities may be a sign that you’re truly in love.
For example, you may sometimes feel that your partner is stubborn, but still respect his conviction and strength of character. Or you might wish he could be more serious sometimes, but still find his sense of humor charming. The ability to embrace your fiancé’s strengths and weakness can be helpful in a marriage, and it can signal that you’re ready for this next step. Conversely, if you often spend time criticizing your partner and have a hard time seeing his best qualities, that may be a cause for concern.
5. His success makes you happy
Another common sign that you have a deep, loving bond with your fiancé is that you enjoy seeing him thrive. One study found that the individual’s reaction to their partner’s success can predict relationship health. Think about how you respond when your partner relays good news he’s received. Are you excited and happy for him, even if you don’t share all of his interests and hobbies? If you and your fiancé share in each other’s successes, you’re likely viewing your relationship as a team effort.
6. You seek physical intimacy with him
While there’s more to romance than sexual attraction, a satisfying sex life can be a positive indicator of love. Research shows that intimacy can lead to happy, committed relationships. The trust, comfort, and mutual understanding that often accompany a deep emotional bond can lead to sparks in the bedroom.
The reverse isn’t necessarily true—a lack of sexual interest doesn’t always mean a lack of love. People of some orientations may have deeply loving and romantic feelings despite not experiencing sexual attraction. But if you’re someone who tends to feel sexual desire for people you’re in a romantic relationship with, a healthy amount of physical intimacy can be a hint that true love is present as well. If you never feel like spending intimate time together, that may be something to look into.
7. You know how he thinks
Do you feel like you and your fiancé are in sync? Studies show that neural responses in the brains of happily married couples are more synchronized than those in less satisfied ones, lighting up in similar ways in response to visual stimuli. Additionally, loving, dedicated relationships appear to promote greater activation of mirror neurons, the parts of the brain involved in empathy.
This suggests that when you’re in love, you may often perceive the world in a similar way as your partner. You might find that you and your fiancé are able to anticipate each other’s needs and empathize with each other on a deep level. Knowing how your partner thinks and feels can reveal a strong bond between the two of you. It often takes years in a long-term relationship to get to this level of synchronicity with your partner.
8. You go to him for support
Do you seek advice and care from your fiancé when you’re experiencing life challenges? Consider whether the man you’re engaged to is typically the first person you go to when you need a listening ear, advice, or emotional support. A relationship in which you trust your partner to fulfill your needs is likely a healthy and loving one. When we’re close to a partner, our brains produce oxytocin, which can calm us and make us feel safe. If you experience less stress and more stability when you’re close to your partner, you may have already fostered strong feelings of love for him.
9. You choose love with him
Though we often think of love as a feeling that develops on its own, research shows that partners can make a conscious choice to emphasize and strengthen their loving feelings toward one another. Think about how often you work to nurture love, even when times are tough. You may experience conflict or challenges in your relationship, but if you respond by working to cultivate loving feelings for your fiancé, this can be a positive sign for your future marriage. If you prioritize finding new ways to spend quality time together and schedule date night regularly, that can be a top indicator of your shared love.
How online therapy can help
Research suggests that online therapy can help individuals address uncertainty regarding the future of their partnership and concerns regarding the potential stress of wedding planning. For example, in one study, participants reported experiencing increased relationship confidence after an online therapy program. Additionally, the intervention led to reductions in individual mental health challenges, such as depression and anxiety, and increases in overall quality of life.
If you’d like to talk through feelings regarding your engagement or similar concerns, consider getting matched with a licensed therapist online. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can talk through uncertainty related to marriage remotely, through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging. You’ll also be able to reach out to your therapist outside of sessions, which can be helpful if you want to clarify a point made about your engagement during therapy.
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
Is fiancé for male or female?
The word fiancé is used to refer to an engaged man. The word fiancée (with an extra e) is used to refer to an engaged woman. According to Merriam Webster's Dictionary, each word is a past participle that is derived from a verb in French (financier) meaning “to engage” or “to promise.” Promised is one of many married synonyms which is why the word transitioned into a term that means “engaged.”
However, the confusion is understandable. Modern English speakers pronounce both words the same, so it is easy to think these two words are the same word. However, they are different words that are spelled differently depending on the gender of the subject.
Is fiancé a spouse?
A fiancé (or fiancée for a woman who is engaged to be married) is not a spouse. It is a term that refers to a man engaged to be married. The man is not married yet and therefore is not anyone’s spouse.
What is a fiancée?
A fiancée is a French word meaning “a woman who is engaged to be married.” According to Merriam Webster’s Dictionary, just like a fiancé, it comes from old French (financier) meaning “to promise.” Both words are “to be married” synonyms but do not refer to people who are already married. The only difference between fiancé and fiancée is which gender the words refer to.
How do you say fiancée?
We say the word fiancée to refer to a woman who is engaged. It is a French word roughly meaning “engaged woman.” According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, it comes from the French word financier which means “to promise.”
Fiancée is often confused with fiancé. Both words refer to a person who is engaged, but the difference is which gender they are referring to. When spoken in a sentence, both words sound the same because of the way they are pronounced in French. However, when writing, make sure to use the correct word depending on the gender of the subject.
Counseling is a personal experience, and so is the counselor you choose. Not everyone will look for the same thing in a counselor. But, if you constantly think, "I love my fiancé but.." it may be a good idea to look for a relationship therapist.
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